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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-31-12

Day 91
3 At the beginning, it is wise to think in terms of time. This is by no means the ultimate criterion, but at the outset it is probably the simplest to observe. The saving of time is an essential early emphasis which, although it remains important throughout the learning process, becomes less and less emphasized. At the outset, we can safely say that time devoted to starting the day right does indeed save time. How much time should be so spent? This must depend on the teacher of God himself. He cannot claim that title until he has gone through the workbook, since we are learning within the framework of our course. After completion of the more structured practice periods, which the workbook contains, individual need becomes the chief consideration. 

I was the most resistant person ever to complete the workbook, I think. I loved the text. I read it like a good novel and could hardly put it down. Sometimes I was thrilled with what I read. It was like it told me stuff I knew, but until that moment, didn’t know I knew. Sometimes it scared me. Sometimes I would stop in wonder that I believed all that I read. Why would I? And yet, I did.

The lessons, on the other hand, were a stumbling block. Or a stumbling boulder, maybe a stumbling mountain! I would do them without understanding, but do them non the less, until I got to a certain place and then I would stop. I did this over and over. I would stop for reasons I didn’t really understand, but would create reasons for. I didn’t do it right. I keep forgetting. I don’t have time. Its not really important. I often felt shame because I couldn’t seem to do this, and guilt because deep down I knew I didn’t want to do them.

I had been studying the Course for many years before I finally made the choice to give my focus to the Course. It was funny, really. There was no plan in the mind about how this would happen, no big moment in which I suddenly realized that I was no longer afraid to do the lessons, and that I was ready to truly become a teacher of God. It was quite un-dramatic, more like a switch being thrown. The mind made up stories about it, reasons for picking up the Course and choosing to study in a new way, but I feel strongly that it happened the way it did because it was time, that I was on a schedule completely outside the thinking mind.

I began studying the Course in 1981. I studied it and tried to live it, but, jeez, it was hard. Only once in a while did I have anyone to share it with and there were not the wealth of books and groups that we have today. The internet was not something we had at first, and even when we did, I was ignorant of it. It was very slow going for me, but when I made that choice, sometime in 1999 I think, to give my devotion to the study of the Course, I picked up the workbook, and for the first time ever, I went all the way through it.

I had discovered the internet, and that there were lots of other fellow students available to me now with whom I could study. There was a forum on Pathways of Light website and a small group of us studied together, sharing our daily struggles as we went through the workbook. It was the help and encouragement I needed to get through the lessons, and getting through the workbook changed everything for me.  I don’t know if it’s the same for everyone, but based on my own experience I can understand why Jesus says that we need to do the lessons. The text made me want to change, but doing the workbook lessons made this change possible.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-29-12

Day 89
16. HOW SHOULD THE TEACHER OF GOD SPEND HIS DAY?

1 To the advanced teacher of God this question is meaningless. There is no program, for the lessons change each day. Yet the teacher of God is sure of but one thing; they do not change at random. Seeing this and understanding that it is true, he rests content. He will be told all that his role should be, this day and every day. And those who share that role with him will find him, so they can learn the lessons for the day together. Not one is absent whom he needs; not one is sent without a learning goal already set, and one which can be learned that very day. For the advanced teacher of God, then, this question is superfluous. It has been asked and answered, and he keeps in constant contact with the Answer. He is set, and sees the road on which he walks stretch surely and smoothly before him.

Yesterday, and again this morning I feel the peace of knowing that I have a Purpose and that purpose does not need my help to be Itself. I am God’s Teacher. How would He have me be? Who would He have me see? What would God have me say? All I need to do is show up with a clear mind unencumbered by with a personal will. I can leave my lists behind. I can release my fear of forgetting something or making a mistake. God does not need my help with any of this. He needs only my desire to His Teacher.

What did that look like yesterday? I went to work. I saw my customers. I looked at my calendar to see who was next. I called ahead. When someone needed something I took care of their problems. I chatted with my customers. In other words, my day looked like any others.

How was it different? I had the thought that I didn’t need to be concerned that I was leaving late. My writing took longer than intended that morning, and I had a lot of customers to see, but I felt it would not be a problem. I trusted that writing as I felt prompted, and leaving when I felt prompted (rather than when my calendar said I needed to leave), was perfect. I didn’t need to know how that would work.

My first customer was going to be my most time consuming job, and when I called to let him know I was on my way, there was no answer. Problem solved. Without my help. I knew who I was supposed to see next, but I felt prompted to see someone else so I did that. He was on my calendar for another day but I trust that this was the person who needed to be in my life that day, right at that moment.

Every customer received my help and no one was left out. The day was beautiful and peaceful and happy. I got up very early and the day didn’t end until after 9:00. I was alert and unfazed by the long hours and enjoyed the evening meeting. People responded to me in a very positive way.

I had ego thoughts and when it happened I noticed how that felt. I responded in the way I felt to, and let them go without further attention. No guilt, for fear, no big deal.

The pain in my leg reminded me that pain is not real. I am in God; there is no pain in God; I cannot be feeling pain; it must not be real. In the past when something like that happened I felt fearful that I couldn’t handle this. I felt bad that I had the pain believing it to be some kind of punishment for wrong minded thinking. I felt hopeless when it didn’t go away. Yesterday I saw it as nothing appearing as something and trusted I would continue to receive its gift until I no longer needed it.

While I was at the meeting I felt the pull to join in gossip and political outrage that was going on around me. I noticed when I said something that was not part of my true purpose. I noticed how it felt. I stopped and moved on to something else. I didn’t feel bad or guilty. I didn’t feel any desire to berate myself for doing something wrong. I just didn’t want to do it anymore.

This is a very good way to live this life. I didn’t miss being in charge at all.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-28-12

Day 88
3 You who are sometimes sad and sometimes angry; who sometimes feel your just due is not given you, and your best efforts meet with lack of appreciation and even contempt; give up these foolish thoughts! They are too small and meaningless to occupy your holy mind an instant longer. God’s Judgment waits for you to set you free. What can the world hold out to you, regardless of your judgments on its gifts, that you would rather have? You will be judged, and judged in fairness and in honesty. There is no deceit in God. His promises are sure. Only remember that. His promises have guaranteed His Judgment, and His alone, will be accepted in the end. It is your function to make that end be soon. It is your, function to hold it to your heart, and offer it to all the world to keep it safe.

As I was reading Dying to Be Me and taking note of how fearful Anita was all of her life, I realized her fears mirrored mine. Until I read her words I never realized the extent of my fearful thinking. I have always been afraid of not measuring up, of not being accepted. I have been afraid of believing in myself and so have looked for someone else to be the authority. Now I see that I seem to be letting that go.

I notice that when I feel guided to speak truthfully to my children about my understanding, or when I think of them reading some of my writing, I don’t feel at all concerned about their opinion. That’s new for me. I noticed yesterday that I read something from an established Course teacher and knew in my heart that it did not resonate with me, and I didn’t question my understanding. I didn’t automatically feel defensive, or frightened that I could not trust my own understanding. That’s new for me.

More and more often I feel identified with my Self more than my self, and when this happens, I don’t feel immediately fearful nor feel the need to contract back into my small self again. I don’t feel the need to keep people from thinking I am being grandiose, and to keep their expectations for me smaller and more manageable. That’s new, too.

I am learning to trust God’s judgment, to know that I am still as He created me, to know that I am very holy. Anita says, in her book, that we are magnificent! Every time I think that word, magnificent, my heart opens to take it in. I feel the truth of that. I barely notice the fearful little ego voice warning me to be more humble. In the face of God’s judgment of me, I can laugh at the ego.

I feel so much gratitude for the study of the Manual for Teachers that I have been led to do, and for the Teachers for God that have been brought into my life. I feel grateful as I realize how my life unfolds effortlessly with each person, book, or practice that is given me at the moment I need it. I am grateful for the ease of it. I am grateful even when it feels hard, because I no longer doubt that this too will pass, and the truth will emerge in my mind unscathed by the ego attack.

I am particularly grateful for the many opportunities I have to share this journey and these insights. As I offer them to the world, I keep them safe in my heart.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-27-12

Day 87
2 Is this your judgment on yourself, teacher of God? Do you believe that this is wholly true? No; not yet, not yet. But this is still your goal; why you are here. It is your function to prepare yourself to hear this judgment and to recognize that it is true. One instant of complete belief in this, and you will go beyond belief to Certainty. One instant out of time can bring time’s end. Judge not, for you but judge yourself, and thus delay this Final Judgment. What is your judgment of the world, teacher of God? Have you yet learned to stand aside and hear the Voice of Judgment in yourself? Or do you still attempt to take His role from Him? Learn to be quiet, for His Voice is heard in stillness. And His Judgment comes to all who stand aside in quiet listening, and wait for Him.

And so I see that the Day of Judgment isn’t a specific day in time, but is the day I accept the truth that is always being spoken in my Heart. It is the day I stand aside from my own judgments so that I can hear the Voice for God declare me innocent. What seems to be happening right now is that I am looking at various projections of the guilt I still hold in my mind, and allowing the Holy Spirit to show me that I am not guilty for these, and neither is anyone else.

By doing this, by helping me to see that I am innocent of the sins I imagine, He is bringing me to the core of the guilt. I am learning to accept that all guilt, regardless of the form it takes, is really guilt for what has been called the original sin. When I imagined I could separate myself from God, I felt fear and guilt of a magnitude that I could not endure and so I pretended it wasn’t there. And ever since then I have been making stories to explain a guilt I refuse to acknowledge.

The Course has been telling me over and over in so many ways that I have never done anything wrong. God is not mad at me. I am completely loved. I am innocent. These words have begun to penetrate. I am open now to hearing them, and so I am being given more help in the form of books, teachers, and teaching opportunities.

I open my email, and there is a message from a teacher with exactly the next step which follows from the one before which came from a book I’d never heard of until I was directed to it. More help comes in my dreams. The entire universe is conspiring to help me awaken to the truth that I am innocent.

The closer I get to the truth, the harder the fear and guilt push against it, but instead of being a dense wall it is now a bank of clouds. I can see through it! I think of how perfectly I am being guided, step by step, and of the synchronicities that make this happen, and I have a moment of giddy delight, then the clouds and its dark again, but never as dark as it used to be. The clouds are so much thinner now.

I am fulfilling my function of preparing myself to hear God’s Final Judgment. I am listening to His Voice. I am looking at what I need to look at. I am watching my thoughts and asking for correction. I am reading the books, hearing the messages, delighting in the synchronicities. If you are looking at my life you would never guess the miracle that is taking place within. It looks much the same as it looked yesterday and the day before, but everything is changing.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-26-12

Day 86
15. IS EACH ONE TO BE JUDGED IN THE END?
1 Indeed, yes! No one can escape God’s Final Judgment. Who could flee forever from the truth? But the Final Judgment will not come until it is no longer associated with fear. One day each one will welcome it, and on that very day it will be given him. He will hear his sinlessness proclaimed around and around the world, setting it free as God’s Final Judgment on him is received. This is the Judgment in which salvation lies. This is the Judgment that will set him free. This is the Judgment in which all things are freed with him. Time pauses as eternity comes near, and silence lies across the world that everyone may hear this Judgment of the Son of God:

Holy are you, eternal, free and whole, at peace forever in the Heart of God. Where is the world, and where is sorrow now?

Jesus is describing a day of judgment that is very different than the one I learned about in church. He assures us that this day will come for each one of us, but it will not come until we are ready for it. It will not come until we can face it without fear.

It seems odd that we would have to let go of fear and prepare to be judged holy, eternal, free, whole, at peace and forever in the Heart of God. And yet, that is exactly what must happen. There is in us a deeply hidden reservoir of guilt, which expresses as anger, loss, depression, sickness, and death. This guilt and the fear that is part of it, prevent us from hearing, understanding and accepting God’s Final Judgment.

Sometimes I think about what will happen when I am unable to work. How will I live? Will my children be burdened by my care? Sometimes I feel fuzzy headed and then I wonder if I am going to get Alzheimer’s like my mom did. Is this how it started for her? I hear an ambulance and have a stab of fear as I wonder where my kids are.

These fears are the effect of not knowing that I am holy. I have been told that I am. The Course tells me over and over that I am very holy. It tells me that I am loved by God. It tells me that even in this world, it is I who rule my destiny. It is obvious from my life that I don’t believe these things. When Jesus tells me that I am the ruler of my mind, of my world, of my destiny, it feels more like a threat than a promise.

As long as I turn from my Self, and pretend that I cannot be that One, I will be afraid to accept God’s judgment, and God will not give me what I do not want.  So God’s Final Judgment waits on me to prepare myself to hear it.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-25-12

Day 85
5 The world will end in joy, because it is a place of sorrow. When joy has come, the purpose of the world has gone. The world will end in peace, because it is a place of war. When peace has come, what is the purpose of the world? The world will end in laughter, because it is a place of tears. Where there is laughter, who can longer weep? And only complete forgiveness brings all this to bless the world. In blessing it departs, for it will not end as it began. To turn hell into Heaven is the function of God’s teachers, for what they teach are lessons in which Heaven is reflected. And now sit down in true humility, and realize that all God would have you do you can do. Do not be arrogant and say you cannot learn His Own curriculum. His Word says otherwise. His Will be done. It cannot be otherwise. And be you thankful it is so.

It is our job to turn hell into Heaven. The world as we know it will end and will be replaced by a paradise where there is no sorrow, no war, no sadness at all. Jesus is being pretty firm with us here when he ends this section by basically telling us to sit down and think about what he is saying to us. We have a job to do and it is sheer arrogance on our part to say that we can’t do it. True humility is to accept our function as God has given it to us recognizing that He cannot be wrong about us or about the curriculum he has given us.

How do we accomplish our function? Through forgiveness. We forgive our beliefs that are not in alignment with this curriculum and all that is not truth will simply cease to exist. This is not hard. All we are doing is changing our minds about what we have decided to believe. We change our minds all the time. If it is hard to do, then it is because we don’t want to.

I have been thinking about what stands in my way of forgiveness. What is it that makes this change feel hard? One thing is that I think I am guilty. This makes me unworthy of happiness. Guilt also makes me think I am unworthy of God and of my true Self. So guilt is something that I must forgive. It is like a wall standing between me and Heaven. My modus operandi in the past has been to project the guilt onto someone else, but since I am now very aware that there is no one else, that will no longer work. I must forgive guilt where ever it appears.

The second block to my awareness of love’s presence is fear. Because I have all that guilt, I am afraid of God. I am afraid of giving up my self. Gary Renard used to do a guided meditation which ended with us disappearing into God, and that scared me to death. I found teachings that allowed me to believe that I didn’t really disappear, that my self retained its individualism even though it was part of something bigger, because I just couldn’t face Myron ceasing to exist.

I don’t know what it will be like to let go of self, but I do recognize there is still some fear of that happening. The fear is not as great as it used to be, but it is not completely gone. My mind is still split, one part believing in and protecting the individual self, and the other part knowing that there is no individual. I dwell more often now in the truth, but I hold onto the individual, just in case.

It’s like my closet. I lost weight and now wear a smaller size. I got rid of most of the older, larger clothes, but I held onto some of them, just in case. I am not fully committed to being a smaller size, so I am keeping my options open. This seems to be where I am with salvation. I’m mostly convinced that I want to return to God, but I’m holding onto my self, just in case. Keeping my options open just in case I need to scurry back into self.

Well, this won’t work. I know too much. I see too much. I can no longer hide my intentions from myself. It is time to make a full commitment. It is time to sit down and look at this. God has given me a curriculum. He has given me a function and a purpose. He has given me a way Home. It is simple and easy to do. All I have to do is put one foot in front of the other, and I have a dedicated Guide to keep my steps on the path.

When I am through writing this, I am going to my closet and tossing all the clothes that don’t fit. Holy Spirit, help me to be aware of every opportunity to practice forgiveness, and help me to see when my commitment flags so that I can renew it and strengthen it with your help.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 3-24-12

Day 84
4 The world will end when its thought system has been completely reversed. Until then, bits and pieces of its thinking will still seem sensible. The final lesson, which brings the ending of the world, cannot be grasped by those not yet prepared to leave the world and go beyond its tiny reach. What, then, is the function of the teacher of God in this concluding lesson? He need merely learn how to approach it; to be willing to go in its direction. He need merely trust that, if God’s Voice tells him it is a lesson he can learn, he can learn it. He does not judge it either as hard or easy. His Teacher points to it, and he trusts that He will show him how to learn it. 

I am becoming aware of how I still hold onto the bits and pieces of the illusion.  I am also aware of how the Holy Spirit is holding these parts up for me to see and is giving me a chance to make a different choice. Life is very exciting right now as I am meeting my lessons with less fear and more confidence that the Holy Spirit will direct me to lessons that I am ready to learn.

A couple of days ago I read about a book. I read about a lot of books and people often recommend certain books. Most of the time I never get around to them, but this time I immediately bought the book and began reading it. Its called, Dying to Be Me. Its about a woman’s struggle with cancer, her near death experience, and what she learned from that. It is an extraordinary book and one that Holy Spirit is using to bring me to my next lesson.

There are a number of truly helpful and encouraging things in that book, but the one that I am working with right now is letting go of fear. This was an important lesson for Anita, and the main reason she returned to life was to share this message. Since I have been reading her book I have become more aware of how much my life is driven by fear.

I am noticing how often I make decisions based on my fears, how often I set aside my joy and self-love out of fear. My Heart will guide me in a direction, then my head will warn me to deny that desire. The head is always saying, in one form or another, “Be afraid.”

I want to buy something, and the ego warns me that I will run out of money if I waste it. I have a pain in my leg, and the ego wonders if I have a blood clot, and if it will break loose and wind up blocking something and kill me. The mind doesn’t have all the details but remembers reading about this danger and so grabs hold of it and if I pay attention, soon the mind will have me at death’s door.

I want to go home and rest after a long week of work, but someone asks me to do something for them and I feel obligated. I do the favor, not out of love, but out of fear of being a bad person if I don’t. The Holy Spirit helps me to see that even as I ask Him for guidance that sometimes I do it with an attitude of martyrdom. I am asking with the fear that I will be asked to suffer, but I will do it because that is the right thing to do. There seems to be no part of my life that is entirely free of fear.

The mind sees this as scary too. It reasons that I can never be free of fear because it is all about me, and too much a part of me. It is afraid that I cannot do this and will just feel guilty for not succeeding. But this morning I am not influenced by the mind. I am listening to the Heart, which is joyful and knows that I am led only where I am ready to go. I don’t have to know how this pervasive sense of fear can be overcome. I only have to give my willingness, and my willingness is strong.

Today I have been given two things to do. The first is the allow myself to become aware of things that make me happy. I have been so focused on what I thought I should be doing for so long, that I can’t remember what it is that I want to be doing. The Holy Spirit is asking me to just allow this. He says to check in with my gut feeling rather than asking my mind.

The second thing I received is that I am to focus on the truth when fear arises. If I don’t feed fear with my attention it will starve to death. So that’s my job today. I am to be happy and not pay any attention to the thoughts that suggest things to be afraid of. I’m pretty sure I can do this.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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