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The Cripple Creek Adventure

Regina drove us up to Cripple Creek for a day of entertainment. Cripple Creek is a small town at the top of a mountain (9500 ft of elevation). We went there to watch a play and be tourists. I knew that if it was at the top of a mountain and if I wanted to go there we would have to drive up there, and I also knew that I am very afraid of heights. Recently I asked the Holy Spirit to show me what I was choosing to hold onto that was blocking my awakening. So here was a chance to look at this fear, and since I know that fear is a block to freedom I decided I needed to do this.

The GPS directed us to the shortest route which just happened to be a narrow winding road (which turned into a one lane road in many places) and which also had patches of snow in spots. This southern girl does not like the idea of driving in snow especially since the steep drop over the side is not forgiving of driving errors. Regina is a good driver who is accustomed to mountain driving and also to snow so that was good.

I’m not sure how long it took us to make the drive up the mountain because my mind was busy calculating the exact moment my heart would stop beating if we went too close to the edge. It felt like it was about five hours but was probably closer to one hour. At any rate, it was plenty of time for me to look at my fear.  Now, with my feet firmly planted on relatively flat ground I can joke about this, but while it was happening I couldn’t even talk about it because it is remarkably hard to talk when you are holding your breath.

I really was very afraid. I don’t think I was afraid of dying, but of falling. This makes no sense at all, but that seems to be the way it was. I think I did ok because I didn’t cry, or become hysterical, and the whole time I remembered what this was for. I was able to stay in touch with the sane part of my mind no matter how afraid I became. I knew that I wanted to release this fear that was gripping my mind and holding it hostage. I wanted to be free. I recognized that I could not do this by myself and so surrendered it to the Holy Spirit. No matter how often I took my fear back, I remembered that I did not want it and returned my mind to the Holy Spirit.

I saw very clearly how my fear said it was protecting me. It said that without the fear I would someday do this again. and so if I managed to live through the first trip surely I would wind up here again. My fear said that if I didn’t hold onto it I would stop leaning toward the mountain and without my efforts the car would surely slide over the side. The ego makes goofy promises, but while in the grip of terror I believe them all.

I was never able to let go of my fear. I was never able to look over the edge without wanting to throw up, or to enjoy the absolutely beautiful scenery (I know it must have been beautiful because everyone said it was. Ha ha ha). At first I was disappointed at the end of the ride because I was still afraid of heights but then I remembered something. I was afraid but I did not give into the fear. I went up the mountain anyway. There was a place on the route that said it was the last chance to turn around and I could have asked Regina to do so, but I didn’t. I stuck with it, not because I am brave (I’m not) but because I did not want to give into the fear thoughts. More than I wanted to avoid the fear I wanted to be free of it.

I feel very grateful to the Holy Spirit in my mind for all the true thoughts I had while I was afraid. I am also grateful that I can see the good that came from that experience, and for the certainty that it was not a failed experience, but was really a success. I succeeded in doing what I was afraid of, in remembering what it was for, and in finding God in the experience.

It was a great play and the rest of the day was lots of fun. Thanks to Regina for being my voice for the Holy Spirit all the way up the mountain. Also thanks to Jasmine and Danielle for not joining me in my fear because that would have simply increased my belief in it. They listened to the truth they heard in Regina’s voice and so that helped me feel stronger. Thank you, Holy Spirit for remaining that gentle, consistent Voice for God that keeps me on track no matter what is happening around me.

Regina’s Single Quiet Thought for today ends by saying:
Seek out those things that are not but love, and be done with them, because they are not the reflection you choose to be.

Every time I notice a thought in my mind that does not reflect my true self I know that this is a thought I want to be done with. This fear thought about heights is one of those thoughts to be done with and yesterday I took a big step toward doing just that.

© 2009, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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