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Worry

Lately I have been indulging in worry, and I?ve got to tell you that this is a monumental waste of time. I know this for sure because after a week of concerted effort put into worry, I can say with absolute certainty that nothing was accomplished through this activity.

Worry seems like such a natural thing to do. Like everyone else, I learned early on to worry about things. Our teachers told us to worry about passing tomorrow?s math test because it was going to be a big part of our grade. They did it because they were afraid we would not study otherwise. Our parents encouraged us to worry about a myriad of things, and we do the same to our own children. It falls under the guise of protecting them. We do it because we don?t want anything bad to happen to them; because we love them.

Alan Cohen said, ?Worry is not a form of love. Vision, confidence, and belief in him are.? I was thinking about this last week after I got tired of giving my peace away through worry. I am so accustomed to worry as a form of love, that I had never questioned it. My son was in a wreck, so I spent three days worrying. A hurricane was coming so I worried about him being in its path, and when I convinced him to come home I worried about him losing all his stuff that he had left behind.

I worried about my daughter?s financial plans. She is in the middle of some exciting but risky ventures. What if everything went wrong? I think about it and I seem justified in worrying. Hurricanes and financial loss seem scary. Unexpected things do happen, and they can seem bad. I love these people so shouldn?t I worry? If I didn?t worry wouldn?t that mean I didn?t care about them?

I asked myself how it would feel not to worry about them. It seems weird to even think about it. If Toby was caught in a hurricane and I wasn?t worried about him, wouldn?t you wonder what was wrong with me? And yet, what good does it do? Is he one iota safer because I am here worrying about him? And is it really love that prompts worry?

I think it is fear, actually, that causes anyone to be worried; fear of loss. I am not really afraid that Toby will die. Toby will die when it is his time. There is nothing bad about dieing. We do what we came here to do, and then we leave. There is no real ending, just a change in venue. I get that. My fear is about my own sense of loss, and the grief I would experience. I am afraid to be without him for the time that is left for me.

I don?t really believe that financial loss is the end of the world either. All things that happen to us are opportunities to love, to forgive, to practice being in peace and that is all the meaning anything has. If Toby lost all his stuff, then he would learn that stuff can be replaced. It has no real value of itself. If Sheryl were to fail in her financial venture, she would learn from her errors and move on, a better person for it. So why do I worry? I think it may be because, as a mom, I feel a misguided need to fix everything for them, even when I know that it is not possible or even desirable for me to do so. I think if I can?t fix it, I will be a failure as a mom.

Well, it became apparent to me as I thought this out, that my worry for others was really worry for myself. I had not realized this before. If I want to be truly helpful, I can choose to do as Alan Cohen suggested; I can see my children with true vision. I can see them as confident, strong, and able. I can see them as God created them. If this is the vision I have of them, it will be reflected in my words and my actions. They will be aware of my belief in them and it will strengthen their belief in themselves. Isn?t this a far more loving thing to do than to worry about them?

It is very important that I realize my words and actions are continually teaching. Do I want to teach fear and weakness? Or do I want to teach strength and faith? I have no option but to teach, however, it is up to me what I choose to teach. While there may seem to be many options, it is really very straight forward. There are always only two options. I can choose for the ego, or I can choose for God. The choice I make supports one or the other. Which do I support?

And it does matter which I support. What I support I strengthen, and what I do not support I weaken. I think we all recognize this at some level even though we may not have really thought it out. This is the reason we want people to agree with us. We know that their agreement supports our beliefs. We know that their failure to agree weakens it. That is why some people are very upset when we refuse to go along with their religious or political beliefs. They need our agreement to strengthen their point of view.

So what do I do with worry when it starts? Over the last couple of weeks I have had some experience with this. I held onto my fear for several days before I let it go. I don?t entirely understand why I choose to stay in my dramas, but I recognize that I do. Eventually, though, I remember how much better life is when I choose peace instead.

Once I choose peace, I have set an intention to make it happen. This gets things rolling. I may not move immediately into peace, but my intention invites heaven to assist me. I have all the help I need to get to where I intend to be. The longer I stay in chaos, the more difficult it is for me to make that choice. It is as if I get lost there and can?t find my way out. My mind becomes busy with thoughts, and I don?t know which one to believe.

This is what happened to me recently. So when I decided that I wanted my peace back, I recognized that I needed help. I asked the Holy Spirit to look at all my thoughts with me and to correct the ones that were in error. I thought I had already done that, but I wasn?t in peace. What I realized was that I had been asking the Holy Spirit to take away my discomfort, but I was holding onto my thoughts.

I can?t have both. I can?t have mistaken thoughts and peace of mind. One will not exist with the other. As soon as I saw what I was doing, I decided that I was willing to see this in a different way. The Holy Spirit showed me the truth about worry, and gave me this new way of looking at things. This was not instantaneous. I had to practice choosing peace. Each time ego thoughts would rise to the top, I looked at them with the Holy Spirit. I allowed my mind to be healed.  Eventually, as each was corrected, there were fewer and fewer worry thoughts, and my peace was uninterrupted.

The truth is, I don?t know what anything means anyway. There is a great sense of relief as I say that. I don?t know what anything means. Why should I think that it is my responsibility to make decisions? It is one of my favorite prayers to say, ?I make no decisions on my own.? I open my mind to the Holy Spirit and invite Him in. I ask Him to decide for me because I know that He speaks for God. This too, brings peace.

Life goes on; things happen, some of them upsetting to my plans. I can?t change that. I can choose to keep my peace in the midst of it all. I can allow the Holy Spirit to show me a different way to see the things that are happening. He can help me change my perspective.

I was reading a book by Dr. Wayne Dyer called ?There?s a Spiritual Solution to Every Problem.? Shortly after Dr. Dyer wrote this book, he had an opportunity to practice what he had just preached. He had a heart attack. He ate healthy, exercised regularly all his life, meditated daily, did what he loved and loved what he did. Heart attacks were supposed to happen to other people, not to him.

Dr. Dyer couldn?t believe this was happening to him. He felt sorry for himself. He was in a state of shock and disbelief. He was feeling self-pity, sadness, doubt. He was scared. Then he turned this around as he thought of the principles of his book and realized there was a spiritual solution to this problem, too.

He said: The facts are the facts, my heart had been injured. Now it was up to me. I am not this body; I am a spiritual being, eternal, always connected to God. I could shift my awareness to being the observer rather than the victim? It was as if a light came on in a dark room.  Dr. Dyer had brought his problem to God, and had been shown a different way to see things. He began to feel cheerful rather than morose. He began to circulate around the hospital ward bringing cheer to others. He started seeing the other people and the staff differently. Instead of looking at everyone with fear and anxiety, he was seeing them with awe, love, and respect. He said: I looked for what was right about that place and experienced gratitude for everything my senses witnessed. Surely the presence of God is in this place.

Dr. Dyer recognized that he could not change what was happening in the world of form, but that did not mean he was helpless in the situation. He had a choice. He could choose to stay in worry, or he could choose to allow the Holy Spirit to show him a different way to see. Choosing for God made all the difference in the world. He helped not only himself, but his actions taught everyone there. His doctor?s wife had been suffering from illness, and what she heard about Dr. Dyer?s spiritual solution to his physical problems it set her on a spiritual path. It also impressed his cardiologist and gave him a new way to help his patients.

So what I have learned these past two weeks is that when I see I am in a state of worry and fear, I know that there is nothing to be gained from staying in it. Worry serves no useful purpose. I know that I am not a victim of the world, and do not have to remain in this state; I can choose differently by choosing God. I know that all my problems are a direct result of faulty thinking, and that I can ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking. I may not be able to change what is happening in the physical world, but by changing my mind, I can change my experience of what is happening. I know that changing my thinking changes everything.

© 2005, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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