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We Don’t Need to Settle for Halfway Houses

by Rev. Ken Gorman, O.M.C.

The Course says that the problem is not that we ask for too much, but far, far too little. (Lesson 133) It is encouraging us that the real goal of total awakening to our true nature and our relationship with God is the only one worth achieving. In fact, as only God’s plan for salvation will work, it would seem that this is the only game in town. In fact, why would we want to settle for anything less than remembering who we are as unlimited beings, one with God and each other where our true nature is peace and happiness itself? What ‘in the world’ would cause us to have lesser goals than this?

In fact, this is exactly what seems to happen with many of us (including me). We set all kinds of goals in bodies that we think have value. Lesser goals of things like great wealth and fame are well understood by most of us at this point as fleeting and not really what brings the lasting happiness and peace our hearts yearn for. They are simply more of the ego’s siren song of ‘seek and do not find’ to keep us mesmerized in the dream with it squarely as the center of authority.

But I have found that when we start to give up on these ego-based goals, often new goals can emerge which are now ‘spiritual.’ They now have a spiritual context and use spiritual language so we convince ourselves that we are now on the right track with our new found spiritual goals and spiritual path. The problem is that these also are often formed within the framework of the ego thought system… and in the end, it can be the same game with a new look and feel:

• The goals are still body oriented, which reinforces this as our identity.

• We have a lot to do based on our own understanding to save the world and ourselves… such a great responsibility and calling, it feels almost overwhelming (and set up for failure as usual).

• We now have a spiritual program and practices that we can demonstrably fail at (like everything else), which re-enforces our identity as unworthy.

• We can now subtly or overtly judge others who do not hold our lofty views and aspirations.

• Our ego is firmly in the driver’s seat to determine (judge) all of the above based on its own evaluation.

• We now have a firm set of goals and contexts within a body that is real and a world that is real and a path to get to some outcome within this in the future, which is necessary because of the past… We seek and do not find the present moment, where our true nature is already shining now.

What is the answer to this? For me, intention/willingness and surrender are all I have to offer to this path. Any time I think I understand something and have a plan, I have found I am actually getting in the way. I think this is articulated best for me in ACIM Text 18:IV.7 on page 380 where it is made clear that I am already all I will ever be right now and that my real job is to get out of the way so the blocks obscuring this fact from my awareness of this can be removed. In fact, I do not even seem very capable really of doing even this on my own. So really what is asked for is that I am willing to be willing and Holy Spirit somehow does the rest… which puts us back to intention, surrender and then relax (accept/embrace/allow).

We also have to remember that in the ACIM Introduction He is clear that the aim of the Course is “…removing the blocks to the awareness of Love…” To me this implies it is not about accumulation or transformation as we eternally are as God created us. As I created these blocks, I need to let Holy Spirit do the removing with my permission.

I think the Course teaches about ‘big’ things to motivate us to be willing and surrender totally as they are so far out of reach from an ego perspective. Things like we are not bodies or that Christ Vision shows us a totally different perspective (“Nothing that you think you see here bears any resemblance to what vision will show you” - Lesson 45), that we need not believe in death, sickness is not real, the world never happened, etc. I feel like purpose of this is to get us to be willing and wanting the really big goals and to discard all of the little goals our ego throws up to keep us stuck and subtly re enforce its thought system with smaller ‘spiritual goals’ that keep us hooked. I call these ‘half way houses’ and they are yet another thing I am learning to surrender to Holy Spirit for healing.

Rev. Ken Gorman, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in London, UK

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Living A Course in Miracles: On Forgiveness

by Rev. Maria Madik, O.M.C.

I often wanted to explain this sentence, but could not find the right words: “There is a thin line between being forgiving and being a victim.” I used to assume that forgiveness is to let go, look someone in the eye and say: “You hurt me but I will do better than you, I will not hurt you back, I will instead walk away.” And once I walk away, I start to what the Course describes as “attack” my own self. The result: I made a victim of my brother and me.

In 2012, after a deep spiritual experience in Assisi, I came back home, feeling empowered by the peace I found there. I had felt a deep sense of guilt, but I did not seem to know where it was coming from. I wrote to a friend, who was previously my therapist, that I am under deep sense of guilt and she replied, “After all this time in therapy, where is this coming from?”

Her question made me go deeper and deeper. I quieted my mind and listened. The answer came that I feel guilty because of the anger feelings I have towards my mother.

Just becoming aware of it made me just smile and say, “How can I forgive her? Would I have to put her on the witness stand, look her in the eye and say I am better than you, I do not judge you?” I knew that was not the answer. Instead I just moved on, saying I know where this guilt is coming from and that is enough for now.

After that I started to read the Course in August 2012. The first sentence that stuck in my head was: Fear is not real. I knew fear creates avoidance, which creates negative self-talk, blame, anger and eventually guilt. At that moment, I realized my guilty feelings towards my mother have no basis.

Since then forgiveness to me is to remember I have not been hurt because I can never be hurt and no one can attack me in Reality. If I continue to hold the false belief that I could be hurt or attacked and then say, “I forgive you,” (implied — for what you have really done to me), I am just confirming the guilt, attack, and fear that stems from this false belief. I am still holding on to the belief.

The only way to forgive is to ask myself, “If at this moment, that event did not happen, what would I be doing?” The answer is simple: I am happy because that fear is gone. My next step is to reflect that happiness, which brings me peace. ACIM tells us:

Pardon is always justified. It has a sure foundation. You do not forgive the unforgivable, nor overlook a real attack that calls for punishment. Salvation does not lie in being asked to make unnatural responses that are inappropriate to what is real. Instead it merely asks that you respond appropriately to what is not real by not perceiving what has not occurred. If pardon were unjustified, you would be asked to sacrifice your rights when you return forgiveness for attack. But you are merely asked to see forgiveness as natural reaction to distress that rests on error, and thus calls for help. Forgiveness is the only sane response. It keeps your rights from being sacrificed. (T-30.VI.2)

Rev. Maria Madik, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Brindisi, Italy.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Stepping into the Light Within

Amanda Mossing

A few years ago, A Course in Miracles and I met for the first time. There it was, staring at me from a bookshelf, inviting me in and offering a life full of inner peace and miracles. I opened the book, flipped through the pages quickly, and thought, “Nah, this is not for me.”

After that first encounter, experiences kept aligning just like that; ACIM would come up in conversations with friends, other books that I read, audio books that I listened to in the car and emails that I received inviting me to different workshops and meet up groups. It was an endless nudge from the Universe and as much as I would try to ignore it or push it away, I still felt the calling and I knew it was inevitable.

For quite some time, I sought happiness, love and inner peace in all external places; I looked to fill myself up with drugs, alcohol, food, over-exercising, toxic relationships, over-working myself, you name it. This way of living did not bring me to a place of happiness or inner peace. It was an endless search and I could never find what I was looking for. I was completely driven by ego and ego always lead me right into fear. I found myself resentful of my past, irritated in the present and fearful of the future.

Six and a half years ago, I decided that my life was unmanageable physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually from living a lifestyle with drugs and alcohol. I got clean and my life started to get better. I worked the 12 steps and my life got even better. I learned how to incorporate meditation in my life and established a connection with the Universe, and life got beautiful. However, I still found myself hungry for more. There were still moments where I felt unmanageable with my emotions and my thoughts.

I sought self-help books and other 12 step programs to soothe this piece of me. The books and programs helped with the symptoms, but I still felt like there was a root deep down inside of me that needed pulled. Out of the several books that I turned to, there was one, by a young female author, who was an addict in recovery that I connected to immediately. She talked about ACIM and how it changed her life. My heart shifted from closed to open and willing. The ACIM was still something that I had not tried. I connected with my good friend, Ordained Ministerial Counselor and committed student of A Course in Miracles, Rev. Carmela (CiCi) Caravello, and I told her that I was interested in ACIM. Things happened so fast after that. Next thing I knew, I was ringing in the New Year with ACIM.

I began lesson one of ACIM on January 1, 2014. I am 40 lessons deep, and I cannot picture my life without it. I have found the solution to my inner discomfort. I have found my missing piece, or maybe it found me. Everything that I thought I needed is already within me. It is up to me to take responsibility of my thoughts about what I experience in this world. I notice the ego come up, I forgive it and I shift to love. Love is my natural state and happiness is my birthright.

Miracles have been happening every day since I began this new journey. I have a connection with Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and God that I seek out daily. I have been able to forgive my past, love what is occurring in the present and I am able to allow the future to unfold as it will without fear interfering all the time. I am not a victim anymore and I have choices. I have a newfound freedom that allows me to go inside instead of seeking comfort outside of myself. Lesson by lesson, the fog is lifted just a little more each day and my vision is getting clearer. I am unlearning the fear. Today, I feel a part of something magnificent and real; I love that I can raise vibration, spread the light and be love in the world.

Amanda Mossing, is a Pathways of Light ACIM Practitioner student living in Loxahatchee, Florida. Website: http://www.soulfeatherinspiration.com

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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What Do I Really Want? (A few pages out of my journal)

Rev. Maria Kingsley, O.M.C

I want to express Love as I have always told others: We are here to express Love and to bring the Love that we Are into this world. The Lesson for today is: I see nothing as it is now. This brings up ‘fear of nothingness.’ It seems the world is filled with something, we think, but there is really nothing.

When I focus on ‘my individual desire,’ I feel a power within me, and I believe it is the negative power, an ego power. It feels heavy but powerful, but it also reminds me of my ego self and the ‘force’ I want to use in the world. Yet, I also know the Love energy within me and that feels very different. That is what I truly want.
I recognize the negative energy which seems to be very neutral, as ‘expressing my individuality.’ This energy says, “I am better, I am right, I am superior, etc.” It demands that I am better than, or greater than… This part does not want to be ignored.

When I think of bringing Love into the world, I do not use this energy. I realize that it is not Love but superiority, which I have misidentified as good or helpful.

I felt strong anger this morning when my friend was talking about the fact that what I was saying did not make sense to him, and he did not know what I was talking about. I felt angry because I felt that I was right and he just didn’t get it. So I tapped (EFT) on that anger, and that anger showed up as wanting to be a separate individual, wanting to be RIGHT. Yet I had to let that go and give that to the Holy Spirit within and realize that I am not in charge of anything and that I really do not understand. A great sadness came up; I was probably sad because I did not understand and I had to let go of what I thought was ‘valuable to me’.

I felt that my function in this world is to help others. I felt that I had a unique way to help, to assist, to guide. The sadness then came up that I really am not in charge of helping others. I want to give that function to the Holy Spirit and let Him guide me. I want to surrender and be free of ego motivations. I don’t know what it means to determine my ‘chief aim in life, or individual desire,’ but I now call this ‘I want to express Love’ in the way that God wants me to show It in the world.

The next day, I was continuing in the same mode. I still felt anger and wanting to be ‘separate.’ The lesson today is ‘My thoughts do not mean anything.’ Yet, anger comes up and it says this: I will be poor if I follow God’s guidance… I will be vulnerable… I will be unpopular… I am not in charge…  I can’t determine what is right for me!… I am no longer important… I have no power… I am alone in this world…

I am afraid that I’ll be alone, isolated… pretend to be holy or too holy… I can’t get there… I am not ready… I’ll never have vision or really hearing God or the Holy Spirit… it’s all futile… I feel comfortable in being where I am… I don’t need God… I manage just fine…

I am afraid to let go… it’s not that I don’t trust God but … I don’t know … I don’t understand … I’m uncertain… Yet — I think I am now standing at the edge of the cliff but I realize I’ve already jumped and let go… I am in the air, unsupported by ego, who cannot catch me…

During the processing time this morning, I continued to express these ego thoughts and objections. While looking at this picture and feeling it, I noticed that the ‘force’ I feel around my upper part of the body is a seemingly neutral energy which is dark smoky yet transparent, like a smoky crystal. It feels neural but I sense other stuff in it. This is the picture I got:

It feels like a black panther or a beast, who is sitting there, looking at me as if I am lunch. He is hypnotizing me with thoughts of being a victim and wanting to be a separate individual. He promises the world, but he just sits there. The energy is one of wanting to attack and chop things up to pieces, to separate with anger and energy of destruction.

Yet, I have a choice. I can allow that energy to influence me, or I can go with the Oneness of God and know that he cannot harm me if I am in the Oneness. The Oneness is my safety and assurance and gives me everything. It gives me support, whatever I need, whatever I truly want, and keeps me safe in a loving energy or loving environment.

THE ONENESS IS WHERE I WANT TO BE. IT COUNTERACTS THE SEPARATION. I AM SAFE HERE. I AM FOR OTHERS, AND THEY ARE FOR ME.

Thank you, Holy Spirit, for guiding me to feel the embrace of the Oneness. I feel safe now.

Rev. Maria Kingsley, O.M.C., is a Pathways of Light minister living in Tucson, Arizona.

© 2014, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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