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October-December, 2020

Get Off the Cross, We Need the Wood!

by Rev. Myron, Jones, Ordained Ministerial Counselor

Everything is my responsibility. I sometimes forget that this is true, and begin to think the world is hurting me and responsible for my misery. I forget that I am only projecting these things on others from my own mind and that the only power to hurt me comes from my own. I can only be hurt if I decide that is to happen. I crucify myself. But eventually, I withdraw the projections that I cast onto others, reclaiming them so that I can allow the Holy Spirit to help me see them differently.
As a result of doing this daily, I notice a difference in my relationships. I feel loving toward other people, and I feel them respond more lovingly toward me. I noticed yesterday that when I called the office for help with a customer, I began by asking how my coworker was doing. This is not unusual, just common courtesy. What was unusual is that it was not just a polite way of beginning a conversation. It was a prayer, a song shared spirit to spirit. My soul sang of love and oneness to her soul. I think this is what communication between the children of God is supposed to be like. It is what it will be like all the time when I have allowed all my projections to be withdrawn and healed.
Holy Spirit, I see how my life is changing as I accept responsibility, but in A Course in Miracles it talks about how we crucify ourselves. Could you please speak to me about how I do that?

Holy Spirit: Last night you were looking at your daughter’s photograph and thinking about your earlier conversation with her. You began to think that the conversation didn’t go as well as you hoped. You thought about how hard it can be to talk to her and how sensitive she is, how hard it is to share on a personal level. You had many thoughts about her and about how she feels about you. Soon, you were feeling very anxious about your relationship.

The solution is to recognize where the problem lies and then to choose a different teacher. You already know how the ego tries to solve the problem and you know it never works. Would you be willing to let go of the lie that you are unworthy of motherhood? Would you be willing to turn your ear away from the ego nonsense and give Me your attention? You have carried this thought for a long time and you are becoming aware of what an unnecessary burden it is.

P.S. Just recently, I had one of those crucifying thoughts about a child of mine, and asked the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. I was given a series of thoughts that led to a clear understanding of why I continue to do this with my children. I have always been surprised when I see proof that my children love me. I always think, as Holy Spirit just explained, that I made too many mistakes and don’t deserve that love, so it must not be there. But over and over, they just keep loving me.

So when I had this depressing thought about not being worthy of my child’s love, I was given another part of His teaching. Memories of how I treated my mother were brought to my mind. I thought of all the ways I failed her as a daughter and I thought how little respect and concern I had for her. Now, this happened mostly during my teen years and my early adult years. Any grievances I had against mom had all been forgiven a long time ago. I learned to admire her very much.

What the Holy Spirit showed me was that I had failed to forgive myself for my part in that relationship. I still carried the idea that I was guilty of all I did or failed to do, for my harsh judgments of her, for my lack of understanding and compassion. As long as I carried around that guilt, I would keep projecting it onto my relationships with my own children. I would see the guilt I felt for my relationship with my mom being played out by my children onto me. That is how projection works. This was not happening, you understand, except in my own mind. But I felt the pain of it as if it were really happening.

The truth is, I had nothing to be guilty about. Mom and I started with a special relationship, as all relationships here do, and we spent our lives allowing that relationship to be transformed into a holy relationship. This process of transformation is often a messy business with lots of ups and downs, and that too is normal and expected. It was a perfect use of our time together. Allowing my mind to be healed of the belief either of us was guilty of anything that occurred during this healing process was the last step in the transformation. Now that I have forgiven myself, perhaps I can finally get down off the cross and simply enjoy the love of my children.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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