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Study of Text, Chapter10: III. The God of Sickness, P 11 6-16-15

III. The God of Sickness, P 11
11 Only at the altar of God will you find peace. And this altar is in you because God put it there. His Voice still calls you to return, and He will be heard when you place no other gods before Him. You can give up the god of sickness for your brothers; in fact, you would have to do so if you give him up for yourself. For if you see the god of sickness anywhere, you have accepted him. And if you accept him you will bow down and worship him, because he was made as God’s replacement. He is the belief that you can choose which god is real. Although it is clear this has nothing to do with reality, it is equally clear that it has everything to do with reality as you perceive it.

Journal
Even though sickness is not real, because we believe it is real, it is our experience and so we suffer from that belief. As Jesus says in another place in the Course, “What you believe is true for you.” (I hope I am quoting that exactly right, but it is the essence of what he said, for sure.)

An important thing he is telling us here is that if we see sickness in anyone else, we will believe in it and so we will also experience sickness as if it is real. This doesn’t mean that I will not see that someone thinks they are sick and that their sickness is real. It means that I will not join them in their belief.

I have times when I support the belief in sickness in myself, but never completely. I might feel sick. I might notice the ego trying to interest me in sickness with its obsession with the body and how it feels.  But I also know that this is not really a body thing. Sickness appears as if it is in the body, but it is really in my mind. It is more like it appears on the body in the same way a movie appears on the screen.

The actual idea of illness is in the mind, therefore, the only thing that needs to be healed is the mind that believes it could be sick. I am the Son of God, and I exist in God. I can only be what God is and God is not sick. Sickness is the thought of death, which is the thought of separation from God. Since I am a Thought of God, and thoughts do not leave their source, I cannot be anyplace except God.

God is Life, not death, so death cannot be in God, therefore death cannot be in me. Now I replace the word death with the word sickness, and I can do this because they are the same thing, and I see that I cannot have sickness in me. If I think I do, if I have an experience of sickness, I must be dreaming of something that cannot happen.

When it feels like in is happening, it is a painful dream and I want to stop dreaming it. I can stop dreaming it because I already have. We dreamt of separation and then we stopped thinking it. We are simply reliving the dream. Since Awakening has already occurred, I cannot fail to become aware of the truth at some point.

This is what I am doing now as I study and practice the Course. I am remembering the difference between dreaming of death and knowing Life. Part of that process is to see only the truth behind every illusion. When I see that someone is dreaming of sickness, the way I heal that one is to know this is not possible, no matter how dramatic the dream.

When I cannot do this, I release my fear and my false beliefs to the Holy Spirit so my mind can be healed. I do no one, myself or my brother, any good if I am an unhealed healer. To reinforce this I am re-reading today’s lesson. In Lesson 167, we are told there is no death, and we are told why this is true.

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Study of Text, Chapter10: III. The God of Sickness, P 9 6-15-15

III. The God of Sickness, P 10
10 If God has but one Son, there is but one God. You share reality with Him, because reality is not divided. To accept other gods before Him is to place other images before yourself. You do not realize how much you listen to your gods, and how vigilant you are on their behalf. Yet they exist only because you honor them. Place honor where it is due, and peace will be yours. It is your inheritance from your real Father. You cannot make your Father, and the father you made did not make you. Honor is not due to illusions, for to honor them is to honor nothing. Yet fear is not due them either, for nothing cannot be fearful. You have chosen to fear love because of its perfect harmlessness, and because of this fear you have been willing to give up your own perfect helpfulness and your own perfect Help.

Journal
The blocks to Love’s awareness are the idols that I worship. To remove the blocks, I must stop worshipping the illusion in all its forms. I worship them when I believe in them. I worship fear sometimes. I get caught up in a fear thought and I keep it going as I obsess over it. This is my worship of an idol.

It can be a little thing or a big thing. I doesn’t really matter because they are all the same. Either my thoughts are true or they are false, real or unreal. I often use the body to foster fear. I get sick, or it does something strange, or I hurt it and feel pain. Suddenly I am back at the altar I erected to fear for the body. I bow down to it and tremble before it. At some point I notice what I am doing and I laugh and get up, dusting myself off as I do.

As more and more I recognize these points of choice, these moments when I see I am worshipping an idol and realize I have a choice. I can keep giving the idol my attention, or I can shift my awareness to the truth that remains forever in my mind. Points of choice. Jesus has told us that choice is the only freedom we have allowed ourselves in this dream. I take full advantage of it.

A lot has happened in my story over the past week or so. I started feeling like everything was out of control. It was a scary feeling and I worshipped at that altar for awhile. Yesterday, I began to come to my senses and asked that my mind be healed. I became willing to understand anything that I need to understand, and I became open to knowing whatever I needed to know about this.

I saw how I became weaker and weaker in my own eyes as I continued to obsess on the story. I felt like I couldn’t do anything and I had no power. This was the ego talking but I had allowed my awareness to fixate on self as body and so was strongly identified with it. I recognized this point of choice eventually, and I chose to fix my mind on God instead, and in so doing, got in touch with my available power.

Through the power that is God and therefore is me as well, I made different choices and the past dissolved from my mind, and with it the sense that I was weak and powerless. My life is always a clear reflection of what I want and what I worship. I set aside my god of despair with a gentle laugh and walked away from it. My life is now reflecting a different choice.

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There is No Death

To the ego my death is the ultimate proof that it is real and God is not. It is the triumph over Life, and proof of its existence. Every negative feeling and thought is a small death, so every thought of judgment, anger, fear or guilt is proof that ego lives and God doesn’t. That I believe in death does not make it true. The body can only seem to die, but how could it since it has never lived?

Through the study of Manual for Teachers I have been given clarity about death. What I understand now (and this is something I feel to my core) is that Jesus meant what he said; there is no death. How can death exist if God does? It is not possible. God is Life, God is Love, and it is not possible that God could have an opposite.

The belief in an opposite of God is the ego at its essence and the ego is not real. It is the belief in the ego that we are here to undo. I will not be distracted by the imagined effects that we think of as our world and our life. The truth lies just beneath that, and the truth is, death has never occurred.

It’s funny because for such a long time I just could not grasp that death is not real. I would say that, yes, some part of me lived, but some part of me died with the body.  I would try to hold onto the idea that there is no death, but I lived in dread of it in spite of my professed beliefs. Now that has all changed. I see that there is no death and I wonder how I didn’t see it before.

I think that I understand the reason it was so hard to accept that death is not real. It is because so many of us believe in death and cherish death as an escape, and the mind is so firmly rooted in this idea of death. This is why it is hard to pull away from the belief. But once accepted, it seems so apparent that I laugh that I ever believed in it.

Death of the story is the only thing that is happening and I am not my story. I just continue on and pick up another story or the same story and watch that until the belief in death pulls me back into its embrace. So not even the story dies, really, just this viewing of the story. The after life is not a solution, it is just more illusion, a way station where we make a choice for another story. We do not die, we simply change form, and if we have not made a clear choice for life, we fall back into another dream story.

There is no salvation in death. It is here, watching our story and making our choices that we have the chance to choose life. Each time we choose anger or fear or guilt, sadness or grief, sickness or suffering of any kind, we have chosen death. We do this over and over until we seek escape through what we hope is the final choice for death, and end the story through sickness or an accident or old age. But we accomplish nothing because death is nothing, and does nothing.

The solution to this endless cycle of choosing between forms of death is simple. Here is an example. I spent the week working very hard to catch up at work. I was working outside and the heat was oppressive. It had been very stressful the last few days and the hard work in the first days of a long hot summer to come, just wore me out. I woke up this morning feeling depressed at the thought of the months to come with more of the same.

But, though I felt these emotions, I also have practiced A Course in Miracles for a long time. I have accepted many of the principles, including the understanding of death. I recognized my emotions as the belief in death and I knew this was not what I want to believe anymore. I accepted responsibility for my story. I asked myself a question that has become so familiar to me as to be a mantra that I live by.

The question I asked myself was this. “Myron, whose story is this? Who writes the script?” Lesson 152 assures me that I am fully responsible for my world and that it represents my every wish. With that thought came a certain peace. I did it; I can undo it. The ego mind pulled me back into the story of my victimhood and for a moment I felt hopeless before the inevitable.

I wanted to beg for release, ask for a miracle.  But I understand that this kind of death thinking is not the solution. I was saying that I am a victim of a cruel world and I need help getting out of this situation. The world is not the cause, and the story is not the cause. They are the effect. The solution does not lie in fixing the effect. I had to step away from my enthrallment with the story. With this thought, I had some small clarity.

I surrendered my desire to fix the story. I surrendered my desire to be a victim and to be saved from my own choices. I told the Holy Spirit that I don’t know how to un-believe what I have believed, but I know that I am wrong, that I am making a sick world with my sick thoughts and I want to be healed. I surrendered to His healing power. The ego kept trying to pull me back into the story, insisting something had to change. But I had reached the tipping point and it was over for the ego, at least in this situation.

This is the way I choose life. I choose life over death one dark thought at a time. I do this as long as I need to until I finally accept life and never look back.  While all this was going on it felt deadly serious. Once I accepted the Atonement in that situation, it all fell away so completely that I was left vaguely confused about what the fuss had been about. It feels good to be at peace again.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Text, Chapter 10: III. The God of Sickness, P 7. 6-11-15

III. The God of Sickness, P 9
9 Very simply, then, you may believe you are afraid of nothingness, but you are really afraid of nothing. And in that awareness you are healed. You will hear the god you listen to. You made the god of sickness, and by making him you made yourself able to hear him. Yet you did not create him, because he is not the Will of the Father. He is therefore not eternal and will be unmade for you the instant you signify your willingness to accept only the eternal.

Journal
I used to feel fear when I thought of being not me, when I thought of surrendering to God my little self. I don’t feel that so much anymore. More and more, I have come to believe in a Self that I don’t remember, but must certainly be. I can’t really imagine what it is like to be that Self, but I do believe It exists and that I want to remember. Will there be anything left of me? That of course, is the ego talking. The ego wants to know it will still exist, and that is a non-question because, in reality, the ego never existed. And I am not the ego.

I, the essence of what I am exists, and will always exist. I have not changed since my creation and will never change. I am as God created me and nothing is added to that nor taken from that. This is the reason I am innocent. It is the reason I am saved. I was never endangered. I am the Son of God and part of God and in God. What could endanger me?

But right now and until it is time for me to Awaken, I am dealing with these stories. My job here is to usher in the happy dream, and as I remember that this is not reality and that I am safe, I can more easily accept the Atonement. I can forgive and remember my brother is part of me, and learn to hear Spirit more clearly than I hear ego. I can learn to laugh at the idea of guilt and fear, at suffering and death.

I do all this through the practices given me by Jesus in the Course and other sources. I pay attention to my thoughts and feelings. I notice when they are not in alignment with the truth and I allow the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. I am sick or afraid, and I remember that this is my story and that no one or no thing is to blame. I ask for healing of the mind that chose this story.

It has all become so simple and yet sometimes still seems hard. Every time it feels hard I realize that I am attached to a story, that I seem to find value in some grievance I am holding onto. Or maybe it is because I temporarily forget that I don’t believe in guilt anymore and something I said or did causes me to fall into that pit of despair. Then I have to crawl out of it, at least enough that I can remember I have help, and then as I turn to that Light, I am lifted out.

Always though, sooner or later, I remember that I am suffering because I believe the story and think I have to find a solution for the story. Then I turn from the story and ask that my mind be healed. I wait in certainty, knowing that the Holy Spirit responds to my slightest call for help. That sounds simple, doesn’t it? And it is just that simple. Sometimes, though, it occurs over a matter of hours or even days, depending on how deep into the rabbit hole I went before I realized I wanted out. ~smile~

Here is something funny. As I come out of the hypnotic trance of ego fears, I can always hear the ego calling me back. It says that I can’t leave this problem unsolved. I can’t just walk away. “Hey, what about this person or that circumstance?” But I just keep walking and the less attention I pay to the ego, the more peaceful and happy I become. Soon, I don’t even remember what the big deal was.

Then I laugh as I realize that I had once again got caught up in the idea I had to fix the story if I wanted to be happy. This is never the case. My happiness is not dependent on the story. I only had to shift my mind from the story to my function, which is to accept the Atonement (the Solution) for myself. This is my job here, my purpose, and all I need to do while I am still dreaming. It is enough. “

Come on, Happy Dream! What other block do I need to remove? I’m tired of pain and suffering and am ready for the dream to take a major turn. Holy Spirit, just let me know what you need me to do next. I’m committed to this undoing business.”

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Text, Chapter 10: III. The God of Sickness, P 6. 6-10-15

III. The God of Sickness, P 8
8 I do not bring God’s message with deception, and you will learn this as you learn that you always receive as much as you accept. You could accept peace now for everyone, and offer them perfect freedom from all illusions because you heard His Voice. But have no other gods before Him or you will not hear. God is not jealous of the gods you make, but you are. You would save them and serve them, because you believe that they made you. You think they are your father, because you are projecting onto them the fearful fact that you made them to replace God. Yet when they seem to speak to you, remember that nothing can replace God, and whatever replacements you have attempted are nothing.

Journal
My replacements, the gods I made to replace my true Father:
The body
Sickness
Jealousy
Fear and guilt
Sadness
These are the gods I worship daily, less than I used to, but still.

Jesus brought us the message that these gods have no power other than what we give them and that we can be saved from them simply by desiring only that. We will be healed of the sickness in our mind, but we will receive only and exactly what we are willing to accept. I have learned compassion as I realized that we are all fighting a hard battle, every single day. But I have also learned that it is a battle against nothing. I fight my own imaginary self. This is insanity and Jesus has brought us the cure.

When I was in the hospital for tests, I got caught up in the whole atmosphere of saving the body and so the body became very important to me, the center of my attention. I felt frail and vulnerable because the body is frail and vulnerable. This is what happens when we identify with the body. We think we are what the body is. Feeling frail and vulnerable, I felt fear. And actually, nothing was happening. I was fine. I was no different than I was the day before I had the strange symptoms that led up to the hospital stay.

When I made the decision to turn away from this kind of thinking, the ego tried to draw me back and still does. But who is the ego? This is not a power outside myself, this ego. It is simply a name I give my desire to remain separate from God. I am battling nothing but my own conflicted desires. There is no power outside the power of God, which is also my power.

I choose to stop using my own power to keep me in hell. Every time I notice the desire to feel afraid of what happens to the body, I remind myself that the body is a false god and I choose not to worship it. I am doing the same with all my false gods. I am reminding myself that Jesus offered to heal me and all that I need to do to receive that healing is to accept it.

I have made of myself a little thing of no value, but Jesus knows my value and he will restore that knowledge in my mind as well. I accept this healing.

© 2015, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Text, Chapter10: III. The God of Sickness, P 7. 6-9-15

III. The God of Sickness, P 7
7 When a brother is sick it is because he is not asking for peace, and therefore does not know he has it. The acceptance of peace is the denial of illusion, and sickness is an illusion. Yet every Son of God has the power to deny illusions anywhere in the Kingdom, merely by denying them completely in himself. I can heal you because I know you. I know your value for you, and it is this value that makes you whole. A whole mind is not idolatrous, and does not know of conflicting laws. I will heal you merely because I have only one message, and it is true. Your faith in it will make you whole when you have faith in me.

Journal
I have been sick in body as well as spirit, which makes absolute sense. What I believe is projected outward and outward includes the body I identify with.  Jesus says elsewhere in the Course that if we use the body only for communication (communicating love) it will be perfectly healthy. There are times when I still choose fear or anger over peace, and it is this choice that comes from a sick mind, which is then projected onto the body causing it to appear sick.

While tests were being done, they threw in a thyroid test. It showed a bit high and I thought that maybe that explains why I have had so much trouble with my weight lately. I normally can lose weight as easily as I gain it, but that hasn’t been true in the past few months. So I thought it would be nice to get a pill and fix this problem. Then I laughed at myself. Does my body need to be repaired, or does my mind need to be healed?

If there is a thyroid problem then it came from an unhealed mind. This is the cure, this mind healing. A pill is just a temporary magical solution to a magical problem. When I get too involved in the medical community, I can temporarily lose my perspective. I began to think the body is what needs to be healed when really it is the mind that needs healing.

I am asking my dear brother right now to heal me in all ways, my sick mind, which when healed, will also reflect as a healed body. I ask that I be healed and that in my healing, I can heal others with my renewed faith. The outward appearance of the sickness in the mind is simply reflective of our belief that we have somehow damaged ourselves and God in our decision to play around with separation. It is not true and could never be true. This belief is ultimately what needs correction. Everything else will follow.

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Study of Text, Chapter10: III. The God of Sickness, P 6. 6-8-15

III. The God of Sickness, P 6
6 There are no idolaters in the Kingdom, but there is great appreciation for everything that God created, because of the calm knowledge that each one is part of Him. God’s Son knows no idols, but he does know his Father. Health in this world is the counterpart of value in Heaven. It is not my merit that I contribute to you but my love, for you do not value yourself. When you do not value yourself you become sick, but my value of you can heal you, because the value of God’s Son is one. When I said, “My peace I give unto you,” I meant it. Peace comes from God through me to you. It is for you although you may not ask for it.

Journal

In Heaven there is great appreciation for everything God created, and this is because it is known that each one is part of Him. I want to remember this even here, and I think I can. I think this must be what I am to do here now. Can I appreciate everyone I meet, not because of how they look, or how they act, but because they are part of God? Can I have the calm knowledge that this is true?

I do not value myself so it is hard to value everyone else. I don’t always accept that I am part of He Who created me, and so I don’t always know my value. But Jesus does know this and knows it for me. He gives me his peace. I need only accept it. I am amazed at myself sometimes, that I seem so unwilling to accept this gift so freely given. The peace of God is all I want … until I want something else.

I was experiencing some physical challenges recently and I got very caught up in body beliefs. Untangling completely from these beliefs took a couple of days. Each time I returned my mind to God, I could feel the ego mind calling me back, telling me that the body needed my attention and that this is real and serious. Saying that I dared not turn away.

But in the turning away I felt such relief, like a great weight being lifted from my shoulders. This morning it happened again. I could feel the little tug of war returning to my mind as I looked first to the ego and then to God. This morning’s lesson riveted my attention on God. It brought the truth fully to mind, and felt tears of relief slide down my face.

Again, after a few minutes I could feel the ego try to call me back, planting little doubts and fears in my mind. I am not so interested now, but I do find it interesting to watch the ego at work. With some detachment now, I can see how sly the mind can be when it wants to plant an idea that will take root and yield a tangled garden of weeds to block my vision of the beauty that was there only a moment before.

The more clearly I see the ego manipulations the less I am fooled by them. I want the peace of God, and the peace of God is all I want. I don’t have to do anything for this because Jesus offers it to me. Peace comes from God, through Jesus, and to me, and all I need do is accept it. I open my heart and I receive, I give what I received, and then I know it is mine. That is the way salvation works.

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