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Study of Text, Chapter 11: VIII: The Problem and the Answer, P 15. 12-18-15

VIII. The Problem and the Answer, P 15
15 Would you not exchange your fears for truth, if the exchange is yours for the asking? For if God is not deceived in you, you can be deceived only in yourself. Yet you can learn the truth about yourself from the Holy Spirit, Who will teach you that, as part of God, deceit in you is impossible. When you perceive yourself without deceit, you will accept the real world in place of the false one you have made. And then your Father will lean down to you and take the last step for you, by raising you unto Himself.

Journal
I have an image I have made that I think of as “me.” It is described by all the words I use after “I am.” I am a woman, a mother, a sales person, a minister. I am the very many concepts that are part of that description. I am one who has fought depression many years of her life, one who has been scarred by events in her past, one who is not good with money and so has certain experiences and can expect more of the same.

This image is many layered and very complex, and seems to be the “me” I present to the world, and the image I think of as myself, and so I seem to feel a need to defend it. The only reason I still have any of these ideas of self in my mind is because I defend them against change, as if defending this image is my salvation.

What Jesus wants me to know is that I defend nothing.  These are just thoughts, they are not what I am. When I believe any of them, even the very nice ones, the thoughtful and kind image, the loving and generous image, I am deceived in myself. None of it is me. I can stop defending this image because I am something else and when I stop defending the false idea of “me” the Holy Spirit will reveal my true self to me.

I need to know my true self before I can return to God. If God were to lean down toward me now I cannot imagine my reaction. “I am unworthy” is such a strong belief in my mind that the idea of being raised unto God is more frightening than appealing. So I practice what I am learning in A Course in Miracles. I open my mind and heart to the Holy Spirit and invite Him to teach me my true nature. I am being prepared for that last step.

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