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A Holy Encounter in a Store

I was at a store today and there was a woman standing at the counter. Her body was badly deformed.  When I was young I have been repelled by this kind of thing, and would turn away.  As I grew older I was still repelled but ashamed of my feelings and would cover them over with pity. As I matured spiritually, I began to learn that neither response was appropriate, but that was just learning, the collection of new ideas. How I felt had not really changed and so I was conflicted between how I felt and how I thought I should feel. I would still turn away and still feel guilty, the only difference is that I was now confused about my feelings..

This time when I saw the woman I felt that sense of confusion, but beneath it was something else, something new. However, it was not clear. But it was right there, like a word on the tip of the tongue that I could not quite grasp. So I showed my confused thoughts to Holy Spirit. I asked Him how to see past what the body’s eyes show me. Immediately this beautiful, perfect thought came into my mind. “The soul that animates this body looks exactly like your soul.”

I had spent a lifetime imprisoning myself within the ego, looking out of the body’s eyes and seeing only an illusion. I had tried to see differently using the body’s eyes and that had left me only confused and frustrated. I still saw a separate being, different than me, whose goals were different than mine. In that one instant, with this new thought, I saw truly for the first time and knew this woman as myself. I knew the body I thought of as myself was only a tool, a communication device, something useful for that purpose only. I had heard those words before, but this was the first time their meaning had come alive for me.

As I looked at that woman’s body I saw that the mind chose a different communication device to learn specific lessons. It was not a sad or frightful thing that had happened to her. It was soul choice to learn in a particular way and so it was perfect for that soul’s lifetime desire. She was not deformed, the body was deformed. Deformity was not bad, only useful for a time. It did not just happen, it was a choice. And as all of this fell into place within my mind, the judgment born of fear that had prompted past reactions fell away, and my vision cleared. I didn’t see an unlucky or cursed woman, but another part of myself having an experience. In that holy instant I saw no separation and wanted no separation.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Let Me Forget My Brother’s Past Today

The past is a lifetime ago, a year ago, even a moment ago. No matter what I said or thought or did, it is over. I feel guilt only if I insist on dragging the past around with me like a wet bag of sand. Each moment is brand new if that is what I choose. My life is recreated with each thought I have and it will be recreated differently if I choose different thoughts. This is why it so important that I notice my thoughts, take responsibility for them and for their effects, and then ask the Holy Spirit for a different way to see. I do not want to continue as I have been by thinking the same thoughts, making the same judgments. I am ready to be wrong about everything I think I know and to allow the Holy Spirit to replace it all with the truth.

I wonder what it would be like to release the past completely and to see each one in my life as if they were brand new to me. I don’t mean that I would forget everything about them; that would be Alzheimer’s. I mean, what would it be like to see each person as if they had never attacked me, never hurt my feelings, never disagreed with me, never abandoned me.

I was thinking about my father. When I think about him I think about all the labels I have given him. He was an alcoholic. He made our lives miserable and then abandoned us. He made me special then betrayed my specialness. When he wasn’t drinking he was the best dad in the world and somehow that made his drinking behavior all the more painful; his betrayal all the more unforgivable. He was a gifted speaker, a songwriter and singer. His heart was open and child-like, he was playful and fun.  Though he had little follow through, he had the capacity to dream things others could not fathom.

What if I could withdraw all my projections and surrender my perceptions. What if I could allow myself to see him without the armor of my judgments. Who would this man be? I imagine him not as my father, but as another brother using his ego story to help him wake up. I see him walking his path through addictions and mental illness. I see him trying on this mask and that one looking for something that fits, something that brings happiness and peace.

I see him presenting me with opportunities to look through my bag of ego tricks, to try first this one and then that one, to discard each as it does not work. I see him moving on to his next rendezvous in this play and me moving onto mine. Where is the attack now? Where is the betrayal, the abandonment? From this forgiven perspective I meet him again and I see him without those labels, those judgments, those projections, all that I had created as his past, and now I see only the innocent Christ.

Holy Spirit, what if I could do this for each person I encounter? What if I could withdraw each judgment, even as I make it, and withdraw it so completely that it leaves not a stain upon their visage so that each encounter with that person is brand new, completely untainted by the last encounter. What if I could encounter a brother on the street and he knock me to the ground and yet I see only my innocent self interacting with my innocent self? Could I ever be so free of judgment that the past would not follow me around? Could I encounter that person later and not flinch? If I can see it in my mind, I can live it in my life.

Holy Spirit: Do you feel the fear and resistance at this thought, my friend? Allow yourself to do so. Don’t try to bury it. (I stop for a moment and feel the fear and doubt. I notice I feel overwhelmed and think it is too much to even try. It feels hopeless.) Those feelings, dear one, are the ego defenses designed to keep you forever in its world of separation. The ego warns you that you are being asked to go naked and unprotected into a dangerous world. You do not have to believe its lies.

Today you will encounter many people on whom you have projected a history. Do not try to see them without this history. Do not try to do anything. As you meet them simply ask Me to show you what I see. Does this feel doable to you? Does this feel overwhelming and frightening?

Me: (I smile and then laugh.) Holy Spirit, I keep forgetting how easy this is. I keep forgetting that God is not asking for sacrifice. I can do this and I want to do this. Thank you.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Who am I?

The hush of Heaven holds my heart today.

This morning I woke up with a question: Who am I? The answer came quickly. I am Christ. I am moving up and through this vehicle, slowly displacing the ego as light displaces darkness with its very presence. I move slowly as not to startle, but I move inevitably for I am being made welcome. I do not force my way into conscious thought, but come quietly and gently at invitation.

Is it arrogance to think of myself as Christ? Or is it simple truth and only recognition of what has been known deep within all along? Is it only foolishness to pretend to be small and unlike my Creator just because I am playing at making a world that could never exist? The ego feels very sly today, truly the serpent in the garden slithering slowly into my awareness, whispering fearful warnings of overstepping my bounds, of drawing attention to my errors. “What will people think? I don’t act like a Christ. Who do I think I am?”

Could I turn my attention from the ego mind and let it hiss at dead air? Could I do this just for today and allow myself the respite of utter peace, the hush of heaven, as promised me? I am willing for that to be true for me this day. I am willing to set aside my guilt and fear and experience my Self as God created me. I get shivers at the thought, though I am not sure how much of it is expectation and how much fear.

Yesterday was so productive. I noticed many moments in which I was judging and was completely willing to see differently. I was more than willing; I was determined, and excited to see differently. I reminded myself often that I and my Father are one, and I began to include the one I had judged. I and my Father and David are one. Once, the group got rather large. 😊 Well, the more the merrier. All I could think about was how much light I was allowing into my mind every time I chose forgiveness.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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What limits can I lay upon God’s Son?”

Though they be only in my own mind, and far beyond the reach of Truth, I place limits on God’s Son so much that it is hard to keep up with it. I do it to myself and to those I know and to those I just happen to run across. It doesn’t matter since each different body is just a symbol of the separation thought. Sometimes the limit is obvious. I think someone is too fat, or dresses badly, or has a terrible haircut. I think someone is rude or obnoxious. I think someone cannot write well, or speak well. Sometimes it is just a fleeting thought, hardly in my mind long enough for me to notice, but it shows me that I believe in limitation and would impose it on myself and others.

I sometimes hide the limits behind humility, or behind a compliment. I limit as I compare one person to another. I could never do what you are doing, or look what an advanced soul she is. And right then I have limited everyone else and even her because while she has gone so far, she is not there. I hide it behind “love” as I tell my children they cannot do something by doing it for them, or giving unneeded advice.

I limit through worry. What if I cannot do this, or if that happens? How will I handle something? Will I have enough money or enough time? The implication always being there is a limit. How often have I said that I can no longer do that because I am too old, or my memory is not as good as it used to be, or I just tend to be that way or this way?

This morning I sat here thinking that I can’t understand why I hold onto the ego like I do. Why can’t I just let it go? I see what I am doing, and yet I keep doing it. The limitation implied is that I have no control over this, that something is keeping me in this place. I think of the many times the Holy Spirit has encouraged me to be patient and I think, there I go again trying to rush things; another limitation – I’m not able to be patient, never have been.

As I wonder how I can make all these changes, the Holy Spirit reminds me that there are not a million changes in behavior that I need to make, but only one change. In choosing the wrong teacher I learned to believe in limitation.

Holy Spirit: Dear one, you forget who you are and all that implies. You are the holy Son of God dreaming of bodies, pretending to be limited. You don’t need to learn to be unlimited, or even, as you were thinking, learn to not be limited. You only need to decide to be what you are instead of what you pretend to be.

Each time you notice one of the many forms that limitation can take you are deciding to remember who you are. Each time you use that moment to express your willingness to return to your true nature you are undoing the belief in limitation. It does not matter if the limitation seems to be on you or on someone else as it is not a particular behavior that needs correction, but the thought that caused the behavior.

Remember that you are completely responsible for everything you see in your world. If there seem to be limits everywhere you look, those limits are there because you want them there. Do not be discouraged by this discovery, but rejoice that you have decided to realize what is going on. Your willingness to accept responsibility is your freedom. It is the key to freedom from the belief in limits.

Me: Holy Spirit I feel very frustrated. I accept responsibility for my world. Well, really I don’t a lot of times, because as soon as I said that, I remembered just yesterday thinking I felt bad because of something someone else said. But I do understand the concept of self responsibility. What I don’t understand is why I cannot simply let go of the belief in limits. Why can’t I just wake up from this dream? I think I really want to and yet, if I wanted to I would. What is wrong with me?

Holy Spirit: Precious child of God, remember that I said you forget who you are. That forgetfulness is not accidental. You choose to forget that you are holy beyond measure, perfect in a way that in your forgetfulness you can no longer even imagine. You choose forgetfulness because you believe what you have now is preferable. You would rather be ruler of a broken and limited kingdom that to be part of God’s kingdom. As long as you place some value in being separate from God, you will remain (in your mind, only) separate from God. You are created to be free, and that means you are free to be miserable if that is what you want.

Remember, though, that you are equally free to be joyful. There are no magic words to bring you to your joy. I know you want Me to give you those words which will free you from your own choices, but you do not need Me to do this for you. I will not teach you that you are limited in this way by doing for you what you can do for yourself. That would not be kindness. Returning to your natural state, which I remind you does not change in spite of your dreams to the contrary, returning to your natural state is as simple as changing your mind. When you cease to value your dream it will end. Just like that.

And yes, again I will remind you, be patient with yourself. There are steps that must be taken, and you are taking them. Patience does not imply doing nothing. Continue to use every possible opportunity to become fully aware of your resistance. Continue to give me what willingness you have in every moment. Though it seems small indeed, you may rest assured I will use it. The little you do has a powerful effect on your mind. You are in the process of deciding differently. It seems to you to take a long time, but that is just an illusion.

Thank you, Holy Spirit. 

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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