Realizing God's Will Is Oneness

God Thinks Of Me In Peace

When I have this vague uneasiness, this feeling of being unsettled, I can know this is not of God.  God thinks only peace toward me and not affliction.  Any affliction is not of God but of my false ego mind.  Sometimes it is so hard to sit with this uneasiness.  For so long I have tried to push it away, distract myself from it with TV or food, and feel guilt over these feelings.  Today I sit with it calmly, knowing it is false.

I give this vague feeling of unease in my mind to Holy Spirit.  I do not push it away.  I do not run away.  I just sit with it, knowing it is not of God.  While I feel the troubled feeling from the unconscious mind, I also feel a sense of peace that I am up to sitting with it and facing it.  I remind myself that the thought is false, although it seems so real and, at times, overwhelming.  It is still false nonetheless because it is not of God.  I do not have to be troubled by what is not of God.

This troubled feeling is a sense of lack, that my life as I find it is not good enough somehow, and that I don’t measure up.  It shouts at me that I am lazy, others are doing more, and my life has no value.  If I were doing more or being more, then perhaps I would have more value.  Always there is the demand for more - more of everything - almost to the point of gluttony.  The ego mind cannot get enough of the world because there is always the feeling of lack.  And with this comes the temptation that this thought or feeling of lack is real, and the need to either get something as a “fix” or to get away from the feeling.  This is treating the feeling as real, but it is not real.

And so, this afternoon I sit with it knowing it is not real.  As I give the feeling to Holy Spirit, but continue feeling it anyway, I practice patience and forgiveness with myself.  I made this thought of lack.  I made this feeling.  There is nothing to be afraid of.  I shall pray to God and God shall listen.  He will hear me.  There is value in standing with God to look squarely at fear and see through it to the truth.  The truth is God loves me and gives me all.  He hears my desire to know His love and He is always granting this request.  We do commune in love.  God thinks of me only in peace.  I do not have to feel total peace at this moment to accept that.

I do seek God with all my heart.  I sit this afternoon as well as this morning because I was so tired I dozed off while I was meditating.  Now I sit again with these spiritual exercises seeking God’s grace to truly see Him in my every experience, to see Him when there are false thoughts as well as true ones, to see Him when I feel discouraged or unwell as well as when I am in a sublime state of bliss, for God is to be found in all.  The falsity of worldly thought tries to obscure God’s peace, but God will hear my prayer requesting to know His loving presence.  Thoughts that call to harm and escape at any cost are false and so I do not have to pay attention to them.

God’s Will for me is oneness with Him.  This is all He sees of me.  I can come to where that is all I see of Him, too.  Releasing these false thoughts is part of this.  Struggling with them keeps them alive because I give them my own energy.  I open my mind and go deep within.  I allow what is there to come forth.  It is vague, unformed and non-descript.  It’s only vague uneasiness, not a fear of anything in particular, only that all is not well.  There have been times in my life when I was so afraid of the fear in my mind, so troubled by the non-descript pain that I had thoughts of suicide.  Now it no longer troubles me to that degree.  Yes, it still seems to be there, but now I question it’s legitimacy.  Fear is not legitimate.  It is not true, and cannot harm me.  There is no need for a harsh reaction of any sort.  I don’t have to defend myself or go on the attack.  I really don’t have to do anything at all, except maybe ask for help, which I am.  I let all panic just pass through me. 

God knows me by name.  God loves me, and I love God.  This is my truth and nothing can change that.  I am still Me, the Me created by God.  The only obstacle to knowing God’s love completely is my vague sense of fear of what is in my mind.  It seems sometimes that only fear is in my mind, but when I sit calmly with God facing it, I find something underneath the fear.  I find a sense of peace, a rock of strength, a knowing that despite any appearances to the contrary, all is well in my mind.  The falsity cannot harm or diminish Me.  I am still valuable in God’s eyes and God’s heart.

As I sit this afternoon I am comforted.  God is there for me when I seek Him with all my heart.  Seeking with all my heart can mean sitting with the pain of falsity merely knowing it is false.  Sometimes it does not magically or miraculously disappear immediately.  It is sitting with confidence that God is with me, hears me and never abandons me, that really helps me.  Sometimes I think of myself without a body and feeling these same vague feelings.  What will I do then?  Rush into another body to escape?  I do not want to do this.  I practice now being with any pain of falsity in my mind, but with the confidence it is not true and will pass away.  What is not eternal passes away, and falsity is not eternal because it is not of God.

I focus on the truth of peace.  God is in my mind.  God loves me, hears me and is always with me.  I remain part of Him, the Holy One.  All are included in the Holy One.  My life has value as I remember this.  Do I need to do fancy things in the world to be valuable, valuable to God, to myself, to others?  I can share these rememberings, I guess, if they are helpful to God’s divine plan.  The sharings of others have helped me so much.  I do not know God’s plan for me as to what would be most useful.  For today, I trust there is a plan and I am part of it.  As ever, I ask that the plan be made clearer to me, that I may see what I am to do in the present which is loving.

I am grateful to be at greater peace.  This is always helpful.  I am not forcing anything in my life at present.  It either flows forth from the inside or it doesn’t.  What is flowing forth from the inside is probably blocked by fear, so I am grateful to be releasing fear.  As I observe myself I see its energy, like an invisible wind rushing forth from my mind.  I let it go.  There is the temptation to resist the fear, but I let it blow away, and refocus on the peace that all is well.  I am grateful to be able to do this, and for all the help given me by Holy Spirit. 

God does hear all prayers for knowing His love.  I believe mine are heard and answered.  I have this confidence as God’s grace today.  May I see God’s love at work in my life in miraculous ways, and in ways that I can share with others, knowing that miracles are not for me alone.  God’s love is for all.  Let God’s Will be done.  Amen.

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