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My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.
Maybe, like me, you saw this coming. I have seen that all I see and how I see it are the effects of my thoughts. Lesson 23 told us that my escape from the world is to give up my attack thoughts. This lesson is very specific as to why this is the case. If I perceive attack anywhere, I will believe in attack and will believe it can be directed at me.
That I can be attacked must mean that I am vulnerable. A Son of God cannot be vulnerable, and if I perceive myself as vulnerable, I cannot be God’s Son. Attacking anyone for anything costs me my awareness of what I am. It keeps me returning to the illusion repeatedly. This is not what I want, so I watch my mind carefully for attack thoughts.
I discover them in the careless chatter of the mind. I will suddenly pull myself back from the chatter and realize I have been attacking someone. I was having this angry conversation with someone who was not there. What did I think I was accomplishing? I don’t know, but what I do know is that the only thing I accomplished was to further convince myself that I needed to be defended because I am vulnerable. Good grief.
It’s OK, though. I was hurting myself and denying the Oneness of the Sonship, but it was a mistake, not a sin. Practicing this lesson will keep me aware of these kinds of mistakes, and I will become more adept at catching them and forgiving them. Also, I was reminded that there is nowhere in the Course that says judge not, except when it comes to politicians. Okay, I get it. Those thoughts are hurting me, too.
We are just learning. Learning is why we are here. If we were already good at this stuff, we wouldn’t be here. And yet, I have noticed a tendency to feel guilty when I perceive myself as not doing a lesson well. That is why I love the following passage and read it nearly every day.
1. The happy learner cannot feel guilty about learning. ²This is so essential to learning that it should never be forgotten. ³The guiltless learner learns easily because his thoughts are free. ⁴Yet this entails the recognition that guilt is interference, not salvation, and serves no useful function at all. (ACIM, T-14.III.1:1-4)
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