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January-March, 2019

It’s All Right to Pause

by Rev. Mary Gerard Lenihan, O.M.C.

We live in a green light world. One of the main messages is to GO. We are told by others or we tell ourselves to keep going, go faster, you go, way to go, go here, go there, go now . . . go, go, go, go, go. I am suggesting today to pause from going. The world isn’t going to fall apart if I pause, if you pause. It’s all right to Pause. Not only is it all right to Pause, it is highly necessary to Pause. To not Pause is to get in one’s own way, to rule your own show, follow a crowd that is not your crowd and make decisions under stress. Decisions made in the state of stress cause more stress!

Why the fear of taking a pause? I find that the more I don’t Practice the Pause, the more likely I will not Practice the Pause in the future. Not pausing becomes a vicious cycle, a way of life and frankly something our culture seems to value. It is a challenge to move against the grain, to Pause in a nonstop world, to do things differently, to not go with the status quo, to not agree with the way everyone else is doing it, to not follow the crowd; it is a challenge to truly be willing to BE INSPIRED. In my experience BEING INSPIRED requires pausing from going and going. The fear of pausing is that if I pause, I might miss out on something, something that needs to be done might not get done, and the main fear is that I will have to notice my fear-based thoughts that are driving my not pausing!

The more we don’t pause, the more fear we are making for ourselves. The more we are unwilling to pause and look at the fear running our lives, simple decisions, and daily choices, the more fear will build up on the inside. The more fear that builds up, the more uncomfortable we become with who we are and the lives we are living.

How do we know we are fearful? Fear can give rise to anxiety, depression, impulsive behavior, anger, guilt, yelling, fighting, jealousy, telling lies, cheating, stealing, name-calling, irritation, frustration, fatigue, suspiciousness, loneliness, gossip, on and on. Fear can lead us to say and do things we later regret. Fear effects our ability to learn, our job performance, our relationships with family, friends, neighbors, coworkers and even your relationship with yourself. Fear causes poor decisions and unhelpful choices in daily life. We always have a choice to pause instead.

Today I am going to help myself and you pause. We can pause together. Read the following aloud to yourself:

I am willing to choose to pause, be in the pause and move in the pause.

As I pause, I begin a domino effect of the pause; extending the pause to untold others.

I don’t need a special place to pause.

I pause where I find myself and I find my True Self in the pause.

I pause for as long as I like; wherever I am, whatever I am doing and whomever I am with. Relish the pause. Relinquish the fear. Receive the Help you Need!

It’s All Right to Pause.

PEOPLE ARE WORTH A PAUSE!

Today began as any typical morning, but then the phone rang! Now, I had a full agenda ahead, but… sometimes we are moved in a different direction than planned and it is wiser to go with the flow — today is one of those days. I see a missed call on my phone, but no message. Instead of ignoring it, I pause, and hear within to call this person back. As soon as he answers the phone, I can hear he sounds stressed. Clearly, he needs someone to talk with, let him vent his worries and simply listen. I had this exact experience yesterday with a friend who called to see how I was doing, but I heard an uncertain sound in her voice, so I knew something was up — I listened, encouraged her to be safe and take care of herself, and I called her back later to check in.

No matter how in a hurry, how busy,
how this and that we are, we can
bring peace of mind to one another
through a simple pause.

On the way to work I stopped to pick up my lunch. As the café owner was suggesting what smoothie would be good for me, I saw the fatigue and stress on her face. Instead of cutting the conversation short, I sat down a few minutes with her to hear her thoughts on wellness. I found myself simply pausing to be present with her as she shared her expertise. She was enjoying someone listening to her valuable knowledge and I received the help she was giving. Within a few minutes we had helped one another and had smiles on our faces. That’s another way to Pause for People – RECEIVE the love, wisdom and peace they are extending.

Pausing for People works in business too! No sooner do I land at my desk, I had to call someone for what I thought would be a quick conversation – nope. He too was having a rough day struggling in his communication with a business liaison who was not doing what they said they were going to do, so I listened. Something I noticed is that when I Truly Pause, the other person feels Truly Heard and I feel Truly Helpful. Something about being Truly Present with another — upset can give way to calm; conflict can fall away, and solutions come to light. With a lighthearted voice I suggested we pause together and open to the Inner Wisdom our Inspired Minds and see all parties involved opening to their Inspired Minds; he agreed. We hung up and he called back within two minutes sharing that the situation was resolved!

Pausing for one another heals the experience of disconnection that so many of us are experiencing in this chaotic world and in one’s disjointed mind. I open up my lunch and you got it, the phone rings! I pocket-called someone and it was clearly no accident. This was a person I rarely connect with, but occasionally run into at the grocery store. After realizing it was a pocket-call, I was ready to say sorry and goodbye, but the words from his mouth were, “I feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.” He went on to name the several challenging situations all happening at once. In the pause I was able to hear what to say and what not to say; I am steered away from clichés as my Helpful Self leads with wise words, timely pauses, and encouraging and inspiring thoughts to share. He expresses gratitude, “This clearly was no accident that you pocket-called me. I feel much better.” People are worth a Pause!

Pause During Conversations —
A Deeper Connection

Have you ever asked for INSPIRATION and it immediately showed up? Wow, I was just driving to the PAUSE studio where we create in the pause, (I say this now instead of “work”), and while driving I was pondering the fear of pausing. What is it about the thought of pausing that can make us anxious? At that moment, my phone rings and it was a friend offering to volunteer for PAUSE. In our conversation he began telling me a story about something else that he has told a number of times. In the midst of his talking, he paused, and emphatically said, “You know, I’ve told this story over and over and it’s just an excuse… an excuse not to do what I know I need to do!” I replied, “Yes, I’ve heard this story!” We both got a good laugh out of calling his me-character out on an unhelpful way of thinking. I do the same thing and have experienced the freedom of stopping myself in the middle of another blah, blah, blah.

One way to break a habit is to break a habit in the middle of doing the habit.

How often are we honest with ourselves in the moment? I notice my friend is practicing Pause; I hear him getting out of  his own way — calling his cubicle mind out — and opening to seeing himself Another Way. In this practice he shares matter of fact, “I do that, just keep talking, because I am uncomfortable with any silence in conversations. I’m afraid of the silence. I’m afraid to pause.” Right on awareness right there in the midst of practicing Pause.

Why are we afraid, uncomfortable of silence? If we stop the Pause Practice at PAUSE, the silence may be overwhelming. So, I can continue with STEP BACK — Getting Out of My Own Way — and observe what I am experiencing in the silence without judging my experience.

For example, sometimes I may feel like I have to impress someone, or someone is trying to impress me, but now I can notice this me-character need, not judge myself or the other, and simply step back.  Now, I STEP ASIDE — Open to Receiving Inner Inspiration — I can listen within to the deeper knowing of my Helpful Self. Now, LET INSPIRATION GUIDE — Choose to follow what Inspiration is giving. During conversations expectations of self and others can distract us from being present to the Inspiration we are receiving. Focusing on following helpful inner guidance, what to say, how to say it, or what not to say, one can experience a deeper connection with the person with whom they are speaking.

That deeper connection IS Inspiration!

Especially while teaching the Pause Practice I have to let silence happen, my own silence and the silence of students.

It’s okay. The wisdom that often rises up out of our silence shows us the value of saying nothing. Being silent together can give us permission to be silent. Often students find the silence gives them space to listen within and they begin sharing what is going on in their hearts, minds and lives and see how using the Pause Practice may be helpful. We seem to notice that as we are all living in this world, each one of us is dealing with something and we are connected to one another in ways we may not have imagined. The Pause Practice may at first feel awkward especially in conversations. Consider practicing Pause in a simple conversation and see where it leads. You may see that your so-called “comfort zone” of repeating the same old stories, covering the usual topics, may not be so comfortable after all. I find the Pause Practice is worth the peace, clarity of thought and deepening connection that awaits us all on the other side of our uncomfortable zone!

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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