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Study of the Text, I. Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 18. 11-14-13

I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 18
18 The power of the Sons of God is present all the time, because they were created as creators. Their influence on each other is without limit, and must be used for their joint salvation. Each one must learn to teach that all forms of rejection are meaningless. The separation is the notion of rejection. As long as you teach this you will believe it. This is not as God thinks, and you must think as He thinks if you are to know Him again.

A key sentence for me is that the separation is the notion of rejection. Because I am one with All That Is, in order to experience separation I must reject all but this little dab of self. I must push away all else and see this little self as alone and apart. Now that the idea of rejection is in place and is in my mind, it is projected outward and seen in the world as if it is real. This is how we made the illusion.

To undo the illusion I start with what I can see and allow that aspect to be undone. For instance, I texted my daughter last night and she had a late class so she said she would call me when she got home. She never called and the thought of being rejected was in my mind. I saw the belief in rejection and this is no surprise.

Of course the belief in rejection is in the mind. It is not personal and nothing to be ashamed of or guilty about. However, it is something to heal and so I asked for the Atonement and accepted it to the degree I am able. This is my part in the awakening of the sleeping Mind of God’s Son. The next time I see a rejection thought in my mind I will do the same thing.

There will be many opportunities. I reject the clerk at the hotel when she seems to be uninviting. I reject my co-worker when he seems to be obstinately refusing to listen to my advice even though it would help him. I reject and feel rejected often during the day and it is all meaningless. I used to get upset when I noticed these things.

First I judged and this set up the feeling of rejection and then I judged myself for having that thought, for holding onto that belief. Now I am letting go of the self judgment that makes the whole process more painful and clogs up the works. Here is a prayer I was given that is helping me to do this with more conviction.

My Mind is healed and Whole Now! Everything else is illusion, just let it go. No need to fix illusion!

At first this was a little disappointing. I thought this was just another affirmation and not all that impressive. But as I have used this thought for the last couple of days I have felt the tension and anxiety around the healing process loosening. I only need to remember the truth; nothing else needs my attention. If it is not the truth it is just an illusion and I don’t have to do anything with an illusion except let it go. Whew!

I am through with separation and so I don’t want to teach it anymore. Every time I see a reflection of that belief in my mind or my life, I will let it go. Those are meaningless thoughts and not the thoughts I think with God. As I let those thoughts go, I will become aware of my real thoughts, the thoughts I think with God. I do this because I long to know God again.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text, I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 17. 11-13-13

I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 17
17 I do not need gratitude, but you need to develop your weakened ability to be grateful, or you cannot appreciate God. He does not need your appreciation, but you do. You cannot love what you do not appreciate, for fear makes appreciation impossible. When you are afraid of what you are you do not appreciate it, and will therefore reject it. As a result, you will teach rejection.

Do I appreciate God? Do I appreciate Jesus? Do I appreciate myself? I never really thought about this before. According to Jesus, I cannot love what I fear, so I guess I don’t truly appreciate God. I have much less fear of God than I used to, but I guess I am not free of that fear yet. I do feel a sense of deep gratitude well up in me sometimes when I think of God. I thank Him for creating me and for loving me. So I am developing a sense of gratitude for Him.

I feel absolute and complete gratitude and love for Jesus. There is no fear in my mind when I think of my brother, Jesus. This has developed over the years as I studied the Course. I appreciate his part in our awakening and love him for it. Actually, it was in developing my gratitude for Jesus that I began feeling less fear and so more appreciation for God. (That I can admit that fear of God kept me from loving God shows me that the fear has lessened. At one time I could not have written these words.)

I do appreciate myself. That sure wasn’t true before. I hated myself and had no appreciation whatsoever. Slowly, as I studied the Course and practiced what I was learning, my mind began to heal and I stopped hating myself. Eventually I developed appreciation and gratitude for myself. Now I think I am pretty awesome. ~smile~

I find, as I write this that I am in love with myself, not in an ego way of thinking that I am better than others or look good or am successful. I don’t know how to explain this, and had not even known this was true until I reflected on it here. I spent so many years thinking badly of myself and feeling profoundly guilty, that I was surprised to discover that I don’t feel like that anymore.  I guess it is because I am not so identified with the ego and don’t think of myself like that much, so I am in love with my Self.

I see that since these changes have occurred, and since I am no longer rejecting myself, I have stopped teaching rejection. I see it come up in my mind sometimes, but I am very quick to realize that I have no use for rejection anymore and immediately ask for the Atonement. It is just the ego mind trying to reassert itself into my consciousness, but I am not interested.

Now I am going back to the fear of God. Jesus, could you help me to see this differently. I notice as I ask that I feel emotional and tears are welling up in my eyes. What do you want me to know about this?

Jesus: Sister, the fear of God is a deep well within the mind of the separated ones, but it is a well of nothingness. You have nothing to fear. Your desire for your Father is very strong and your devotion to your purpose has nurtured your desire. You are very appreciative of the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit is the Voice for God, the representative of God while you are still feeling separate.

You are not afraid of the Holy Spirit are you? In fact you are very grateful and appreciative of His Voice in you. You are not as afraid of God as you think, so much of your fear is just a shadow, a memory that you return to at the call of the ego mind. That does not make it real. As you have learned, the thoughts in your mind are not your real thoughts. You hear the ego, but you are not the ego.

God is Love Itself, and that Love has extended Itself as you. The Love that is God is undiluted by the imaginings of the ego mind. It can only love. I know that it is hard to understand something that is non-dual while the mind is still mired in duality, but Love can only love. It cannot condemn because it is not condemnation. Because God created you as an extension of Himself, He could not condemn you without condemning Himself and God is not insane. There is absolutely nothing to fear from God. Your imaginings cannot affect His nature and so you are perfectly safe.

Dear Sister, I am in a position to know this and you are here with me. Can you see, now, how unfounded is your fear of God? You are dreaming, sweetheart, just dreaming of fear and guilt. Nothing is happening. No one is threatening you, least of all Love Itself. You can wake up anytime you want.

I went back over this and read it to myself and I have to tell you, that the ego mind was scrambling to take me away from this idea. I started thinking about correcting a sister, about how people would think of what I am writing, about how inconvenient awakening would be at this moment, like would I be able to see my customers today? That I will die if I keep thinking about this. That if I don’t hurry up I will be late for work. Really? That’s what I’m concerned about now? Just any crazy thing the ego could think of to distract and redirect my desire.

I am not interested in the ego. I ask that my mind be healed of any belief left that the ego has anything to offer me. God, here I am. I open my heart to your healing love, and accept the Atonement. I say, yes. Please heal me of any residual no, any residual fear that is still in my mind. I don’t want to hide behind that fear anymore.

PS: This is my personal journal that I share with you all. But please remember that there is no personal and that what is said to me is said for all. The Holy Spirit does not look on us and see many. He sees just the one Son of God. So nothing can be for me alone.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text II. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 16, 11-12-13

I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 15.
16 As you read the teachings of the Apostles, remember that I told them myself that there was much they would understand later, because they were not wholly ready to follow me at the time. I do not want you to allow any fear to enter into the thought system toward which I am guiding you. I do not call for martyrs but for teachers. No one is punished for sins, and the Sons of God are not sinners. Any concept of punishment involves the projection of blame, and reinforces the idea that blame is justified. The result is a lesson in blame, for all behavior teaches the beliefs that motivate it. The crucifixion was the result of clearly opposed thought systems; the perfect symbol of the “conflict” between the ego and the Son of God. This conflict seems just as real now, and its lessons must be learned now as well as then.

In this paragraph I hear that I should not believe anything in the Bible that is counter to love, it is just a misunderstanding by those who were not fully ready to embrace the idea of unconditional love. I accept that, and even before I knew it was true I suspected it was, though I also feared it was not true. If it turned out that God had his own beloved son crucified then I was truly in trouble, stuck with a choice between hell and a pretty scary God. I really wanted to believe the Course.

When I first read that Jesus does not want fear to enter into this new thought system, I felt a deep sense of relief. Little did I know how pervasive fear and guilt are in my mind and how much time it would take to root it out. Thirty years later I am still finding guilt and fear and their evil children, blame, suffering, and death.

I have to laugh now that I thought that just because I liked what I was reading and felt (hoped) it was true, that the struggle was over. It could have been if there was full acceptance, but I still found so much value in holding onto these ideas that I could not bring myself to accept the Atonement for them.

Sure, I like the idea that I am not sinful and I will not be punished. I really like the idea that I am not going to be martyred. But I’m not so sure about you. ~smile~ I might need someone else to be guilty. What if my child is thoughtless of me? What if my friend abandons me? Sometimes it is subtler than that. What if I pay someone to do something for me and they take the money but fail to do the job? Surely they are guilty.

The thought that keeps coming up in my mind is one of being unfairly treated. If I think I am unfairly treated in any way by anybody, I believe in guilt, sin and punishment. I would like to argue that just because I believe in sin doesn’t mean I expect punishment. Surely I am too spiritual for that. But I see that if the person who failed to complete the job is not punished for it, then I suffer and so I am punished for his sin. Now I am a victim and in my desire to appear holy, I am a martyr.

I can see that these ideas still have a place in my mind, but I also see that I am not in love with them anymore. As I see them I am ready to accept healing, and if it seems I have to repeat this process over and over again, I am OK with that. I love myself enough now to be patient with myself. I remind myself that I will not use this worker to attack myself, for surely, if I hold him guilty I have attacked myself through reinforcing the belief in guilt in my own mind.

A worker failed to live up to his obligations and I think he is guilty for this. I think he should be punished through not paying him or if he has been paid, in suing to recover my money. It all seems very reasonable to the ego mind, but I see now that the desire to place blame is an attack on myself, and an attack on the Sonship. The desire to keep this belief system in place is driven by the fear that I need to defend myself from this brother who is separate from me and clearly my enemy.

It seems that Jesus is not the only one who was crucified. This scenario I just described is my way of crucifying this worker and myself. Evidently I play out the crucifixion every time I choose to see an enemy where a holy Son of God stands. I cannot return to God dragging my brother’s cross behind me. I want God but I want retribution and punishment for this wrong doer. This is the conflict in my mind that keeps me separate from God, being projected outward as a labor dispute. Oh my word, this is ridiculous!

Do I want God or do I want this person to be guilty? Evidently I want both, but I cannot have both, so it is a matter of deciding what is most important to me. Each time I blame someone, whether it seems big or petty doesn’t matter, each of these times that I project blame, I push away the only thing that matters to me, waking up from the dream of separation. There. That makes my decision easier.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text II. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 15, 11-11-13

I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 15.
15 These are some of the examples of upside-down thinking in the New Testament, although its gospel is really only the message of love. If the Apostles had not felt guilty, they never could have quoted me as saying, “I come not to bring peace but a sword.” This is clearly the opposite of everything I taught. Nor could they have described my reactions to Judas as they did, if they had really understood me. I could not have said, “Betrayest thou the Son of man with a kiss?” unless I believed in betrayal. The whole message of the crucifixion was simply that I did not. The “punishment” I was said to have called forth upon Judas was a similar mistake. Judas was my brother and a Son of God, as much a part of the Sonship as myself. Was it likely that I would condemn him when I was ready to demonstrate that condemnation is impossible?

I breathed a sigh of relief reading that Jesus was misquoted. The story of his life begins to make sense when we understand the purpose of the crucifixion and we see that he did not love his brothers one moment and blame them for his death the next, and that his purpose was always to teach love.

The crucifixion was about love as everything in his life was about love. Anything in the Bible that seems to point to anger or blame is a misquote or a misunderstanding. Considering the history of the Bible, this is understandable. Further, considering that the Apostles were not ready for the full message of his life, misunderstandings were inevitable.

Even now with A Course in Miracles to guide us to his true message, we misunderstand. I, for one, have studied and tried to live the message of the Course for over 30 years, and I have just recently embraced it’s teachings fully. There were many things in the Course that I did not grasp even though the concepts are simple and straight forward.

I don’t think that there is one place in the Course where Jesus equivocates. He does not say that for the most part you should not teach guilt, or that betrayal is mostly not true. He never says love the ones who deserve loving, or be kind to the ones who are kind to you. And yet, for most of the years I studied the Course I chose not to see that there is only love because that is what God is and that is what we are.

Even now I see judgmental thoughts in my mind all the time, but now I am absolutely certain that they are not the thoughts I think with God and I ask for the Atonement. I absolutely do not want to trade my Awakening for the “right” to think my sister should lose weight or that my brother is guilty for his behavior.

I used to argue the meaning of the ideas in the Course. Is this what Jesus intended? To believe that was a valid behavior I had to deliberately overlook the whole lesson he is trying to teach us. I want only to join with my brother, and I see no possibility of union if my opinion stands between us. God save me from the desire to be right.

I don’t know much, but this I believe to be true. If what I am saying or thinking or doing is not unconditionally loving, I have forgotten my purpose. My brother and I are one and everything in my life leads to our reunion. Guilt and blame have no place in our holy mind. Pain, suffering and death are not real and I deny their reality each time I experience them in any way.

I am willing to release the fierce grip I have on fear. I am through with dreaming of life and dreaming of death and repeating the cycle endlessly. Death is losing its attraction for me, and Love draws me close. I ask that my mind be healed of any fear of God that remains.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text II. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 14, 11-8-13

I. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 14
14 If you interpret the crucifixion in any other way, you are using it as a weapon for assault rather than as the call for peace for which it was intended. The Apostles often misunderstood it, and for the same reason that anyone misunderstands it. Their own imperfect love made them vulnerable to projection, and out of their own fear they spoke of the “wrath of God” as His retaliatory weapon. Nor could they speak of the crucifixion entirely without anger, because their sense of guilt had made them angry.

This is a very helpful interpretation of how we got the meaning of the crucifixion so wrong. It seems clear to me now that Jesus was teaching us that nothing is beyond forgiveness and that we are invulnerable to attack. He was teaching us that there is only one way to respond to anyone and that is with the love that we are. It was a call to peace.

But the Apostles saw it as an attack and they wanted to retaliate. They couldn’t do anything and so called on the wrath of God as their weapon. Anyone who does not understand and embrace the perfect love they are will have this same experience when they are afraid. They will also react with anger because they are afraid.

Yesterday when I was angry with a co-worker it was because of my own imperfect love, which, as Jesus explains, made me vulnerable to projection. Because I still fail to see love as all encompassing, I imagine that some things are outside of love and thus feel open to attack. I tried to defend myself through retaliation, thinking of stinging retorts, even wishing him to be fired so I wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore. 

I no longer think in terms of the “wrath of God” but yesterday, at least until I accepted the Atonement, I absolutely felt that wrath should come from somewhere, maybe from my boss or if not him, then at least from my ill wishes. I knew that this was not of God and so I felt guilty for my thoughts, and guilt leads to anger. I wanted him to be guilty, not me, and that I felt guilty anyway just increased the anger.

This really isn’t different from the crucifixion as Jesus talks about it here. I crucified myself with my wrong-minded thoughts and I suffered for it. I wanted to crucify the co-worker in an attempt to avoid my own crucifixion (projection). I had the same motivations and experienced the same emotional reactions, as did the Apostles at Jesus’ crucifixion. Thanks to Jesus we have a way out of this kind of thinking and I am very grateful this is so.

I am also grateful that this little war took place in my mind only. It is through the grace of God that there has been enough healing in my mind that I can usually resolve these misunderstandings within myself before I allow them to take form. Not always, but usually. However, if I put it off and don’t ask for the Atonement right away, these thoughts will show themselves and then I have to deal with the aftermath.

I truly have no desire to bring myself or anyone else more deeply into the illusion. Jesus asks us not to set our brothers back on their path and if I attack a brother, even if the attack appears as a defense, then I am making it harder for both of us to move into forgiveness. When I defend myself against any apparent attack this makes the attack seem real with real effects. I am teaching something I am going to regret learning, and I am not, by any means, being truly helpful to either of us.

It is time to stop repeating the crucifixion over and over. This is not helping. I ask that my mind be healed of this insane reaction to someone’s call for love. Yesterday when I asked for the Atonement in this situation with my co-worker, I was shown his fear, which expressed itself as anger and defense. A call for love like this must be answered with love if we are ever to know ourselves as the love we are.

Thanks to the healing that took place in my mind yesterday, I will never again look at this brother as if he were outside the love of God. I will recognize his anger and frustration as the call for love that it is and will respond to that call rather than to his words. I’m not putting myself back on that cross again, nor am I putting him there. Thank you, God!

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text II. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 12, 11-7-13

I. Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 11
12 The crucifixion cannot be shared because it is the symbol of projection, but the resurrection is the symbol of sharing because the reawakening of every Son of God is necessary to enable the Sonship to know its wholeness. Only this is knowledge.
13 The message of the crucifixion is perfectly clear:
Teach only love, for that is what you are.

The crucifixion was only Jesus’ experience, but it has a message for us; the message is that we are love in every instant, regardless of appearances, and that in being love we teach love. The resurrection, however, is a shared experience. It is a symbol of awakening. And the Awakening is complete only when each and every one of us knows our wholeness.  So I cannot awaken without you.

This understanding, that we are in this together, motivates me to let go of guilt in all its forms. I was feeling frustration with someone I work with. I didn’t think it was a big deal but while doing some work in a Pathways of Light course, this situation was brought to mind so I used it to look at the guilt in my mind and to ask the Holy Spirit to heal me.

As I looked at the situation with the Holy Spirit, I saw the depth of my rage at this person, and I saw the fear that caused me to suppress my feelings about it. I was shocked at how angry I was and how resistant to forgiving. But looking at it, allowing the feelings to fully surface so I wasn’t hiding anything from myself, I knew that this desire to project guilt did not have a place in my holy mind. I asked that it be undone for me.

This morning as I read this paragraph I see how important it is that I forgive everything that is not part of God’s Will. This man at work and our relationship are the “biggest” thing in my life until it is healed, because if I condemn him I cannot know my own salvation. As my mind is healed I realize how unimportant it is that he be a better co-worker.

My desire for him is the same as my desire for myself. I want only that I resurrect from the death of forgetfulness, and I cannot do this without him. I can either hold him bondage to his guilt, or I can awaken. I cannot have both because if I believe in his guilt then I also believe in mine. Either guilt is true for the entire mind or it is not true for any of it. Either I am guilty and so teach guilt, or I am love and so teach only love.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text II. The Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 11, 11-6-13

I. Message of the Crucifixion, Paragraph 11
11 You are not persecuted, nor was I. You are not asked to repeat my experiences because the Holy Spirit, Whom we share, makes this unnecessary. To use my experiences constructively, however, you must still follow my example in how to perceive them. My brothers and yours are constantly engaged in justifying the unjustifiable. My one lesson, which I must teach as I learned it, is that no perception that is out of accord with the judgment of the Holy Spirit can be justified. I undertook to show this was true in an extreme case, merely because it would serve as a good teaching aid to those whose temptation to give in to anger and assault would not be so extreme. I will with God that none of His Sons should suffer.

I am so grateful to my brother, Jesus, for his example, as well as for his reassurance now that we are not expected emulate his example, only to learn from it. It is not God’s Will that we suffer. I am pretty unlikely to experience any situation more extreme than crucifixion and even if I did, I still know how to see it because Jesus showed me.

His lesson is this: I am never justified in judging anybody as guilty. That is I am to never, under any circumstances no matter how extreme they appear to be, to perceive out of accord with the Holy Spirit’s judgment. And His judgment is that the Sons of God are innocent.

I had to take my car to the dealership for repairs yesterday. I asked the mechanic at work to check it over first so that when I got there I would not be clueless, and more importantly, that the mechanics at the dealership would know I was not clueless. I always feel at the mercy of the mechanic because I don’t know if they are trying to take advantage of my ignorance. I have, more than once, suspected that they are doing so. This makes me feel like I am being persecuted.

This time I am doing it differently. I did check with our mechanic at work, but I also offered my mistaken thoughts to the Holy Spirit and asked for the miracle in exchange. I left my car with the dealership as well as the information I received from our mechanic, which saved the dealership mechanics some time as it guided them to the right area.  I didn’t feel concerned about what happened or what it would cost. Already this was a different experience for me.

Late yesterday I went by to see how everything went. They took me out to the car to show me what needed to be done and why, and I actually talked with the young mechanic who was doing the work. It was obvious he took his job seriously and he explained everything very carefully, using visuals so I would understand. This has never happened before. He told me what I had to do and what I might could get away with doing. He carefully explained all his recommendations. I did not feel at all persecuted. ~smile~

They have to order a part. Normally, this would have panicked me because I will miss so much work. The cost is pretty high as well, and I don’t actually have enough money in hand to pay for it. Normally, before they order a part, I have to pay for it. This time they didn’t ask for any money, which is good since I don’t have it. I trust it will be there when I do have to pay for it since I’m learning to trust that it is not God’s Will that I suffer.

I haven’t suffered any panic or even concern since I handed the whole thing over to Spirit. The miracle I received in exchange was peace of mind. I am using this free time to work on my website and to do more writing. I am enjoying my unexpected “vacation” without anxiety. I see that I am probably going to have to buy a new car soon since this one is having periodic problems that cost me both money and work, so I am watching my mind for fear thoughts, which I can exchange for more miracles.

In the world it looks like I had an experience with my car and with money. In reality I have only one purpose, that is, to heal my mind of all false beliefs through asking for and accepting the Atonement. Yesterday, I remembered my purpose.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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