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Study of Text, Chapter 11: Introduction, P 1. 7-30-15

Chapter 11: God or the Ego
Introduction
1 Either God or the ego is insane. If you will examine the evidence on both sides fairly, you will realize this must be true. Neither God nor the ego proposes a partial thought system. Each is internally consistent, but they are diametrically opposed in all respects so that partial allegiance is impossible. Remember, too, that their results are as different as their foundations, and their fundamentally irreconcilable natures cannot be reconciled by vacillations between them. Nothing alive is Fatherless, for life is creation. Therefore, your decision is always an answer to the question, “Who is my father?” And you will be faithful to the father you choose.

Journal
Holy cow! Am I choosing the ego to be my father? This is crazy! I pray to God as my Father, but I see that I also pray to the ego as well. This happens when I feel sick and look to the ego for an answer. I ask the ego what caused this sickness and what I should do about it. The ego says that I caught it from someone, making them, not just separate from me, but guilty for giving me their sickness.

The ego says I must go to the doctor who is separate from, and above me. The ego says the doctor will be my savior and I must listen to and obey him. The ego says I need medicine and the medicine will be my savior. The ego says I should not listen to the Holy Spirit who says that the illness is not in the body but in the mind, because if I listen to this crazy stuff I will get sicker and sicker and my punishment for my foolishness will be death.

When I acknowledge God as my Father and pray to Him, I am shown that the problem is not something that happened in the world, but is a mistaken belief within my mind. I am told that I am very holy, that I am powerful, that I made my own problem and with my permission this wrong minded thinking will be corrected. All I am told points to my true nature as an extension of God. It points to my power and my perfection, and my innocence. It points away from fear and guilt. It points to the unity of all things, and our unity with God.

I understand both systems and I now accept that this is true. The only problem I have is that I am still trying to use both systems, and as they are diametrically opposed, my mind is conflicted. Conflict causes suffering. In conflict there is no resolution and so I am sick and I am healed and I am sick again. This applies to all areas of life. My relationships, my finances, my health, all suffer from conflicted beliefs, from my desire to live in both worlds.

The solution is simple and obvious. The ego is insane and not sustainable. The ego is suffering. I am learning that the ego is not my father, and in fact I am the maker of the ego. I guess you could say that I parented the ego. It is crazy that I should listen to the ego as if it had power over me, rather than the other way around. As the maker of the ego, I can choose to reject it as an interesting experiment, but one which fell short of the expected results. Clearly it is time to let it go.

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