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Study of Text, Chapter 13: II.The Two Emotions, P 10. 8-24-16

V. The Two Emotions, P 10

10 You have but two emotions, and one you made and one was given you. Each is a way of seeing, and different worlds arise from their different sights. See through the vision that is given you, for through Christ’s vision He beholds Himself. And seeing what He is, He knows His Father. Beyond your darkest dreams He sees God’s guiltless Son within you, shining in perfect radiance that is undimmed by your dreams. And this you will see as you look with Him, for His vision is His gift of love to you, given Him of the Father for you.

Journal
We have only two emotions, love and fear. God gave us love and we made fear. When we are fearful we see a scary world. When love is our vision we see a loving world. I noticed how true this is the other day. My brother was my boss and I had little to do with his partner. When my brother retired and his partner became sole owner of the business, a lot of things changed. I looked at it through fear and everything that was said and done brought up fearful thoughts.

My new boss seemed to micro-manage everything and he seemed to have no faith in me even though I had been doing a good job for the company for many years. I pushed against this and I figured I was going to get fired at any time. I felt like he resented me and just kept me there until he got someone more suitable to his way of doing things. Everything he said seemed to prove my worst fears. I was miserable and felt trapped in this situation.

I hated not being at peace and yet everything that happened at work reinforced my fearful thoughts. But I kept using the Rules for Decision and I kept asking for another way to see. The only other way to see is through love. So I began to say “I love you” each time I thought of him or had a resentful or fearful feeling about him. Things began to change.

What changed was not his management style or how he thought of me or treated me. What changed was my vision. I began to feel loving toward him. It was the darndest thing. I began to say I love you because that was my guidance. I didn’t really mean it at first, but I knew that it made sense. If I am unhappy hating him then another way to see would lead to love, so I started moving in that direction. And lo and behold, I wound up there!

He called me into his office to talk about something and I heard myself saying to him that I liked him. I told him that I liked that he was so involved. I told him that even though I would be retiring soon, I hoped he would continue to do well, and that I would do what I could to make the transition easier. I didn’t know I would say these things, but I felt the truth of them as they came out of my mouth. And I felt love rise up in me as we spoke.

I went from resenting his interference to seeing it as involvement and enthusiasm. As I listened to him I saw how hard he was trying to be a good boss and a good person. And the only thing that changed was my vision, not him and not my job, and not my work, just my vision. I chose to see through love rather than fear and the Holy Spirit helped me to do that even though I didn’t understand how it would happen or even how it could happen.

Will he fire me before I retire on my own terms? I don’t know. Maybe. Without looking at the world through fear I am not worried about that anymore. If I get fired I will just see what happens next. He has a vision for the company and it is one that I don’t agree with, but instead of resenting him for that, I can ask for another way to see the situation. I can ask for a way to see it through love rather than fear. My world can appear depressing and scary, or it can appear interesting and loving. Up to me!

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Study of Text, Chapter 13: V. The Two Emotions, P 9. 8-23-16

C 13: V. The Two Emotions P 9

9 Do not seek vision through your eyes, for you made your way of seeing that you might see in darkness, and in this you are deceived. Beyond this darkness, and yet still within you, is the vision of Christ, Who looks on all in light. Your “vision” comes from fear, as His from love. And He sees for you, as your witness to the real world. He is the Holy Spirit’s manifestation, looking always on the real world, and calling forth its witnesses and drawing them to you. He loves what He sees within you, and He would extend it. And He will not return unto the Father until He has extended your perception even unto Him. And there perception is no more, for He has returned you to the Father with Him.

Journal
I have to laugh because as I read this I thought about doing the Lessons for the first time. I read those early lessons and I would squint my eyes and hold my head just right in the hopes of seeing everything differently. I never saw anything with my eyes except the world as I knew it, a world of separate bits of form, kept apart by my naming and my insistence that there be gaps between each named thing.

Now I understand that I don’t see reality with the eyes. I perceive reality with the mind. I don’t do this consistently or ever, really. Though I do get peeks beneath the veil, and sometimes I feel something akin to reality as love rises up in me and takes me over. But at least I can accept that there is reality and that it is here in me, and I can know it and feel it if I want to give up the idea of separation completely and for all time.

I have trouble accepting the Holy Spirit’s vision of me as Christ, but I want to. My desire grows stronger every day. Even when I am going through a difficult period of undoing that feels like I descended into hell and scares me, I am never completely out of touch with truth. There is a bit of light guiding me through these dark and unpleasant, but necessary. experiences.

It will all be worth it one day when I have fearlessly, and without guilt, looked at the hatred in my mind that made this world, and have firmly rejected it as not me and no longer mine. In the meantime, I look at the hate in my mind that I see reflected as the world, and I let the Holy Spirit heal my mind. The Christ that is in me will see for me and I will know the real world. He will call forth its witness and bring them to me. He will not stop until this is done. Oh holy and faithful Holy Spirit, I am so grateful.

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Study of Text, Chapter 13: V. The Two Emotions, P 8. 8-22-16

C 13: V. The Two Emotions P8

8 Vision depends on light. You cannot see in darkness. Yet in darkness, in the private world of sleep, you see in dreams although your eyes are closed. And it is here that what you see you made. But let the darkness go and all you made you will no longer see, for sight of it depends upon denying vision. Yet from denying vision it does not follow you cannot see. But this is what denial does, for by it you accept insanity, believing you can make a private world and rule your own perception. Yet for this, light must be excluded. Dreams disappear when light has come and you can see.

Journal
We have given ourselves a body with eyes that show us our projections. These eyes also show us light, but it is not real light, it is like the rest of what we see, an illusion. Light is not seen with the body’s eyes, nothing real is seen with the body’s eyes. This is such a hard thing for the ego mind to understand because everything it knows is seen with those eyes, and yet eyes do not see, they only report what the mind hallucinates.

Real seeing is done in real light. It is done not with a body but within the mind that it is. This is the reason that when people awaken in the dream they can see what the eyes show them, but they also see what is real. They are still here and still using a body so they are aware of the illusion, what we make up. But now they also see the light and love that makes up everything, and this is not done with the eyes but in their awareness. So I am told. ~smile~ This is what Jesus is talking about here, true perception.

If there is a real world, and there is real light and as Jesus says, we can actually see it, then why don’t we? We have closed our minds to the light and denied it is there. Instead we are mesmerized by the stories we made up, and have forgotten they are not real. We have made a place in the mind with a stage on which we can act out our fantasies. We have gotten so involved in our fantasies, have denied reality for so long, that we have lost our minds.

All the world’s a stage and that is all it is. We gave ourselves form and walked upon the darkened stage, and made a private world just for ourselves. And then we gave our forms eyes and said let there be light and let our eyes reveal our stories. Now, eons later, we are still watching the play that was over almost before it began. We watch and in our watching we deny the vision that would allow us to see what is really happening.

But Jesus tells us this: Yet from denying vision it does not follow you cannot see. We can see, but to see we must let go of the darkness, let go of our dream of a separate little world we rule with our insane laws. We cannot know light while we long for darkness. A Course in Miracles, the practice of A Course in Miracles, is bringing us to the brink of sanity.

We are beginning to understand what is going on, and beginning to glimpse the truth we have been hiding from ourselves. Now we need only desire reality more than illusions and we will leave the insanity behind. Once we understand and decide for God, there is nothing we need do. We stand at the brink and when our desire is whole, we fall into God.

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Study of Text, Chapter 13: II.The Two Emotions, P 7. 8-18-16

V. The Two Emotions, P 7

7 Little child, would you offer this to your Father? For if you offer it to yourself, you are offering it to Him. And He will not return it, for it is unworthy of you because it is unworthy of Him. Yet He would release you from it and set you free. His sane Answer tells you what you have offered yourself is not true, but His offering to you has never changed. You who know not what you do can learn what insanity is, and look beyond it. It is given you to learn how to deny insanity, and come forth from your private world in peace. You will see all that you denied in your brothers because you denied it in yourself. For you will love them, and by drawing nigh unto them you will draw them to yourself, perceiving them as witnesses to the reality you share with God. I am with them as I am with you, and we will draw them from their private worlds, for as we are united so would we unite with them. The Father welcomes all of us in gladness, and gladness is what we should offer Him. For every Son of God is given you to whom God gave Himself. And it is God Whom you must offer them, to recognize His gift to you.

Journal
God loves us all. He wants us to be happy. He knows we are perfect because He created us perfect, because we are an extension of Him. God does not hold grievances because God is not a person and so has no ego. That is our hallucination, not God’s. We have nothing to fear from God. H offers us only love. When we offer ourselves insanity we offer it to Him, but He does not accept it because it is unworthy of Him and thus unworthy of us.

These are true statements, but we don’t actually know this. If we did, we would be having a different experience. We would be awake having a happy dream and then we would wake up from the dream and know our Divinity and the Love that we are and the Love that God is. Jesus says the way we know Him is to come out of our little private worlds and meet our brothers in love instead of judgment. Offer our brothers God and we will know God.

We practice this in our everyday life as we treat others as if they were dear to us, closer to us than our breath, a part of us. Last night I received very poor service where I ate supper. Instead of asking blessings on the overwrought waitress, I resented her. That is me in my own little world, separate from her, separate interests, separate goals.

I could easily have forgiven the whole situation and spent my time knowing that each and every one of the wait staff and the other patrons are part of the Sonship along with me. I could have reveled in that sweet knowing and been a blessing to everyone. Well, perhaps I will remember the next time. And the next time comes very quickly as thoughts of “others” come into my mind, as I interact with dozens of people today.

Here is another truth, I love them, even if, caught up in the story of being separate from them I have forgotten that, I do love them. In loving them, I draw close to them and I draw them out of their private worlds. Jesus says this:

I am with them as I am with you, and we will draw them from their private worlds, for as we are united so would we unite with them.

Yes, Jesus, my brother, I am ready to spend this day with you, saving the world, bringing us all home. What I give to myself, I give to God. What I give to my brothers, I give to myself and I give to God.

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Study of Text, Chapter 13: V. The Two Emotions, P 6. 8-9-16

V. THE TWO EMOTIONS, P 6
6 As you look with open eyes upon your world, it must occur to you that you have withdrawn into insanity. You see what is not there, and you hear what makes no sound. Your manifestations of emotions are the opposite of what the emotions are. You communicate with no one, and you are as isolated from reality as if you were alone in all the universe. In your madness you overlook reality completely, and you see only your own split mind everywhere you look. God calls you and you do not hear, for you are preoccupied with your own voice. And the vision of Christ is not in your sight, for you look upon yourself alone.

Journal
I will be honest; it feels pretty depressing as I look at the world I made, depressing and sometimes hopeless. I want to let this all go. I want to look at a world that has been purified of my projections. I want to see people for who they are in truth rather than see my sick mind projected onto them. I want to hear the words that come from their heart rather than giving their words meaning that comes from my unhappy and confused mind.

I am doing the work I need to do, and still I feel like I am pushing that great stone uphill only to have it roll back down again. And I know that God is speaking to me all through the day but that I listen to Him only occasionally. However, I also know that I am beginning to see things differently and that when I hear His Voice, I hear it clearly. I see that no matter how discouraged I might get, and how afraid I am of my own stubborn insistence on holding attack thoughts in my mind, I always remember that I don’t have to do this and that I have help to stop. I remember my purpose.

I have a support group. I have my fellow Course students and very helpful teachers. I have my quiet time in the morning as I read and listen and write what I hear. I have my Course groups and I have my students and mind healing partners. I have my classrooms where I practice and where I learn much needed lessons through experience, which is the best teacher, after all.

I also have much unseen help. I have the Holy Spirit, and I have Jesus, my dear brother. I have angels and guides and other non-physical beings who have much to offer me. Mostly I am unaware of their help except that I will have sudden insights and clarity. I will move inexplicably from sadness or anger and into peace simply because I called out for help. I don’t see them and mostly don’t hear them, but I know they are there. They want me to help awaken me and I welcome their help.

I am not alone. I am so thankful for that. I am beginning to see that Jesus is right that we but do this to ourselves, and that there are no accidents, and that our day is not at random. As I learn more about projection and perception I begin to see how I do it to myself. I see how I use the ego mind to perceive situations, and then I project what I perceive onto the world. Then I use the body’s eyes to prove my insane conclusion is real. My new clarity about how all this works motivates me to push through my episodic periods of discouragement to ultimately reach my goal.

Thank you, Jesus, for A Course in Miracles.

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Study of Text, Chapter 13: V. The Two Emotions, P 5. 8-9-16

V. The Two Emotions, P 5

5 You have but two emotions, yet in your private world you react to each of them as though it were the other. For love cannot abide in a world apart, where when it comes it is not recognized. If you see your own hatred as your brother, you are not seeing him. Everyone draws nigh unto what he loves, and recoils from what he fears. And you react with fear to love, and draw away from it. Yet fear attracts you, and believing it is love, you call it to yourself. Your private world is filled with figures of fear you have invited into it, and all the love your brothers offer you, you do not see.

Journal
As I was reading this I was trying to picture those in my life who represent my hate and fear. Then I tried to imagine them without my projections. Here is what happened at first. I thought of some people I work with and my mind boggled at the thought they could represent love to me. They do not love me, and I do not love them. They seem to attack me, and I know I defend and I return the attack. My lower mind insisted they are not loving at all. I draw nigh them and I don’t see them as love, and I do recoil.

Then Holy Spirit helped me to see the problem and it wasn’t them. We laughed at the idea that they could offer anything but love. How could they? They are love. If I don’t see the love then I must be projecting something onto them that is hiding their true visage. Evidently, the problem is me. But I must be love, too, so where is the projection coming from? It is coming from my ego. I have this hatred and fear in my lower mind, and feeling guilty for it, I am projecting it away from me and onto them.  There I can look at it without owning it, at least not owning it consciously.

This is not working and never has. There is a place in my mind where I know what I am doing, and so I am never fully convinced that I am innocent. My fear and guilt are just pushing me further and further from the truth of my being. The only answer to this sticky mess is to become willing to withdraw my projections, and bringing them back to myself, to allow them to be undone. It is amazing how hard I make this simple task. The ego mind shrieks at the idea of doing this. It is comfortable in its old habits and maintains that the guilt belongs where I put it.

I’m looking though, in spite of the ego’s objections. I look at my boss and see him making what appears to be a big mistake with a customer. I feel disgusted with him thinking he should know better and will regret this, though not as much as me when I lose that customer. I feel resentment and fear and hate. He is my problem and I feel helpless because I cannot do anything to defend myself from his ineptitude.

I ask the Holy Spirit for another way to see this. I see that all my thoughts about this stem from the ego’s interpretation of the situation. I see that I am perfectly protected. He is not my source. He is not responsible for my fear. He is not his ego or his story. I still see him making a strategic mistake, but that is his script and his problem. It is my problem only if I continue to ask the ego for advice. I cannot blame him for my situation because my situation is my script.

How fortunate that I know this and that I can ask for another way to see. Then I can act from that clarity. I can trust and be at peace. We are sharing this part of our stories because they compliment each other. I am learning something in our shared classroom and he is as well. That is why we are doing this dance; it is helping us to awaken. Ha! I am feeling gratitude for the situation and for him. I am beginning to see him as the love that he is rather than as my enemy, and the only thing that changed was me.

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Study of Text, Chapter 13: II.The Two Emotions, P 4. 8-11-16

V. The Two Emotions, P 4

4 The delusional can be very destructive, for they do not recognize they have condemned themselves. They do not wish to die, yet they will not let condemnation go. And so they separate into their private worlds, where everything is disordered, and where what is within appears to be without. Yet what is within they do not see, for the reality of their brothers they cannot recognize.

Journal

This sentence stands out to me: They do not wish to die, yet they will not let condemnation go. We are literally condemning ourselves to death with our grievances. I seem to live a life of confusion and condemnation and then I seem to die. All of this I do to myself because I will not let the condemnation go. I separate from all else and live in my private world where I imagine all is outside me. I imagine I am not responsible for anything because I have projected it outward and see it as belonging to others.

This disordered and deeply disturbing world seems to be caused by unkind and cruel people, the fault of greedy capitalists, corruptible politicians, drug lords, and the list goes on. I think that my boss is my problem, a co-worker, a competitor. I think that if only this person would love me better or that person were not in my life I could be happy. And all along, there is nothing outside me. There is only my mind that I alone rule. But in my confusion, I lash out, and I fight the shadow figures and bring more destruction into my private world.

Worst of all, I think, is that each of these “enemies” I have created in my imagination could be seen differently. If I forgive what I have done, they will be seen as holy and brilliant, so beautiful and perfect that I will want to fall to my knees before them. If I could let go of the destructive thinking and let my mind be healed of its fearful defenses, if I could do this, I would stop attacking the Son of God and I would remember what they are and what I am.

I look at my son and believe in his sickness and this is an attack on his holiness. In truth, I cannot affect his holiness, but in the attack of it, I obliterate it from my mind. I believe the insane picture of a sick child of God, and my heart breaks and I move deeper into the lower mind and further from the memory of God. I also do this with people I hardly know, with co-workers and friends.

I condemn myself to misery and suffering with the most casual thoughts. I treat my thoughts as if they had no power, all along I am making an insane world and pretending it just happened to me and I have no way out. Then a ray of light enters my mind and I see clearly for a bit. I recognize that I have but done this to myself and I turn to that light for more clarity.

That person at work that I thought of as my bitter enemy is suddenly seen as a reflection of my thoughts about myself. It is so clear that I am amazed I could have been so blind before. Just the day before I had trouble being in the same room with her. She seemed so sly and manipulative, so bossy and like my mortal enemy. Now from this more enlightened place in my mind, I look at the same face and I don’t see any of that.

Could it be that I was seeing only what was in my mind, only what I believed about myself, and now that this is healed, I am glimpsing the real person I had veiled with that projection? Or maybe I am still looking at myself, but it is a higher version of myself. Anyway it happened I am grateful to have let go of some of the death and destruction thoughts in my mind. Today I am not so separated and alone in the private world of my imagination as I was yesterday.

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