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Text XI. Christmas as the End of Sacrifice P 10, Manual for Teachers 4. Trust.2. 1-6-20

Text
XI. Christmas as the End of Sacrifice P 10
T-15.XI.10. This is the time in which a new year will soon be born from the time of Christ. 2 I have perfect faith in you to do all that you would accomplish. 3 Nothing will be lacking, and you will make complete and not destroy. 4 Say, then, to your brother:

8 So will the year begin in joy and freedom. 9 There is much to do, and we have been long delayed. 10 Accept the holy instant as this year is born, and take your place, so long left unfulfilled, in the Great Awakening. 11 Make this year different by making it all the same. 12 And let all your relationships be made holy for you. 13 This is our will. 14 Amen.

Journal
What a wonderful way to end the year! What a plan for 2020! I am determined that this is the year I will have. Actually, I just expect that this is the year I will have. I am taking my place in the Great Awakening. I am certain that all my relationships will be made holy for me. I know I will do my part. I gladly release my brothers and accept my own release. I can’t imagine anything else occurring. This is, indeed, our will.

Right now, I can’t imagine holding anyone prisoner to my grievances, but if that were to occur, I have this perfect prayer of release and I appreciate Jesus for this gift. What has helped me to get to where I am now, to be at peace and to feel the love of God in me and moving through me, was to live this process without exception. Sure, I had grievances and there were people and situations that I judged. I judged myself as harshly as I did anyone else. But I never kept the judgment. I kept going to Holy Spirit and asking for a healed mind.

I did it as often as I needed to. I learned not to feel guilty for the dark thoughts in my mind, and, instead, I learned to feel grateful that I found them so that I could be corrected. I made the peace of God my only goal, and I never made an exception when it came to forgiveness. Everyone is forgiven and everyone is innocent. That is how I discovered that I am forgiven and I am innocent. What a life this has been. I am so grateful.

Manual for Teachers
A. Development of Trust, P 2
2 Next, the teacher of God must go through “a period of sorting out.” This is always somewhat difficult because, having learned that the changes in his life are always helpful, he must now decide all things on the basis of whether they increase the helpfulness or hamper it. He will find that many, if not most of the things he valued before will merely hinder his ability to transfer what he has learned to new situations as they arise. Because he has valued what is really valueless, he will not generalize the lesson for fear of loss and sacrifice. It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree of reality should be accorded them in this world of illusion. The word “value” can apply to nothing else.

For me, the period of sorting out was mostly me arguing for what I wanted to keep. The hardest thing for me to relinquish was the desire to project blame. I really thought I needed this and that it was of great value to me. I didn’t put it in those words of course but I would argue that circumstances proved that it was clearly someone else’s fault and so, in this case, I was the victim.

My ex-husband was a heavy drinker and would often go out with his buddies and not come back until the early hours. I would not know where he was or if he was ok. I would imagine him driving drunk and getting into a wreck, maybe leaving the road and hitting a tree, sitting injured in the car unable to help himself. Many a night I lay awake playing out this nightmare in my imagination.

I would go through all the scenarios in my head and also through all the emotions. I would be afraid for him, afraid for us if he was injured or died. I would feel resentful and angry, thinking how unfair this was, and how unloving that he would put me through this. I could not see how this could be anything but his fault. I wasn’t the one who was behaving so thoughtlessly and I wasn’t the one who was causing so much grief for his family.

What had to be done to get out of this nightmare of my own making was to look past the apparent circumstances to the truth. He is innocent. I am innocent. No matter what it might look like, and no matter how I might feel, this is the truth. While circumstances shift appearances, our innocence remains the only true and unchanging fact.

From that place of clarity I was able to see that my reluctance to withdraw my projections and accept responsibility for how I felt was the result of thinking that having him to project onto was too valuable to give up. I really wanted my feelings to be caused by his behavior and the circumstances I found myself in. I was as afraid of giving up projecting blame as I would be if asked to look at my own mind, to recognize that it was my thoughts that were hurting me, not his behavior.

I had to go through many such scenarios before I was fully convinced that there is no value in projecting blame. Now the temptation never arises. I know that this story is not my reality and not anyone else’s reality. We are all here living out our scripts as if it is real so that we can look at our beliefs and make a decision as to what we want to continue believing and what we want to release. That is all that’s happening here. There is no way anyone could be guilty of that. It is our purpose.

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