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Study of Text, Chapter 12, VIII.the Attraction of Love for Love, P 5. 4-28-16

VIII. The Attraction of Love for Love, P 5
5 You have but to ask for this memory, and you will remember. Yet the memory of God cannot shine in a mind that has obliterated it and wants to keep it so. For the memory of God can dawn only in a mind that chooses to remember, and that has relinquished the insane desire to control reality. You who cannot even control yourself should hardly aspire to control the universe. But look upon what you have made of it, and rejoice that it is not so.

Journal
First Jesus tells us that we can have the memory of God simply by asking for it. Then he explains why we don’t have it. We obliterated that memory and we want to keep things the way they are. We want to keep our separate-self story going. We want to be that self and tell ourselves that we made this world and we control it.

That is what this is all about. I am Myron for better and for worse. I even take some kind of perverse pleasure in the worst, vying with my brothers to be more screwed up than them. Don’t try to tell me how perfect I am, I will just argue for my shortcomings, all the while trying to keep the world in balance as I secretly imagine that I am at least better than you.

I behold my kingdom and I strive daily to maintain this kingdom, to keep it going, to keep the drama and the comedy and the tragedies alive and active. Just ask me and I will tell you how to fix your problems and how the politicians should be doing their jobs. I will tell you the best way to deal with morning sickness and why it is we have more cancer now than in the past.

It doesn’t deter me at all that my advice changes by the day and sometimes by the hour. It doesn’t shake my belief that I am in control to see the whole world going to hell in a handbasket. I have a problem? I judge the problem and then I find solutions. You have a problem? I’ll do the same thing for you. Are you spiritual? My spiritual ego has the words to make my advice sound spiritual.

Everyone is my enemy but forewarned is forearmed, and I have many defenses at my disposal. I have spent my life collecting these defenses and learning how to wield them to best advantage. A sharp word here, a pretended humbleness there. I learned how to run away, how to divorce myself from my problems, how to hide from them and how to put them away and pretend they don’t exist. I learned very well, too well, how to project them onto someone else in an effort to be rid of them. I have learned to pretend that they are then gone.

All the world is a projection of yesterday and all the days before it. All the problems as I perceive them are past problems I have projected onto today. All the solutions are past solutions formed to look like something new and projected onto today. We know this deep inside and justify it by saying things like we need to study history so we don’t repeat it. Then we repeat it.

I am going to stop doing all this. I am going to stop using the ego mind to judge each situation and then, based that judgment, deciding what the solution must be. I am practicing doing it differently. Now I am asking the Holy Spirit to judge the situation first, and based on that judgment, I am allowing His solution to show itself to me.

I have begun to believe that in my defenselessness my safety lies. I am learning that when I defend myself I increase my fear. When my fear is greater, my defenses seem every more important. I feel like I need to defend against all this fear, and the belief in this fear calls for new and ever more elaborate defenses. And on and on the endless cycle goes. But I have invited in a higher power to overturn the ego’s regime and I am learning to look at the fears without defense and let them be undone for me.

I am learning to notice when my mind is in the past and then resting it in God. This is a baby step toward freedom from the illusion of separation and control, but it seems to be necessary that I start here. I cannot surrender this insane belief I can control the world until I stop bringing the past into the present, thus insuring the future will remain equally insane. I want a new, fresh present moment, and I want to be aware of it. So I have to get my head out of my… past.

I am becoming convinced that the world I made is not worth saving, that it has no value at all. I am becoming convinced that the self I made is worthless as well. All of it is without meaning of any kind, and completely without value. I am slowly and gently letting it go. What will the world look like without fear and guilt projected onto it? What will I look like without Myron projected onto me? How will I live in the world while I remain here? Who will I be, and how will I feel if not like Myron?

I don’t know the answer to these questions but I want to find out.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12, VIII.thew Attraction of Love for Love, P 4. 4-27-16

VIII. The Attraction of Love for Love, P 4

4 Because of your Father’s Love you can never forget Him, for no one can forget what God Himself placed in his memory. You can deny it, but you cannot lose it. A Voice will answer every question you ask, and a vision will correct the perception of everything you see. For what you have made invisible is the only truth, and what you have not heard is the only Answer. God would reunite you with yourself, and did not abandon you in your distress. You are waiting only for Him, and do not know it. Yet His memory shines in your mind and cannot be obliterated. It is no more past than future, being forever always.

Journal
The reason I cannot fail to return to reality is that the truth is in my mind where God placed it, and it cannot be obliterated. It is not God’s Will that it be unavailable to me. This feels very encouraging to me when I get caught up in the ego thinking and become confused. I can feel lost and helpless when this happens. But I know I can find my way back so I never feel hopeless. Sorry, Mulder. The truth is not out there; it is within.

I understand now that my every question and my every desire is answered. Sometimes I don’t recognize it as such, but that is because I become confused about the question. My desire is happiness and peace, and when I misjudge the situation, I might ask for something that will bring me distress. Here is an example.

I saw something that made me think that I had lost a customer. I was very upset and I kept thinking about what this would mean to me, the lost income, and the lost status. I thought about how unfair this was because I had done such a good job for this customer. I felt upset and discouraged. I did not feel like God’s precious child, loved and cherished and safe.

I felt this way because I had judged the situation. I saw something that made me think I probably lost a customer. Then I asked the ego to advise me as to what that meant. The ego’s judgment was that I was being unfairly treated, and that I was endangered by this customer. I was a victim to his unfairness. Because of my judgment of the situation, my question was, how do I defend myself? And of course, the ego has a lot of solutions that only make matters worse and that make me feel even more vulnerable.

Seeing this, I cancelled out that judgment. I said that I did not have a question after all, because I forgot what to decide. Then I decided differently. I chose to ask the Holy Spirit for His judgment instead. I made Him my adviser in this situation, rather than the ego. I completely surrendered the entire situation and all my thoughts about it to my Guide. The first thing that happened was that I felt peaceful about it.

Then I realized I needed to release the idea that I am unfairly treated and that I am a victim. What happened simply happened, and it is not bad or good. I don’t know what to do about it, if anything, but I am open in case there are directions for me to follow. I notice the ego trying to get my attention by offering me those I might blame, but in my surrender, I lost interest in defending myself. Without defense, my fear began to fall away.

My answer seems to be that I should do nothing. This is an answer that would have seemed woefully inadequate if I was still judging the situation with the ego. Now it seems to make perfect since. There is nothing for me to do right now and so I will not do anything. Will I save this account? I don’t know. When it is time to act, I will do so as guided.

I am content with that answer because I know something now that I was blind to when I was listening to ego. Keeping this person as a customer is not my goal. Being his savior is. I am his savior as I see him for the perfect divine self he is, and as I love him without expectations. As I accept my part as savior of the world, I am saved as well. I am at peace and it is a peace that cannot be disturbed by outward appearances.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VIII. The Attraction of Love for Love, P 3. 4-26-16

VIII. The Attraction of Love for Love, P 3

3 When you made visible what is not true, what is true became invisible to you. Yet it cannot be invisible in itself, for the Holy Spirit sees it with perfect clarity. It is invisible to you because you are looking at something else. Yet it is no more up to you to decide what is visible and what is invisible, than it is up to you to decide what reality is. What can be seen is what the Holy Spirit sees. The definition of reality is God’s, not yours. He created it, and He knows what it is. You who knew have forgotten, and unless He had given you a way to remember you would have condemned yourself to oblivion.

Journal
Holy moly, if God had not given us His Voice to remind us of the truth, we would be lost forever, we would have condemned ourselves to oblivion! As it is, we have hidden the truth from ourselves and think we have undone it. It is not up to us to decide on reality because we did not create it. Evidently, we can look away from it and see something else instead, and believe we have destroyed reality and made up our own, but reality is perfectly protected from our illusions.

The way we regain Heaven is to listen to the Voice for God. The Holy Spirit sees reality clearly and since the Holy Spirit is in our mind, we can learn to see it again as well. We are not lost because it is not God’s Will that His Son be lost. He has safeguarded us and kept our Self from harm. He has also given us the way to regain our memory and to return home.

This is why it is so important that we learn to hear the Holy Spirit. Jesus says that we can learn to hear only this Voice even here. This is why I sit with Spirit every morning and ask Him for His words, and why I ask all day long for His guidance. I don’t yet hear only His Voice, but I hear it more clearly as I make the decision for His Voice over and over again. He was given to us for us to hear Him, and to see with the same clarity as He sees.

There is no one who cannot learn to hear His Voice and all it takes is desire and practice. I hear His Voice as ideas and inspiration. I hear His Voice as thoughts that are not the thoughts I would think on my own. I hear His Voice when I step back and let Him answer, through me, a call for help. Sometimes, I hear His Voice through another as they say what it is I need to hear. I hear His Voice most clearly in the words that seem to write themselves on the page, and that is why I journal. But always, His Voice is available to me if only I am open to hear it.

The fact is that I must hear a voice. The choice I have is which voice I choose to listen to. I will choose an advisor and the advisor I choose will be either Holy Spirit or ego. I decide on nothing alone, because decision requires union. I am learning to choose to be in union with the Holy Spirit every time as I realize that not only do I not want to make decisions on my own, but that I cannot.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VIII. The Attraction of Love for Love, P 2. 4-25-16

VIII. The Attraction of Love for Love, P 2

2 God’s Son is as safe as his Father, for the Son knows his Father’s protection and cannot fear. His Father’s Love holds him in perfect peace, and needing nothing, he asks for nothing. Yet he is far from you whose Self he is, for you chose to attack him and he disappeared from your sight into his Father. He did not change, but you did. For a split mind and all its works were not created by the Father, and could not live in the knowledge of Him.

Journal
So I booted myself out of Heaven, separated myself from God and from my Self, and so lost my awareness of what I am and where I am. I see myself as a body in a world of form with lots of problems and many solutions that never actually solve anything. And to make matters more confusing, I don’t remember doing this and on top of that, I believe in what I made. There is a belief that I am not fully aware of, but that affects me, and that belief is that I did something monumentally wrong and I am guilty.

What a mess! But there is a solution that does work. There is an answer to all of this and it is in the mind that made the problem as it appears to me. The solution is in the mind right next to the perceived problem. I can choose the answer as easily as I chose the problem and I will. The question is, when will I make that choice? I can take time, and in fact I can take all the time I can stand. But all this time I suffer, and sometimes, terribly.

I feel the draw toward awakening. I am tired of suffering and the desire not to suffer is the first step toward the door that leads out of the dream state of separation. I feel the draw of Love and that is a giant step forward. I have the key in my hand. I have been throwing off the encumbrances that seem to hold me back. I do this through forgiveness. I forgive and forgive and forgive. As I begin to lighten this load of false beliefs through forgiveness, I feel more confident that I can let this tiny mad idea go and return to Reality.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VIII. The Attraction of Love for Love, P 1. 4-23-16

VIII. The Attraction of Love for Love
1 Do you really believe that you can kill the Son of God? The Father has hidden His Son safely within Himself, and kept him far away from your destructive thoughts, but you know neither the Father nor the Son because of them. You attack the real world every day and every hour and minute, and yet you are surprised that you cannot see it. If you seek love in order to attack it, you will never find it. For if love is sharing, how can you find it except through itself? Offer it and it will come to you, because it is drawn to itself. But offer attack and love will remain hidden, for it can live only in peace.

Journal
How is it that I attack the real world every day, every hour, every minute? First I realize that the real world is love and love is sharing. Then I realize what is opposite to that. Attack in any form is not love and not sharing, and though attack does not destroy reality, it keeps reality from my awareness. I cannot lose God and Self, but I can be unaware of God and Self and it is as if I have lost it.

I am eternal and perfect and joy and peace. I do not have these things; I am these things. I am divine in my nature. I am one with all things, I am part of God, I am safe, I am complete. I have chosen against my true nature to the point that I have lost any memory of what I am and live as if I am something completely opposite of that, and so I suffer. But I am beginning to awaken from this dream of separation.

I began this awakening process as I learned to recognize attack and decide against it. It is odd I had to learn to recognize something so far from my true nature, but I had become so accustomed to living in fear, and so my life as I experienced it seemed natural and necessary. I felt I had to defend myself and one defends only through attack.

Here is what I discovered. When I am angry that is an attack. It is an attack on my true nature which is love. It doesn’t matter what triggered the attack thoughts and feelings. Blame, cause, and justification are completely irrelevant. Only that I am angry and anger keeps me in hell, matters.

I can choose to release anger and ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of the belief it has any value to me at all. I can do this in spite of circumstances. I simply desire to be free and if the desire to be free is greater than the desire to build my defenses by feeding my anger, then it is done. It requires only trust in Jesus, in God.

As Jesus tells us, we don’t have to believe what he says or even understand it. We only need to trust enough to do it. I can muster that much trust. After all, what do I have to lose? When I am free of anger, I am free of what kept me from love. Letting anger go, I become aware of love, and love naturally shares itself. It flows from me to everyone. As it does so it is reinforced in my own mind. As I give, I receive.

This is as true of guilt, whether directed inward or outward. It is as true of depression, jealousy, spite, fear, lack, and loss. These all seem different, with different causes and different effects, but they are all the same. They are the same because they are not love and are attack. They attack reality. They attack the Son. They attack the Father. And each one, as it appears in its special form, can be denied as easily. True denial is very powerful because it is a return to reality.

It requires only that we be vigilant for what is an attack on God, and that we be willing to receive healing. Our part is simple and not hard to do. It may feel hard as we resist it, but if we stay persistent we receive much support and our continued success will motivate us further. Jesus said that we can do anything he asks of us.

When my resistance is strong, I find it helpful to remind myself of this.
In the beginning, I was deeply discouraged by my level of resistance, but then I came to understand that it is not that I am lazy or that this is too much for me, but only that I did not believe I was worthy of this level of effort or this lofty goal, much less its conclusion.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VII. Looking Within, P 15. 4-22-16

VII. Looking Within, P 15
15 When you are tempted to yield to the desire for death, remember that I did not die. You will realize that this is true when you look within and see me. Would I have overcome death for myself alone? And would eternal life have been given me of the Father unless He had also given it to you? When you learn to make me manifest, you will never see death. For you will have looked upon the deathless in yourself, and you will see only the eternal as you look out upon a world that cannot die.

Journal
Death is not real and we do not have to die. In fact, since it is not real we do not die, but we believe in it and so we have that experience. And yet, Jesus did not die. He says we will believe that when we look within and see him. Of course he doesn’t mean look within the brain, the little self, the separate self. I don’t look within Myron to find Jesus. I look within the mind to find the Christ. It is there right behind all the ego beliefs. 

Right now there are still a lot of the ego beliefs in my mind and they are what manifests in my life. However, that is not all that is in my mind. Christ is in my mind, and as many of those ego thoughts have fallen away the Christ manifests, and I see a life more peaceful and happier. 

So I continue the work I do as I look at my life to see what needs to be released and then ask the Holy Spirit to heal the beliefs that are the source of the remaining darkness. It is in this way that we begin to become aware of the Christ within. And as we do this, we make It manifest in the world and there will come a time when we will not manifest even an appearance of death because we will know our eternal nature.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VII. Looking Within, P 14. 4-21-16

VII. Looking Within, P 14
14 The ego is not a traitor to God, to Whom treachery is impossible. But it is a traitor to you who believe that you have been treacherous to your Father. That is why the undoing of guilt is an essential part of the Holy Spirit’s teaching. For as long as you feel guilty you are listening to the voice of the ego, which tells you that you have been treacherous to God and therefore deserve death. You will think that death comes from God and not from the ego because, by confusing yourself with the ego, you believe that you want death. And from what you want God does not save you.

Journal
The ego thought system is built on guilt and without guilt it has no foundation on which to stand. So the lesson is always one that leads us to understand that guilt is not real and we are innocent. With that healing the mind will naturally turn to God. It is only the belief that we have somehow betrayed God that keeps us clinging to this illusion.

We believe we have been treacherous to God and therefore deserve death. God will not save us from what we want, so we must change our minds about what we want. That is our only function here. We must accept the Atonement for ourselves. All that means is that we forgive the idea that the Son of God is guilty for anything. We remember that we are innocent.

For awhile we do this one guilty thought at a time, coming to understand that it does not matter if we see ourselves as guilty or the other one as guilty. The ego thought system says that we are guilty but that we can get rid of the guilt by seeing it elsewhere. The Holy Spirit is showing us that trying to get rid of guilt is what convinces us that guilt is real and frightening.

To be healed is to know that guilt is all smoke and mirrors. It is nothing made to appear threatening. It is a prison we made to keep our brothers separate from us and to keep ourselves separate from God. All that it takes to be free from this prison is to want to be free. In our desire for freedom we receive freedom. But we must desire it for everyone. We must free all of our brothers if we want to be free.

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