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Study of the Text 12-17-12

Father, as I do this work, please help me to remember that there is nothing outside my mind and therefore all healing is done in my mind. Please help me to resist the desire to find someone else to blame and to remember that there is no one else.

Amen

12-17-12

Fourth, you believe that you can create yourself, and that the direction of your own creation is up to you.

What a very clear explanation. I am created perfect and so am a perfect creator which means I create through the extension of what I am. This ability is inviolate. It cannot be lost. But I can also project Projection is the inappropriate use of my powers of creation. This occurs when I believe lack exists in me (even though I cannot lack because that would mean I was not a perfect creation) and I try to fill that emptiness with my own ideas instead of truth.

(I note that these points Jesus makes about my beliefs are not things I could believe or might believe or sometimes believe, or that my neighbor believes but I don’t. He says very clearly; you believe. It won’t be helpful to the healing of my mind if I go back into denial.)

This seems very strange and not really possible. I mean, I am perfect, and I am a creator. And yet, I have forgotten how to create, and use my powers to project instead. I do this because I feel empty and yet I cannot be empty. I think I have a better idea than God and so I try to fill up the imaginary emptiness with my own ideas of what things are and how they should be. Its all a mess and I feel guilty and afraid of what I have done, afraid to keep doing it and afraid to stop.

I feel a little better now because I am receiving an explanation for what happened and a way to undo what I have done. I am discovering that the truth is in my mind and has always been there. I am allowing that truth to be uncovered and to rise to the level of conscious awareness. I am grateful for the following explanation.

First I believe that what God created can be changed by my own mind. This must be the source of the deep well of unconscious guilt that keeps fueling the apparent guilt in my life. I think that I have singlehandedly undone God. Jeepers creepers! What a belief! I want to let this go but I keep getting distracted by all the apparent proof I have that this is true.

That proof shows me that I really have undone God and made myself different. I have distorted creation and am now in charge. Just look at the killing of those little kindergarteners. Either God did it or I did it in spite of God. Either way I am totally creeped out and don’t want to think about it.

There is a place in me that, while outwardly denied, is certain that this is not the work of God. If this is my work, my “creation” I messed up badly and so now I want to jump in and make it better. I suspect I feel desperate to make up for it. I have projected this bit of drama and now I further project by making it someone else’s fault.

This confused part of mind is probably very glad right about now that it thought to make a lot of bodies on which to project. It’s those self-centered gun mongers who are at fault. It’s the makers of the violent video games, the lack of funds for more mental health care, or maybe we should just lock up all the loonies before they get a chance to hurt anyone. One newscaster suggested we start keeping an eye on our neighbors for signs of aberrant behavior. (According to what is considered normal in our world, I’ll probably be the first one they take in.)

And so I have believed that what God created can be changed by my own mind. And because I believe it I see it as if it is real. I believe that what is perfect can be rendered imperfect or lacking. And because I believe it I interpret everything I see as not only real, but imperfect and lacking. I believe that I can distort the creations of God, including myself. And because I believe it, I seem to be distorted and my brothers even more so, and I provide, through my beliefs, all the proof you could want. And obviously, I believe that I can create myself, and that the direction of my own creation is up to me.

I also suspect that I don’t want to give up all this “power” to miscreate, and that I think giving it up would be a sacrifice. I am obviously very confused but I see signs that this is true. Thinking of this is very scary because I don’t see an acceptable way out of it and at the same time I see myself getting in deeper and deeper as the world goes to hell in a hand basket. Thank God for Voice in my mind that is leading me gently from my delusions back to truth.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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