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Gentle Healing Journal Day 72. 12-17-18

Journal for Day 72
LESSON 68
Love holds no grievances.

“To hold a grievance is to forget who you are.”

Holding grievances keeps us asleep dreaming of a life filled with hatred, fear, guilt, pain, and death. It keeps us afraid of a God that we imagine must be like us. There is not a grievance in the world that is so important to me that I am not willing to release it. I want to remember who I am. I want to remember God as He is, not as I have made Him. I want to wake up and go Home. I cannot do that holding onto a grievance.

I don’t think that it matters if a grievance feels major to me or if it feels like a minor one, any grievance is an impediment to my purpose. I don’t have any grievances that loom big in my mind now, I haven’t for a long time. The only way I can find a grievance now is to ask myself what I wish were different in my life. I wish I could believe my dear friend was safe.

So I guess I could see this as a grievance against my friend, maybe? It hurts my heart that he believes his addiction makes him less than he was. His depression scares me. Thinking about him makes me want to say something that fixes him. All of that is code that maintains the illusion and can be seen as a grievance. I don’t want that anymore.

None of this is real, not the story of Myron, and not the story of my friend. But before I can have the real, I must let go of the code for the fearful, guilt ridden illusion of the ego mind. I must accept the code for the Atonement that is represented by the happy dream in which I have no grievances.

I have tried to see his situation differently and have made great strides, and yet, I still hang onto the story as if it is real. I act as if this story having an ending I can love is my most urgent need. If I look at my beliefs about my friend and his situation as code, it is easier for me to be dispassionate about it. I wonder if this is the way I can finally see this differently.

Neither code is real, but one is more helpful and it is the only one that is in alignment with my purpose. I choose that code for my illusion. I am going to continue this practice, releasing the old code so that this new code can write a different story. I can imagine a truer story, one in which I see my friend as another part of the Sonship dreaming his way home just as I am, rather than a separate person, someone lost and suffering and possibly heading for tragedy.

To read about the Code:
https://awakening-together.org/the-code/

Regina’s Tips
Two specific parts of ‘What the Bleep’ are with me today as I contemplate Lesson 68, Love holds no grievances:

1 – Our brain processes over 4 billion bits of data per second, but we only aware of about 2000 bits of data per second. We select the data that is most related to our individual body, and pay attention only to that.

2 – At the quantum level, one thing can appear in many places simultaneously.

These have communicated in my mind in this way:
Our one awareness is the one observer. It appears to be in many places at one time—in many bodies at one time—but it is one awareness. However, at the experiential world level, when awareness sees through a particular body it biasedly selects only the perceptional data that it feels pertains to it. This is the limited individual point of view and the idea of ‘me’.

So as I contemplate, “Love holds no grievances,” it has morphed for me. “Grievance” is redefined as ‘limited and biased point-of-view’. In other words, “Love holds no grievances” for me today means:

Love—wholeness, or the awareness of totality as my Self—holds no limited and biased point-of-view.

As a result of this contemplation, my awareness is noticing and questioning ‘personal’ points of view today whether it appears to be a grievance or not.

My thoughts
That’s a really good point that Regina makes. I want to hold no grievances, but at the same time, I can look at it as my Self holds no limited and biased point of view.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 71. 12-14-18

Journal for Day 71
LESSON 67
Love created me like itself.

This lesson is giving me the opportunity to sink below the ego thoughts so that I can find the Self that I am. Just as it was time for me to do this, I received a call from my son. He had some concerns and wanted to talk about it. When he was done, I started to do the lesson but I could only think about my son’s problems. I was worried with him and about him.

Luckily, I have been listening to Regina Dawn Akers brilliant teaching, The Code.(https://awakening-together.org/the-code/) I used it to help me with my anxiety. I remembered my purpose which is the peace of God. Each thought that came into my mind was measured against my purpose. Did the thought that my son’s job was endangered and this was not good bring me peace? No. Then this was not a thought I had any interest in. It is just code, or as the Course would phrase it, this is just ego.

I did this with all the thoughts that came to me from that conversation. I love the fact that I can change my mind and in so doing, I can change the Consciousness and all of us will benefit from it. So, you’re welcome. ~smile~ I had a student afterward and then it was one thing after another until now. I am going to do this meditation again tomorrow. I am grateful for the opportunity to change the way I saw this situation this morning. This change will benefit me from now on. And, incidentally, the situation was resolved nicely.

Regina’s Tips for this lesson.
For beginning meditators, and on some days for seasoned meditators, step 1 takes some gentle effort. We need to softly work at not being lost in thinking. As today’s lesson recommends, we can repeat the workbook lesson to ourselves to remove attention from thought and to go back to being the inner astronaut. However, sometimes if we use the same idea too much to make this transition, the mind will begin to mindlessly repeat that idea while we are lost in thought at the same time…even while the idea is being repeated by the mind. When we notice this is happening, we can move to related thoughts. This will bring our attention out of being lost in thought, because it will take more attention (focus) to allow the related thoughts to come clearly.

Whether you are repeating the workbook lesson for the day or allowing related thoughts, let the words come slowly with space between them. Also allow as much space as possible between sentences, and move into exploring the inner environment during the space between sentences. This space between sentences may gradually become longer and longer until you are involved in the inner exploration and the sentences are no longer needed to ground your attention in meditation (or they are only needed from time-to-time).

My Thoughts
Perfect! Instructions for the meditation. Just what I need. I will give it another try tomorrow.

Second Day
The Code was helpful this morning. When I sat down to do the meditation, I had the usual distracting thoughts. I remembered that this was just code and that I was not interested in it. It came to me that we made code for the separation story and we also have code through Jesus, who is in charge of the Atonement, that is for awakening. It can be thought of as code for the happy dream.

It is easy to realize, thinking of it this way, that one cannot run two codes at the same time and expect to accomplish anything. It is just chaos to do this. I noticed code that said this is hard and I won’t succeed, that I never have. I noticed code that distracted with possible scenarios. I rejected all of that. I also noticed code that said I will succeed, that Jesus said he would never ask me to do something that I could not do. I noticed code that said it was just a matter of patience and consistent effort. That was helpful code. I stayed with it for as long as I could. I think I will try again later today. This is interesting. I like thinking of it as code because it depersonalizes it and so makes it easier to release what I don’t find useful and also depersonalizing helps me release the beliefs that make up a self.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 70. 12-13-18

Journal for Day 70
LESSON 66
My happiness and my function are one.

God gives me only happiness.
He has given my function to me.
Therefore my function must be happiness.

I fully accept this chain of logic. I have also witnessed the truth of it. As my commitment to my purpose has grown stronger, I am much happier than I ever have been in my life. I also find that I do not miss any of the other things I used to do in the hopes of finding happiness, so no sacrifice was asked of me. Nothing in the world is responsible for my happiness.

The ego wants me to think that my function here is to make decisions and win, basically. It thinks that things will make me happy and pushes its agenda. I remember when I was a sales person that I thought the best feeling in the world was getting a new customer and if I took my competitors customer that was a cherry on top.

What I quickly discovered is that what the ego gives, the ego takes away. The idea that I could take his customer left me open to the realization that he could do the same thing to me and so pleasure was quickly replaced by anxiety. My babies brought great joy and at the same time, great anxiety because what was given could be taken. This is typical ego.

What God offers is permanent happiness, happiness that does not vary or change in any way, and that does not come with a downside. What He gives is given completely and forever. If my happiness wavers it is because my dedication to my function wavered. This is a good way to stay on top of things. If I notice that I am not happy, I immediately look at my thoughts. What was I thinking that was not true?

Regina’s Tips on this lesson.
Every time you disengage from ego and bring your attention fully to the present, you are happy. You may make the mistake of thinking it was the fruit or candy (or hike or playing with your grandchildren, etc) that made you happy.

However, in actuality you are happy because you temporarily disengaged from ego, so there was nothing to block your natural state.

In the language of A Course in Miracles, the act of removing your attention from ego is called forgiveness. A Course in Miracles teaches that forgiveness is your function. Since disengaging from ego returns you to your natural state, our function (forgiveness) and happiness are one.

In order to see that this is true, pay attention to your experience. Notice that whenever you are not happy, there is a thought or story present that is driving your experience. Whenever you are happy, notice you are being present with your current experience and not caught up in ego ideas in that moment. By observing this in yourself, you will come to see that ego blocks happiness and happiness is natural when we are not lost in ego’s thoughts or perceptions.

My thoughts.
Regina, mentioned something I had not taken into consideration. She says that when I am disengaged from the ego, I am happy. This is because without the ego there is nothing to block my natural state, which is happiness. When I disengage from the ego this is forgiveness. I think her wording is helpful to my understanding.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 69. 12-11-18

Journal for Day 69
LESSON 65

My only function is the one God gave me.

I am fully committed to the function God gave me. I am the light of the world and the salvation of the world is my goal. Forgiveness is the way salvation is accomplished. In the past, I could not really see how I could save the world, but I accepted my function as best as I could because I trust Jesus.

Now I understand better. Every time I choose to forgive, the idea of forgiveness grows stronger in our mind. The idea of guilt grows weaker. As I continue to forgive, my mind becomes purified and I am prepared to awaken. Every time someone awakens, the mind is stronger. So, I am affecting everyone’s mind because everyone’s mind is part of the one mind.

It is not enough, though, that I forgive each time it occurs to me or every time I feel like it. It is not enough that I forgive most of the time. I must forgive every false idea that comes into my awareness. This is the way that I strengthen the idea that forgiveness is salvation and that it is the only way to salvation. It strengthens the idea that salvation is what we want. If I choose other goals, I am strengthening the idea that forgiveness is a good idea but not the only idea. I strengthen the idea that we can have illusion and Heaven.

Looking at my thoughts and paying attention to the emotional reaction to them, I see the goals I am holding onto that are in opposition to or a distraction to my only purpose.

I see the thought that someone dear to me is still vulnerable to depression and addiction and the emotion that I felt was anxiety. That means I have a goal other than forgiveness. I am recalling the vision I was given and I see myself as pure light aware of this situation and forgiving it because it is the only solution and my only purpose.

I want to lose weight and I want to be free of whatever thought it is that compels me to gain. The emotion I feel is uncertainty, and hesitation, so I don’t believe I can do it or I don’t want to let go of the underlying problem. Maybe I don’t want to look at it. Again, I recall the vision of light and this time I feel compassion as I forgive.

I overspent recently, and with the very tight budget I live with now, this is a problem. I am not obsessed with worry or anything, but I notice concern coming up from time to time and some anxiety around this problem. So this idea that I don’t know how I am going to pay that credit card off is another purpose other than forgiveness. But the solution, the only solution is forgiveness and I happily do so now. It will be interesting to see how this unfolds.

I can’t think of anything else right now.

Regina’s Tips for this lesson.
1 – Realizing total commitment to awakening by realizing truth is the only thing we really want.

2 – Seeing that mind’s thinking is filled with other goals & desires, which distract from our commitment to awakening.

As we’ve learned from both NTI Ephesians and The Code, the thoughts that show up in our mind and seem like our personal thoughts are not really ours. They are part of the code. They are made up by totality’s deluded fascination with the dream. As totality involves itself with dream-thoughts, more dream-thoughts become manifest. We experience those manufactured thoughts as ‘my thoughts’, but they aren’t what they appear to be. That means the goals imbedded in those thoughts are not ours either.

Ultimately, it also means that we are not the character/person those thoughts tell us we are. The entire thought-driven identification is a hoax.

My Thoughts
I understand that the thoughts in my mind are not my thoughts. They come from the Consciousness that we all share. This is why I am diligent to weaken the thoughts that are not true and to strengthen those that are. But it is also important to remember that if these are not my personal thoughts, the other goals I have enumerated are not mine either. They are just goals set by these random thoughts that I activated through my attention.

Knowing these goals are not “mine” makes it easier for me to let them go. I am not identifying with them now. It’s funny how different it feels when I think of it that way. When I thought that I must worry about my friend, it was hard to let it go. When I think that this is an idea that I noticed and decided to pay attention to, it is easier to release it.

This reminds me of what ACIM tells me. I can now ask for another way to see this. Or, staying with Regina’s language, I can allow a true thought to take its place. The only true thought is that of recognizing the hoax and choosing not to believe it. This leaves my mind clear so that I can know the truth.

Regina says it like this.
“My only function is the one God gave me.” That function is determining the difference between what is unreal and what I am, removing attention from what is unreal and abiding as myself. Ultimately, abiding as myself—being who I am—is my function.

As you look at thoughts today and tomorrow, try to see beyond the story being presented to the content of the thought. The content is the energy that the thought represents. Is it fear? Worry? Guilt? Unworthiness? Attack? Defense? Jealousy? Control? etc.

After you notice the content, ask yourself, “Is [content] what I want?” It will be easy to see it isn’t. Then you can genuinely go on to say, “This thought reflects a goal that is preventing me from accepting my function.”

My thoughts
I’ve looked at the content, the anxiety and doubt, the worry and fear. I know that I don’t want the content and so I can genuinely go on to say that this is a thought that reflects a goal that is preventing me from accepting my purpose of abiding as my true self. This is exactly the same as forgiving (undoing) the other goal and accepting my true purpose as my only goal.

Salvation is remembering the world is an illusion and my thoughts are maintaining it and so deciding to forgive all of that and be who I am.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 68. 12-10-18

Journal for Day 68
LESSON 64
Let me not forget my function.

Today’s idea is merely another way of saying “Let me not wander into temptation.”

The purpose of the world you see is to obscure your function of forgiveness, and provide you with a justification for forgetting it.

“…every time you choose whether or not to fulfil your function, you are really choosing whether or not to be happy.”

Seriously, my function is to save the world through forgiveness. I was given a vision of myself as a light being that stood in place as the world of time passed by me. When I would become aware of a false thought, or an image that represented untrue beliefs, I would through the power of God in me undo that error. It didn’t matter where I saw it, in myself or in another, in a person or a situation, if it was false, it was my responsibility to forgive it.  It was a simple and joyful occupation of my time here and absolutely necessary.

I understand my function and I accept it. I also am aware of the temptations that pull me away from it. Sometimes those temptations are the belief in guilt, sometimes it is the desire to ruminate about the past or speculate on the future. Other times it is the temptation to occupy myself with mindless entertainment. But I make a conscious decision to stop or at least limit that kind of thing. The more attention I give my function as the light of the world, the happier I am and so the more I want to complete my function.

Regina’s Tip for this lesson.

“Let not the form of the decision deceive you. Complexity of form does not imply complexity of content.” Every decision is one of fear or freedom. To let the mind seek for a solution is to choose the perception of fear. To watch and see how spontaneity unfolds is freedom. Fear hides being. Freedom reveals it.

My thoughts
Regina had several helpful tips but this is the one that attracted me. Sometimes the story grabs my attention and I get caught up in its apparent complexities and overlook the only thing that matters which is the belief behind the story, the content over form. An example might be the recent Kavanaugh story.

There was a lot of complexity in this issue and many people were deciding what was true and what it meant if it was true. The ego mind likes to have an opinion about everything and thinks its opinion is valuable, and that is a form of ego distraction. I read some of the articles and I noticed how it brought up a lot of distress for some women.

I had a few thoughts about it pass through my mind, but in this case, I saw the underlying content, which was fear. Fear showed up as rage and disgust and conflict. I felt compassion for everyone involved. At the same time, I saw the situation as an opportunity for healing for everyone involved, so I did not see it as a bad thing. I saw my part as weakening those thoughts by not giving them my attention or my belief. That is a form of forgiveness.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 67. 12-9-18

Journal for Day 67
LESSON 63
The light of the world brings peace to every mind through my forgiveness.

“Accept no trivial purpose or meaningless desire in its place, or you will forget your function and leave the Son of God in hell.”

It is in my power to bring peace to all of the Sonship through my forgiveness.  What could possibly be more important than that? Is it more important that I be right? Is it more important that I be a success in the world? How about that I fulfill a dream of the perfect relationship? Could upholding the image I prefer to present to the world will be more important than bringing peace to every mind?

What do I put in the place of this function? Watching TV? Shopping? Visiting with friends? Projecting guilt onto others, accepting guilt as my due? Making plans on my own, playing the victim? Indulging fear? These are the kinds of things I have done in the past rather than accepting my function as the light of the world through forgiveness. Some of those I have left behind and the rest are going that way as quickly as I am able.

How do I save the world? By accepting salvation myself. As Jesus has told us, my only function is to accept the Atonement for myself.

Regina’s Tips for this lesson.
Regina wrote this: I have rewritten today’s lesson for me in order to have more motivating power for me. My lesson is:
The light of the world brings peace to every mind through my forgiveness. I am the means God has appointed for the salvation of the world. I am purity, pure peace, pure love, truth unadulterated. That is my nature. My nature is realized through forgiveness.

As I look at this, I feel motivated. Each time I say it to myself, my heart opens. It is the right version of today’s lesson for me. Feel free to find the right version of today’s lesson for you. And then, let additional related thoughts come to you throughout the day.

My thoughts
I relate to forgiveness and to being the light of the world, and to be the salvation of the world. I relate to the fact that I am holy. So I think that the phrasing of todays prayer works for me.

The light of the world brings peace to every mind through my forgiveness. I am the means God has appointed for the salvation of the world.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 66. 12-7-18

Journal for Day 66
LESSON 62
Forgiveness is my function as the light of the world.

I have established in my own mind that I am the light of the world. This is not in question. I am dedicated to removing anything that dulls that light. And the way I do this is through forgiveness. There are several things that help me forgive, the first of which is understanding that forgiveness is undoing. When I forgive someone, I am not forgiving him or her for something they did, but for something they did not do. I forgive them the illusion of wrongdoing.

Another thing that helps me greatly, is to realize that I am the scriptwriter of this story of Myron and that includes everyone in it and ever situation that occurs in it. And, I am the interpreter of all things in this story. So how is it that anyone can be guilty of anything that I chose to experience?

“2 Illusions about yourself and the world are one. That is why all forgiveness is a gift to yourself.”

This body, this personality, this ego self that I sometimes still confuse as being myself is as much of an illusion as is the world around it. It is the same illusion taking a different form. This is why forgiveness is a gift to myself. It doesn’t really matter what I seem to be forgiving. I can forgive someone for attacking me with his or her words or I can forgive some pedophile I read about in the paper.

I can forgive my father for being an alcoholic, and I can forgive the policeman for giving me a ticket and the person shopping while sick and coughing all over me, and I can forgive myself for past behaviors. It’s all the same. I am actually forgiving an idea of separation, the image this idea takes is irrelevant. In other words, I am forgiving, thus, undoing the ego. So as I forgive you, I am forgiven. As I undo the illusion of you, the illusion of me is undone.

“For this attack must be replaced by forgiveness, so that thoughts of life may replace thoughts of death.”

The idea that my life is actually life is ridiculous. That is why I usually call it my story. It is a fantasy that was written to give me the best chance of undoing the belief in it and the desire for it. Since it is not actually life, we can call it thoughts of death. My purpose while I am here is to recognize the specific thoughts of death that are in my mind and replace them with thoughts of life, thoughts that bring joy and peace. If this fantasy I am living is a story of death, then the story I make with my true thoughts will allow me to get very close to reality, to Life.

*“3 Remember that in every attack you call upon your own weakness, while each time you forgive you call upon the strength of Christ in you.”

This is pretty clear. Every time I attack myself or anyone or anything, I reinforce my sense of weakness. Every time I forgive, I restore the strength of God to my awareness. As Jesus says, “It will remove all sense of weakness, strain and fatigue from your mind. It will take away all fear and guilt and pain.” I am as God created me and He created as an extension of Himself. In my creation God gave all of Himself. Attack thoughts are the reason that this is not apparent to me. The failure to forgive is what keeps me from remembering what I am.

Regina’s Tips for this lesson.
This is from her tips: If you notice your thinking patterns, and then sit down and contemplate what you see with inner wisdom, what type of thinking is helpful for you to focus on first? What type of thinking causes you the most unhappiness now? If you pick one genre of thought that causes unhappiness in you and begin by focusing forgiveness on that type of thought, you can make progress fairly quickly (in weeks or months) with one type of thinking. From that, you will increase forgiveness skills and you will see genuine results. You will have the actual experience of more freedom. This encouragement will increase both your willingness and confidence.

As you contemplate today’s workbook lesson, why not ask within, “Where shall I begin the process of forgiveness?” See if some genuine insight comes. If it does, begin this journey by practicing forgiveness with those thoughts with vigilance.

My thoughts
I don’t have any problem with forgiving others. When I notice an attack thought against another person or even against a situation, I am quick to let that go. I don’t see any value in holding onto it so I don’t hold onto it. The pattern that I still work on is guilt directed toward myself and even that is on the way out.

I do still work on fear thoughts. So I guess that is where I am going to focus my practice of forgiveness.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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