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A Special Uncaring Relationship

There is a man who comes by my house every so often asking for money. The first time he asked, he gave me a sad story which I took to be part of his scam to get a handout, but he seemed to need the money so I gave him some. Of course he came back. He had another story for me, and each time he showed up I got a different story. Sometimes I was amused by the whole thing, and sometimes I regretted ever giving him anything. I figured it was a lot like feeding a stray dog. After awhile you find the dog has adopted you and you�re stuck with him.

Our relationship started out like this, but it began to change. At some point he had been by so many times that he got curious about me. He asked me what I do. I never know what to say when asked this question. Do they want to know what I do for a living? I am in sales. Or do they want to know what I DO? I do God. I�m a minister and I minister in everything I do, and my weekends are dedicated to ministering. But most people don�t want the long answer so I try to decide which answer they want before I tell them.

I went for the shortest and truest answer with Fred. I told him I am a minister. He was delighted to hear it and started telling me about his struggle with religion. Suddenly, Fred was not the guy who comes around for a handout. He was a real person to me. I looked at him differently and so our relationship began to change. Now when he came by with his story, I listened more carefully. I began to see that he was not making this stuff up. I was getting the story of his life, one problem at a time. And now that he was looking to me as a spiritual link, I was getting more of the details, and not just why he needed financial help.

Around Thanksgiving Fred got an opportunity to work out of town and needed help getting there so I gave him enough money for a bus ticket out of town. He did not intend to come back, but then he had said that before. Still, I found myself wondering about him. Then he showed up again. He got a job here in town but needed enough money to stay to hold him over until payday. He wanted to assure me that he really had prospects and showed me his work voucher.

Each time he came by we had a little spiritual pep talk, but only as he initiated it. I did not want to be the kind of person who gives with strings. I was not going to make him pay for his money by listening to me talk about God. He seemed to want to talk, though, and so we did. I won�t say that I thought of him as a friend, or even that I was glad he came by. In fact, I was never glad to see Fred, but I had started taking him more seriously and I quit worrying about whether he was taking advantage of me and if I should quit encouraging him by giving him money. I just accepted him as part of my life.

Then one night he shows up telling me the next chapter in his life. He desperately needed money, and the reason why is not important. I had spent too much money at Christmas and didn�t have a lot extra, but I gave him some of what I had. I knew it wasn�t enough, and thought briefly that since he needs the money to leave town I should give it to him. Maybe this would be the last time. But, I didn�t do it. He seemed to want to talk about what was happening, but I had my grandkids and did not encourage him.

He asked for a drink of water or a coke and mentioned how bad his feet hurt. Looking at him I thought he really did look exhausted. I gave him a coke and watched him hobble off, obviously in pain. I thought that maybe I should offer him a ride, but I really didn�t want to get any more involved with him than I was. I didn�t want to leave my grand kids either, so I let the moment pass.

That night as I fell asleep I experienced some regret that I had not given Fred a ride. He really had needed it. The next morning, after I had been doing my lesson for the day, I thought about Fred again. I thought about how tired he had been. I thought about his feet hurting him so badly he could hardly walk. I thought about how I could have done so much more to help him. Why didn�t I?

I had a special relationship with Fred. I had never realized it before. I know I have special love relationships with my children. I form special hate relationships from time to time. But Fred didn�t fit into either category. That is why I didn�t recognize it as a special relationship. I had a special uncaring relationship with him. I didn�t care enough about Fred to love him or hate him.

Opening my mind to the Holy Spirit I was able to see clearly for the first time, how I was maintaining a sense of separation by failing to see Fred as a holy Son of God.  Would I have turned a Son of God away from my door if I had recognized him as such? Yes I gave him $20.00, but that was just pay off money. I paid him to go away is what I did. In my mind I saw once again his sadness, and his pain. I saw him as God�s precious child and part of my One Self. I sat and cried.

I cried first out of sorrow for missed opportunities. Then I cried out of shame for my thoughts and my behavior. Some minister I am. Then I cried out of gratitude and relief that I opened my mind and allowed the Holy Spirit to show me a different way to see this. I am grateful to the Holy Spirit for never giving up on me, and I am so full of gratitude to Fred, my �special� teacher.

I gave the Holy Spirit the guilt that the ego wanted to attach to this healing and I am left with joy to be so blessed through this lesson. It is now my intention to look, first, for the Christ in everyone. That is why they are in my life. That is what they are for. I don�t ever want to form another special uncaring relationship.

© 2007, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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