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Gentle Healing Journal Day 58 11-26-18

Journal for Day 58
Lesson 54

1 (16) I have no neutral thoughts.

“As the world I see arises from my thinking errors, so will the real world rise before my eyes as I let my errors be corrected.”

These lessons clearly indicate that we will undo the guilt and fear that blankets the world we have made so that we can experience it as it can be, a joyful and loving experience. And just as clearly, we will do that by releasing the thoughts that are the cause of what we see in the world now and embracing our true thoughts.

2 (17) I see no neutral things.

“What I see witnesses to what I think.”

What is going on in my world right now? This will tell me something about my thoughts. It will tell me if my thoughts are true or false because everything that occurs in my little corner of the world is an effect of my thoughts. And everything that occurs in all the world is the effect of our thoughts.

(18) I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my seeing.

“As my thoughts of separation call to the separation thoughts of others, so my real thoughts awaken the real thoughts in them.”

It will also tell me what kinds of thoughts we have because I am also responsible for everything that appears in this world, “I” being part of the whole. And since I am responsible for what is seen as the world, I have the power to affect the whole. As I allow correction in my own personal mind, that correction is shared by all.

4 (19) I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts.

“I am alone in nothing. Everything I think or say or do teaches all the universe. A Son of God cannot think or speak or act in vain. He cannot be alone in anything. It is therefore in my power to change every mind along with mine, for mine is the power of God.”

What else can I say about this? How could it be any clearer?

5 (20) I am determined to see.

I would look upon the real world, and let it teach me that my will and the Will of God are one.

Has this occurred for me yet? No, not fully. But I have seen the effects of being determined to see. I have seen my world change and I have seen that change affect those around me. I am highly motivated to continue and am more determined than ever to see.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 57 11-25-18

Journal for Day 57
Lesson 53

1 (11) My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.

“I have real thoughts as well as insane ones. I can therefore see a real world, if I look to my real thoughts as my guide for seeing.”

It is essential that we acknowledge the unreality of the world we see and the life we seem to live within this world. But if we were left there with nothing to believe in we would be trading one nightmare for another. We are not left there. All that is required to let go of the world we see now is to let go of all attack thoughts. And the way to see the real world is to allow these thoughts to be replaced with my real thoughts. I see the world differently now than I used to. It is not the real world yet, but even in the slow steady pace I have chosen for myself, I see a dramatic difference.

2 (12) I am upset because I see a meaningless world.

“I am grateful that this world is not real, and that I need not see it at all unless I choose to value it.”

Even now while I seem to live in this world, I notice how different it seems to me since I have been letting go of untrue thoughts. For instance, I used to value my special relationships. I would always say yes no matter what was asked of me, no matter how much I didn’t want to say yes. The value I put on the specialness of my relationship made it hard to have a real relationship with those I loved and cared about.

Last year, though, I had the opportunity to look at a relationship with a dear friend again and decide what it means to me. My friend wanted me to do something that I didn’t want to do. I had been working on detaching from these special relationships, and it seemed to be working. So when I was asked to do this, I said no.

She was very angry with me because in her mind, I was her solution. I was afraid she would hold a grudge and I knew this could disrupt our relationship permanently, but I meant no so I said no and I stuck with it. There was a time when I could not have said no. Then there was a time when I could not have stuck with my answer.

Absolutely, there was a time when I would have been so upset with the situation that I would have suffered. This time, though, I wasn’t upset. I checked for sure that I wasn’t being selfish, and I watched my thoughts and feelings and released those that were not my real thoughts. In a couple of weeks, she had found a solution and was over her anger.

I’m glad it worked out like that because I love her dearly, and I am happy that I have seen, to some degree at least, a world beneath the world that is projected from the ego fear and guilt thoughts. This was one instance and there are others, but I am still working on this. I know how to release old beliefs and I am learning to be open and receptive to the truth regardless of what seems to be going on in the story of Myron. From this happy result, I can extrapolate a future world that is not driven by fear and guilt.

3 (13) A meaningless world engenders fear.

Just being in the world is a scary proposition. There is no stability, no grounds for trust. Whatever I choose to believe in and value in the world will be overturned and leave me feeling hopeless and alone. But living in the world without believing in it is entirely different. Every frightening and discouraging idea can be seen differently when its unreality is established in the mind. Even the possibility of its lack of reality opens the mind to a different belief and therefore a different effect.

4 (14) God did not create a meaningless world.

“Let me remember the power of my decision, and recognize where I really abide.”

The world we see every day is meaningless and since God did not create the meaningless, this world cannot be real. It cannot exist. I must be dreaming. As long as I decide to continue the dream, it will appear to be real to me and I will suffer the effects as if they are real. But, the power of my decision will release me from this nightmare of my own making. I decided on the world I see and I will decide otherwise. I don’t have to go anyplace to be in the real world. I only have to withdraw my belief in what is meaningless and decide to believe only the truth. Working on it.

5 (15) My thoughts are images that I have made.

“Whatever I see reflects my thoughts. It is my thoughts that tell me where I am and what I am.”

Could Jesus make this any clearer? I don’t see how unless he described the process in which we use our thoughts to give form to our wishes. Oh yeah, he does that in Lesson 325. Right now I am content to place my attention on the simple fact that it is done. The split mind has been driven mad by its own absurd reasoning and the world as we see it now is the effect. Even so, I can use my real thoughts to change how I see the world. I do this as I continue to recognize the insane separation thoughts for what they are and choose God instead.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 56 11-22-18

Journal for Day 56
Lesson 52

1(6) I am upset because I see what is not there.
I understand this on two levels. On the level I am calling the world, I perceive everything according to the interpretation the ego gives it. For instance, suppose I found out that my friends went to the show together and didn’t invite me. If I used the ego mind to interpret this, I would believe my friends had abandoned me and maybe they didn’t really like me anyway.

If I used my holy mind (the Holy Spirit) to interpret this situation I would be happy that they had a good time and enjoyed each other’s company because that is what Love does. The ego’s interpretation showed me something that was not there. The Holy Spirit’s interpretation showed me Love, which is always there.

On a higher level, I see a world that represents separation. Everything is separate from every other thing and this puts all things in competition with each other. It creates conflict and strife. There is jealousy and rage and guilt. On this level, I acknowledge that nothing I see with my eyes actually exists; I see only the projections of ideas in my mind. If I am upset it can only be that I see what is not there. Reality is not upsetting.

2(7) I see only the past.
Again, I am seeing this on two levels. From within the world, I might be upset that I wasn’t invited to be with friends. If so, it is because I have learned from life that friends should not abandon you. Perhaps I learned this from listening to adults with this mindset, or from books I read or TV shows. I think of the mind as this big computer that holds all these learned behaviors and interpretation of behaviors.

When something happens that triggers a search through the ego mind, for instance, my friends didn’t invite me along, I find memories from the past that seem to apply to this situation. I make decisions about the current situation based on this past learning because if I use the ego mind to decide, I don’t have any other information to use.

If I look at this on another level, it is not really about not getting invited to the movies. It is about acknowledging that the ego mind is not useful in making judgments and that those judgments are based on faulty premises and so are not helpful. It is about looking at the root cause of the emotional reaction so that it can be healed. The root cause might be a feeling of unworthiness. If I allow that error to be corrected, I am free to see differently, and am no longer mired in the past.

3(8) My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.
All it takes to know this is true is to pay attention to the thoughts that run through the mind. I sat in silence for just a moment and the thoughts that ran through my mind were all thoughts based on the past. Every last one of them. If I have only those thoughts on which to make decisions, nothing is ever going to change. How could it? And that is the ego’s purpose, to use time to maintain the illusion of separation from God.

On another level, as long as I continue to turn to the ego mind for solutions, I am turning to the past and the past does not exist. As Jesus tells us in Chapter 26 of the Text, “You keep an ancient memory before your eyes.” When I am thinking about the past, I am not actually thinking at all; I am reviewing what it is I want to know. Being thus preoccupied with past thoughts, I have defended against the thoughts I think with God and assured that the cycle of birth and death continue and nothing is solved.

4 (9) I see nothing as it is now.
Everything I see with my eyes or perceive with my mind is a reflection of my thoughts. If my thoughts are mired in the past and therefore do not exist, then what I see with my eyes cannot exist either. If I want to see what is actually there to be seen, I must recognize the problem as it is. I must be willing to acknowledge that my eyes are not for seeing but for image making, and I must acknowledge that there is a way to see and that I want to see.

(10) My thoughts do not mean anything.
My thoughts are meaningless because not only are they thoughts of a non-existent past, but because they are “my” thoughts. They seem to be my own private thoughts that belong only to me. This is as impossible because we share the same mind. These thoughts that I think I think are as much of an illusion as is the world they show us, but as long as I accord value to them and treasure the idea of private thoughts, I will be unaware of my real thoughts. I share my real thoughts with all of us, and with our Creator. These are the thoughts I want to uncover.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 55 11-21-18

Journal for Day 55
LESSON 51

Nothing I see means anything.

It doesn’t mean anything because when I use my eyes, I am not seeing anything that actually exists. They are showing me images made from my thoughts, images that represent what I want to see into existence, and failing this, that I want to believe exists. It’s a hopeless cause, this image making, but it is what I have made in the place of true vision and that is the reason I am ready to know the world I see does not exist. I want to see what does exist and I can’t see them both at the same time.

I have given what I see all the meaning it has for me.

In an effort to give reality to my illusions, I use judgment. I look on what I made and decide what it means and so the illusion seems to take on life. But the judgments are as unreal as the hallucination and so nothing is created, only made. Nothing I see exists in spite of the layer after layer of judgment that I hope will validate what I have done, or at least obscure its lack of reality. But all I am doing is hurting myself.

I do not understand anything I see.

Oh my God, how could I understand anything I see? I have made images of untrue thoughts and using invalid judgments have attempted to give meaning to what does not actually exist. All that I am seeing are my mistaken thoughts. I waste my time if I try to make sense of the world I have thought up. Instead, I intend to keep my focus on simply releasing what is nonsensical for the beauty and glory of reality. I choose to recognize the beliefs that are in error and release them so that I can see what is actually true.

These thoughts do not mean anything.

The reason my thoughts don’t mean anything is that they are not my real thoughts. It is as if I have made a little room in my mind in which I pretend to think outside God and all that I see is the result of these non-thoughts. In this isolated room, I have convinced myself that I created a whole world of my own while God wasn’t looking and He is not part of it. As long as I believe this fairy tale, I have cut myself off from my true thoughts, the thoughts I think with God. This game has lost its glamour and I am no longer satisfied with it. In fact, I wonder if I have driven myself insane trying to obscure reality with my judgments. If so, I have found the strength of God in me that is allowing me to return to sanity.

I am never upset for the reason I think.

Ever since I have made this little world in my mind, I have spent each moment, day and night, trying to keep it going, trying to defend it. Lie after lie must be justified, and attacks seem warranted under the circumstances. Everyone is my enemy eventually, even those who are so very special to me, maybe especially those.

I seem to be embattled on all fronts. Someone wants my money, people make me sick with their contagions, politicians make foolish decisions and I am hurt by them. There are wars and threats of wars, hurricanes, and all sorts of natural disasters. Relationships fall apart and leave me feeling alone and betrayed. It is all someone’s fault, something done to me by someone else. They are the reason I am upset.

And yet, how could that be? This is my world, made by me. How could something happen that is not my desire? I have learned that no one hurts me but me and that I do it in defense of an insane thought system, which is my real problem. It is this thought system that is the cause of my upset and I am more than willing, anxious even, to let it go in favor of reality. There is nothing of it worth keeping.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 54 11-20-18

Journal for Day 54
LESSON 50
I am sustained by the Love of God.

It appears that I have placed my faith in some insane symbols, pills, doctors, and a whole slew of medical professions, tests, and surgery. And to a point, I have, but not really. My faith is in the Love of God. Or said another way, my faith is in the Love that is God. I have faith that I am in the right place doing the right thing. I have faith that all my many helpers both embodied and in spirit surround and keep me. I have faith that angels hover all about, protecting my mind from any dark thoughts that would enter my mind.

I don’t see this help as keeping me alive or even having a successful surgery. I see this situation as another way that I ready myself for awakening and that I help the entire Sonship to awaken as I bring each fear thought, each attack thought to the Holy Spirit for healing. I see it helping us all wake up as I use the doctor and hospital visits to uplift and love those around me. So even though this upcoming surgery seems like a major drama in the life of Myron, it is really just one more step toward enlightenment for the Sonship.

Regina’s Tips

One error that creeps into the minds of many spiritual students is “magical thinking.” Magical thinking is believing that spiritual practice protects us and makes us happy by correcting the things in the world that we think need correcting. This error is fairly common and is fiercely protected by the ego, so it isn’t always easily let go.

Everything that is born will die. Each one of us does well to accept this fact. When we accept that the body-personalities that we perceive ourselves to be are temporary and can end at anytime, we are ready to seek for our eternal Self. Our eternal Self is beyond everything temporary and is affected by none of it. The realization of our eternal Self as our truth is ‘salvation’, ‘awakening’, and ‘eternal life’.

“Only the Love of God will protect you in all circumstances. It will lift you out of every trial, and raise you high above all perceived dangers of this world into a climate of perfect peace and safety.” This refers to truth realization. When you know what you are, you are not affected by the ups and downs of this world because you know yourself as beyond it.

p.s. Because magical thinking is such a strong ego defense (to keep us identified with the body), people often ask me questions like, “Should I take medication?” I resonate with Byron Katie’s response. She says that the body is the doctor’s business, not hers.

Let the doctor play games with the body. If the doctor says to take a medication or go through a certain procedure, go ahead, but watch your mind for the idea that this will save you. Identification with the body is an error. You are not the body.

My Thoughts

This was pretty much my thoughts about my surgery. My doctor was my partner. He took care of the body and I watched my mind for wrong-minded thinking and I tried to extend love as much as I could. I have a purpose here and it is not to extend the life of the body. I am not this body, it is just a useful tool while I still need it. It is to use the body for my awakening. I use it to help me see what beliefs I need to undo. I use it as a true communication device, that is to extend love.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 53 11-19-18

Journal for Day 53
LESSON 49
God’s Voice speaks to me all through the day.

Oh my God, I love this lesson so much! I love it because I believe it, and believing it, I know I can trust that whatever the question might be, the answer lies right alongside of it. I do not trust my ego mind to solve all problems, to bring me joy and peace, but it is the Voice for God that I turn to when I am in need. This I can trust.

“The part of your mind in which truth abides is in constant communication with God, whether you are aware of it or not.”

Does this statement astound you? Does it amaze you? It does me, even as it brings my mind to peace. I have a mind that is in constant communication with God. I have no idea what that is like. It certainly isn’t in words. God does not know or need words.

What if you could know everything I feel and everything I know just because you want to. Would you need words to describe this knowing? Of course not. Why would you? What need would words fulfill if the knowing were complete already?

I cannot imagine the communication that is occurring between God, and me but I accept that is occurring. I do experience the effects of this communication. There are times when I feel distraught and I know that the peace of God is what I really want, so I ask for that with a complete willingness to accept it. Suddenly, it is as if I had never been upset. Sometimes, I can’t even remember why I was upset. This effect is caused by the Voice for God communicating to me His peace.

Sometimes, the Voice for God translates the communication into words for me. This occurs as thoughts that are in my mind that were not there before, thoughts that represent the Truth, or come as close to it as I am able to absorb. I was reading something I wrote on Facebook last year and it was really profound and I thought about how much I have grown over the years. I then read the same exact thing I had written on Facebook nine years before.

I was stunned for a moment as I considered that I was really wise back then. Of course, I was not wise in my understanding, just wise enough to ask for and receive clarity. I was given an answer that I understood in 2009, but that I understood more deeply now. The ego mind can learn things, but it cannot know things. The knowing comes as the Voice for God in constant communication with us heals our mind of what is not true. It needs only our permission, not our cooperation, and not even our surface awareness. Holy Spirit, heal my mind. Wake me up.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 52 11-18-18

Journal for Day 52

This morning when I asked the Holy Spirit what I should do, I was led to talk about my experience this week at M D Anderson. I left Tuesday for Houston to spend two days doing tests for an upcoming surgery. I didn’t get much sleep Tuesday night and I had to fast for 8 hours so that Wednesday morning I was both tired and hungry. I didn’t get to eat until after three that afternoon. I know that lots of people fast regularly, but I don’t know how they do it. Hunger wasn’t the problem, really. That passed after a while. But I was tired, emotional and couldn’t think clearly. I knew it was just a combination of sleeplessness and lack of food, but that didn’t change the way I felt.

Still, I was ok most of the day. Sure, I was there to find out what was to be done about this body not operating properly, but that was not my true purpose. I had decided before I left to be love and extend love and to see the Christ in those I met. I did pretty well with that, but I had to remind myself periodically. I also had to remind myself that I am not the malfunctioning body, but the one imaging it into being.

Finally, after a day that seemed to go on forever, we got to the last test. I had to do a CAT scan that lasted an hour and a half. It was very unpleasant to lie absolutely still flat on my back for that long and to do so in a tube. What made it harder was that by that time I was truly exhausted both physically and emotionally. I felt like crying. So what I did was to try to sink below the ego thoughts that said this shouldn’t be happening and that I would prefer something else and to enter into the light.

I did this for a while, and then I set an intention to be outside the body and to watch what was happening and that helped. Another thing I did was to use self-talk. I reminded myself that this process is difficult if I believe it is, and if I listen to the ego thoughts that is what I will believe. I remembered that there is another way to see this and I realized that it would be just as easy to see this as an adventure, to view it with curiosity rather than dread. This worked very well.

As I lay there I watched the whole thing ebb and flow, sometimes feeling exhausted and wanting it to end, then noticing these thoughts and releasing them so that I could accept true thoughts instead. I would be at peace for a while then another ego thought would intrude and I had to start over. I think that giving the body to Jesus to take care of and deliberately choosing not to engage with ego thinking were two very helpful ways of dealing with this. Also, self-talk helped a lot, too, because that reminded me of the truth.

The next day I had to get another long test, an ultrasound on my neck. There was the possibility of a biopsy depending on what they found during the ultrasound. No one likes to hear “biopsy”, especially while at a cancer hospital. I watched the fear thoughts as they came up and was able to easily release them. I remembered that there is nothing to fear because I am not depending on my own strength, but the strength of God in me. I remembered that God is in me and that I am in God. It all went fine and I am happy I didn’t have to have a biopsy, and even happier that I was able to accept it either way.

I am so very grateful for A Course in Miracles. While my visit was not without its ego influences, if I had not been practicing the Course it would have been far more difficult. I was grateful that I remembered that I have a purpose and that purpose does not change with circumstances. I am grateful that I remembered my purpose. I’m also extremely grateful that at those times I listened to the ego, I noticed what was happening and stopped and I did this without making myself feel guilty. Ego happens, but so does correction.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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