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Study of the Text 1-29-13

1-29-13
4 The healer who relies on his own readiness is endangering his understanding. You are perfectly safe as long as you are completely unconcerned about your readiness, but maintain a consistent trust in mine. If your miracle working inclinations are not functioning properly, it is always because fear has intruded on your right-mindedness and has turned it upside down. All forms of not-right-mindedness are the result of refusal to accept the Atonement for yourself. If you do accept it, you are in a position to recognize that those who need healing are simply those who have not realized that right-mindedness is healing.

What a relief it is to know that I am not relying on my own readiness. Yesterday, during this quiet time with Spirit, I had an extraordinary healing experience. Later during the day the ego part of my mind wanted very much to deny what happened. To the ego’s way of seeing things, nothing really happened. There was no fanfare and, most disturbing to the ego, there was no sense of “doing,” nor of understanding.  The ego places great store in both doing and understanding.

The most persistent thought from the ego is that “I” am not ready for this. Jesus evidently expected that reaction from ego because he answered it right here in the next paragraph. I am not to rely on my own readiness, and not to be the least concerned about it, but to maintain a consistent trust in his. Thank you, Jesus. My gratitude to my elder brother increases daily.

The interesting thing about yesterday is not that ego attacked the idea that I accepted my role as miracle-worker, but that I felt mostly unconcerned about the voice in my head. I heard it but didn’t believe it. When I was in the process of allowing the miracle to take place, the ego voice was saying that nothing was happening and used the lack of a physical experience to prove it was not happening.

At that moment, a thought was placed in my mind gently reminding me of all the times I have received healing in my mind that happened so simply, and with so little display, that the only way I knew anything happened at all was the peace that followed. The ego wants constant and showy proof because of its lack of faith in self. But that it is the thing, I am not depending on ego-self.

I am still in awe that I did not accept the fear that ego offered, not during the healing nor later. I am most in awe that later, when I was not sitting in silence with that sense of purpose so strong and undisturbed in my mind, when I was fully in the world, I still was not interested in the ego’s fear thoughts.

My mind was right. For that time, I accepted the Atonement for myself and so my vision was clear. There were a number of times during the day that I noticed the draw to wrong-minded thinking about one thing or another, but the thing about these perfect, clear moments is that they bleed over into every other moment and lessen the impact, or at least shorten the effect of, wrong-minded thinking.

It seems that if I accept the Atonement for myself often, the permeation of that healing will enlighten the mind fully. Just as the ego ranting was just a background noise and without effect when it tried to convince me that nothing happened yesterday, I think this could be the way we can live in, but not be of, the world.

One more thought occurred to me. I read this sentence:

All forms of not-right-mindedness are the result of refusal to accept the Atonement for yourself.

I noticed that it said not-right-mindedness is the result of a refusal to accept the Atonement. It does not say that I cannot, or that I may not be ready to, but that I refuse to accept. That seems significant to me. When I do not accept the Atonement for myself, I am simply refusing to do so. But how could that be? How can my lack of readiness, however I feel that lack, really affect my ability to accept the Atonement?

Jesus says that I don’t need to feel ready if I will consistently trust his readiness. In fact, he says I can be unconcerned about my level of readiness. I can accept the Atonement for myself, and I believe that it is helpful for me to remember that not accepting the Atonement for myself is a choice I made. This opens me to choose again, whereas believing that I can’t yet make that choice closes me off to the possibility.

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