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Gentle Healing Journal Day 65. 12-5-18

Journal for Day 65
LESSON 61
I am the light of the world.

“I am the light of the world. That is my only function. That is why I am here.”

For a long time, I would flinch at this statement. The self I was familiar with seemed to be a dismal failure at being the light of the world. But I kept going back to it, trying to absorb the fact that God knows me and so I must be wrong about myself. Eventually, I came to understand that my ego self is not the light of the world, but I am, and it is my purpose here to accept this function and to let that light shine so bright that the ego self becomes its shadow, still here, but insubstantial.

It is interesting that this is the lesson for today because in the wee hours this morning I woke up from a disturbing dream. The ego was asserting itself and it was not a pretty picture. I tried to stop thinking but that didn’t work. I tried to change the thoughts but that didn’t work. The ego would have me believe that I am this little self and that is all I will ever be. It is a nauseating feeling.

Finally, I thought to do the Sacred Heart meditation. That thought was opposed by the ego, saying that I was not worthy of being with Jesus. I hesitated for a few moments, but I have gone through these ego stubborn attempts to convince me that the truth is not true and while they are unpleasant and I still get entangled, I always throw them off. So I did the meditation and I asked Jesus for his help to see differently.

What he gave me was a visual that I have found helpful in the past and that I teach from myself. I first read about it in “In the World But Not of It.” It talks about the Self as a clear blue sky and the thoughts as clouds in the sky. I saw these thoughts in my mind as dark, foreboding clouds. But what I know is that clouds don’t stay and when they are gone, the clear blue sky is unchanged by their presence.

I sighed with relief knowing that ego thoughts do affect this story, but they do not affect me. This morning when I woke up, I was the same light of the world that I am meant to be and the temporary disturbance of the night before was meaningless. Those attempts by the ego to maintain itself as me don’t come all that often anymore, but they are vicious when they do. It’s good to see that even though they can briefly affect me, they cannot overcome me anymore.

From Regina’s Tips for this lesson.
What gives power to a thought and makes it seem meaningful? Can you see that it is your attention that makes a thought seem meaningful?

What causes an emotion like anger or jealousy to become manifest in your body? Can you see that attention on thought creates emotion? Can you see for yourself that your attention is an activating force?

Notice that you have freewill regarding where you place your attention/awareness.

My Thoughts
Last night while I was still affected by that disturbing dream and still not completely awake, I let my attention linger on the ego thoughts in my mind. That is where I was casting my attention and the more attention I gave those thoughts the more they seemed to take on a reality that was not actual. Thoughts can make a false reality that affects my experience even if it does not affect my reality. I will continue to be vigilant for where I cast my attention.

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Gentle Healing Journal Day 64 12-4-18

Journal for Day 64
Lesson 60
1 (46) God is the Love in which I forgive.

It [forgiveness] will bring me near enough to Heaven that the Love of God can reach down to me and raise me up to Him.

This lesson has some essential information. For one thing, this is where I am told that God does not forgive because He never condemned. This is certainly not what religion teaches us. It seems to me that I had a hard time letting go of the idea that I need God’s forgiveness.

The next thing it tells us is that the blameless cannot blame. Did you know this before you learned it here? I didn’t. This was completely new information for me. So when I accept my innocence, I won’t see anything to forgive, but in the meantime, I must forgive in order to recognize that I am innocent.

I suppose this means that I must forgive myself and everyone else, including God, and then I will know myself as innocent. This is so important that Jesus ends this paragraph by telling me that it is through forgiveness that I am close enough to Heave that the Love of God can raise me up to Him. Forgiveness readies me for God to take the final step.

2 (47) God is the strength in which I trust.
It is the Love of God in which I forgive and it is His strength in which I trust. This is good news because if I were depending on my own strength, I would not do very well. I never actually forgave anything before I discovered ACIM and learned what true forgiveness entails. Even then, it took years of practicing ACIM before I felt the strength of God stirring in me to the degree that I was able to recognize His reflection on earth.

One of the most complete forgiveness experiences I had was with my ex-husband. I had held many grievances against him and I spent a year after we divorced watching my mind for thoughts that indicated a grievance and letting them be corrected. I then spent more time catching little thoughts that were not completely clean.

Finally, and I don’t know how long this took, but the job was complete. I didn’t need anything from him. I didn’t need him to change in any way. I wasn’t interested in the past and when some past thought came up, I didn’t feel any anger or resentment. It’s really hard to think of a way to describe this, but I absolutely knew this relationship was healed. I also know that I could not have done this with the ego.

3 (48) There is nothing to fear.
I long to experience the world that Jesus talks about in this lesson. He is clear that I am not seeing the world right now. He says that it will not look anything like what I IMAGINE I see now. So I am not seeing the world, I am imagining a world. The world loves me and blesses me. In the world I will recognize in everyone my dearest Friend.

Do you notice that Friend is capitalized? Capitalized words in the Course indicate Divinity. So I think this means that everyone I look at I will see as the Christ. So of course, there will be nothing to fear and since that world exists now, there is nothing to fear now. It is only in my imagination that there is something to fear.

4 (49) God’s Voice speaks to me all through the day.

“There is not a moment in which His Voice fails to direct my thoughts, guide my actions and lead my feet.”

This guidance is going on all the time. Sometimes I am listening and sometimes I am not. I don’t pray for guidance so much as I pray for the good sense to listen to guidance. LOL. May I hear Your Voice speak to me all through the day.

5 (50) I am sustained by the Love of God.
God’s Love, God’s Voice, God’s strength, I am sustained by Him. It is His Love through which I forgive and His Vision through which I see. I am in God and He is in me. I love God and He loves me. I belong to God. As I let go of everything that is not God I will remember that I am His Son.

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Gentle Healing Journal Day 63 12-3-18

Journal for Day 63
Lesson 59

1 (41) God goes with me wherever I go.
God doesn’t go beside me or before or behind me. He goes with me because we are inseparable. I am in God and God is in me. He is God the Father and I am God the Son, and though He came first and birthed me, I am what He is. I have to remind myself of this often because this illusion of a frail and vulnerable body and this illusion of a mad world are so pervasive and so realistic that the truth seems like a myth rather than a fact.

But that it is true means that I have all that God is at all times, so absolute peace and love and joy are always at hand. To experience the truth the only thing I need to do is to be willing to acknowledge that the world I made is not real and that I no longer want it. It seems like it would be easy and yet we all find it very difficult. We are like children so easily distracted by the next shiny thing to come our way. And like children, the shadows become monsters and frighten us into hiding. But God remains God and so do we, so we will finally choose salvation.

2 (42) God is my strength. Vision is His gift.
We will awaken because we are not depending on our own (ego) strength but on the strength of God. We will succeed because we are not fighting anything real. It is just a matter of vision. We look with the body’s eyes and see an illusion and believe the illusion is real. It’s funny because I was just talking to my son and he was telling about his persistent problem with insomnia.

He goes so long without sleeping that he hallucinates. It can be very frightening when this happens. He doesn’t realize that he is always hallucinating and the sleep deprivation induced hallucinations are just a variation on the norm. It’s frightening only because it is not a shared hallucination and it is different than he has come to expect. What he sees when hallucinating looks as real as what he sees normally, just different.

As we begin to accept that the body’s eyes don’t really see, that they actually make images of our thoughts, we have taken the first step to seeing what is actually there. The mind is now open to another possibility. Until that happened, we were stuck with the world as we have come to believe in it. We can open up to true Vision as given by God and we will understand eternity. We don’t have to figure out how to do this; we only need to become willing to accept His gift.

3 (43) God is my Source. I cannot see apart from Him.
It is time to admit that I don’t see anything real, that I only see my thoughts projected as images. As long as I continue to think with the ego mind, I will see images of these thoughts. I don’t have to do this. I can and have been learning to use my holy mind instead. This is where the thoughts of God reside. These thoughts will show me what God wants me to see. It is the only way to actually see.

4 (44) God is the light in which I see.
I was thinking about how I dream at night. It is dark in my room with my eyes closed, and yet images flicker across my “vision.” I see in darkness because it is only my mind that makes these images and light is not needed. So when I am awake there seems to be light and I seem to see things. Yet, it is still dark and the light and the things I see are not there. Again, it is just my thoughts being projected as if they are real things.

To truly see, I must do so through God. He is the light in which I see. I must think with God and then I will see with God. It is the only way to actually see. My very poor replacement for seeing is not making me happy and I am ready to be happy. With God I will see a happy world.

5 (45) God is the Mind with which I think.
“I have no thoughts I do not share with God. I have no thoughts apart from Him, because I have no mind apart from His. As part of His Mind, my thoughts are His and His Thoughts are mine.”

What else can I say? These are not hopes and wishes; they are facts. Everything else I experience is an illusion. As Jesus has said, the thoughts I think I think… I think I am thinking but I am not. The truth is I can only think with God because I am part of His Mind and we share our Thoughts. I am certain that the thoughts I think I think are not thoughts God thinks so they cannot be real.

Having been married to a schizophrenic at one time, I am fully aware of how the brain can misfire and convince someone that his/her paranoid thoughts are based on reality. I no longer have a lot of faith in our thinking. I know that we are all insane and that we are all just a thought or two away from even more frightening insanity. So if God is the Mind with which we think, what we have been doing cannot be called thinking. Perhaps it can more accurately be called an illusion of thinking.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 62 11-30-18

Journal for Day 62
Lesson 58
1 (36) My holiness envelops everything I see.

“Seen through understanding eyes, the holiness of the world is all I see, for I can picture only the thoughts I hold about myself.”

What do I see with my eyes? I see images I have made from my thoughts therefore I am always seeing myself mirrored in the world. If I see guilty people it is because I believe in guilt. If I see frightened people or frightening situations, it is because I believe in fear. What I believe in is not real, but it is what I will see and experience for as long as I believe in it.

When I forgive what is not true, I will see only love because love is all that will be left. When the lesson says that my holiness envelops everything I see, it does not mean that I make everything holy. It means that my forgiveness reveals the holiness of all things.

2 (37) My holiness blesses the world.

“As I recognize my holiness, so does the holiness of the world shine forth for everyone to see.”

Because there is nothing that is separate from God’s Creation, what It is must be shared and what is shared can be recognized by all that choose to see the truth. The joy and the peace are right there for everyone to see. I’ve noticed that I am aware of this joy and this peace when I turn from the ego version of the world. Sometimes that feels hard but only because I have chosen to believe in it. As soon as I forgive this choice, I see the world differently. The world didn’t change; I did.

3 (38) There is nothing my holiness cannot do.

“My holiness is unlimited in its power to heal, because it is unlimited in its power to save. What is there to be saved from except illusions?”

When I forgive it is always only illusions that I forgive. Nothing God created needs forgiveness and nothing exists except as God created it. What I see is an image I have made from my thoughts. Change my thoughts and the image changes.

Where once I saw sickness, now I see healing. Where once I saw hatred, now I see love. Always it is my mind that determines what I see and a healed mind is very holy and makes only images that reflect that holiness.

4 (39) My holiness is my salvation.

“Once I have accepted my holiness, nothing can make me afraid.”

It is guilt that causes fear and it is my holiness that undoes the belief in guilt. My fearlessness is the gift of God to me and to the world. This gift is given and so is already ours. There is nothing we have to do to earn it. All that is required is that we accept it in place of what we have made instead.

5 (40) I am blessed as a Son of God.

“My Father supports me, protects me, and directs me in all things. His care for me is infinite, and is with me forever.”

If I am experiencing anything that is not good, is not joyful and peaceful, I must be dreaming. It can only be an hallucination because it did not come from my Father and only what my Father gives is real. This is not a hope; this is a fact. I am eternally blessed as His Son.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 61 11-29-18

Journal for Day 62
Lesson 58
1 (31) I am not the victim of the world I see.

“How can I be the victim of a world that can be completely undone if I so choose?”

How is it that I choose to walk out of this world? This morning, I joined with the Holy Spirit in choosing the kind of day I would have. This is what was decided.

Today I will make no decisions by myself.

Today, I am going to make every effort to remember that I am not a victim of my life but the maker of this life, the scriptwriter. I will enjoy the story. If the script becomes one of suffering, I will remember to ask Jesus what thought error needs correction, allow it to be corrected and feel gratitude for the events that pointed to the error in thinking.

If I make no decisions by myself, this is the day that will be given me.

Later this morning, I was at the eye doctor. I had to get my eyes dilated, something I don’t like doing. I also don’t particularly like my doctor. He doesn’t really listen and he doesn’t like to be questioned or disagreed with. I noticed my mood and realized that I was not having the day I decided on. I had to wait for my eyes to dilate so I took advantage of that time to talk to Jesus.

I put my hand on my heart and called to him. When I felt connected, I told Jesus how I was feeling and that I recognized that I was holding a grievance against this doctor and that I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to free my mind of ego thinking. I asked Jesus what this was really about. I knew right away that it was about not feeling safe. I didn’t feel safe with this doctor and that made me feel vulnerable.

All ego thoughts and situations are a result of the tiny mad idea in which we chose to see ourselves as separate from God and the resultant fear and guilt. We just play that moment out over and over in different ways. In seeing myself separate from God, I felt vulnerable for the first time and that is all that was happening here, this time with the doctor playing the part God played.

But nothing actually happened in the tiny mad idea other than a fantasy. I am not ever vulnerable. I am always safe. The ego is what feels vulnerable and it is the ego that seeks to defend itself. I am not the ego and unless I choose to identify with the ego, I do not have to feel endangered. I gave the Holy Spirit the belief that I am what I made.

I accepted His correction and saw myself outside of and apart from the body in that chair waiting for her eyes to dilate. All the anxiety and the resentment just fell away. Nice. This is how I step outside the world I made. This is how I leave behind the idea of victimhood. I went to the doctor for my yearly exam and left with a prescription for new glasses and a peaceful mind.

2 (32) I have invented the world I see.

“I made up the prison in which I see myself.”

I made up the idea of a body and I made up the idea of a world of separate things that have no connection to each other. I made up the idea that I could somehow be separate from my Source. Because of the power of our mind, all that could be imagined was imagined and we have been exploring it since.

But no matter how extraordinary the illusion, it is still an illusion. I can be free of it simply by not thinking it anymore. That is what I am learning now and slowly, as I understand what thoughts are perpetuating the illusion, I choose to release them and they are undone.

3 (33) There is another way of looking at the world.

“I would look upon the world as it is, and see it as a place where the Son of God finds his freedom.”

I have used the illusion as a prison for the Son of God, but there is another way to see it. As I let more and more of the imprisoning thoughts be corrected, the world takes on a different meaning. Each person in my life and each situation in my life mirrors the beliefs in my mind and lets me see which I want to keep and which I am ready to let go. What held us prisoner now becomes the way to freedom.

4 (34) I could see peace instead of this.

This morning at the doctor’s office, the world felt like a prison. I was stuck with a doctor I didn’t trust and who seemed arrogant and uncaring. The world felt dangerous to me. Because I have learned to choose peace above all else, I let my mind be corrected. All the judgmental thoughts and feelings fell away as I decided that I wanted everyone there to feel loved. This was the best checkup I have ever had. They took their time and did a good job. The world is a place of war if my mind is at war. It is a place of peace if my mind is peaceful. It’s up to me.

5(35) My mind is part of God’s. I am very holy.

“I begin to understand the holiness of all living things, including myself, and their oneness with me.”

My doctor is very holy. The technicians are very holy. I am very holy. We are all part of God and so we are all very holy. That is just a fact. Everything else that I seem to experience is an illusion. That we are all part of each other and part of God is the only thing that is true.

PS This is the first time in two years that I can see clearly and that I don’t suffer eye fatigue. I think that my past judgment and resultant distrust of the doctor is the reason I was having so much trouble getting a correct prescription. I had gone in with a loveless attitude and my thoughts were projected outward as this situation. This year I let that all go and the prescription I received was absolutely perfect. It has made a big difference in my life.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 60 11-28-18

Journal for Day 60
Lesson 56

1 (26) My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.

Over and over, Jesus tells us that it is our attack thoughts that hurt us. This morning as I was making my coffee, I noticed that the mind was chattering away. I stopped the runaway thoughts and looked at them. They were all attack thoughts. I am convinced that all ego thoughts are attack thoughts. Either they are blatant attack thoughts or they are more subtle attack thoughts.

Even the happier thoughts attack my invulnerability. For instance, the thought that I am getting really good at catching these thoughts implies that I am not perfect and that I am not yet safe. And yet, even with all of these many attack thoughts, God has kept my inheritance safe for me. So I am actually only attacking my sense of invulnerability. Why then is it important that I do anything about this? It is because what I believe is true for me and my belief in my invulnerability is causing me to suffer greatly. I am tired of suffering and want to remember my true thoughts.

2 (27) Above all else I want to see.

“Recognizing that what I see reflects what I think I am, I realize that vision is my greatest need.”

To see myself as I really am, I must let go of the image I have made of myself. This is my job right now, letting go of what I see so that vision will show me what I am. The ego mind is especially active right now. Because of the body issues that are happening, the ego senses that I am susceptible to its fear thoughts. How perfect that these are the lessons I am working on.

(28) Above all else, I want to see differently.

“While I see the world as I see it now, truth cannot enter my awareness.”

Jesus is not asking me to wait until the world is different in order to be happy and safe. He is saying that there is a world that I can see right now if I am willing to look past the world I presently see. The world I see right now is a reflection of the ego attack thoughts in my mind. As I am willing to give up those thoughts and embrace the true thoughts in my mind, the world will look different to me. Just as my ego thoughts are reflected on the world, God’s thoughts if held consistently in my mind will reflect His perfect love. I believe this is true because it is what Jesus promises in the Course.

My faith is reinforced as I consider those who have gone before me and proven that it is true.

4 (29) God is in everything I see.

“God is still everywhere and in everything forever. And we who are part of Him will yet look past all appearances, and recognize the truth beyond them all.”

It can seem to be impossible that God is in everything I see. That seems too inclusive to be true. There are some pretty awful things out there, and yet, to be true it must be inclusive. If there is anything in which God does not exist, then I am not safe and therefore I am not as God created me. I will not be fooled by the images I have made. Behind them is the truth reflected and I can choose to see that instead.

5(30) God is in everything I see because God is in my mind.

“I have not lost the knowledge of Who I am because I have forgotten it. It has been kept for me in the Mind of God, Who has not left His Thoughts.”

Ahh, now we see how it is that my true identity is held safe for me. It is being kept for me in the Mind of God. And God has not left me. This passage calls me a Thought in the Mind of God. How could I be any safer than this? Thought cannot be sick or guilty; it cannot be in pain nor can it die. And Thought in the Mind of God can only be what God is or it could not be in God. I am one with all of God’s Thoughts and one with God. I will remember this and everything I have believed before will fall away. My only job now is to allow myself to be convinced that this is what I want instead of what I made to take its place.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 59 11-27-18

Journal for Day 59
Lesson 55

1 (21) I am determined to see things differently.

“I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me…”

I am inundated with “proof” that I am not as God created me. That is what this world is all about, being something I am not. So I am going to have to put some effort into seeing differently, to seeing witnesses to the truth. I am determined to do this now, and from now on. This is an interesting time for me to choose this focus.

My body is not at its best and my finances are strained because of the costs associated with the body issues. These circumstances alone point to the illusion rather than the truth. On the other hand, I see all of this and recognize that it is an illusion. There was a time when I would have gotten lost in the story and suffered intense anxiety and that isn’t happening now, so this points to the truth.

2 (22) What I see is a form of vengeance.

“It is my own attack thoughts that give rise to this picture.”

That I have chosen to believe in separation guarantees attack thoughts. If there are two, there is competition and the idea of competition is the idea of attack. As I was writing about this, I received a message on Facebook to beware of friending a particular person because he is a hacker I need to be afraid of. It’s a hoax and generally I just say so and think nothing of it. But this time, I saw it differently. I saw it as a form of vengeance.

This hoax is an attack and the desire to defend is an attack. I, of course, checked with Snopes to be sure it is not real because that is normal caution. But to react in fear and to encourage fear is just feeding into the ego thought system and making it stronger. Not that I haven’t done exactly that in the past, because I have done so and probably continue to do so in a million little ways. But I thought this might be a good time to turn this particular form of vengeance around and offer peace instead.

So many times we are challenged in our lives with lack and loss, pain and sickness, and broken relationships. As Course students we might look for the wrong thought in an effort to avoid these situations in the future. Sometimes we can even see the link between a thought and its effect, but often, I think, it is just a general belief in attack and defense that causes the situations we come to regret. This time when the hoax showed up, I chose to do more than ignore it or call it out. I chose to meet it with peace.

3 (23) I can escape from this world by giving up attack thoughts.

“Herein lies salvation, and nowhere else.”

Talk about simplifying the whole thing! All that I have to do is notice these attack thoughts and realize I am no longer interested in them. The Holy Spirit will do Its part and eventually, the mind snaps to the fact that all attack thoughts are the same and none are true or real or valuable. This is the path out of the world I made.

4 (24) I do not perceive my own best interests.

“I am willing to follow the Guide God has given me to find out what my own best interests are, recognizing that I cannot perceive them by myself.”

There are a few things in ACIM that I have fully accepted. One of them is that I know that I am never a victim of the world I see.  That is never up for debate; I simply am not. This is another of those. At no time do I perceive my own best interest if I am depending on the ego mind to make that decision.

The ego does not know who I am. The ego thinks it is me and so will always assume what is good for the ego is good for me. This will only bind me more closely to the world if I accept it as true. I do not, so if I realize I have inadvertently asked the ego for help, I put that advice aside and ask the Holy Spirit instead.

5 (25) I do not know what anything is for.

“To me, the purpose of everything is to prove that my illusions about myself are real.”

The entire world, including this separate self I think of as me, was made for the purpose of providing me with an experience outside reality. The only way this could work is if I entered it with temporary amnesia. I have to forget everything that is true and real if I am to have an experience of separation. There is another purpose to the world and it is just waiting for me to be ready to see it. I am ready to withdraw my own purpose now and as I do so, the real world is revealed. So far this has occurred slowly a little at a time. It is hard not to be impatient.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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