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April-June, 2007

Sacred Healing

by Revs. Paul and Deborah Phelps

As we say in our workshop presentations, it seems that our assignment from Holy Spirit has been in the area of healing relationships. We do not say this tongue-in-cheek because both of us have gone through many experiences of having to work on our relationship with ourselves, each other, family, friends, co-workers, and with God. This is an ongoing process that will continue for the rest of our lives.

We have learned many ways of how not to handle relationships. For many years, we both made the mistake of listening to the guidance of our egos and did things our way. Unfortunately, this led us down many painful paths. It was not until we both came to a place of hitting our own personal rock bottoms that we began to seek help from a Source greater than ourselves.

A Course in Miracles eventually came into our lives and helped us find that Source, our Friend the Holy Spirit. Through the good times and bad, He has been there for us and has helped us along the way. He has been a true Friend and Companion, and has given us many tools to help us with healing our relationships. During our workshop we are going to share many of these experiences and help you to practice and deepen your own personal connection with your Friend and Advisor, the Holy Spirit within you.

Let’s face it, everyone has problems that come up in relationships and dealing with them is one of the most difficult things in life to learn. It is often difficult to know when it is time to do something about a particular situation or not; when it is time to speak up and say something or not. We can often find ourselves procrastinating and feeling stuck from taking action in a particular situation because of fear and uncertainty. In our hearts we know that we want to make the best decision for everyone involved but it is impossible to know what that decision would be. We cannot see the big picture, the outcome to every possible situation.

Perhaps we are feeling stuck in a painful relationship with someone and are not sure of which way to go — counseling, separation, divorce, etc.? Perhaps children are involved. Maybe we are having trouble in a relationship with a supervisor, co-worker or situation in our work place. We might be asking ourselves if we need to stand up and say something, or if we should forgive the situation and let it go. Perhaps there is a family member, friend or loved one in our lives who we can see is struggling with a variety of personal problems. Perhaps our relationship with our friends, partners or spouses are strained from a lack of communication, intimacy and resentments.

A simple, gentle, easy way of dealing with all of these situations is to take each and every one of them to the Sacred Healing Ground within. It is here that you will find your Friend, the Holy Spirit, Who will take your hand and gently help you to work through every problem. It is in developing the habit of doing this every day that you will be given the gifts of wisdom, certainty, kindness, peace, strength, confidence, happiness, freedom, joy, gratitude and love.

Through the process of asking and listening to the Holy Spirit during silent meditation and journaling, we have found that He helps us to move into being more open and honest about ourselves through communication and trust.

When we looked at the variety of relationships (work, family, friends, romantic, etc.) from our past and the problems that ensued, we found that they were primarily due to a lack of being honest with ourselves and others, and a lack of communication.

This lack of communication may be due to unconscious fears of another’s response, fear of loss of affection or approval, fear of loss of basic needs, or fear of abandonment. We give up the Truth in ourselves to gain a false sense of security in a relationship or situation. When this security does not follow our plan or when the other person does not meet our expectations, conflict erupts. Old habits of blame and resentment can easily rise to the surface and become the ingredients for mudslinging disagreements.

The most important communication to learn is how to be in communication with the Holy Spirit within ourselves. How does the situation really feel? What does Holy Spirit think about it? What is true for me right now?  What do I really want? This is how we become deeply honest in our core. This is the time to examine our own perceptions.

As we practice this in our lives, we learn how to work with our Inner Advisor, the Holy Spirit. We offer to Him in complete honesty the dark thoughts lurking in the shadows, too afraid to step into the light. We are reassured that this is what the Holy Spirit’s function is for — to shine away the darkness.

Getting to the ‘real deal’ within ourselves is so very important. It does not work to hide our thoughts from Him, because we are truly only deceiving ourselves.

As we come into a place of being more honest with ourselves and gain clarity about how to handle a situation, we may find that the Holy Spirit is guiding us to take some kind of action. It may be time to practice true honesty in the relationship. This may be a hard pill to swallow but we trust and know from personal experience that following the guidance always leads us to a better place.

Unfortunately, many of us have been conditioned to give pat answers, to appease our parents; to say yes when we really mean no; to take on too many projects at work. These situations often lead us to feeling stressed, overwhelmed and resentful. This comes from unconscious guilt. Guilt is what keeps us in pain. Guilt is what drives our addictions. Guilt is what fuels the conflicts between us and others.

When we apply this in our lives, we simply call it ‘standing in our Truth.’ For example, when we are asked to take on another project, we may know our Inner Guidance is saying no. Instead of feeling a sense of guilt and obligation to do it anyway, we acknowledge the Inner Guidance we feel and say no, without excuses or explanations. We say what we mean. We speak our Truth. When we do this there is a sense of freedom and relief from guilt and hidden resentments. We know this from personal experience.

With this deep level of honesty we are indeed trusting in our Inner Guidance to provide for us the perfect solution to every perceived problem that is presented to us. When we feel uncertain about how to respond to a particular situation in a moment’s notice, we pause, turn our attention inward and ask Holy Spirit if He would have us do this and then wait for the response.

It is only when we practice doing these very simple steps that we can be certain we are making the best choice in every situation. We are not asked to suffer or make a sacrifice. We are asked to follow Holy Spirit’s guidance. Only He knows what is right for each one of us individually. Standing in our Truth is standing with Holy Spirit’s decision alone. We remember that by following His plan and not our own, peace will be ours.

Since we have been practicing this type of honesty for quite some time now, it has made our lives happier and certainly more peaceful. We have practiced this with each other in our marriage relationship, friends, co-workers, and others. Being true to our own Guidance is happier and more peaceful. Following the lead of the ego is not. There is nothing that we have to do, or should do, or feel obligated to do. Follow each step in the moment with Him Who Knows. This strengthens us.

If you find yourself in a situation where you feel that you are in a conflict with someone else, take some quiet time in your sacred space with Holy Spirit to become aware of how you are feeling. What thoughts are you having? What do you perceive in this relationship?

Perhaps use a notebook or journal as you reflect. Write several pages until you feel that all aspects have been cleared from your mind. Whatever it may be, write it down as openly and honestly as you are able to while you are in communion with Holy Spirit.

After you are done with this portion, ask Holy Spirit what His guidance is for you in this situation. It may be to share with the other person directly, indirectly or even to let it go entirely. He will let you know what to do. Follow what is received. If you are to speak, then do so. If you are led to write a letter or an e-mail, then do so. If you are led to say no or to wait, then do so. If you are led to say yes, then do so. Follow Him.

If you were guided to do something, after you have completed it, go back to your journal and write about your experience. How did it feel to ‘stand in your Truth’ with this person, to be honest with this person about how you were feeling? What difference has it made in the relationship? Was there a healing that took place? What difference has it made in you?

We have seen for ourselves that pent up anger and resentment is due to a lack of communication. Sometimes it is because one of us has been away and we have not had an opportunity to discuss some issue that needs discussion. One may make a decision without the other’s knowledge, which sets the stage for the beginning of a conflict.

It seems that it takes so much time to do all of this, to tune in and honestly express ourselves. But it really creates more time in the end because there is less time spent in arguments, disagreements or hidden resentments. In an open atmosphere, the healing can occur. Clearing the air makes it possible for the other person to understand.

What if someone is unreasonable and can react in an adverse way? Is it more important to seek this person’s approval or to be true to your own self, your own Guidance? These are important questions to answer for yourself.

It is important for us to continue to build our relationship with Holy Spirit. We break down the barriers to communication by sharing intimately with Him. And as we do for Him, we can do for each other. Sharing intimately with another more often than not will actually assist us rather than hurt us. Of course this must all be in alignment with the guidance that we receive.

In situations of abuse or violence, it is important to listen to what steps may need to be taken to protect one’s self. In this world, we do still believe that we are a body and that is important to remember. We don’t have to prove that we are enlightened spiritual beings by getting ourselves injured or into abusive situations. Asking and following guidance is key.

Our spiritual journey has led us out of the path of pain and onto the path of healing. We have found it by finding our Friend in the Sacred Healing Place within ourselves. It is the place where our relationship with God is made whole through the healing of our relationships with ourselves and our brothers.

This is a place where fear, anger and judgment are transformed with forgiveness, peace and love. This is a place, “where an ancient hatred has become a present love.” It is “The holiest of all spots on earth.” It is, “The Sacred Healing Ground of Relationships.”

© 2007, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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