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Gentle Healing Journal Day 7

Journal for Day 7
LESSON 7
I see only the past.

I had a strange reaction to this lesson. As I looked at each thing that caught my attention and reminded myself that I see only the past in it, I watched a quick slideshow of images from the past. I look at my battered copy of NTI and I see myself at Regina’s house at the dining table sharing a meal with her and Jasmine and Danielle. I see a group sitting in her living room, read from NTI and discussing a passage.

I look at my calculator and I see images from the past, working with calculators. I see myself sitting in my mom’s accounting office, adding columns of numbers, talking to her once in a while. I see my string of Buddhist flags and my mind fills with images of the woman who gave them to me, especially being at her house with guests who have come to see her ordained.
It went like this for a while, but I also noticed that there was an emotional reaction that came to a head when I looked at my hands and saw images from the past. Holding my baby, cooking for my family, fumbling with tools for some little project, handing my welder his stick and then looking away as he applied it to the metal. So many memories in only an instant of time. But that wasn’t really the surprise.
The surprise was the emotion attached to these images. I felt like crying.

What is that about, Jesus?

Jesus: Endings. You see the past as if it is still there, a long carpet rolled out behind you, and you are sad that it is coming to an end. You are sad that you didn’t do more with the time you had, enjoyed it more, made more of a difference, made fewer mistakes. The past breaks your heart, and yet, you cling to it as if it were the treasure your heart longs to keep.

This is why you keep it before your eyes; you don’t want to let it go. But, dearest Sister, in so doing, you are repeating the same mistake. Tomorrow, you will look back on today and wonder where it all went. You will list the things you did to convince yourself that life happened, but you will not succeed. You will feel a sense of loss, just as you do now because you are not living life. Instead, you are constantly reviewing the past.

That is why I have given you these lessons and led you to them. I want you to love your life, not pass it by while you dream of the past. Do these lessons again. Do them with dedication and devotion and in joy. Forget about every other time you have done them. Revel in this moment only. You will be delighted at the discovery you will make. Thank you for asking me.

NTI
Luke 17
I think that Luke 17 is my favorite so far. I did study NTI for months, but it was a good while ago and I had forgotten how simple and easy to read it is.
Luke 17 begins by reminding us of what we learned in 16. He reminds us that judgment is what makes thoughts seem real and that believing these thoughts we use them to decide the meaning of everything.

Here is a paragraph I underlined.
“Based on God’s law, the Spirit of God is one. There is no separate one that can offend or hurt you. There is only a collection of thoughts, which you hold within your mind. Of themselves, the thoughts have no meaning. And so you feel offended or hurt based on what you think you know.”

As I read that paragraph, I think of Byron Katie’s counsel to question our thoughts. I think I know what something means and that assumption is based on past learning that might be true and might not. Almost without thinking about it these days, I question my beliefs; is that true, am I sure it is true. Just asking myself the question reminds me that these thoughts in my mind are meaningless and that I give them all the meaning they have for me and most importantly, I can change that meaning.

Now here is another really good part.

“So what is forgiveness? Forgiveness is simply an acknowledgment of the truth of how the offense or hurt has come about. It has not come from your brother. It has come from the meaning you have applied to thoughts within your mind. Without this meaning, you could not be hurt.”

The Holy Spirit follows up this excellent definition of forgiveness with this advice:

“And the, forgiveness is taking this realization one step further by acknowledging you do not want to be hurt anymore. You acknowledge that the meaning that has hurt you is within the mind. You are the owner or believer in that meaning, and so you are also the one that can let go of any meaning you have applied. And when the meaning is let go, the offense or hurt must disappear also. What was made has been undone.”

This makes forgiveness so easy to understand. This is why I never look for the offender outside me. I, instead, turn inward and look at the thoughts in the mind that I have interpreted with the ego mind. I then ask the Holy Spirit to show me another way to see this. ACIM, C 30, Rules for Decision has an excellent process for when this seems hard to do.

I’m sure that I am not the only one who has asked (perhaps with some discouragement) when will my perceptions be healed? The Holy Spirit gives an interesting answer to this question. He says that healing is not a matter of when, not a matter of time at all, but it is a matter of willingness.

“Forget about time and the future. Focus on now and the thoughts that are in your mind now. Lay aside resistance now. Dismiss meaningless thoughts now. Focus on your willingness and nurture gratitude for being. This is the process that brings about the healing of misperception, and it is a process of now.”

“The kingdom of God is with you now. Do not let yourself be distracted away from it.”

Clearly, this is not hard to understand nor hard to do. It does require vigilance, dedication, and devotion. I am happy to give all of that. What else is there to do that means anything in this world?

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Manual for Teachers: 13. WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF SACRIFICE? P4. 8-22-18

13. WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF SACRIFICE? P 4
4 God’s teachers can have no regret on giving up the pleasures of the world. Is it a sacrifice to give up pain? Does an adult resent the giving up of children’s toys? Does one whose vision has already glimpsed the face of Christ look back with longing on a slaughter house? No one who has escaped the world and all its ills looks back on it with condemnation. Yet he must rejoice that he is free of all the sacrifice its values would demand of him. To them he sacrifices all his peace. To them he sacrifices all his freedom. And to possess them must he sacrifice his hope of Heaven and remembrance of his Father’s Love. Who in his sane mind chooses nothing as a substitute for everything?

Journal
I cannot say how I will feel when I have completely given up all value of the world, but as I have some experience with this, I can extrapolate from that success and say that I believe what Jesus says here. I am not angry that we made the world or that we chose to have this experience. I don’t even regret it. I am ready to be through with it, but I don’t condemn it or any of those who are still interested in it.

But nor do I regret any part of it that I have given up already. I used to take great pleasure in winning. I loved competitive games. I enjoyed being better than others at my job. My last job was in sales, which is very competitive. It was a perfect job for someone like I was, and it was a perfect job to discover that winning didn’t have any real value and that it didn’t really make me happy. I don’t miss competing or winning at all.

When I began to do my job solely with a focus on being helpful, I enjoyed it more and so much of the stress fell away. It did not happen all at once and I had to work at it, but it was worth it. Work helped me to let go of other things I used to value, like projecting guilt. I used to think that finding someone to be guilty instead of me was quite literally my salvation. Now, I just notice the old habit trying to reestablish itself and I choose again. There is no value in guilt. Taking responsibility and making different choices is far better.

I can enjoy standing on the shore of a beach and listening to the surf. I can enjoy good music that stirs my soul. I can enjoy trees and the green of the grass and the vibrant colors of my zinnias, and at the same time, I can enjoy the stark beauty of the desert earth colors. I like movies and vacations and family gatherings and all manner of beauty in the world. And yet, I would not hold onto any of it. I suspect that there is something far more beautiful than what my eyes show me and that it is just waiting to be known.

Special relationships are maybe the most convincing prize the ego offers, and it is the one that still compels my attention. It is one of the few things that can draw me into the ego story so deeply that I still have trouble resisting. But even that fails to keep my attention completely, and, always, eventually, I turn from this false happiness. I remember that I can have a holy relationship instead and that it is the only kind of relationship I want. The relinquishing of the special relationship is not the sacrifice the ego claims it to be.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Text, C 15: X. The Time of Rebirth, P 1. 8-14-18

X. The Time of Rebirth, P 1
1 It is in your power, in time, to delay the perfect union of the Father and the Son. For in this world, the attraction of guilt does stand between them. Neither time nor season means anything in eternity. But here it is the Holy Spirit’s function to use them both, though not as the ego uses them. This is the season when you would celebrate my birth into the world. Yet you know not how to do it. Let the Holy Spirit teach you, and let me celebrate your birth through Him. The only gift I can accept of you is the gift I gave to you. Release me as I choose your own release. The time of Christ we celebrate together, for it has no meaning if we are apart.

Journal
Jesus is not free until we are, so we have the power to release him as we accept release for ourselves. This moment of release can be now or later. Why do we wait? Jesus says that it is the attraction of guilt. I saw the attraction of guilt in my own mind just this morning. I read something on Facebook posted by a friend. I didn’t like what I read and I felt irritated with her.

I asked myself why it was that I was irritated and I followed the thought to its root cause. As always when I do this, it was not about the other person at all. It was my own thoughts that were the cause of the perception I was holding about her. What I also noticed is that my irritation with her was another way of saying that I think she is guilty for what she wrote. So there is the guilt that Jesus was talking about.

I was strongly attracted to guilt in this case. I had noticed the same irritation before and thought I had released it, only to have it show up again today. The attraction to guilt is like the attraction of metal to a magnet. But like the metal that has been pulled to the magnet, guilt can be removed and as the magnet can be put away, the belief in guilt can be released.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Manual for Teachers: 13. WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF SACRIFICE? P3. 8-13-18

13. WHAT IS THE REAL MEANING OF SACRIFICE? P 3
3 Once this confusion has occurred, it becomes impossible for the mind to understand that all the “pleasures” of the world are nothing. But what a sacrifice,-and it is sacrifice indeed!-all this entails. Now has the mind condemned itself to seek without finding; to be forever dissatisfied and discontented; to know not what it really wants to find. Who can escape this self-condemnation? Only through God’s Word could this be possible. For self-condemnation is a decision about identity, and no one doubts what he believes he is. He can doubt all things, but never this.

Journal
An example of a “pleasure” that I have valued and allowed to define me is the special relationship. The only enduring special relationship I have ever had is with my children. Even though I had considered myself a failure in many ways as a mom, my children persist in loving me and thinking well of me; I think even liking me. And yet, I have never felt secure in these relationships and since I value them above all else, I have gone to great lengths to keep them in place.

As I look at these relationships with the Holy Spirit I see that I have used bribery, sacrifice, martyrdom, guilt, and fear to bind my children to me. I remember when my youngest child graduated from college and moved away, I felt bereft, adrift and anxious. When a very short time later he needed my financial assistance I remember the flood of relief that came over me. That was my first clue that something was seriously sick in this relationship. But it would be a long time before I was able to look at my thoughts without judgment and allow the Holy Spirit to help me see what was going on.

Because I believed that I could not be happy without the special relationships in my life, I condemned myself to misery. Special relationships are inherently guilt driven and destined to fail. What will not fail is the certainty that if I continue to hold onto the specialness in a relationship I will never experience real love, and if I don’t know Love, I will not know my Self. I fully understand the fear of letting go of special love because it seems to be all that I have ever known and yet, holding onto the specialness is what prevents me from knowing Love.

I have grasped these relationships so tightly and for so long that it has taken me a very long time to let them go. I am still letting go, but now it is easier because I see that the specialness I thought was precious was actually painful. It defined me in ways that diminished me, and in my desperation to hold onto it, I tried to teach those I loved that they were needy too. Specialness defines me as separate from others and holds that belief in place. I believed in this definition of myself until I began to accept the Word of God through His Voice. Through the healing of my mind, I am letting go of my definition of my self and accepting His definition instead.

Today I have a much healthier relationship with my children. I don’t know if they have even noticed a difference because the change had nothing to do with them, as it was all about me. I slowly, through vigilant mindfulness, watched my thoughts about these special relationships and accepted healing where I could. There is less pain now, less neediness, and more actual love. It is an ongoing project but I have no doubt of the outcome because I am not alone. The Holy Spirit works with me and guarantees my success. It is not the Will of God that I suffer.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 6

Journal for Day 6
LESSON 6
I am upset because I see something that is not there.

Yesterday when I was thinking of my daughter and granddaughter and worrying about them, I saw that I was not upset for the reason I thought. Jesus helped me get to the root cause of the upset and that was very helpful. Today, as I apply this same problem to this lesson I see that I had been anxious for my daughter and granddaughter because I was seeing something that was not there.

On one level, I was seeing a story long over, as Jesus points out, an ancient memory that I held before my eyes. (T 26, V) On another level, I was seeing danger where there was none. I had to look into a non-existent future to find the danger. I had to look into an ancient past that existed nowhere but in my memory in order to find the reason for my fear.

In the moment we were together, absolutely nothing was happening except a lot of fun and a lot of love. It was marred only by thoughts in my mind. So really, I was upset by thoughts in my mind, not anything happening. Well, jeez. The bad news is that I did it to myself. The good news is that I did it so myself. Having given it to the Holy Spirit for healing, I can rest easy now.

NTI Luke 16 continued
I read the second part of this chapter. It is very much telling us what the lessons are saying. All experience is really only thought and thought is meaningless until we give it meaning. We think that we are focused on the world, that is, we are living in a body in the world.

We think that we either know what it means or that we can figure it out. So much seems to be happening and we have so much to do. But the joke’s on us. There is no world out there to focus on or interpret or act upon. There is only thought in the mind.

On another level this can be seen as meaning that whatever we see or experience in the world is filtered through our beliefs. So nothing we believe about the world means anything. After all, where did our beliefs come from? Do they stay the same or do they change all the time? How real can they be if they are not stable?

For instance, there is a generally agreed upon law that prohibits murder, and yet, the very government that enforces that law commits murder when they decide the person deserves to be murdered. So we have all these beliefs and we judge what we experience according to our belief, not even the belief, but our present interpretation of the belief. We are constantly focused on our thoughts, constantly interpreting, constantly choosing the perception we prefer.

Or we can become aware of our tendency to judge and stop ourselves. We can rest the thinking mind instead of listening to it and believing what we find there. In that rest, we can allow the truth to become known to us, or perhaps it is true perception that is revealed. But whichever it is, the interpretation is given us rather than coming through the filter of our beliefs. What will we see then, I wonder. I know the mind would finally be calm and we would experience stability for the first time.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 5

Journal for Day 5
Lesson 5
I am never upset for the reason I think.

There are no small upsets. They are all equally disturbing to my peace of mind.
At first, I thought I only had a couple of upsets in my life, but then I read that there are no small upsets. Oh yeah, I forgot about that. This is a world of division where we separate everything into categories such as big and small. But any upset disturbs my peace so all upsets are equal. I, of course, first think of the ones that feel most disturbing to me. Someone dear to me suffers from depression and is often suicidal. It scares me and breaks my heart. But, I am not afraid and sad for the reason I think.

Then the seemingly smaller upsets began to surface in my mind. I visited my daughter yesterday and as usual, I felt nervous about my granddaughter climbing the stairs and stumbling over something on the floor. I hate that I react to those fears that she will hurt herself. I know this makes my daughter uncomfortable, and really, it is like I am telling her that she is not a good mother. I really want to stop. I really want to give this fear to the Holy Spirit. I know it comes from my own memories of things I did wrong when my kids were little and some remaining guilt about that. I am not worried about my granddaughter for the reason I think.

Jesus, how do I stop being afraid for my granddaughter?

Jesus: You are really afraid for your daughter. You have suffered so much guilt from your perceived parenting mistakes that you are terrified your precious daughter will suffer the same thing. Your mind is mired in the past and in guilt and it holds you in place. Remember that this is only an ancient memory you hold before your eyes. Step back from the story a little and you will see what it is for. As you step back you can free yourself from fear enough to see that you are experiencing this story for a purpose. Do you see what it is for?

Me: Well, I see that guilt and fear make for a very miserable life and that I no longer want to keep this story alive with my desire to experience it. I want to forgive myself and the beliefs that perpetuate the fear and guilt.

Jesus: Yes, exactly. You simply forgot your purpose and when you did, the story became your focus, and the story is one of fear and guilt as it often is in the separation stories. Remember that your only function is to accept the Atonement for yourself. This ultimate forgiveness will bless you and all the world with you.
Your daughter and your granddaughter will receive the blessing. Your son will receive the blessing. Your heart will lighten and you will remember the truth about them and this will bless them. You will lighten all of the Sonship with your holiness as you remember your purpose, and fear and guilt will fall away.

Me: Ok, thanks. I know this but there are times I forget. I accept the Atonement for myself. I forgive myself for my apparent past errors and I forgive myself for projecting them onto others and bringing them forward in some unending hellish desire to keep the guilt and fear. I cannot undo this alone, but I know I don’t have to. I give all of this to the Holy Spirit and leave it with Him. I accept His healing.

Oh well, as it turns out, that wasn’t one of the “little” problems. LOL.

August 1, 2018 Daily Quote
“I don’t know who I am” is a helpful response to any thought that tries to define who you are. Definitions are closed and limiting. “I don’t know” opens to potential and discovery. “I don’t know who I am” is a statement that facilitates Self-discovery, because it is a statement that dissolves the idea that definitions are fact.
~ Thoughts of Awakening

I fully accept that I don’t know who I am and it makes me tingle with anticipation knowing that I am going to discover the answer to that. I am not interested in trying to think this out. I know that is not how I find the answer. It seems I am to let go of what cannot be in my true nature as a part of God and that my true Self will just naturally reveal itself to me. Perhaps. Because, of course, I don’t really know. I am certain, though, that I will not know whom I am until I stop believing that I already know, and that the limiting beliefs about myself are true and define me.

NTI
Luke 16
This was a perfect reading for this morning. He talks about confusion and worry and reminds us that if we feel these things we are not listening to Him. He reminds us that we are always choosing between willingness and resistance. Sometimes that is hard to see. This morning when I was talking to Jesus about my fear and guilt, I felt like I wanted to be free but clearly, I was holding onto that which entraps me. My wanting seemed genuine, but my holding onto was resistance.

Then He talked about right and wrong. I felt guilty so that means I was judging and finding myself wrong. He said, “Have I not asked you to lay aside judgment?” Oops.
The next part I read this morning was a helpful reminder. He talked about our thoughts. He said that always, in everything we seem to do, we are choosing among thoughts within our mind. I see that I was making the mistake of focusing on the world just as Jesus told me. I need to focus on the thoughts that are causing the world if I want to return to peace.

The Holy Spirit reminded me in Luke of another thing that became clear this morning when I was talking to Jesus. He said this: Let me tell you that of yourself, you cannot stop judgment by the law that has been believed within your mind. That is because you chose to believe this law, and so the law is your desire. In order to have the law erased from your mind, you must give your willingness that it be erased.

This is the same thing ACIM tells us. It says that we cannot do this ourselves. It says that the Holy Spirit will remove from our mind the thought that we don’t want. This is the one thing I don’t forget. I have proven over and over that I cannot heal myself, but that if I truly want to be healed, it will be done for me.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 4

Journal for Day 4
Lesson 4

These thoughts do not mean anything. They are like the things I see…

After doing the lesson this morning, I thought about the purpose of the lesson. The reason this lesson is so important is that we generally think of our thoughts as not only meaningful and deserving of our attention and sometimes action. We also think we are our thoughts, that they define us and make us different than others who don’t have our thoughts. They are our secret, something we share with special people, if at all.

We are learning that the thoughts in our mind are none of that. They are not special at all and don’t even belong to us. They are just thoughts within the consciousness that we want to have as our own. They are not us and not secrets, though we all agree to pretend they are. It is important to know that these thoughts, good or bad are meaningless though that does not mean they are powerless. Far from it.

These thoughts are not in us and they do not define us. I can be without thought and nothing happens to me, as we have seen from contemplating the daily thought. I think and I exist. I don’t think and I exist. Clearly, I am, and thoughts just come and go. If I continue to believe that thoughts are part of me and important to me I will not be willing to question them and certainly will not be willing to release them.

July 31, 2018, Daily Quote

Expansion is the realization of truth over illusion. It is the putting aside of limits, which never existed. It is seeing beyond false identity into the unknown and ungraspable, which is you. You are not to be controlled or limited, not even by you. You are to be discovered, and discovery happens through allowing the mystery.

~ Thoughts of Awakening

How exciting this thought that I am discovering myself! This is so much more fun than the thought that I am something broken that must be fixed. I wish I had this perspective much earlier in this lifetime. Maybe that is why we keep coming back to the stories, thinking that this time we will unearth more and do it more quickly and have more fun doing it.

I suppose, though, that those years of seeking blindly were an essential part in the process. Experiencing the limits I had placed on myself was the motivation to probe the mystery. When I think of my life in these terms, I see how everything was absolutely perfect. Instead of seeing it as a series of mistakes for which I am guilty, I see it as an adventure into self-discovery.

I have spent a long time looking at false beliefs and their effects and recognizing all that I am not. Now I embark on a different phase of the journey in which I determine what is me. I may need to be reminded of this from time to time. These stories are compelling in their drama and beauty. I don’t want to lose sight of my purpose in this experience of mine.

Tips from Regina Dawn Akers

The brain is reprogrammed as attention’s misidentification with thought is healed. There are some things we can do to assist in the reprogramming of the brain.

An open-heart increases efficacy. Examples of an open heart are:

Have a positive spiritual aspiration or purpose. For example, one may want to see with the eyes of God or know Love as the only reality. Note: If your goal has a negative focus such as, “I want to stop suffering,” consider a positive focus that feels genuine and authentic for you. For example, you may want freedom, happiness or lightness. A positive goal is much more effective than a negative goal because attention is focused on the ideas stated in your goal. It is much better to have attention focused on the idea of freedom or lightness than it is to have attention focused on the idea of suffering.

Maintain a sense of well-being. One way to maintain a sense of well-being when the crap is coming up is to remember that the thought-stream or emotion is coming into awareness because you want to heal. Remembering that healing is what you want is extremely helpful.

Trust that healing is occurring.

Repetition & practice with new programming. Examples of new programming include resting the mind, remembering the daily lesson, thinking about your spiritual aspiration, etc.
For example, imagine yourself resting the mind, imagine yourself remembering to do the workbook lessons, imagine yourself wanting awakening/truth more than anything else, etc. The brain cannot tell the difference between something real and something imagined. Research shows that anytime you are thinking (including imagining) you are engaged in conditioning neural pathways.

Meditation is concentrated rest away from mental activity. Therefore, it gives clear awareness ample time to heal the mind.

Observe/watch old programming without feeding it. Be aware of it, but don’t believe it and don’t fight against it. As you observe old programming in action, watch with a sense of curiosity. Become familiar with your triggers. For example, you might watch old programming to discover what it feels like in your body just before an old neural pathway begins to fire. (e.g., What happens in me just before I scream at my daughter?)

Discover how you can stay motivated to stick with gentle healing because you want to. Healing is an authentic journey for you when you are aware that you are on this journey because you want to be here.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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