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From Specialness to Holiness 4-16-20

This is my answer to a process in a Pathways of Light course on relationships.

From Specialness to Holiness

I don’t have much left in my bag of specialness. It is being emptied pretty thoroughly. Sometimes I see stuff, like sickness and look at that with the Holy Spirit. My ego says that it means I am not enough yet. The Holy Spirit says that it isn’t real and cannot stain my true self. He says, just recognize its unrealness. The body us neutral; sickness is a mistaken thought projected to appear on the body as if that is where it was born. Not true.

I found a belief in my son’s story there and the ego foretold scary stuff. It warned me of terrible consequences and encouraged me to fix this before these things happened. And then it insisted there was nothing I could do so I was doomed to suffer with my son.

The Holy Spirit told me that I am the Son of God and I decide what it is I want in my mind, these ego thoughts or the Thoughts of God. He reminded me that I have the power of choice and invited me to remember my function as the light of the world and so I forgave myself and forgave the belief in those thoughts and my mind was healed.

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Manual for Teachers, Generosity. 4-7-20

VII. Generosity
1 The term generosity has special meaning to the teacher of God. It is not the usual meaning of the word; in fact, it is a meaning that must be learned and learned very carefully. Like all the other attributes of God’s teachers this one rests ultimately on trust, for without trust no one can be generous in the true sense. To the world, generosity means “giving away” in the sense of “giving up.” To the teachers of God, it means giving away in order to keep. This has been emphasized throughout the text and the workbook, but it is perhaps more alien to the thinking of the world than many other ideas in our curriculum. Its greater strangeness lies merely in the obviousness of its reversal of the world’s thinking. In the clearest way possible, and at the simplest of levels, the word means the exact opposite to the teachers of God and to the world. 

2 The teacher of God is generous out of Self interest. This does not refer, however, to the self of which the world speaks. The teacher of God does not want anything he cannot give away, because he realizes it would be valueless to him by definition. What would he want it for? He could only lose because of it. He could not gain. Therefore he does not seek what only he could keep, because that is a guarantee of loss. He does not want to suffer. Why should he ensure himself pain? But he does want to keep for himself all things that are of God, and therefore for His Son. These are the things that belong to him. These he can give away in true generosity, protecting them forever for himself.

The teacher of God does not want anything he cannot give away, because he realizes it would be valueless to him by definition.

Most of us have spent our entire lives seeking and protecting that which is ours alone. We take care of the body, save money, buy things, preserve special relationships. None of this has any value at all and the concern for it will bring us suffering. I’ve done it both ways, valuing the valueless and valuing only what is real. More and more, I experience the truth in what Jesus tells us here.

When I was striving to get the things the world said were of great value, I was always anxious. It was so ‘normal’ for me that I didn’t realize it was happening unless there was an overt threat to something I valued and then the anxiety became stronger. I didn’t realize I was living like that until I stopped. Now, sometimes I just laugh out loud to realize how peaceful it is in my mind.

It takes trust to stop striving for the valueless. We are so very certain that our happiness depends on having the symbols of safety that we find it hard to look away from them. My experience has been that once I let go of striving, everything I needed came to me, and what I didn’t need I didn’t miss. I’m deeply grateful for this new way to live.

In what ways do I generously give? I forgive. I am kind. I am patient. I am loving. Usually these are easy choices and the value is obvious. Sometimes it seems to go against all reason as the world sees it, and I have to ask for help to change my mind. Either way these are true gifts, of great value because they are of God, and as I give them, I gain them. My generosity is to Self.

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Manual for Teachers, Defenselessness. 4-2-20

VI. Defenselessness
1 God’s teachers have learned how to be simple. They have no dreams that need defense against the truth. They do not try to make themselves. Their joy comes from their understanding Who created them. And does what God created need defense? No one can become an advanced teacher of God until he fully understands that defenses are but foolish guardians of mad illusions. The more grotesque the dream, the fiercer and more powerful its defenses seem to be. Yet when the teacher of God finally agrees to look past them, he finds that nothing was there. Slowly at first he lets himself be undeceived. But he learns faster as his trust increases. It is not danger that comes when defenses are laid down. It is safety. It is peace. It is joy. And it is God.

I am being told that a teacher of God does not defend his illusions, but rather looks past them to the truth. I have often done this with others. I see their behavior, recognize it is not who they are and that it doesn’t ultimately matter. It certainly doesn’t make them guilty or prove they are not what God created.

I used to find this harder to do with myself. I tended to judge my own behavior and to believe it defined me. I was very vigilant for this and asked for correction when I saw it. I asked Holy Spirit to speak to me about this, which He did. This is the message He gave me and this message helped me to see differently.

Holy Spirit: You have been doing this, Myron. You could not see your brother as innocent if you could not see yourself in that way. Just as you sometimes judge others, you still sometimes judge yourself. Do not overlook your healing simply because you notice that there is still healing to be done.

Continue to ask what it is you are. This is helpful, because you are becoming willing to know. Ask what you are through asking what your brother is. When you see a brother and notice his behavior and notice that you want to judge it, ask instead, “What is my brother?” If you do this you will be putting aside what you think you know so that you can be taught. When you know what your brother is, you will know what you are.

Since that time, I have stopped trying to make myself and I have stopped trying to defend what I made. I belong to God and I am grateful to know that. Life is so much easier now and my everyday experience is so very different. I never realized before how much distress I felt even when nothing was really happening to cause it. It seems I had to be free of it in order to realize how much I had been suffering all along.

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Every Relationship Is a Relationship with God

I, and all of us here, seek out special people and special things to save us from our guilt and fear and loneliness. We often call it love when we find someone special but really we are more often using those people to give us what we think we don’t have and using people is not the same as loving them. This is why we have such a hard time with relationships. Our view of them is so screwed up.

Through the study and practice of ACIM, we are given the opportunity to have these special relationships healed and transformed into holy relationships. We do this as we notice the strange and awful uses we put to them and give that to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to heal our mind. What happens in my experience is that we start to become the person we sought through the relationship, and instead of being in relationship to get something, we begin to enjoy the relationship for what we bring to the relationship and share with the other person.

In this same process, we learn to see others as the perfect creations of a perfect God. We see them as the Sons of God that they are and as this occurs we begin to see ourselves in this way. When this happens we no longer need one or the other to be our special love object. We love the one before us and when that one is no longer before us we love ourselves. Then we love the next one who is before us. We don’t love one more than the other. We simply love because we are love and so are they and there is no difference, really.

What has happened is that we have shifted our awareness from individuality to wholeness, or oneness. We see ourselves as part of this whole and others as parts of that whole. We come to see ourselves and others as part of God and so every relationship will be a relationship with God. I expect that the memory of our confusing and difficult relationships will simply fade away because they will have no purpose. And who would desire them anyway when they can have a perfect relationship with everyone, and that relationship will be a reflection of their relationship with God.

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I Am in God Even Now

T-25.IV.12:5 “How better could your own mistakes be brought to truth than by your willingness to bring the light of Heaven with you, as you walk beyond the world of darkness into light?”

I think this is another way of saying that my only function is to accept the Atonement for myself. This is how I heal the world. As I recognize that we are one, and that there is no separation at all, I lose all desire to win, to be right, to attack or defend. None of that makes sense to me anymore. When ego thoughts of fear rise up in my mind, they do so that I can let them be healed and thus allow the world to be healed.

I am the Mind that is God, regardless that I think I am this small person that I am identified with at the moment. Nothing has changed since my creation. I am That I am. I am in God even now and as I become open and receptive to that truth, I bring the light of Heaven with me even in this world.

It becomes confusing to me sometimes because I know this is true and yet, within this world, my experience is so very different. I sometimes feel schizophrenic. I am the Son of God and I am Myron and the two identities are not always clearly defined in my mind and yet they must be because there is no meeting place for them. So, it is just confusion of identity. Believing that I am Myron makes the illusion of me as Myron very real in my mind, but it cannot make it true.

As I let go of these confused thoughts my mind clears just as it did when I was confused about my friend pushing me. As I decided for light, darkness simply ceased to exist. It is no different nor any harder than turning on a light in my dark room. The light comes on and the darkness is gone. It doesn’t take time and almost no effort.

Each time I let my mind be illumined with the truth, my faith and trust grow stronger and my decision for Light comes more quickly and the solution is more quickly accepted. So here is the whole thing in a nutshell. I am the Son of God. I am Love. I am peace. I am experiencing something unlike myself. I get confused as to my identity. I recognize the confusion and I decide to remember who I am. I ask for help. As I accept it and live it, I give it. I awaken.

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Manual for Teachers, Joy. 3-25-20

V. Joy
1 Joy is the inevitable result of gentleness. Gentleness means that fear is now impossible, and what could come to interfere with joy? The open hands of gentleness are always filled. The gentle have no pain. They cannot suffer. Why would they not be joyous? They are sure they are beloved and must be safe. Joy goes with gentleness as surely as grief attends attack. God’s teachers trust in Him. And they are sure His Teacher goes before them, making sure no harm can come to them. They hold His gifts and follow in His way, because God’s Voice directs them in all things. Joy is their song of thanks. And Christ looks down on them in thanks as well. His need of them is just as great as theirs of Him. How joyous it is to share the purpose of salvation!

Joy as described here is not something I can achieve through my efforts in the world, and is not connected to something I own, or have. It is not the result of winning the lottery or owning a lovely home, or being in love. It is not the result of anything that I can see or touch, or hear. It has nothing to do with the body or the world.

When I am centered, when I have withdrawn my projections and there is no defense or attack in me, joy is simply there. Sometimes it rises up in me so strongly that I laugh out loud. Sometimes I cry tears of joy. It is just too much to keep in and has to come out in some way. Mostly it simply feels like peace and is so lovely.

When joy is in me, I have perfect faith in it. It feels so right and so perfect. I always amaze myself when I choose to give it up as if it were not the best thing that had ever happened to me. What draws my attention so strongly that I would sacrifice joy just to have it? I begin to pay attention to my thoughts and to question my safety. When I do this, my mind begins to plan defense strategies and I lose my peace and my joy. Is that crazy, or what? Fortunately, it doesn’t happen very often anymore.

Of course, joy and peace haven’t gone anywhere because they are my true nature, but if I have chosen to withdraw from God, I will lose all sense of it. It might be something as simple as judging the person standing next to me or wondering if I will run out of money before I run out of month. One thought follows another and pretty soon I’m stepping away from the person next to me. (That’s an interesting symbol of the separation I created with my judgment.)

Or I am making plans on my own to protect against a financial shortfall, and at the same time teaching myself lack and loss. Maybe I will think of someone or something that is responsible for my predicament because I don’t like how I feel when I judge myself for my carelessness.

It’s easy to see how I lose that sense of peace and the joy that was so lovely just moments ago. I cannot be joyful if I am being harmful, through judgment, attack, and defense or any form of separation. When the mind detects danger and begins to build its defenses I have forgotten the purpose I share with Christ, and so I have forgotten my joy.

This is why vigilance is so important. I remain vigilant for unquestioned thoughts. I remain vigilant until I don’t need to because I never lose my peace and my joy. Does that ever happen in this world? Yes. Jesus says that we can learn to listen only to the Voice for God and we can do so even in this world. Vigilance is a small price to pay for joy.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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One Shared Goal

S-1.IV.1:4-6 Enemies do not share a goal. It is in this their enmity is kept. Their separate wishes are their arsenals; their fortresses in hate.

I have one goal and that is the peace of God. This goal does not vary according to circumstances, but it took me some time to accept this. What I am going to share here is a story from three years ago that illustrates how I eventually narrowed my focus to the one goal and began to see the goal we all share.

As I was going to bed last night I was thinking about goals. It is easy to get confused about this issue. My thoughts began with this idea that I have some things I want to accomplish in my house. Things that I have been putting off until I retired. But now instead of doing them, I am spending much of my time with my daughter and her new baby. I love being with her and I love being with the baby, but I do notice that I feel resentful of the lost time.

So what seems to be happening is that we have separate goals. My daughter’s goal is to have me around. She wants company and reassurance and help keeping up while her body heals from the C-section. Her goal is to have me come over every day to be sure her needs are met.

My goal is to get this big pile of unfinished business whittled down. I love when I get a project done. It feels so satisfying to me. And when it is not done it is like an itch that I can’t scratch. So it seems like one of us is going to get their goal met and we are in competition to see who wins.

This is an excellent example of separation. It is a situation without an answer that is union and is an extension of love because even if I continue to do the “loving” thing, I still resent doing it so it is not love. Same for her. Love is not sacrifice and as long as we have separate goals someone is going to sacrifice.

The solution, the only one that will work is if at least one of us changes their goal. I choose to be the one because as I reason this out, I remember that I have only one goal, which is the peace of God. Lesson 205 is the lesson that simplifies all my decisions.

“The peace of God is my one goal; the aim of all my living here, the end I seek, my purpose and my function and my life, while I abide where I am not at home.”

So now all I have to do is question my goal. Is my goal to complete my to-do list? Or is my goal the peace of God. Hardly seems a question at all when I put it like that. I will complete my list at some point, but now it is not my goal and so the completion of it does not drive my actions and my reactions.

I can relax into this situation with my daughter and appreciate how precious it is. It will likely never happen again that we have so much time together. Watching this new little human grow and change daily is something rare and precious. I was blinded to the obvious when I was focused on my little goal. Now that I remember my only goal, I can see again.

© 2020, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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