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Study of Text, Chapter 11: V: The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 12. 10-19-15

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 12

Journal
When I read something like that first sentence which tells me that God is as dependent on me as I am on Him, it makes me cry. He cannot want anything but love and peace, joy, perfection, all good things for me, because I am of Him, in Him, part of Him. When Jesus says that God is incomplete without me, I am truly humbled, and I cry again from happiness, and I notice that I also cry in relief. I guess that I still fear God, though I tell myself otherwise. Well, something else to give the Holy Spirit and to accept the Atonement for.

Here is what really caught my attention this morning. “Recognize only that the ego’s goal, which you have pursued so diligently, has merely brought you fear, and it becomes difficult to maintain that fear is happiness.” I started thinking about how ego goals bring fear. When I think about the ego goal to retire, I am excited as I realize it could happen within two years.

But I am also afraid because all sorts of things could interfere, and prevent that goal from being fulfilled. This is true of all ego driven goals. Even fulfilled they are fearful. What if I retire and the financial change is too much and I regret the decision to retire. What if I retire and I hate retirement. That last one was purely hypothetical. Ha ha. But you get the picture.

The ultimate goal and the goal all the others stand for, is to be successfully independent of God. That is what the ego wants. I appears in many different ways, that is, it takes many different forms, but they are all just symbolic of the one desire. That desire to believe in separation and to experience the different forms separation can take is the source of all the problems in the world, and the world itself.

Thank God … really … thank you, God, that I can choose to return to my real self. I can choose the goal that is mine as God’s Son. I begin to realize that this small individual will is nothing, and nothing to pursue. I begin to realize that my will is God’s Will and all that means, all that offers me.

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