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Handing My Judgments to God

by Rev. Martha Firnschild, O.M.C.

Exhausted. Tired. I need to just put a time limit on how much time I spend with her. I come away feeling so wiped out.

But the Course says I am making myself tired; that I am judging myself as being capable of being tired. Judged myself. Judged me. Compared me with her a million times while sitting there. At first I was able to handle each judgmental thought one at a time as they came up. I heard her say that she was feeling less than a coworker that seemed to have so much extra time and energy to give to her job being with the children. A mirror, I thought. That is exactly what I feel about her — she has so much more energy than me. What is wrong with me anyway.

Okay, I am riding with that one. I see that we are both the same and judging and comparing one against the other reinforces separation. It got too thick to battle when she mentioned again how amazing our meeting each other was. She had told her husband that we both have sons 2 years and eight months apart in age with similar, no the same, challenges. And how she found my web site and was I really a reverend and could perform ceremonies?

Too much expectation is what I guess was making me uneasy. How can I live up to that, whatever that is? God knows I have a hard enough time just living up to my own expectations. Obviously, or I wouldn’t be having this conversation. The other thing that just really astounded me was the way she was able to read a paragraph of ACIM, never having read it before, and make more sense out of it than I have ever been able to. Scene — Huge sweaty Sumo Wrestlers struggling back and forth in my head.

Standing on the patio under the starlight I wondered, “Why, God, have you made ACIM such an emotional and mysterious ex

I filled my lungs with cool air and, admiring stars sitting in the tree branches, decided to give it all up. “All right God,” I said, “I have all these insecurities. I know that they keep me from intimacy and screw up my relationships. They make me miserable. I give them over to you. My gift to you.” Ha! The wry sense of humor is there but I quiet it with my continued prayer. “I ask you, God, to take from me these judgments that torment me and keep me from true intimacy with my brothers.” As I gazed up at the sky I became aware that the night air felt close around me. The arms of God, I thought. Cozy contentment washed over me as I stood there feeling. I began to feel the loneliness in me lift. And I knew that He was with me and I with Him. I also knew that I cannot disappoint the one who is looking for the truth of who I am because He is who I am.

Rev. Martha Firnschild is a Pathways of Light minister who lives in Rockwood, Michigan

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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Holy Spirit — Take the Lead

by Rev. Linda Wisniewski, O.M.C.

My daughter just celebrated her 30th birthday and her husband gave her a party which my husband and I attended, along with the in-laws, my ex-husband, his wife and my other daughter. It’s been a long time since I have been with the in-laws and the ex. In the past, everyone was tense and suffered silently, and sometimes not so silently, during these uncomfortable getogethers.

In addition to the birthday celebration, all the grandparents were looking forward to spending time with our two young grandchildren, Ben five years old and Mia Dora, six months old. All the grandparents live out of state and don’t get to see the grandchildren that often. I felt nervous about the visit as my ex and I never had the best of relationships, and my daughter’s in-laws and I are neutral and polite with each other. I also felt sad because I knew I wouldn’t be getting to spend as much time with the children as I would have loved.

However, since coming to Pathways, I am learning that whenever I am experiencing worry, fear, anxiety or trying to control the outcome of things, I am being controlled by ego and there could be no peaceful resolution.

I spent the week before the party asking Holy Spirit to assist me in being in a state of peace and to help me extend love equally to all during the visit. I asked Holy Spirit to help me see and revere the Spirit within my daughter’s in-laws and in my “ex” and his wife. The Course teaches that “either person in a relationship can move it toward a holy one. The desire for peace and the willingness to forgive simply have to be greater than the wish to be right and in control.”

I also asked Holy Spirit to help me let go of my need to control how much time I would spend with Ben and help me to trust that whatever happened during the weekend would turn out perfectly as long as I let go and allowed myself to be led by Holy Spirit. I thanked Holy Spirit for giving me an opportunity to practice extending love equally to all and giving me another chance to experience his love and peace. I asked Holy Spirit to forgive myself and my ex, and release us from guilt over the past. As I prayed and put my ex, his wife and the in-laws in the Light, I saw us all coming together in a circle of love. I felt myself softening and relaxing in the presence of Holy Spirit’s love for me.

When I arrived at my daughter’s, I greeted the in-laws and the “ex” and his wife with warmth and hugs that I sincerely wanted to extend. My daughter immediately informed me that the in-laws would be taking care of Ben Friday evening and Saturday, during the day, and my husband I would watch Ben and Mia Saturday even-ing during the Party. When I heard this, I could feel myself tightening and feeling disappointed. I could feel irritability rising up in me trying to take me over. I observed the tension rising within me but I was learning I had a choice. I could choose ego and be miserable and create misery for my daughter or I could choose Holy Spirit’s way; let go and trust that Holy Spirit knows what’s best. I prayed on the spot and asked Holy Spirit to take the lead. Almost immediately, I again felt myself relaxing and could feel the tension and irritability dissolving.

So, on Friday evening I looked forward to returning to the hotel and resting. It had been a long seven hour drive. I was also planning to relax on Saturday so I would have energy to watch the children Saturday evening. Our room was next door to the in-laws where Ben would be spending the evening. However, with Holy Spirit’s help, I allowed peace to wash over me.

Just as I was about to get into my p.j.’s, my son-in-law knocked on the door. When I opened it, Ben was there also. It seemed his parents wanted to go to sleep. They were tired and Eric, my son-in-law asked if it would be all right if Ben stayed with us. He was looking forward to going to the pool and spending time in the hotel. My husband and I were overjoyed. We had so much fun in the pool with Ben.

The next morning, I called my daughter and asked where we should take Ben. She said the in-laws went out to eat and were going shopping and could we take Ben for the day while they prepared for the party. Again we felt overjoyed and had another wonderful day with Ben and a wonderful evening with Ben and Mia.

I approached the weekend nervous and tense, wondering how things would work out with my ex and the in-laws. But I placed my trust in Holy Spirit, which allowed me to relax and respond with love. Everyone was friendly, my daughter enjoyed the party and the outcome couldn’t have turned out better. I returned home feeling fresh and relaxed, grateful that I made the choice to allow Holy Spirit to lead and I follow in trust. As the Course says, “It is far better to acknowledge the ego’s presence but then rely instead on the Holy Spirit for specific response to the twists and turns in Life. Making this choice changes every detail of every experience we’ll have, now and forever.”

Spending more time with my grandchildren was icing on the cake. But, the real lesson was letting go and letting Holy Spirit take the lead and, placing the present, past and future in the hands of God.

Rev. Linda Wisniewski is a Pathways of Light minister living in Plymouth, Wisconsin.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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Highlighted Minister — Rev. Marshall Spall

Rev. Marshall Spall, O.M.C.

We recently received an inspiring and enthusiastic communication from Marshall Spall, a Pathways minister who lives in Saskatchewan, Canada. Below he honestly shares with us the importance of his learning to let go of his willfulness and accepting Holy Spirit’s miracles by not deciding what anything means on his own. We thank Marshall for this helpful message that is important to us all:

I have been making incredible leaps and bounds with my understanding of A Course in Miracles. There was a time when all I really wanted was just to feel better about my life, which I felt was pretty bad. Heck, lets face it, I had some really hard breaks in my life and had used that to further gain support from individuals that would buy into my “dream of self victimization.” This went on for quite some time — quite some time.

I do not know when it came about but what happened was the realization that the Course was really telling us that there is nothing to run away from. By being with the pain and experiencing it without giving my answer to try to solve the pain, and letting go of practicing willfulness, my mind was able to enter the miracle ready state.

My painful situations have become an opportunity in learning how not to practice self autonomy so that the natural occurrence of the miracle can cause a shift in my consciousness and what I thought before is gone.

I do not think it was by chance it was named A Course in Miracles, but more importantly, A Course in Miracles is a course in learning how to be in the miracle-ready state of mind and that is all that is needed for the miracle to occur.

Now I have learned to step back and ask my Father for a new way to see the things that I feel pain over. I wait in quiet expectancy for my Father’s answer — not as I would have it be according to the way I think would answer my pain, but in the acceptance that I do not know what I am going to do in the situation.

In effect I am abandoning my plan and relinquishing my willfulness. The miracle then occurs for me. I have found that the absence of willfulness is the prerequisite for the miracle-minded state of being that allows for the manifestation of the miracle to occur.

My will was to run away from my problems or pain through trying to define the problem and answer. And here all this time the answer was the miracle.

Rev. Marshall Spall is a Pathways of Light minister living in Saskatchewan, Canada.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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Hitting the Wall

by Rev. Deb Frantz, O.M.C.

How many times have we “hit the wall” in our spiritual growth? We have feelings of depression, anxiety, fear, worry, sadness and even physical ailments. Somehow we know that we are close to a major healing, and yet somehow we shy away from it. The healing would bring us peace but somehow we are convinced that it would bring us more pain and agony. It seems easier to run away from further spiritual growth. We use various tactics to get away from our growth. For instance, we make excuses for why we do not practice the Workbook Lessons, or even use the weather as an excuse not to join with others in Course study.

I can hear all of those now because I have used them myself, so that is how I know. I used to be very anal about starting the lessons on January 1st and continuing throughout the 365 days. If I missed a lesson, then I was done for the year. My ego then termed me as a “failure” for that year. I, of course, learned later to just brush my little ego off and pick myself up into the lessons.

And what about joining with others for healing, “Oh well,” you may say to yourself, “I have missed so much already, why bother? I’d be so far behind.” I have a little secret for you. The Course tends to repeat itself over and over until we finally are illuminated. You can jump in at any point, just be open and willing to listen and you will receive what you need at the given time.

“Brother, we heal together as we live together and love together.” (T-11.VIII.11:4)

When we get to the blockage, we attempt to go around it, or under it, or over it. What we really need to do is go through it. Take the Holy Spirit with you and go through it all. Here’s a reminder from my favorite quote:

“I am responsible for what I see. I choose the feelings I experience, and I decide upon the goal I would achieve. And everything that seems to happen to me I ask for, and receive as I have asked.” (T-21.II.2)

That is a real hard lesson to learn, that we are responsible for everything that has manifested in our lives. We have somehow put our intention of unloving thoughts out there into the universe and the universe has duly supported the thoughts by bringing to us those seemingly “difficult” people, relationships and situations into our lives. But yet, this simple quote offers us freedom from the prison that we have encased ourselves in. It is a cold prison that we have created, but God’s Love is true freedom. Give yourself permission to feel what you are feeling. Experience it to the fullest, all the while knowing that when you are ready you will move beyond to the Light.

I went through this myself months ago. Yes, it seemed painful at the time, yet the Holy Spirit was there with me, holding my hand, surrounding me with His gentle kindness and unconditional Love that I had no choice but to emerge from this and into the Light of God.

Subject matter may come up that you have never even thought of or even had forgotten. How could I be the one that has shackled someone else and including myself? This I did. I realized this recently as a situation from a few years ago was brought into my awareness. A few years ago I had bailed someone out of jail. I had forgotten about this situation but through the healing process I have experienced as of late, I received an answer from the Holy Spirit as to why I bailed this person out of jail in the first place. I did so because I knew that I could create a better prison than the one my municipality could. I could punish more severely and more harshly, and in fact I did. This awakening has brought me peace and forgiveness. I even shared this with the person, and they agreed that indeed I had created a prison for both of us. Incredible, but true. Another obstacle has been removed from my spiritual path.

On the other side of the obstacle is clarity of sight. We judge ourselves so harshly, but in reality there is nothing to judge, only to know and understand Who we are. Our truth is that we are very holy. The other truth to know is that God is always with us. With this clarity of sight, we can see our reactions and actions to what goes on around us. It continues to remove obstacles and allows us to follow our True Purpose.

Rev. Deb Frantz is a Pathways of Light minister living in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.

© 2004, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
You may freely share copies of this with your friends, provided this notice and website address are included.

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