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Gentle Healing Journal Day 60 11-28-18

Journal for Day 60
Lesson 56

1 (26) My attack thoughts are attacking my invulnerability.

Over and over, Jesus tells us that it is our attack thoughts that hurt us. This morning as I was making my coffee, I noticed that the mind was chattering away. I stopped the runaway thoughts and looked at them. They were all attack thoughts. I am convinced that all ego thoughts are attack thoughts. Either they are blatant attack thoughts or they are more subtle attack thoughts.

Even the happier thoughts attack my invulnerability. For instance, the thought that I am getting really good at catching these thoughts implies that I am not perfect and that I am not yet safe. And yet, even with all of these many attack thoughts, God has kept my inheritance safe for me. So I am actually only attacking my sense of invulnerability. Why then is it important that I do anything about this? It is because what I believe is true for me and my belief in my invulnerability is causing me to suffer greatly. I am tired of suffering and want to remember my true thoughts.

2 (27) Above all else I want to see.

“Recognizing that what I see reflects what I think I am, I realize that vision is my greatest need.”

To see myself as I really am, I must let go of the image I have made of myself. This is my job right now, letting go of what I see so that vision will show me what I am. The ego mind is especially active right now. Because of the body issues that are happening, the ego senses that I am susceptible to its fear thoughts. How perfect that these are the lessons I am working on.

(28) Above all else, I want to see differently.

“While I see the world as I see it now, truth cannot enter my awareness.”

Jesus is not asking me to wait until the world is different in order to be happy and safe. He is saying that there is a world that I can see right now if I am willing to look past the world I presently see. The world I see right now is a reflection of the ego attack thoughts in my mind. As I am willing to give up those thoughts and embrace the true thoughts in my mind, the world will look different to me. Just as my ego thoughts are reflected on the world, God’s thoughts if held consistently in my mind will reflect His perfect love. I believe this is true because it is what Jesus promises in the Course.

My faith is reinforced as I consider those who have gone before me and proven that it is true.

4 (29) God is in everything I see.

“God is still everywhere and in everything forever. And we who are part of Him will yet look past all appearances, and recognize the truth beyond them all.”

It can seem to be impossible that God is in everything I see. That seems too inclusive to be true. There are some pretty awful things out there, and yet, to be true it must be inclusive. If there is anything in which God does not exist, then I am not safe and therefore I am not as God created me. I will not be fooled by the images I have made. Behind them is the truth reflected and I can choose to see that instead.

5(30) God is in everything I see because God is in my mind.

“I have not lost the knowledge of Who I am because I have forgotten it. It has been kept for me in the Mind of God, Who has not left His Thoughts.”

Ahh, now we see how it is that my true identity is held safe for me. It is being kept for me in the Mind of God. And God has not left me. This passage calls me a Thought in the Mind of God. How could I be any safer than this? Thought cannot be sick or guilty; it cannot be in pain nor can it die. And Thought in the Mind of God can only be what God is or it could not be in God. I am one with all of God’s Thoughts and one with God. I will remember this and everything I have believed before will fall away. My only job now is to allow myself to be convinced that this is what I want instead of what I made to take its place.

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Gentle Healing Journal Day 59 11-27-18

Journal for Day 59
Lesson 55

1 (21) I am determined to see things differently.

“I am determined to see the witnesses to the truth in me…”

I am inundated with “proof” that I am not as God created me. That is what this world is all about, being something I am not. So I am going to have to put some effort into seeing differently, to seeing witnesses to the truth. I am determined to do this now, and from now on. This is an interesting time for me to choose this focus.

My body is not at its best and my finances are strained because of the costs associated with the body issues. These circumstances alone point to the illusion rather than the truth. On the other hand, I see all of this and recognize that it is an illusion. There was a time when I would have gotten lost in the story and suffered intense anxiety and that isn’t happening now, so this points to the truth.

2 (22) What I see is a form of vengeance.

“It is my own attack thoughts that give rise to this picture.”

That I have chosen to believe in separation guarantees attack thoughts. If there are two, there is competition and the idea of competition is the idea of attack. As I was writing about this, I received a message on Facebook to beware of friending a particular person because he is a hacker I need to be afraid of. It’s a hoax and generally I just say so and think nothing of it. But this time, I saw it differently. I saw it as a form of vengeance.

This hoax is an attack and the desire to defend is an attack. I, of course, checked with Snopes to be sure it is not real because that is normal caution. But to react in fear and to encourage fear is just feeding into the ego thought system and making it stronger. Not that I haven’t done exactly that in the past, because I have done so and probably continue to do so in a million little ways. But I thought this might be a good time to turn this particular form of vengeance around and offer peace instead.

So many times we are challenged in our lives with lack and loss, pain and sickness, and broken relationships. As Course students we might look for the wrong thought in an effort to avoid these situations in the future. Sometimes we can even see the link between a thought and its effect, but often, I think, it is just a general belief in attack and defense that causes the situations we come to regret. This time when the hoax showed up, I chose to do more than ignore it or call it out. I chose to meet it with peace.

3 (23) I can escape from this world by giving up attack thoughts.

“Herein lies salvation, and nowhere else.”

Talk about simplifying the whole thing! All that I have to do is notice these attack thoughts and realize I am no longer interested in them. The Holy Spirit will do Its part and eventually, the mind snaps to the fact that all attack thoughts are the same and none are true or real or valuable. This is the path out of the world I made.

4 (24) I do not perceive my own best interests.

“I am willing to follow the Guide God has given me to find out what my own best interests are, recognizing that I cannot perceive them by myself.”

There are a few things in ACIM that I have fully accepted. One of them is that I know that I am never a victim of the world I see.  That is never up for debate; I simply am not. This is another of those. At no time do I perceive my own best interest if I am depending on the ego mind to make that decision.

The ego does not know who I am. The ego thinks it is me and so will always assume what is good for the ego is good for me. This will only bind me more closely to the world if I accept it as true. I do not, so if I realize I have inadvertently asked the ego for help, I put that advice aside and ask the Holy Spirit instead.

5 (25) I do not know what anything is for.

“To me, the purpose of everything is to prove that my illusions about myself are real.”

The entire world, including this separate self I think of as me, was made for the purpose of providing me with an experience outside reality. The only way this could work is if I entered it with temporary amnesia. I have to forget everything that is true and real if I am to have an experience of separation. There is another purpose to the world and it is just waiting for me to be ready to see it. I am ready to withdraw my own purpose now and as I do so, the real world is revealed. So far this has occurred slowly a little at a time. It is hard not to be impatient.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 58 11-26-18

Journal for Day 58
Lesson 54

1 (16) I have no neutral thoughts.

“As the world I see arises from my thinking errors, so will the real world rise before my eyes as I let my errors be corrected.”

These lessons clearly indicate that we will undo the guilt and fear that blankets the world we have made so that we can experience it as it can be, a joyful and loving experience. And just as clearly, we will do that by releasing the thoughts that are the cause of what we see in the world now and embracing our true thoughts.

2 (17) I see no neutral things.

“What I see witnesses to what I think.”

What is going on in my world right now? This will tell me something about my thoughts. It will tell me if my thoughts are true or false because everything that occurs in my little corner of the world is an effect of my thoughts. And everything that occurs in all the world is the effect of our thoughts.

(18) I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my seeing.

“As my thoughts of separation call to the separation thoughts of others, so my real thoughts awaken the real thoughts in them.”

It will also tell me what kinds of thoughts we have because I am also responsible for everything that appears in this world, “I” being part of the whole. And since I am responsible for what is seen as the world, I have the power to affect the whole. As I allow correction in my own personal mind, that correction is shared by all.

4 (19) I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts.

“I am alone in nothing. Everything I think or say or do teaches all the universe. A Son of God cannot think or speak or act in vain. He cannot be alone in anything. It is therefore in my power to change every mind along with mine, for mine is the power of God.”

What else can I say about this? How could it be any clearer?

5 (20) I am determined to see.

I would look upon the real world, and let it teach me that my will and the Will of God are one.

Has this occurred for me yet? No, not fully. But I have seen the effects of being determined to see. I have seen my world change and I have seen that change affect those around me. I am highly motivated to continue and am more determined than ever to see.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 57 11-25-18

Journal for Day 57
Lesson 53

1 (11) My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.

“I have real thoughts as well as insane ones. I can therefore see a real world, if I look to my real thoughts as my guide for seeing.”

It is essential that we acknowledge the unreality of the world we see and the life we seem to live within this world. But if we were left there with nothing to believe in we would be trading one nightmare for another. We are not left there. All that is required to let go of the world we see now is to let go of all attack thoughts. And the way to see the real world is to allow these thoughts to be replaced with my real thoughts. I see the world differently now than I used to. It is not the real world yet, but even in the slow steady pace I have chosen for myself, I see a dramatic difference.

2 (12) I am upset because I see a meaningless world.

“I am grateful that this world is not real, and that I need not see it at all unless I choose to value it.”

Even now while I seem to live in this world, I notice how different it seems to me since I have been letting go of untrue thoughts. For instance, I used to value my special relationships. I would always say yes no matter what was asked of me, no matter how much I didn’t want to say yes. The value I put on the specialness of my relationship made it hard to have a real relationship with those I loved and cared about.

Last year, though, I had the opportunity to look at a relationship with a dear friend again and decide what it means to me. My friend wanted me to do something that I didn’t want to do. I had been working on detaching from these special relationships, and it seemed to be working. So when I was asked to do this, I said no.

She was very angry with me because in her mind, I was her solution. I was afraid she would hold a grudge and I knew this could disrupt our relationship permanently, but I meant no so I said no and I stuck with it. There was a time when I could not have said no. Then there was a time when I could not have stuck with my answer.

Absolutely, there was a time when I would have been so upset with the situation that I would have suffered. This time, though, I wasn’t upset. I checked for sure that I wasn’t being selfish, and I watched my thoughts and feelings and released those that were not my real thoughts. In a couple of weeks, she had found a solution and was over her anger.

I’m glad it worked out like that because I love her dearly, and I am happy that I have seen, to some degree at least, a world beneath the world that is projected from the ego fear and guilt thoughts. This was one instance and there are others, but I am still working on this. I know how to release old beliefs and I am learning to be open and receptive to the truth regardless of what seems to be going on in the story of Myron. From this happy result, I can extrapolate a future world that is not driven by fear and guilt.

3 (13) A meaningless world engenders fear.

Just being in the world is a scary proposition. There is no stability, no grounds for trust. Whatever I choose to believe in and value in the world will be overturned and leave me feeling hopeless and alone. But living in the world without believing in it is entirely different. Every frightening and discouraging idea can be seen differently when its unreality is established in the mind. Even the possibility of its lack of reality opens the mind to a different belief and therefore a different effect.

4 (14) God did not create a meaningless world.

“Let me remember the power of my decision, and recognize where I really abide.”

The world we see every day is meaningless and since God did not create the meaningless, this world cannot be real. It cannot exist. I must be dreaming. As long as I decide to continue the dream, it will appear to be real to me and I will suffer the effects as if they are real. But, the power of my decision will release me from this nightmare of my own making. I decided on the world I see and I will decide otherwise. I don’t have to go anyplace to be in the real world. I only have to withdraw my belief in what is meaningless and decide to believe only the truth. Working on it.

5 (15) My thoughts are images that I have made.

“Whatever I see reflects my thoughts. It is my thoughts that tell me where I am and what I am.”

Could Jesus make this any clearer? I don’t see how unless he described the process in which we use our thoughts to give form to our wishes. Oh yeah, he does that in Lesson 325. Right now I am content to place my attention on the simple fact that it is done. The split mind has been driven mad by its own absurd reasoning and the world as we see it now is the effect. Even so, I can use my real thoughts to change how I see the world. I do this as I continue to recognize the insane separation thoughts for what they are and choose God instead.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 56 11-22-18

Journal for Day 56
Lesson 52

1(6) I am upset because I see what is not there.
I understand this on two levels. On the level I am calling the world, I perceive everything according to the interpretation the ego gives it. For instance, suppose I found out that my friends went to the show together and didn’t invite me. If I used the ego mind to interpret this, I would believe my friends had abandoned me and maybe they didn’t really like me anyway.

If I used my holy mind (the Holy Spirit) to interpret this situation I would be happy that they had a good time and enjoyed each other’s company because that is what Love does. The ego’s interpretation showed me something that was not there. The Holy Spirit’s interpretation showed me Love, which is always there.

On a higher level, I see a world that represents separation. Everything is separate from every other thing and this puts all things in competition with each other. It creates conflict and strife. There is jealousy and rage and guilt. On this level, I acknowledge that nothing I see with my eyes actually exists; I see only the projections of ideas in my mind. If I am upset it can only be that I see what is not there. Reality is not upsetting.

2(7) I see only the past.
Again, I am seeing this on two levels. From within the world, I might be upset that I wasn’t invited to be with friends. If so, it is because I have learned from life that friends should not abandon you. Perhaps I learned this from listening to adults with this mindset, or from books I read or TV shows. I think of the mind as this big computer that holds all these learned behaviors and interpretation of behaviors.

When something happens that triggers a search through the ego mind, for instance, my friends didn’t invite me along, I find memories from the past that seem to apply to this situation. I make decisions about the current situation based on this past learning because if I use the ego mind to decide, I don’t have any other information to use.

If I look at this on another level, it is not really about not getting invited to the movies. It is about acknowledging that the ego mind is not useful in making judgments and that those judgments are based on faulty premises and so are not helpful. It is about looking at the root cause of the emotional reaction so that it can be healed. The root cause might be a feeling of unworthiness. If I allow that error to be corrected, I am free to see differently, and am no longer mired in the past.

3(8) My mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.
All it takes to know this is true is to pay attention to the thoughts that run through the mind. I sat in silence for just a moment and the thoughts that ran through my mind were all thoughts based on the past. Every last one of them. If I have only those thoughts on which to make decisions, nothing is ever going to change. How could it? And that is the ego’s purpose, to use time to maintain the illusion of separation from God.

On another level, as long as I continue to turn to the ego mind for solutions, I am turning to the past and the past does not exist. As Jesus tells us in Chapter 26 of the Text, “You keep an ancient memory before your eyes.” When I am thinking about the past, I am not actually thinking at all; I am reviewing what it is I want to know. Being thus preoccupied with past thoughts, I have defended against the thoughts I think with God and assured that the cycle of birth and death continue and nothing is solved.

4 (9) I see nothing as it is now.
Everything I see with my eyes or perceive with my mind is a reflection of my thoughts. If my thoughts are mired in the past and therefore do not exist, then what I see with my eyes cannot exist either. If I want to see what is actually there to be seen, I must recognize the problem as it is. I must be willing to acknowledge that my eyes are not for seeing but for image making, and I must acknowledge that there is a way to see and that I want to see.

(10) My thoughts do not mean anything.
My thoughts are meaningless because not only are they thoughts of a non-existent past, but because they are “my” thoughts. They seem to be my own private thoughts that belong only to me. This is as impossible because we share the same mind. These thoughts that I think I think are as much of an illusion as is the world they show us, but as long as I accord value to them and treasure the idea of private thoughts, I will be unaware of my real thoughts. I share my real thoughts with all of us, and with our Creator. These are the thoughts I want to uncover.

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Gentle Healing Journal Day 55 11-21-18

Journal for Day 55
LESSON 51

Nothing I see means anything.

It doesn’t mean anything because when I use my eyes, I am not seeing anything that actually exists. They are showing me images made from my thoughts, images that represent what I want to see into existence, and failing this, that I want to believe exists. It’s a hopeless cause, this image making, but it is what I have made in the place of true vision and that is the reason I am ready to know the world I see does not exist. I want to see what does exist and I can’t see them both at the same time.

I have given what I see all the meaning it has for me.

In an effort to give reality to my illusions, I use judgment. I look on what I made and decide what it means and so the illusion seems to take on life. But the judgments are as unreal as the hallucination and so nothing is created, only made. Nothing I see exists in spite of the layer after layer of judgment that I hope will validate what I have done, or at least obscure its lack of reality. But all I am doing is hurting myself.

I do not understand anything I see.

Oh my God, how could I understand anything I see? I have made images of untrue thoughts and using invalid judgments have attempted to give meaning to what does not actually exist. All that I am seeing are my mistaken thoughts. I waste my time if I try to make sense of the world I have thought up. Instead, I intend to keep my focus on simply releasing what is nonsensical for the beauty and glory of reality. I choose to recognize the beliefs that are in error and release them so that I can see what is actually true.

These thoughts do not mean anything.

The reason my thoughts don’t mean anything is that they are not my real thoughts. It is as if I have made a little room in my mind in which I pretend to think outside God and all that I see is the result of these non-thoughts. In this isolated room, I have convinced myself that I created a whole world of my own while God wasn’t looking and He is not part of it. As long as I believe this fairy tale, I have cut myself off from my true thoughts, the thoughts I think with God. This game has lost its glamour and I am no longer satisfied with it. In fact, I wonder if I have driven myself insane trying to obscure reality with my judgments. If so, I have found the strength of God in me that is allowing me to return to sanity.

I am never upset for the reason I think.

Ever since I have made this little world in my mind, I have spent each moment, day and night, trying to keep it going, trying to defend it. Lie after lie must be justified, and attacks seem warranted under the circumstances. Everyone is my enemy eventually, even those who are so very special to me, maybe especially those.

I seem to be embattled on all fronts. Someone wants my money, people make me sick with their contagions, politicians make foolish decisions and I am hurt by them. There are wars and threats of wars, hurricanes, and all sorts of natural disasters. Relationships fall apart and leave me feeling alone and betrayed. It is all someone’s fault, something done to me by someone else. They are the reason I am upset.

And yet, how could that be? This is my world, made by me. How could something happen that is not my desire? I have learned that no one hurts me but me and that I do it in defense of an insane thought system, which is my real problem. It is this thought system that is the cause of my upset and I am more than willing, anxious even, to let it go in favor of reality. There is nothing of it worth keeping.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 54 11-20-18

Journal for Day 54
LESSON 50
I am sustained by the Love of God.

It appears that I have placed my faith in some insane symbols, pills, doctors, and a whole slew of medical professions, tests, and surgery. And to a point, I have, but not really. My faith is in the Love of God. Or said another way, my faith is in the Love that is God. I have faith that I am in the right place doing the right thing. I have faith that all my many helpers both embodied and in spirit surround and keep me. I have faith that angels hover all about, protecting my mind from any dark thoughts that would enter my mind.

I don’t see this help as keeping me alive or even having a successful surgery. I see this situation as another way that I ready myself for awakening and that I help the entire Sonship to awaken as I bring each fear thought, each attack thought to the Holy Spirit for healing. I see it helping us all wake up as I use the doctor and hospital visits to uplift and love those around me. So even though this upcoming surgery seems like a major drama in the life of Myron, it is really just one more step toward enlightenment for the Sonship.

Regina’s Tips

One error that creeps into the minds of many spiritual students is “magical thinking.” Magical thinking is believing that spiritual practice protects us and makes us happy by correcting the things in the world that we think need correcting. This error is fairly common and is fiercely protected by the ego, so it isn’t always easily let go.

Everything that is born will die. Each one of us does well to accept this fact. When we accept that the body-personalities that we perceive ourselves to be are temporary and can end at anytime, we are ready to seek for our eternal Self. Our eternal Self is beyond everything temporary and is affected by none of it. The realization of our eternal Self as our truth is ‘salvation’, ‘awakening’, and ‘eternal life’.

“Only the Love of God will protect you in all circumstances. It will lift you out of every trial, and raise you high above all perceived dangers of this world into a climate of perfect peace and safety.” This refers to truth realization. When you know what you are, you are not affected by the ups and downs of this world because you know yourself as beyond it.

p.s. Because magical thinking is such a strong ego defense (to keep us identified with the body), people often ask me questions like, “Should I take medication?” I resonate with Byron Katie’s response. She says that the body is the doctor’s business, not hers.

Let the doctor play games with the body. If the doctor says to take a medication or go through a certain procedure, go ahead, but watch your mind for the idea that this will save you. Identification with the body is an error. You are not the body.

My Thoughts

This was pretty much my thoughts about my surgery. My doctor was my partner. He took care of the body and I watched my mind for wrong-minded thinking and I tried to extend love as much as I could. I have a purpose here and it is not to extend the life of the body. I am not this body, it is just a useful tool while I still need it. It is to use the body for my awakening. I use it to help me see what beliefs I need to undo. I use it as a true communication device, that is to extend love.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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