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Study of the Text 1-14-13

1-14-13
5 The children of God are entitled to the perfect comfort that comes from perfect trust. Until they achieve this, they waste themselves and their true creative powers on useless attempts to make themselves more comfortable by inappropriate means. But the real means are already provided, and do not involve any effort at all on their part. The Atonement is the only gift that is worthy of being offered at the altar of God, because of the value of the altar itself. It was created perfect and is entirely worthy of receiving perfection. God and His creations are completely dependent on Each Other. He depends on them because He created them perfect. He gave them His peace so they could not be shaken and could not be deceived. Whenever you are afraid you are deceived, and your mind cannot serve the Holy Spirit. This starves you by denying you your daily bread. God is lonely without His Sons, and they are lonely without Him. They must learn to look upon the world as a means of healing the separation. The Atonement is the guarantee that they will ultimately succeed.

I am a child of God. I have been created perfect and have been provided with everything I could possibly need. I lack nothing. I am loved, deeply and completely. I am worthy of all that I have been given. Nothing can change this. I am entitled to perfect comfort. All of this is mine, but to know this, and so to experience this, I must trust. To know it perfectly requires perfect trust.

When I try to comfort myself I am not trusting in God, and so I block the perfect comfort I am entitled to. How do I try to comfort myself? I look for someone to make me feel ok about myself. I try to prove I am ok by doing good works, by standing out from other people, by over achieving. I try to prove that I am worthy of God by sacrificing myself for Him.

I try to comfort myself by providing for the body, buying it pretty clothes and adorning it with jewelry, housing it in as much luxury as I can afford. I comfort myself with entertainment, books, movies, and other diversions. I use other people to keep it company and to prove the body is valuable as they cater to it and esteem it.

I try to comfort myself by providing security. I eat well to keep the body going longer and in better shape. I take it in for check-ups every year. I fortify the body with vitamins and give it medicine. I walk it around and exercise it occasionally. I try to make plans for its care as it gets older. I keep it in secure places with lots of locks so no one will hurt it. I even provide security for the things that I use to comfort the body so that these things will always be there, and the body will never lack.

And when all my hard work and effort comes for naught, which it must eventually do, I console myself with whatever thing I think might bring me solace. I take a pill, have a drink, cry on a shoulder, find someone to blame, even rant at God for failing me. This is so much work and at its best and most effective, falls far short of perfect, and never approaches dependable.

Trust is the solution. Perfect trust is the perfect and final solution. Only trust can bring me true comfort. And for this I do nothing. Comfort is given me because I am entitled to it. With all my efforting and willfulness, I have cut myself off from my comfort and have made myself afraid of that which will save me. I am in the peculiar position of having to convince myself to transfer my trust from the ego, which is not trustworthy, to my Creator Who is wholly trustworthy.

The solution has been given me in the Atonement. I know what to do with it. I know that the Atonement, to work perfectly, needs to be at the Altar, at the center of me, directing my awakening. I know that the Atonement is the way I become whole. I forgive the idea that I could ever be separate from my brothers and sisters, and that we could be separate from our Creator.

With the Atonement in the center of me, at the altar, the meeting place of God and His Son, all thoughts become purified as they pass through. What is not truth is removed, what is not real is left behind, and only love remains. It is simple and effortless. It is inevitable. What God created cannot be undone.

While I do this, while in the process of deciding for God, it doesn’t feel effortless. It sounds so lofty and so lovely when I talk about it, but when I am actually doing this, it doesn’t feel sweet and inevitable. It feels like work. It feels difficult. It sometimes feels like I can’t do it at all. But what I have discovered is that all the work and effort is an illusion. It appears hard because my trust is weak and unreliable and because in my fear and uncertainty, I judge everything I do.

I have done the hard part. I have placed the Atonement at the center. Now everything has to pass through the forgiveness process. What makes it seem hard is that as it passes through, the ego judges it. I should not have done this. I am guilty for that thought. I feel shame for some behavior. It makes me want to hide these thoughts instead of looking at them and letting them be forgiven. And so I go back to comforting myself. I eat some chocolate, or call a friend, or read a novel. I do this until I come to my senses and return to the source of my true comfort.

Holy Spirit, help me to look at my thoughts without judgment. Help me to remember that judging is your job. I know that you will judge right, and that your judgment will always be that the Son of God is innocent. Help me let go of my judgments about myself and others, and to remember to accept your judgment instead. I am lonely for God and want to be comforted.

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