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Who I Think I Am

I often begin my day with a five minute exercise of existing as if I were Christ having a human experience. This begins with bringing my attention to the present moment and becoming completely aware of that moment; what it feels like to sit in this chair, to feel the air on my face and temperature fluctuations as the air conditioner clicks on and off. I notice my body and how it feels. I notice all the little sounds I ordinarily miss; the bird outside the window, the nearly, but not quite, silent sounds of a house before anyone begins to move around.

I allow myself to be newly amazed each morning that I, as Christ, have made this extraordinary illusion, and I feel deep gratitude for God that He created me to be so perfectly free that I can, without guilt, make this extraordinary illusion. I can play at being separate from God and He loves me all the way through this impossibility.

I end the practice remembering that I and my Father are one and that no amount of imaginative play can change this. This morning I extended the practice by remaining in the present moment as much as I could. I became fully aware of only what was happening in each moment. This was unexpectedly difficult to maintain. I would start off fine, but quickly notice that I was thinking about something in the future or the past. I would then bring my attention back to the present moment, only to notice, rather soon, that my mind had wandered again.

I think that when I am completely focused on this moment, to the exclusion of all other moments, past or present, that I do exist as Christ having a human experience. And that when this happens the ego does not, for those moments, exist. This is why I keep allowing my mind to wander. I am keeping my self in existence. Of course, this self exists to the exclusion of my Self. I don’t seem to be able to be aware of both at the same time. I can know, intellectually, that they both are in my mind, but I cannot experience them both at the same time. I wonder if this realization is the result of Regina’s Single Quiet Thought from the Holy Spirit:

Who you think you are
separates you from
who you think you are not.

Who you think you are
provides you with
the opportunity to judge.

Who you think you are
is more than an experience.
It is a tool.

It is a tool that allows you
to continue to play
the game of separation.

Are you willing
to let go of
who you think you are?

~From our Holy Spirit
www.reginadawnakers.com

I am grateful for the awareness I gained today and I am going to spend the rest of this day practicing being Christ having an experience of a body rather than the body trying to be separate from God, something it can never achieve. Perhaps it will get easier as I go along.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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