Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

A Healing Journey

One mindedness can only mean one thing and that is to focus on our connection to God and His creation.  It is that simple.  No more and no less.  Of course, the ego tries to keep us distsracted from this meaning and purpose, and often does a good job of it.  Sometimes, when we go to unfamiliar surroundings, everyday distractions fall away and we can see more clearly.

Last week, my husband, Mike,  had to travel overseas for business reasons.  When this assignment first came up, I was given the opportunity to go along.  For awhile, I was undecided about whether I would tag along.  I was truly of split mind about whether to go or not, which quite surprised me.  There was a part of me that thought the trip would be quite interesting, and another part that just wanted quiet comfortable time at home.  At last, I felt compelled to make the journey, but with the idea of giving myself permission to have as much quiet time on the trip as I needed.

The trip was unlike any other I have ever had.  I did spend much time with others, but I also took a lot of time to quietly study ACIM.  I wanted to journal and took several with me so that I would have plenty of paper to write my thoughts and inspirations.  Well, during the eight days I was gone, I wrote only one page.  There just didn’t seem to be any concrete words to write, just nebulous feelings that I couldn’t put into words.  I just couldn’t understand what was happening.  But as I was in different surroundings, I couldn’t distract myself with the everyday as I would have done at home.  I just sat and asked for guidance, feeling so tired of being alone.  I wanted the Teacher to appear and never leave, knowing this would bring me the greatest joy.  I felt flat, uninspired, cut off, but saying to myself that, of course, this feeling was all ego and its not real but it is showing me a place in my mind that needs healing.  I sat with the somewhat disconnected feeling, telling myself that it was only illusion and that I didn’t have to feel differently.  I didn’t have to cover it up, fight it or resist it, because that would make it more “real.”  It just lay like a heavy lump.  I gave it all to Holy Spirit.

By the time we were to leave for home, I became aware that I felt abandoned by Holy Spirit.  I felt that I was truly aware of the ultimate ego projection story, that I am separate from God.  That God is not powerful enough or does not care enough to stop me from separating or to try to get me back, to save me from being lost.  That God just doesn’t love me as much.  This is all ego, ego, ego.  I know it is all illusion, but the fear and anxiety seemed so real.  The ego makes itself seem so strong, so big and powerful, but there are no answers there. I chose to remain with Holy Spirit, even though I couldn’t hear His Voice clearly because the ego voice was so loud.

Sometimes in our lives, ego resistance runs high.  It reared its ugly head in a major way for me and really showed me where I am out of sync with Truth.  I consoled myself with the thought that if the ego is screaming this loudly, maybe it is because I am making progress.  At least I hope this is so, because I felt like I was at the essence of ego projection uncovered of layers of less threatening dramas.  I felt like I was at the heart of my fear, and that it all came down to trust.  Jesus says that Holy Spirit shines the fears away, that they are dissolved not conquered.

I choose every day to be open to this process of having my fear shined away.  The ego illusion is unhappiness and I choose love and peace, even though I don’t always know how to get there.  I trust that Holy Spirit does and that I can be healed.  I trust that He loves me enough to heal me and that I am worthy of being healed.  Everyday I am focusing on trust.  I trust in God’s presence, His love, His power, His creation.  I am willing to walk though ego resistance.  I am willing to be viligant for God and His Kingdom in my mind today.

I believe in the power of peace and love.
I believe there is a place in my mind of total peace and joy.
I believe that I can achieve awareness of this.
I trust Holy Spirit to help me for I cannot do it alone.
I believe and trust that I can come to this today, that Holy Spirit can overcome ego today.

The trip turned out to be a remarkable one because it really put me in touch with my core abandonment issues, which gives me the opportunity to allow greater healing to take place.  Its not what I imagined the trip would be all about, but it seems that Holy Spirit had a greater plan in mind for me.  The ultimate fear can be so layered with every day matters that we cannot see and feel it for what it truly is.  I am grateful that I had the opportunity to slip out of the everyday and begin to truly face and heal the separation story closer to its source.  The ending of the overseas trip is the beginning of a new healing journey for me.  I couldn’t be more grateful for all this is now.

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