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Fear is Just a Story

I was reading the single quiet thought that the Holy Spirit gave Regina Dawn Akers and I thought about how I have used these ideas.  The following is first the thought, and then an example from my own life.

Fear will hold you back from forgiveness.
Fear will hold you back
from letting go of
a false idea as false.

Fear will tell you
that it protects you from harm
and to let go of the idea in question
is to open up to complete vulnerability
and harm.

But fear is just a story.
Fear is an illusion itself.
It promises to care for you,
but what it says isn’t true.

Look at the idea of fear.
Look at its counsel
until you see it isn’t true.

You are free to practice forgiveness
when you’ve learned
not to listen to fear.
Holy Spirit through Regina Dawn Akers

When I take my mistaken thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction I am forgiving them. This is what forgiveness means to me; it is the undoing of ego or separation thoughts. As I read this single quiet thought from Holy Spirit many instances I have experienced this flashed through my mind. The one that grabbed my attention was from the situation with my son’s sickness. He was very sick for weeks and the doctors could not figure out what was wrong with him. He was weak, losing weight and becoming dehydrated every few days. It was very frightening to me.

I experienced so much fear as this situation dragged on and on, but at the same time, I kept going to Holy Spirit with this fear. There were a lot of thoughts that I did not want to keep, and each one I brought to Holy Spirit only to notice that in a bit the thought was back in my mind. Now I know that Holy Spirit isn’t failing to do His job, so it must be me that is failing to let go of the thought. I imagine myself handing a thought to him but then clutching the thought so that He cannot take it.

Clearly, the reason I was not letting go of these fear thoughts is that I thought they held some value to me. I was listening to the stories the ego was telling me and I was believing them. I was afraid to examine the stories, because I was afraid that this would lead to not believing them, and the stories were all that I had to protect me. Writing this out here I can see how absurd this reasoning really is, but at the time I didn’t see it because I was afraid to look too closely.

But each time I brought these thoughts to the Holy Spirit it helped me move a tiny bit closer to trust. Each time my willingness grew a little and I became a little more willing to forgive myself and this situation. Finally, when a friend suggested we pray as a group for Toby, I was ready to finally accept Holy Spirit’s gift. I agreed and in the moment I joined with my friends in praying I felt the shift from fear to acceptance.

I was finally able to look at the fear and see what it was telling me. I said I wanted to give the fear thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction. The ego said that if I did that I would have nothing to protect me from the Holy Spirit. I said that the Holy Spirit would give me only what would be helpful. The ego said that maybe the most helpful thing would be for Toby to die. This is where I had always shut down before. This time I stayed with it and continued to look at the ego story. I gave my trust to the Holy Spirit and surrendered completely.

This part is harder for me to put into words because there were no words involved. In my willingness to surrender to trust, the ego story dissolved. Well, the story was still there, but it became meaningless to me. I simply didn’t believe in it anymore. This did not mean I knew Toby wasn’t going to die. I surrendered to that possibility, too. I accepted that I did not know what would be the next step in his and my awakening, but that I wanted it. If this is the time when Toby let go of his story and moved on to the next one, then that is what would happen. What I let go of was the meaning I was giving that possibility.

I thought about what that would feel like, and as I think of it now I feel intense grief, but I still do not feel fear about it. I don’t know what it means and I am not interested in making up a meaning. Without my meaning clouding the picture I find it easy to trust. Fear was promising to care for me. I see that very clearly now, and I also see that when I was able to really look at what fear was offering me, I knew that was a lie. I am very grateful for where I am now. Toby began healing after we all joined in prayer and so did I. I am very glad that he is still here in this story with me, but I am even more grateful to be free of the fear. I am grateful for the experience I had which taught me so much.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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A Better Question

This message is an answer to a question posed on a Yahoo discussion group site. I thought it was of general interest so I am posting it here as well.

—- In NTIDiscussionGroup@yahoogroups.com, “julieta_in_bcn” <julieta_in_bcn@...> wrote:
> At the end of the third paragraph you wrote: As I was persistent in my asking, I was giving myself time to form the right question, or perhaps to finally really want what I was asking for.
I really get that last bit about really wanting what we ask for, but
could you please elaborate on the forming of the right question?
Do you think the words are important or can I just trust that HS will
> see my true intent regardless of how I express it?

Julieta, thank you for asking and giving me this opportunity to clarify in both our minds what I was saying.

I know that I can truly and completely trust the Holy Spirit. He will never give me what I do not want. So I can pretend to want something, or think I want it and ask for it, or I can be less than clear in my asking, and it does not matter. He disregards my words altogether and answers my heart. So you see, I cannot mess this up, and I will never receive what I do not truly want. The reason I want to ask the question, to clarify the question and to ask the right question is for my own benefit. This helps me to see what it is I truly want.

Asking the right question can look different at different times, but here is an example. Yesterday I had to work in the rain. It was cold and wet and I was slipping and sliding in the mud. I was miserable. The question (which I had not formulated into words as a question, but which was the question of my heart) was, why do I have to be out here and why does the weather have to be this way, and why do I have to be miserable?

Suddenly I remembered that I am committed to acceptance and allowance and this would be an excellent time to practice it. So my question changed. I told the Holy Spirit I was willing to accept the weather and my condition exactly as it was, but that I didn’t know how to do this. I offered to open my mind. This was an entirely different question. Since my goal is to awaken, it was the right question.

I got out of the car to do the next job and just stood there getting wet and being cold. I was given the thought that I could withdraw the judgment that this is bad. So I just noticed how the wind felt on my skin. And how the rain fell gently on the hood of my jacket. I noticed how it smelled very sweet. I finished this job and got back in my car and noticed how it felt to be warm and dry. Then I went on to the next job and did it again.

I began to rejoice in the day that we had created and to rejoice in the power and creativity which produced this day just for my awakening. How extraordinary we are when we allow the Love of God to create through us. I am so glad that I decided to enjoy and appreciate the moment rather than to reject it.

My first question was “why am I in this situation?”, and the better question was “what do you want me to do with it?”, or another way to say it is “how do I use this for my awakening?” The better question was more helpful to achieving my goal and so that was why it was a better question.

© 2008, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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