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Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions, I. True Empathy. 1-16-20

Chapter 16: The Forgiveness of Illusions
I. True Empathy
T-16.I.1. To empathize does not mean to join in suffering, for that is what you must refuse to understand. 2 That is the ego’s interpretation of empathy, and is always used to form a special relationship in which the suffering is shared. 3 The capacity to empathize is very useful to the Holy Spirit, provided you let Him use it in His way. 4 His way is very different. 5 He does not understand suffering, and would have you teach it is not understandable. 6 When He relates through you, He does not relate through your ego to another ego. 7 He does not join in pain, understanding that healing pain is not accomplished by delusional attempts to enter into it, and lighten it by sharing the delusion.

Journal
I used to think that empathy was to relate to the problem and to express that to the person who had the problem. For instance, if someone lost a loved one, I would agree with them how very hard this is and I would cry with them because their grief triggered my fear of loss.  I catch myself doing this very thing sometimes even now that I know better. I am always surprised at myself when I choose to form a special relationship through shared suffering. In doing this, I would be strengthening the belief in suffering for both of us. That is just plain crazy.

The question becomes, how do I relate to someone who is suffering? It would seem cruel not to respond at all and I’m not foolish enough to believe this is the time and place to talk to them about illusions. The solution is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is in my mind and will give me the words to say if I ask and then pause long enough to receive them. I sometimes do funerals and, of course, I go to funerals, more of them than before now that I am older. So, it is important to me that I follow Holy Spirit’s guidance.

When I am talking to a Course student, it is a little different. My assumption when a fellow student comes to me with a problem, they are hoping to receive some guidance from Holy Spirit through me. I will speak to them differently than I do with someone else but, again, I ask first so that what I share will be helpful. I do feel empathy in both cases because I have both grieved and been confused.

If I feel more than empathy, if I feel sympathy or a desire to share their suffering, I give it to the Holy Spirit and then I ask for words to share with the one in front of me. If I need to revisit the issue later, I do that when I am alone. One of the things I have noticed is that with grief, sometimes all that is required of me is a hug. And with other problems sometimes all that is needed from me is a listening ear. The important thing for me to remember is that my part is to be there, to be open and receptive. Knowing what to say or do is the Holy Spirit’s part.

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