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A Grain of Mustard Seed

A Grain of Mustard Seed

For most of my life, I thought that only what I did mattered. It never occurred to me that what I thought had any effect on my life. Over the years I have come to understand that what I do is a direct result of what I think. The thought always comes first. I also became aware of how powerful my thoughts are.  Mathew 17:20 quotes Jesus as saying that, ?If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible to you?. Let?s think about that for a moment. how do we express that faith? It is through our thoughts. Our thoughts may lead to action, but the thought must come first. Since our faith moves mountains, it follows that there is great power in our thoughts.

I must ask myself: Where do I place my faith? Do I have faith that I am as God created me? Do I have faith that I am created in God?s image; that I am like God, that I am good, and that I am all that this implies? I would have to be faithful to the image of myself as a perfect child of God created in His image and like Him if I am to believe that I can move mountains through my faith.

Or have I placed my faith in something entirely different? Have I placed my faith in my ego, that little self that I made to take the place of the perfect child God created me to be? Am I placing my faith in the image I made that shows me a sad, pathetic, and angry being, weighted with an intolerable burden of guilt and fear? 

To know where my faith is, I have only to examine my thoughts. I look at some of the thoughts around my sense of worthiness, for example, and I see that often I am unsure that I am worthy, and at times I am certain that I am unworthy. For instance, when I first decided to dedicate my life to being a teacher for God, I was overwhelmed with uncertainty and doubt. I felt I was not worthy.

My thoughts were influenced by what I learned as a child, by things people in authority have said to me, and by times I seemed to have failed and have let that seeming failure convince me that I must be unworthy. I say, seeming failure, because often those times that seemed to be a step back, turned out to be the very thing that helped me to grow. I have learned not to judge what happens to me. I guess this is a place in my life where my faith is stronger.

When I decided to become a minister, my thoughts went something like this: ?I must be out of my mind. Why would I think I could do this? Who am I to think I can help others when I have trouble helping myself??  Well, you get the picture. Perhaps you too have experienced this kind of thinking when you contemplated something new in your life. Maybe you understand how I felt.

If ever I needed my faith to be strong, it was at this time in my life. So, I asked myself, ?What do these thoughts mean? What is the belief I am holding that created these thoughts?? I obviously believed that I was unworthy of great things. I believed that I was different than God created me; not really like Him, not really good. I believed that some people are worthy of this, but certainly not me. I believed that I would fail. I believed that other people would disapprove and that they would be expecting me to fail.

Now I had a choice. I could support these beliefs, or I could choose to believe something else. I read a quote by Alan Cohen. It said, ?Agreement is powerful, and creates the reality you experience. Take care what you agree on, with whom, and why.? I could agree with these thoughts, these beliefs, if I chose to. But I had better be careful because my agreement is very powerful. My thoughts are a direct reflection of my faith and Jesus was very clear about the power of my faith wasn?t he?

I could choose, instead, to put my faith elsewhere. Since I am standing here before you, following my guidance to be a teacher for God, I obviously chose to place my faith in God?s vision of me. I asked Holy Spirit to help me see my thoughts of unworthiness differently. He showed me that I was mistaking arrogance for humility. He showed me that when I think I can make myself different from what God created, that is true arrogance.

After all, what am I saying when I see myself as unworthy? I am saying, ?God, I know that you think you created me in your own image and that you declared me good, but I have decided differently. I have decided that I will be something else.? Sounds insane doesn?t it? But, I do it all the time. No wonder I have a lot of fear and guilt to deal with. I think I am in competition with God over who I am.

The truth is that I am as God created me and I am not what I thought I had made of myself. Lesson 93 says this: Whatever evil you think you did, you are as God created you. Whatever mistakes you made, the truth about you is unchanged. Creation is eternal and unalterable. Your sinlessness is guaranteed by God. You are and will forever be exactly as you were created. Light and joy and peace abide in you because God put them there.

The Holy Spirit, Who is the Voice for God, went on to let me know that I can easily change my mind about this. I don?t have to do anything to make myself worthy. That was done by God in my creation. I only have to be vigilant against those thoughts which suggest a reality not in line with God. Then I take those thoughts to God and ask that they be corrected. Who I am is God?s perfect child, and that cannot be changed no matter what I think. However, I can think I have changed this and my belief in it makes the change seem real.

This world is full of small ego thoughts which bombard me constantly. Wall Street wants me to think that I am so vulnerable that using the wrong deodorant is going to be my undoing. The fashion industry would like me to think that no one will like me if my clothes are out of fashion. Television commercials constantly try to convince me that if I am not sick at this very minute, I soon will be and I need to buy some of their magic potions to protect myself.

Well meaning friends suggest that there is something wrong with my spiritual life because it isn?t like everyone else?s.  If I say that I am God?s perfect child created in His image and that nothing I can say or do will change what God created, they gently (or not so gently) suggest I am deluded, or worse.

If someone treats me unkindly and I choose to see it as a call for love instead of attack, someone is sure to tell me that I should be angry and that I should defend myself. When Susan was younger she asked me to go bungee jumping and I said yes. Some people looked at me like I was either nuts or irresponsible. I saw it as an act of faith; they saw it as foolish.

I know many people who are in twelve step programs. Some of them think of themselves as weak and as failures. I look at them in awe. I can hardly believe the power and strength it takes to do what they have done. It heartens me when I am feeling weak, to think of these friends and know that if they can overcome their addictions, I can do what I need to do. Some people have moved mountains in their lives and don?t even know that is what they have done.

I have a friend, another minister, who invited me to share in his joy at celebrating his 35th year sober. He says that he tells fellow substance addicts, that ?we are not weak-kneed impotent wimps but that we are very powerful and spiritually advanced beings.? I agree with him. I cannot imagine anyone who has gone through this as being weak. What strength it takes to do this! I have a friend who gets on the wagon only to fall off. She has done this repeatedly. Is she a failure? Good grief, no! What incredible strength it takes to keep trying even though everything in your life, and most people, are telling you that you can?t do it. Where does this strength come from? It was given you in your creation. It comes from your Father.

Everywhere we turn someone is saying we lack, we are vulnerable, we are weak, we are guilty. It takes great effort on our part to remain strong in our faith. It would be impossible except that it is God?s Will that we be as He created us, and therefore we have powerful help.

Archimedes said, Give me one firm thought upon which to stand, and I will move the earth. Well, my one firm thought is that I am as God created me. I hold to that one firm thought. I use it as a measuring stick against which I judge all other thoughts. If I find myself thinking that I can?t possibly succeed at something, I ask myself if God created me to fail. If I am afraid of anything, I ask myself if God created me fearful.  If I feel guilty because of something I said or did, I ask myself if God created me guilty.

The nay sayers will insist that I need fear to keep me from getting hurt and that I need guilt to keep me from behaving badly, and that I am being arrogant to think I am worthy of success. But I say to them, that my Father is God. The only thing I need is faith in Him. I don?t need to be afraid to protect myself. I only need to practice taking everything to God and following His guidance. That is true protection. I don?t need guilt to keep me from doing what is wrong. If I make a mistake, I take that to God for correction and let Him heal the thoughts that caused me to make the mistake. There is no need for guilt.

So, how much faith do I need to do this? How much faith does it take to fly in the face of convention? How much faith does it take to believe I am exactly as God created me? How much faith does it take to change the way I have thought all my life? It takes the faith of a grain of mustard seed. I believe, (even if my faith is small,) I believe that I can, and my faith will be bolstered by Jesus, by the Holy Spirit, by the angels. Heaven will send me all the help I need.

So, how do I go about making this change? It?s as simple as one, two, three. One, I become aware of my thoughts. Two, I take the false, mistaken thoughts to God for healing. Three, I feel the gratitude and comfort of knowing God is there for me and loves me and wants only the best for me. It isn?t hard or complicated. It just takes practice. Sure, at first it seemed strange and even impossible, but the more often I do it, the more natural it becomes and the more quickly I see my life change for the better.

Perhaps moving mountains seems more dramatic, but changing my life for the better is far more satisfying. And surely, there are times when the first seems no more out of reach than the other. But I am steadfast in my determination and persistence. I have faith, and I practice that faith, and I enjoy the fruits of that faith. Can all of you experience the joy of being as God created you? I know you can. I have faith!

 

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Letter to My Son: Keeping Life Simple

A Letter to My Son
Subject: Keeping Life Simple
                                                                    August 8, 2004

Dear Toby,

I was trying to explain to you what I mean when I say I keep my spiritual life simple. I don?t think I made myself clear during our discussion, and would like to try again in this letter. Writing how I feel about something is much easier for me. Writing affords the opportunity to take words back that you can never have in real time. It also allows me the luxury of expressing myself in a thoughtful manner which I cannot do when we speak face to face.

All decisions I make are very simple when I realize that all things are forgiveness lessons. That is what everything is for, an opportunity to forgive. No matter what form my problems may take, no matter how complicated the situation may seem, forgiveness is the answer. Forgiveness is achieved through the Holy Spirit. As soon as I identify a situation as an opportunity to forgive, I bring it to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to help me to see it differently. I ask Him to heal my thoughts.

I started thinking about simplicity in my life when I began to realize that complexity is the way the ego distracts me from what is real. For instance, when I start thinking about my body size and shape, the ego quickly makes it seem like a very complex problem. There is what I eat; is it something that makes me gain weight? And, according to what expert? Which diet is really good for me? Which of the many diets offered will really work and of those, which will work for me? The experts can?t decide so how am I going to make a decision?

Then there is my metabolism. Different bodies seem to burn off calories at different rates. And, to further complicate the situation, our bodies experience a change in this rate as they grow older. So, what worked for a good part of my life, no longer does.

That is just the beginning. I haven?t even started on the psychology of weight loss and gain. How much am I affected by what my mom taught me through her experience of this problem?  She deeply impressed the idea that my weight is a deciding factor in who I am, and how people will think of me. I don?t think this is what my mom meant to teach me, but that is what I learned from her. And on goes the questioning..

Toby, you can see how complicated things get when you listen to the ego voice. The ego varies its rules as it needs to so it is hard to get a grip on anything it tells you. The one rule that never changes is this:You will seek and not find. You will try, but never succeed. The seeming complexity of everything in the illusion was made for this purpose. You can see how effective it is in distracting us from what really matters. And, in fact, it is very effective in keeping us from knowing what does matter. I have been so busy trying to achieve weight control that I have completely lost sight of what is meaningful.

This is why I strive for simplicity in my life. I have a purpose, a holy purpose, given me by God. My purpose in this life is to forgive. That is what everything is for. This keeps everything simple. If I am struggling with a weight issue, and I remember my purpose, then I know that what I am meant to do is to forgive.

Forgiveness is a matter of overlooking, or looking past an issue to the truth behind it. I don?t know what the truth is. If I did, I wouldn?t have anything to forgive. If I try to figure it out on my own, I will just wind up back in the ego trap of complexity. Instead, I ask the Holy Spirit for healing. I offer only my willingness to see it differently. That is my part, and my only part. I keep it simple.

Any time I find myself confused about something that is happening in my life, or uncertain what to do, I know that I am listening to the ego.  When that happens I take the whole thing to the Holy Spirit, and ask that He heal my thoughts around the issue. I usually start with my emotions because I am often not immediately sure what the thoughts are. For instance, let us consider my problem with weight.

When it looks like I am gaining a couple of pounds I feel panicky and fearful. When I eat something not on my current diet, I feel guilty. Because I have constructed such a complex thought structure around this issue, it has taken me some time and effort to get at the core problem. I did it by taking it a thought at a time and examining each one with the Holy Spirit. I thought about the fear I experience when I gain weight. I asked myself why I think I need to stay thin. The answer was that I think being thin helps me gain approval from others. Why do I need approval? I need approval because I think I am separate from my brothers, otherwise I could not see me here being attacked, and them over there attacking me.

So, the belief behind the thought behind the emotion is one of separation. And, of course, the belief in separation started with the belief I separated myself from God, the core belief behind all unconscious guilt and fear. It is at this level that I choose to allow healing, and I do this by choosing to listen to the Holy Spirit instead of my ego. When I asked my ego to help me with my problem, he took me down one dead end after another until I was so confused I could never find my way out. That is its purpose, to keep me in the illusion; to keep me coming back to the ego for my salvation.

The Holy Spirit on the other hand wants to teach me so that I no longer need a teacher. The Course says: I will teach with you and live with you if you will think with me, but my goal will always be to absolve you finally from the need for a teacher. The Holy Spirit shows me that the maze of complexity the ego created around this issue isn?t real. It is meaningless and therefore I can choose to ignore it. I don?t gain weight because I eat too much. I don?t gain weight because I eat the wrong things. I don?t gain weight because I have a slow metabolism or because my mom taught me all the wrong things. The Holy Spirit took me straight to the real problem, and gave me the opportunity to ask for healing, and to practice forgiveness. I ask the Holy Spirit to heal my belief that I am separate from God.

Because I have formed the habit of listening to the ego, I keep going back to it for advice, but now that I am listening to the Voice for God, I am no longer satisfied with the ego answers. I can see through its transparent efforts to keep me chained to it. I might listen for awhile, but then I return to the only Voice Which loves me and really wants the best for me.  Each time I return to the Holy Spirit, I am stronger in my willingness to follow its Voice.

This is the process I am learning to use with each issue in my life. I follow the emotion to the thought to the belief. Then, with the help of the Holy Spirit, I forgive that belief and I am healed. This is sometimes instantaneous, but usually, it requires some effort on my part to maintain my willingness to allow healing, but each time I do it, it gets easier. This is my job; to practice forgiveness. All things that happen in my life are forgiveness lessons. My job is to forgive all things. I am very clear about this, and this is what I mean when I say I keep my life simple. When something comes up in my life, I ask myself what it is for and the answer is it is for forgiveness. I then express my willingness to forgive and ask the Holy Spirit to heal me. I no longer dance around the issue with the ego, or at least if I do, it is a much shorter dance, and then I remember what it is for.

This works the same on all things. If I feel like my feelings have been hurt by someone, I can follow the egos machinations and look for meaning behind the actions or words that caused the ill feeling. I can brood on the offense for days, even years. I can imagine what I would have said in retort if only I had thought of it. I can imagine how I will respond next time or even plot revenge.

The Holy Spirit will take me somewhere entirely different if I turn to Him instead of to my ego. He tells me my brothers’ words are either love or a call for love. How do I want to respond to my brothers’ call for love? Thinking of it this way puts the whole thing in perspective. What a moment ago seemed like an unwarranted attack on me, now with the Holy Spirit?s help, I see it was merely a plea for my love. I no longer feel attacked; I no longer feel the need to defend myself. Now I see my purpose here is not to attack, but to save.

So, again it is very simple. Instead of trying to figure out why I was attacked, and who shares what portion of blame; instead of trying to work out an appropriate defense and so attack in return; instead of filling my life with anger and fear, I have another choice. The Course says, ?This calls for salvation, not attack.? As I choose the Voice for God I am shown how to save the world through forgiveness. I am free to overlook what I thought was hurtful to me by seeing that nothing anyone says to me can hurt me. It is only how I feel about what they say that is hurtful, so there was no attack by that person. I attacked myself and I forgive myself for that attack. As I recognize my own invulnerability, I teach that person his invulnerability. As I teach him his invulnerability, I convince myself of my own. As the Course says:

  ?When a brother acts insanely, he is offering you an opportunity
              to bless him. His need is yours. You need the blessing you can
              offer him. There is no way for you to have it except by giving it.
              This is the law of God, and it has no exceptions.?

True forgiveness is such a lovely, elegant solution to all the misery we cause each other through our endless attack and defend reactions. And, best of all, it is so simple; not many solutions to many problems, but one solution to all problems. Simple, simple, simple.

Love,
Mom

 

 

 

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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