Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

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The Promise of Healing

I am in touch with this vast underlay of fear.  It seems to reside underneath my skin, my body shell, supporting it.  It is like an undercurrent - there just beneath the surface of my body/mind.  It is a feeling of despair, hopelessness, disappointment.  It can seem almost overwhelming at times.  This must be why many people take anti-depressants, to get rid of it, to hide it.

But I cannot hide from it.  It has been an awareness for some months now.  It is something I have tried to hide from because I do not like the feeling.  I am afraid of the feeling, but at the same time I know it isn’t real.  It is a barrier I have made to the experience of love.  I know I cannot get through it by myself.  I need the help of Holy Spirit.  It may not be real but it seems real.  One would think that going under the surface of the conscious mind, one would find only Spirit.  But there underneath the surface is the vast barrier of fear.

It is no doubt very good to have this feeling rise up to the level of conscious awareness.  I do work at present with the intent that I release all barriers to the presence of love.  I think about this as I go about my life’s duties.  I am willing to let go of this barrier, or to walk over it because the Course says on T.Pg. 340, the Holy Spirit is the bridge over the illusion of fear.  The sea of fear is a mirage like sun on the hot dry desert which makes the sand look like water.  The mirage isn’t real, its just a perception.  So is this fear just a perception, not real, not there.  It just looks like it is there.

But I want it to go.  I no longer want to see the mirage of fear.  I want to see only the presence of love.  I give it all to Holy Spirit, my Helper, my Teacher, my Trainer.  I no longer wish to try to hide the mirage or hide from the mirage of fear.  I want to walk through it, over it, to the presence of love, so that love is my only current.  I want to be in touch with my Source, my Reality, my Truth.  I want to walk courageously with Holy Spirit through all illusion of fear and love. 

I have lived in the illusion of love for so long that I fear I cannot recognize the real thing.  I have made special relationships in looking for love but I see that these were bargains I made to get by, to stave off despair, fear, guilt and anxiety.  It was not True Love present but a means to push fear away so I wouldn’t have to face it.  The fear was too frightening.  “What if I am utterly alone and adrift?” it said.  And I could not face that supposed reality, alone, adrift, without love.  And so I made up an illusion of love with my husband, children, certain friends and spiritual teachers to comfort me. 

These relationships were to be different somehow, “special.”  They would feed me, complete me, make me whole, but they did no such thing.  They only hid the fear awhile.  The fear poked through many times and I was afraid and angry, and disappointed.  Disappointed for so many reasons.  I feel disappointed that all I have made doesn’t work.  I feel disappointed that all I have tried spiritually has not yet taken me totally beyond the fear, that it is still there.  I made in my spiritual journey another special relationship, another deliverer, another savior, an illusion of love.  Think this, do this, do that, all will be well.  No need to look at the fear because it is not real.  Look only at love, but it was not real love.

Today, right now, I feel that in this I have perpetuated the illusion of love.  Perhaps I have made strides.  I am not sure.  I hope I have and that is why the fear can no longer be hidden or pushed away.  It is time to confront the illusion of fear.  It is time to look at it, acknowledge it, take responsibility for making it so that I can take responsibility for letting it go.  But first I must look at what I have made without shirking, without shrinking away.  I can no longer deny what I have made.

As I look at it, I think first of forgiveness.  I want to forgive myself for making it and making it seem so real, so vast, so impenetrable, so great a barrier.  It has done its job well for a long time.  In that respect I want to bless it before I let it go.  I thought it served me, protected me, saved me, but it didn’t.  I was mistaken.  It served me not at all.  It is fear and fear does not serve me.

Help me, Holy Spirit.  Help me, Teacher of God.  Help me walk over and past this illusion I have made real, a barrier, an obstacle laid between me and God, me and love.  I am willing to look at it with You.  I am willing to follow Your lead to love.  I think this is still part of the Course, to learn how to get beyond the illusions.  The Introduction says the Course aims at removing the blocks to the awareness of love’s presence which is my natural inheritance.  The Course does not aim at teaching the meaning of love for it says that is beyond what can be taught.  I am square at the block to the awareness of love’s presence.  I am squarely at what I am to learn. And so I turn to You, the Teacher, to help me learn.  Show me the way.  I follow You.

Holy Spirit:  Fear not, My child.  I will help you.  I am helping you, and that is why you have come to this point.  You are doing a fine job of learning.  The obstacles to the awareness of love’s presence will fall away.  Do not doubt this.  This is My promise to you and I always keep My promises.  You will feel whole and well again.  The last vestiges of fear will dissipate and you will again see only the shining light of love everywhere.  It is who you are and you will know yourself.  Stand with Me.  Know that I am by your side in every step you think you make alone.  You are not alone.  I am always with you.  Look at the barriers you think you made with Me and see that they are only wisps that can be gently blown away.  This is My promise.  Hold fast to the promise and healing is yours in each moment until the moments stretch into the One Moment.  There is no need to hide or push away what you feel.  Merely rest with it, confident that My Word is kept.  My bond with you cannot be broken.  Soon you will recognize this is so for nothing else can be.  Patience.  Practice fearlessness.  Stand tall with Me.  Do not shirk.  Together we go forward and all is well.  Step by step we will go.  Step in confidence that the end of the bridge is near.  You see clearly now the illusion.  The end is not far.  Walk on in joy that your delivery is at hand.  I guide you gently with a sure hand at your back leading you in the dance across the bridge with care and precision.  There are no mistakes. Everything is in perfect order and timing.  The music plays.  The dance continues.  Move to the rhythm of healing as I pace it.  This is best.  Trust Me in each step and we dance together the healing for you.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Barbara Kraetsch.

I, The Dreamer

How much is made of dreams and little of the dreamer, but the dream is nothing and the dreamer is everything.  I am the dreamer.  I choose.  When I choose to listen to the Voice for God in all things, no matter where I am or whom I’m with, I can see beyond the dream.  I need to practice listening to the Voice for God in stillness.  I need a time to sit quietly and often to listen carefully.  When I don’t take this quiet time, but load up my life with ego/body focused activities, I feel adrift and discontented.  I feel like I am wrapped up in the dream instead of being aware that I am the dreamer of it.  When I take all the time I need to listen to the Voice for God in stillness, I find that I can then still hear the Voice when my life in the dream seems busy.

When I look at the dream that I have spun to wrap me in clouds of forgetfulness, I see an endless parade of symbols that stretch behind me.  When the Course asks where the ego was, there it was in all the places, people, circumstances and events that I dreamed up in form.  I dreamed them to distract me from my fear of God, and then forgot the dream was not real.  All I saw was projected fear and thought the fear was real.  I made a million separate fears to disguise the one fear that was at the core.  I didn’t know this at the time I was walking in the world of ego dream thinking of my many fears, and struggling with them, fighting them, punishing myself for having them.  I wrapped myself in a dream of fearful dark fears in this body life.  Or rather, I thought I did.

Now that I walk the world with Holy Spirit holding my hand and my mind gently, I am awakening to the realilty that the dream I thought I dreamed is just not me.  I look at what I thought was there and see the ego mind that was but is no longer.  As I walk more and more in the light in my mind, I am aware of my Self and the choices that I make.  I can continue walking through the dream giving it my full attention, or I can focus on listening for the Voice for God.  I now listen for the Voice for God.

I now see that listening for the Voice for God is my task, my job, my function.  It is what God asks me to do.  It is what He has always asked me to do since I thought I entered the dream world.  Listening to the Voice for God is of the dreamer not the dream.  God just asks that I be present to Him.  In the dream this is not important enough, but to the dreamer it is everything.  In the dream, stillness is seen as a luxury or unproductive, but to the dreamer, listening is life itself.

Listening to the Voice for God is sometimes solitary activity.  It is quiet work.  It takes time and a turning away from the world and its activities awhile.  It may appear monkish to some, even to me at times, but giving myself over to time spent each day listening only for the Voice for God brings joy.  I see now that when I resist listening I make guilt for myself because I say this is not important enough in a busy world where there are so many details to attend to.  Then I find that I am uncertain of what to do and my life is not ordered in a way that brings me peace.

When I give myself over to the task of listening and order all my activities around this, I feel a sense of purpose.  I feel calm and open to what comes my way.  More of my mind is released to listen and I do not doubt the listening.  Maybe for others it does not take this much time.  Maybe others can better listen on the go.  I seem to need a lot of quiet stillness at this point.  When I ask what could be more important for me, there is no other answer.  We are all called to listen, and to listen with true humility that we are called to listen.  The Course says that not to listen to the Voice for God is spiritual arrogance.  We must all listen as we are called to listen in each moment.

Ultimately, of course, we hope to constantly listen, hearing well the Voice for God whisper to us the sweet harmony of love.  We all want to listen and discern the Voice for God and follow It.  As we do we see that healing is everywhere around us.  First we see that in every ugly story we dreamed there is the beauty of healing waiting to be recognized.  Then we see that we, the dreamer, need no longer choose to write ugly stories.  When we choose to listen to the Voice for God, we can lay down ego boundaries as illusions and answer the call to step forward to new boundaries of living set forth by Holy Spirit for our highest good.

Holy Spirit takes us, the dreamer, gently step by step to see that all boundaries are illusions.  He doesn’t ask us to do anything except follow His gentle voice to lay down destructive thoughts or behaviors we think we dream.  Following Holy spirit is not the way of guilt.  It is the way of joy.  It is the way to God, or rather to recognize our connection to God.  It is the way out of the dream.

I, the dreamer, can listen to the Voice for God.  I can choose to listen as often as I need to, which really is all the time.  The need is always there for quiet focused listening until our spiritual ears are so attuned to the Voice for God that It is unmistakeable and ever-present to us.  Then, I, the dreamer, dream what the Course calls the happy dream of love as I wake up gently.  Wake up as if on a sunny warm morning hearing the birds sing their little songs of joy outside my window, and I immediately know the presence of God is with me and I am one with love.  I, the dreamer, can choose the Heaven experience in each moment by listening to the Voice for God.  “Why wait for Heaven?” goes the Oman and Shanti song.  Why, indeed.  I, the dreamer, do not have to wait any longer.  I can choose it now.  I choose to listen.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Posted by Rev. Barbara Kraetsch.

Holy Spirit is Merciful

Over this last week my mother was admitted to the hospital with a racing irregular heart beat, and it took three days for the doctors to get it under control and send her home.  Now she has a flock of new medications to take which must be closely monitored.  She is living with my sister in Texas so she is not alone, but on the contrary well loved and cared for where she is.  There was no immediate danger, and in fact it was a blessing that she was scheduled for a stress test this past week and that is why her heart problem was discovered.  Now her condition can be treated properly whcih should extend her life.

During the week I was hearing conflicting voices.  One was saying to cancel all my plans and go to Texas to be with her.  There was no reason for me to rush there, but the voice seemed insistent and I could even feel some urgency in my gut at times - that gut level feeling I’m sure you all know.  Sometimes we get that feeling for which there is no reason but we must pay attention to it.  The voice seemed to be quit real, there was no feeling of fear and the voice just kept presenting this option.

I was not sure if it was the voice of ego or Holy Spirit.  The other voice said the first voice was alarmist, and if I immediately rushed to Texas every one in the family, including my mother would be alarmed.  And the doctors have told my mother she could continue with her plans to attend her 65th high school reunion scheduled for the upcoming week.  At the time one voice was telling me to rearrange my plans and travel to Texas, my mother supposedly would not be there.  I really felt unsure which voice was which. 

Another minister helped me by facilitating an Accessing Inner Wisdom counseling session.  During this I discovered that my real dilemma was not the issue with my mother’s health, but my fear of not listening to Holy Spirit’s voice “good enough.”  It was all about being a “good girl” for God, not my mother.  It brought up a deeper level of concern than the one I thought I had.  I definietely felt in touch with deeper levels of fear about the reality I had made of the separation story.

The Holy Spirit appeared on my counseling journey as the Angel of Mercy, full of llight and love, bring me a message of God’s mercy.  I heard that the Son of God never has to worry about hearing the Voice for God because it not possible to be separated from It.  There was such great understanding and compassion for my confusion and doubt, but the definite message that it was not real.  As the Angel of Mercy hugged me, I felt healed of fear and doubt.  I felt such comfort knowing that all attempts to hear God’s Voice are recognized and appreciated and all attempts are “good enough,” no matter where we find ourselves.  The reality is that we always hear the Voice for God and cannot be apart from it.  The Holy Spirit sees this in love and heals us of our doubt with great mercy. 

There was definitely the message to extend mercy to others who similarly face doubt and anxiety about whether it is the Voice for God or the ego’s voice which seems to be giving guidance.  There is no need for anxiety and guilt about getting it right.  It makes no difference if if sometimes seems that we make a mistake.  Our intent to listen and follow Holy Spirit is what is important, not that we worry about doing it perfectly.  As long as we are in the body there is the ego filter at work.  We are learning and practicing, and God is merciful with His children, seeing only their loving willingness, not their mistakes.

There was great healing for me in this.  All anxieties were calmed.  All sense of urgency disappeared.  I felt all was truly well, no matter how it appeared.  I still am not sure of what to do about when to visit my mother, but I no longer feel any guilt about my level of listening to Holy Spirit for guidance.  I am trusting that all will turn out as it should.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice is included.

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Posted by Rev. Barbara Kraetsch.

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