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April-June, 2004

Everyday Miracles

by Rev. Myron Jones, O.M.C.

Some days I wake up filled with a sense of wonder that God created me like Himself, that I am His beloved child and that He loves me. But some days I wake up feeling kind of blue. Some days all I can think of are the mistakes I have made and the people I have hurt. On some days my body is in pain. On other days I feel anxious and on edge and then it seems like everyone I know woke up with the sole intention of getting on Myron’s nerves today.

In the past I would wake up and lay there for a moment, gauging my emotional state to see how I felt, and so to see how my day would go. Did I feel sad or anxious or perhaps guilty, signaling a day filled with self recriminations? Would I be weighted down with fear and resentments? Or would this be a day I could enjoy feeling light and happy; at least until something happened to change my mood? I seemed to be at the mercy of emotions over which I had little control. At that time in my life, I would just accept this as normal and inevitable. But I began to wonder if there was a better way to live my life. Surely, though, it would take a miracle to change things.

And so it did! It took a miracle. In fact it took a miracle, and another one and another miracle. Now that I’ve got the hang of these miracles, they are a daily part of my life. Ah, we humans have a great capacity for pain, but it is not limitless (Thank you, God!). So, finally, I decided that, yes, there had to be a better way and that I wanted to find it.

My commitment to this new purpose was not firm and it was a long time before I became somewhat consistent. But once we call on God to guide our lives, once we plant even that small mustard seed of faith in a better way, God supports our efforts fully. For surely, at that point our will and God’s Will is the same. How could we fail?

The miracle I was looking for turned out to be a surprise. I had some mistaken ideas about what would make me happy. I thought that if I won the lottery and never had to worry about money again, I would be happy. Or what about meeting that special person who would be all that I was not and who would complete me? Surely then, I would be happy. How about a diet pill that would really work? Or a new car or lots of friends?

As I made my list, it seemed to go on and on and even as I started to get some of the things on my list, I suddenly realized something. Everything on my list was outside me. I was thinking that to be happy, I needed new circumstances, a new environment, different and more things. But, even as I changed my outside world, I would experience only a temporary, and not very satisfying, sense of pleasure. I would wake up in a better mood more often, but I was still at the mercy of my emotions. Here I was thinking that happiness was a new pair of shoes and what I really needed was peace and joy that wasn’t affected by what happens out there in my world.

I went back to the drawing board. I asked God what I was missing here and I had a startling revelation. My world was going to have to change from the inside out. What a scary thought! I was used to rearranging my outside world. I kept believing that I needed to complete myself through someone else, even though I had seen how over and over this had failed to work. Still, it’s what everyone else was doing and if it didn’t work for them (witness the divorces rate and the number of unhappy partnerships) at least it was familiar. It was a failure I had become comfortable with and I just told myself I had chosen badly and needed to try again with someone else (witness my three marriages and three divorces!).

And though I started earning more and more money, I never seemed to get out of debt. I definitely wasn’t a great deal happier. While having more money was better than having less money, it didn’t change the way I felt. The best it could do was provide some interesting distractions when I started feeling bad.

It soon became obvious that I was going to definitely have to start from the inside out if I was ever going to enjoy any kind of real change in my life. I started to understand that I was going to have to change my mind, not my environment, that I would have to start looking at things differently. At first I felt like a stranger in a strange land. I seldom ventured into that unfamiliar landscape of my day to day thoughts and certainly not into the depths of my unconscious thinking.

I had a lot of false starts as I resisted doing this. There was a lot of stuff in there that I didn’t think would bear close examination. And when I would finally get going I would get caught up in an endless cycle of self-analysis. Well, that didn’t get me any place and I finally decided that it was just a distraction to keep me from going any further. So what was my problem? Why didn’t I want to do this? I was sincerely puzzled by my reluctance to go on because by this time I had enough small successes to realize that I was on to something. I had seen that when I changed my mind, I did change my world.

For instance, when I stopped thinking “God, why do I never have enough money? Why does everyone else seem to do better?” and started thinking, “God, thank you for all I have. Thank you for showing me the way. Thank you for providing me with all I need.” I started seeing what I had in my world increase. I traded thoughts of lack and doubt with thoughts of plenty and gratitude.

My new thoughts made me feel better, more confident, more certain of myself and the universe responded to this. I could see my customers responding to my confident attitude. I seemed to believe in myself so they started believing in me too. They started coming to me when they had a problem. They started thinking of me as a problem solver. Their belief in me increased my confidence in myself and so I wasn’t plagued with the fears and anxiety that come with self doubt. This freed my mind to think of new ideas and I passed these on to my customers. Their belief in me grew with my belief in myself. All of this translated into more money.

It also caused me to form strong bonds of friendship with many of my customers. I was no longer trying to sell them stuff, I was trying to help them. I felt a kinship with them as I took on their problems as my own and they, naturally, responded to this caring. After all, what is caring about another person, except Love? And Love is what we all want in our lives. Love is what God is. When we act out of Love, we are acting out of God. We are being our true Selves, the Self God created us to be; the Self we are as His children, created in His image.

Wow! I had gone from not making enough money to being God’s beloved child created like Him, filling my life with His Love and sharing that Love with my brothers. I was now fulfilling my purpose as He intended me to. This is joy! And I did it, not by taking classes or by getting ordained; not by praying all day, moving to a mountain top and meditating for years. Not by manipulating anything outside myself. I got it by changing my thoughts.

So, why was I fighting it? I was afraid of what I would find if I went digging around in there! I was afraid that if I looked at all those dark thoughts, I would be damned to hell. I didn’t want to think about it . What I needed was help. Because I was afraid of it and because it seemed such a huge unmanageable job, I was resisting it.

I asked God to help me. I told Him that I was willing to do the best I could but that I needed help. When we call on God to help us, He always responds in a way we can accept and use. One of the ways He helped me was to put in my path a book called Inner Healing by Dan Joseph. In his book, Dan describes a simple three step process for turning over my dark thoughts to God and letting Him heal them.

So this is what I started doing. As Dan suggested, when I have a dark thought (which I define as any thought that doesn’t bring me joy) I talk to God about that thought. I just tell Him what I’m thinking. Like, I might say, “God, my son said he wanted to drive with friends down into Mexico and South America. My thoughts about this are scary. I am afraid he could be hurt or lost to me. I want to put him into your care, but my fear for him keeps returning.” Then I think about it some more and try to get to the core of my fears. “God, I seem to think that the further he gets from me, the more danger he’ll be in. I am placing my trust in myself instead of in You. This makes me feel both foolish and guilty, as if I had offended You with my lack of faith. I also feel selfish and guilty because my concern is as much for how I am affected by Toby’s actions as it is for Toby himself. I feel some resentment toward Toby for his determination to live his life without regard to my fears, and I really feel guilty for that thought.”

I’ve been as fearless as I can in my mental inventory. I’ve brought a lot out of the darkness and into the Light. That wasn’t so bad. Yes, I was being selfish and I wasn’t experiencing the life of faith that I wanted to live. I was feeling a lot of guilt and fear. But, instead of feeling condemned for these thoughts, as I had feared I would be, I feel better. I’m not looking at them alone. God and I are looking at them together in the Light of His Love. That Light is shining away the darkness I had imagined them to be and now they are just thoughts.

So I go to the second step. I say, “God, I give you these thoughts and I ask you for another way to see this.” Then I sit quietly and enjoy this communion with my Creator. Sometimes I get an answer in thoughts, sometimes in solutions or perhaps just feelings. In this case, at first I felt a sense of relief. I was not alone. God was there with me and I felt that. Then I was given thoughts. God loves all His children equally. He cares for them equally. Just as God is in my life, He is also in Toby’s life. I was reminded of all the crazy things I did when I was young and how frightening it must have been for my mom. And yet, here I am, and all those “scary” experiences that must have kept my mom up nights have brought me to this place. I am grateful for all of them, even the ones that seemed painful at the time. I am grateful for what they had to teach me. Would I ever want to deprive my son of his growth opportunities? No, I wouldn’t.

I began to realize that all of the anxiety and fear I was feeling at the thought of Toby putting himself in harm’s way was not a result of anything that Toby was doing. It was not even the result of anything he planned to do. My fear was the result of my thoughts, and God was offering me new thoughts — a new way to view this. Now I felt grateful to Toby for giving me yet another opportunity to experience an everyday miracle. For, after all, what is more miraculous than a new thought — a new thought that, ultimately, changes my world?

Which brings me to the third step of this wonderful spiritual process. This is the step where I experience God’s comfort and His Love. I have already done my part, I identified my dark thoughts, I handed them over to God. Now, it is God’s turn and as I invite His Love, It rushes in to comfort me and bring me peace.

This is my favorite part! I stay in this place for awhile, just feel connected to the Love, comfort and peace of God. The third step is the most important. Steps one and two are an effective method to help me to reach the place where I accept God’s healing, but step three is my destination.

Before I started this process, I was feeling anything but peaceful. I was feeling frightened and anxious and guilty. If I had stayed with those feelings, they would have grown as my imagination fed them with all sorts of fantasies. Before you knew it, instead of Toby planning a possible trip with a friend, I would have him lying dead in the jungles of South America. As my anxiety started to grow, it would flow over into other parts of my life, and I would find myself snapping at people and not paying attention to things that are important. And who knows what consequences those actions might have in my life? Instead, I am feeling at peace and am able to share that peace with others.

If I want to change my life, I must first change my mind. If I choose to do this with God’s guidance, I will effect some truly amazing changes. I had always thought of miracles as showy, spectacular feats, kind of like magic performed by magicians, only “holy.” I had thought of miracles as the province of saints. Now I recognize that miracles are a gift from God to me in which He shows me a new way to think, and that He means for me to have them every day. And as, thought by thought, I change my world, the result becomes something truly miraculous.

Now, for the first time, I really understand the meaning of the first principle of miracles, that there is no order of difficulty in miracles. Before, I had been focusing on the effect of the miracle. Now I see that the true miracle was not the effect, but the thought behind the effect. Yes, it is easy to see that all miracles are equal, no one being harder than another. All are the result of a simple change of mind. If one seems harder than another, it is only because sometimes I am more willing to change my mind.

I also see that I do not have to be at the mercy of my emotions. All emotions begin with a thought, and all thoughts can be corrected through the Love of God. When I wake up in a bad mood, I can follow that feeling back to it’s source. I identify the thought that is causing my distress and give it to God for healing. I accept that healing and now, miraculously, my mood has gone from bad to joyous. I am not powerless over my emotions because I am not powerless over my thoughts. What can be more miraculous than recognizing my own power, through God, to control my life? And these are miracles I can have every day.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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