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Gentle Healing Journal Day 55 11-21-18

Journal for Day 55
LESSON 51

Nothing I see means anything.

It doesn’t mean anything because when I use my eyes, I am not seeing anything that actually exists. They are showing me images made from my thoughts, images that represent what I want to see into existence, and failing this, that I want to believe exists. It’s a hopeless cause, this image making, but it is what I have made in the place of true vision and that is the reason I am ready to know the world I see does not exist. I want to see what does exist and I can’t see them both at the same time.

I have given what I see all the meaning it has for me.

In an effort to give reality to my illusions, I use judgment. I look on what I made and decide what it means and so the illusion seems to take on life. But the judgments are as unreal as the hallucination and so nothing is created, only made. Nothing I see exists in spite of the layer after layer of judgment that I hope will validate what I have done, or at least obscure its lack of reality. But all I am doing is hurting myself.

I do not understand anything I see.

Oh my God, how could I understand anything I see? I have made images of untrue thoughts and using invalid judgments have attempted to give meaning to what does not actually exist. All that I am seeing are my mistaken thoughts. I waste my time if I try to make sense of the world I have thought up. Instead, I intend to keep my focus on simply releasing what is nonsensical for the beauty and glory of reality. I choose to recognize the beliefs that are in error and release them so that I can see what is actually true.

These thoughts do not mean anything.

The reason my thoughts don’t mean anything is that they are not my real thoughts. It is as if I have made a little room in my mind in which I pretend to think outside God and all that I see is the result of these non-thoughts. In this isolated room, I have convinced myself that I created a whole world of my own while God wasn’t looking and He is not part of it. As long as I believe this fairy tale, I have cut myself off from my true thoughts, the thoughts I think with God. This game has lost its glamour and I am no longer satisfied with it. In fact, I wonder if I have driven myself insane trying to obscure reality with my judgments. If so, I have found the strength of God in me that is allowing me to return to sanity.

I am never upset for the reason I think.

Ever since I have made this little world in my mind, I have spent each moment, day and night, trying to keep it going, trying to defend it. Lie after lie must be justified, and attacks seem warranted under the circumstances. Everyone is my enemy eventually, even those who are so very special to me, maybe especially those.

I seem to be embattled on all fronts. Someone wants my money, people make me sick with their contagions, politicians make foolish decisions and I am hurt by them. There are wars and threats of wars, hurricanes, and all sorts of natural disasters. Relationships fall apart and leave me feeling alone and betrayed. It is all someone’s fault, something done to me by someone else. They are the reason I am upset.

And yet, how could that be? This is my world, made by me. How could something happen that is not my desire? I have learned that no one hurts me but me and that I do it in defense of an insane thought system, which is my real problem. It is this thought system that is the cause of my upset and I am more than willing, anxious even, to let it go in favor of reality. There is nothing of it worth keeping.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 54 11-20-18

Journal for Day 54
LESSON 50
I am sustained by the Love of God.

It appears that I have placed my faith in some insane symbols, pills, doctors, and a whole slew of medical professions, tests, and surgery. And to a point, I have, but not really. My faith is in the Love of God. Or said another way, my faith is in the Love that is God. I have faith that I am in the right place doing the right thing. I have faith that all my many helpers both embodied and in spirit surround and keep me. I have faith that angels hover all about, protecting my mind from any dark thoughts that would enter my mind.

I don’t see this help as keeping me alive or even having a successful surgery. I see this situation as another way that I ready myself for awakening and that I help the entire Sonship to awaken as I bring each fear thought, each attack thought to the Holy Spirit for healing. I see it helping us all wake up as I use the doctor and hospital visits to uplift and love those around me. So even though this upcoming surgery seems like a major drama in the life of Myron, it is really just one more step toward enlightenment for the Sonship.

Regina’s Tips

One error that creeps into the minds of many spiritual students is “magical thinking.” Magical thinking is believing that spiritual practice protects us and makes us happy by correcting the things in the world that we think need correcting. This error is fairly common and is fiercely protected by the ego, so it isn’t always easily let go.

Everything that is born will die. Each one of us does well to accept this fact. When we accept that the body-personalities that we perceive ourselves to be are temporary and can end at anytime, we are ready to seek for our eternal Self. Our eternal Self is beyond everything temporary and is affected by none of it. The realization of our eternal Self as our truth is ‘salvation’, ‘awakening’, and ‘eternal life’.

“Only the Love of God will protect you in all circumstances. It will lift you out of every trial, and raise you high above all perceived dangers of this world into a climate of perfect peace and safety.” This refers to truth realization. When you know what you are, you are not affected by the ups and downs of this world because you know yourself as beyond it.

p.s. Because magical thinking is such a strong ego defense (to keep us identified with the body), people often ask me questions like, “Should I take medication?” I resonate with Byron Katie’s response. She says that the body is the doctor’s business, not hers.

Let the doctor play games with the body. If the doctor says to take a medication or go through a certain procedure, go ahead, but watch your mind for the idea that this will save you. Identification with the body is an error. You are not the body.

My Thoughts

This was pretty much my thoughts about my surgery. My doctor was my partner. He took care of the body and I watched my mind for wrong-minded thinking and I tried to extend love as much as I could. I have a purpose here and it is not to extend the life of the body. I am not this body, it is just a useful tool while I still need it. It is to use the body for my awakening. I use it to help me see what beliefs I need to undo. I use it as a true communication device, that is to extend love.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 53 11-19-18

Journal for Day 53
LESSON 49
God’s Voice speaks to me all through the day.

Oh my God, I love this lesson so much! I love it because I believe it, and believing it, I know I can trust that whatever the question might be, the answer lies right alongside of it. I do not trust my ego mind to solve all problems, to bring me joy and peace, but it is the Voice for God that I turn to when I am in need. This I can trust.

“The part of your mind in which truth abides is in constant communication with God, whether you are aware of it or not.”

Does this statement astound you? Does it amaze you? It does me, even as it brings my mind to peace. I have a mind that is in constant communication with God. I have no idea what that is like. It certainly isn’t in words. God does not know or need words.

What if you could know everything I feel and everything I know just because you want to. Would you need words to describe this knowing? Of course not. Why would you? What need would words fulfill if the knowing were complete already?

I cannot imagine the communication that is occurring between God, and me but I accept that is occurring. I do experience the effects of this communication. There are times when I feel distraught and I know that the peace of God is what I really want, so I ask for that with a complete willingness to accept it. Suddenly, it is as if I had never been upset. Sometimes, I can’t even remember why I was upset. This effect is caused by the Voice for God communicating to me His peace.

Sometimes, the Voice for God translates the communication into words for me. This occurs as thoughts that are in my mind that were not there before, thoughts that represent the Truth, or come as close to it as I am able to absorb. I was reading something I wrote on Facebook last year and it was really profound and I thought about how much I have grown over the years. I then read the same exact thing I had written on Facebook nine years before.

I was stunned for a moment as I considered that I was really wise back then. Of course, I was not wise in my understanding, just wise enough to ask for and receive clarity. I was given an answer that I understood in 2009, but that I understood more deeply now. The ego mind can learn things, but it cannot know things. The knowing comes as the Voice for God in constant communication with us heals our mind of what is not true. It needs only our permission, not our cooperation, and not even our surface awareness. Holy Spirit, heal my mind. Wake me up.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 52 11-18-18

Journal for Day 52

This morning when I asked the Holy Spirit what I should do, I was led to talk about my experience this week at M D Anderson. I left Tuesday for Houston to spend two days doing tests for an upcoming surgery. I didn’t get much sleep Tuesday night and I had to fast for 8 hours so that Wednesday morning I was both tired and hungry. I didn’t get to eat until after three that afternoon. I know that lots of people fast regularly, but I don’t know how they do it. Hunger wasn’t the problem, really. That passed after a while. But I was tired, emotional and couldn’t think clearly. I knew it was just a combination of sleeplessness and lack of food, but that didn’t change the way I felt.

Still, I was ok most of the day. Sure, I was there to find out what was to be done about this body not operating properly, but that was not my true purpose. I had decided before I left to be love and extend love and to see the Christ in those I met. I did pretty well with that, but I had to remind myself periodically. I also had to remind myself that I am not the malfunctioning body, but the one imaging it into being.

Finally, after a day that seemed to go on forever, we got to the last test. I had to do a CAT scan that lasted an hour and a half. It was very unpleasant to lie absolutely still flat on my back for that long and to do so in a tube. What made it harder was that by that time I was truly exhausted both physically and emotionally. I felt like crying. So what I did was to try to sink below the ego thoughts that said this shouldn’t be happening and that I would prefer something else and to enter into the light.

I did this for a while, and then I set an intention to be outside the body and to watch what was happening and that helped. Another thing I did was to use self-talk. I reminded myself that this process is difficult if I believe it is, and if I listen to the ego thoughts that is what I will believe. I remembered that there is another way to see this and I realized that it would be just as easy to see this as an adventure, to view it with curiosity rather than dread. This worked very well.

As I lay there I watched the whole thing ebb and flow, sometimes feeling exhausted and wanting it to end, then noticing these thoughts and releasing them so that I could accept true thoughts instead. I would be at peace for a while then another ego thought would intrude and I had to start over. I think that giving the body to Jesus to take care of and deliberately choosing not to engage with ego thinking were two very helpful ways of dealing with this. Also, self-talk helped a lot, too, because that reminded me of the truth.

The next day I had to get another long test, an ultrasound on my neck. There was the possibility of a biopsy depending on what they found during the ultrasound. No one likes to hear “biopsy”, especially while at a cancer hospital. I watched the fear thoughts as they came up and was able to easily release them. I remembered that there is nothing to fear because I am not depending on my own strength, but the strength of God in me. I remembered that God is in me and that I am in God. It all went fine and I am happy I didn’t have to have a biopsy, and even happier that I was able to accept it either way.

I am so very grateful for A Course in Miracles. While my visit was not without its ego influences, if I had not been practicing the Course it would have been far more difficult. I was grateful that I remembered that I have a purpose and that purpose does not change with circumstances. I am grateful that I remembered my purpose. I’m also extremely grateful that at those times I listened to the ego, I noticed what was happening and stopped and I did this without making myself feel guilty. Ego happens, but so does correction.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 51 11-15-18

Journal for Day 51
LESSON 48
There is nothing to fear.

The reason there is nothing to fear is very simple. Nothing I see with my eyes or experience through the body in any way is real. It is only an idea in my mind and has no reality whatsoever. And where I am and what I am cannot be endangered. I am in God and God is in me. What could there possibly be to fear?

Why is it then, that I am still afraid at times? It can only be that I would rather live in fear than give up the world I made. Sure, it’s insane. I mean, clearly it is insane. I am God the Son with all that implies, and yet, I am choosing to retain the images of pain and suffering and death instead of claiming my true heritage.

And yet, that is my right and God will not snatch me out of my dream. Love doesn’t do that. Instead, I will dream until I am done dreaming and when I am done, the Answer has been placed in my mind right next to the question so that I can choose Heaven myself. The Holy Spirit will gently lead me to my Home in God where I already reside. Self will meet Self and I will laugh at the whole idea of separation.

This is such an excellent practice, simple yet effective. I could be afraid that this week that I am going to fall behind on this work that is so important to me. But there is nothing to fear. I will get done what I get done and it will be fine. I could be afraid of what the tests might show, but I can’t because there is nothing to fear. Whatever happens to me is the perfect next step to my awakening.

Anyway, this is my script, why should I be afraid of it. If I didn’t want to experience it, I wouldn’t write it in. Fear is an idea the ego mind designed to add drama to our stories, that’s all. It is no more real than anything else we experience in our dream of separation. There is no fear in God; I am in God and God is in me; therefore, there can be no fear in me. Now that makes sense.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 50 11-14-18

Journal for Day 50
LESSON 47

God is the strength in which I trust.

“3 God is your safety in every circumstance. His Voice speaks for Him in all situations and in every aspect of all situations, telling you exactly what to do to call upon His strength and His protection. There are no exceptions because God has no exceptions. And the Voice which speaks for Him thinks as He does.”


I know that I cannot, with the separated mind, make any good decisions or effect any real change. I know that, but it is a hard habit to break. I still try sometimes, probably more than I realize. But, I am changing and not slowly anymore, but changing daily.  I am learning to turn to the Voice for God for His guidance. I ask for His interpretation, His evaluation in all circumstances, usually right away, but always soon. I call on His strength because I have seen that I cannot depend on mine. I call on Him to protect my mind from the darkness of the ego.

“6 The recognition of your own frailty is a necessary step in the correction of your errors, but it is hardly a sufficient one in giving you the confidence which you need, and to which you are entitled. You must also gain an awareness that confidence in your real strength is fully justified in every respect and in all circumstances.”

I notice that if I hesitate it is for one of two reasons. Either I think I want what I want, or I think I am guilty and don’t deserve His help. Neither of these things happens often, but sometimes it does. I used today’s meditations to look at the places in my mind that have cost me the peace of God and to sink past my own weakness to the Source of real strength. It happened very quickly and it felt wonderful.

“7 In the latter phase of the practice period, try to reach down into your mind to a place of real safety. You will recognize that you have reached it if you feel a sense of deep peace, however briefly. Let go all the trivial things that churn and bubble on the surface of your mind, and reach down and below them to the Kingdom of Heaven. There is a place in you where there is perfect peace. There is a place in you where nothing is impossible. There is a place in you where the strength of God abides.”

It is not my own separate mind that brought me peace. None of its attempts to find solutions to any of my problems have helped in any permanent way. It is recognizing that I have in me the strength of God because I am in God and God is in me. We are God the Father and God the Son. This is why I always have access to this strength and so always have access to the solution no matter what form it takes. But to find this useful, I must let go of any desire to find the solution “on my own.” To do that, I have to let go of the desire to be on my own. I must let myself surrender into God.

Regina’s Tips

We are spending two days with Lesson 47, because it represents an important shift. It represents a shift from trusting in ‘me’ to trusting in a mystery that the mind cannot begin to fathom.

Our part is the willingness, and practice is the action-quality of willingness. The results come through mystery.

My Thoughts

I can always practice. I can give my willingness and when my willingness is not strong then I can practice until my willingness grows.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 47 11-13-18

Journal for Day 47
Chapter 9
VII. The Two Evaluations

Within our mind are two evaluations of our selves. The ego is unaware of what we are. It does not love us and is mistrustful of us.

“The ego is therefore capable of suspiciousness at best and viciousness at worst. That is its range. It cannot exceed it because of its uncertainty. And it can never go beyond it because it can never be certain.”

No matter how many self-help books I read, or what therapist I see, or how grand my accomplishments, there is nothing I can do that will change the ego evaluation of me. So there will always be thoughts in my mind that are critical and self-defeating. It is up to me whether I believe them or not.

“His (Holy Spirit’s) evaluation of you is based on His knowledge of what you are, and so He evaluates you truly. And this evaluation must be in your mind, because He is.”

The Holy Spirit looks on us with love. He is not deceived by anything we do, because He never forgets what we are. He evaluates us truly and because He is in our mind, so is that evaluation. There is a part of our mind that knows we are as God created us, perfect, and wholly peaceful.

Our purpose, while we are here, is to choose which of those evaluations we want to believe and identify with. We cannot do this by asking the ego to help you see differently.

“You cannot evaluate an insane belief system from within it. Its range precludes this. You can only go beyond it, look back from a point where sanity exists and see the contrast.”

So how do we do this? I do it by noticing when I have asked the ego for its interpretation of myself and then I ask the Holy Spirit instead. I know my goal is peace and happiness because that is God’s Will for me. The contrast in those two evaluations and the contrast between the effects of the choices I make are what are teaching me the judgment I want and trust.

Here is an example. I have always hated to ask people to do things for me. I could only be comfortable getting help if I paid for it. But to ask a favor was so uncomfortable that I seldom did it. In the back of my mind, I questioned this reaction but never let myself see the cause. People who love me have formed the habit of insisting on helping me.

That is what happened recently. I have to go to MD Anderson in Houston to get a whole battery of tests done. I will be there for 3 days. I really didn’t want to go alone, but I didn’t want to ask anyone to go with me. My family all work and it would be a major inconvenience even if it were possible. But I know them and I figured someone would step up.

Sure enough, my daughter said she was going to take me. Even though she volunteered and even though I wanted her to go with me, I argued that it was not necessary. She stated emphatically that she was going with me. I noticed all of my resistance but I’m so used to this reaction from myself that I didn’t think much of it.

It turned out the tests and the surgery are not going to be on the same day so I am going to seriously need someone to come with me for the surgery as well, and my daughter doesn’t have any more leave. I had to ask my brother and his wife. My thought was that it was a lot to ask but maybe they would be willing. I had my usual resistance to asking, but it had to be done.

Not only did they say yes but also they were so very loving about it. They responded with statements like, “we are all yours,” and “we love you bunches,” and when I thanked her she said, “welcome with all my heart.” Now here is the interesting part and the part that finally answered the question I had been ignoring. My immediate thought was, “Why are they loving me so much?”

The next thought was, “Oh, this is why I don’t like to ask for anything. I don’t think I deserve to be loved.” It completely cracked open, no, it shattered a long held secret belief that I didn’t deserve love and so it wasn’t right that I should get it without earning it in some way. That was clearly the ego’s evaluation of me, and I had believed it all my life without letting myself realize it. What an extraordinary revelation! I don’t think I can believe that anymore now that I have seen how unreal it must be.

Thank you, so much, Holy Spirit.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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