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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-9-12

Day 99
11 Is not this an exchange that you would want? The world would gladly make it, if it knew it could be made. It is God’s teachers who must teach it that it can. And so it is their function to make sure that they have learned it. No risk is possible throughout the day except to put your trust in magic, for it is only this that leads to pain. “There is no will but God’s.” His teachers know that this is so, and have learned that everything but this is magic. All belief in magic is maintained by just one simple-minded illusion;-that it works. All through his training, every day and every hour, and even every minute and second, must God’s teachers learn to recognize the forms of magic and perceive their meaninglessness. Fear is withdrawn from them, and so they go. And thus the gate of Heaven is reopened, and its light can shine again on an untroubled mind.

It’s Saturday night about 6pm and I get a call from my sister-in-law. She heard from Methodist Hospital in Houston, Texas. The Transplant Center there has put her on standby for a heart and two lungs. Standby! This means she may well get the long awaited organs she needs to remain in this body for awhile longer.

She has been waiting for so long, and her life been such a long, difficult and often frightening series of emergencies, it seems my mind is having trouble making this adjustment. We share our gratitude for this opportunity and then she has to hang up so that she can pack and get ready for the call to head for the hospital. It’s a 3 hour drive and time will be of the essence. When she says she’s packing my mind finally makes the leap. This might be happening!

I am stirring the roux for an Easter gumbo. Gumbo is always better the next day and so my plan was to cook it tonight and put it in the refrigerator to let the flavors blend and strengthen. Sunday night my kids and grandkids would come over for supper and it will be just right for them. I have a seriously intense headache and it seems to be a migraine. Catching it quickly will probably stop it before it gets really bad, but the medicine makes me drowsy so I am getting as much done as I can before I am too sleepy to finish. Now with this phone call, plans are changing.

The ego mind goes to work on the problem right away trying to figure out how to get everything done so that I can get to Houston before Brinda goes into surgery. I’m laying out all sorts of possible scenarios and possible plans but I’m not doing well with it, what with the headache, the medicine and drowsiness, and the unreal quality of the situation. Could this be really happening for my sweet sister-in-law?

The more I think, the more anxious I become. I will probably miss Easter supper but maybe my kids come over and eat the gumbo since I have to finish it. Way too far into the process to just stop right now. I’ll need to pack because its impossible to know if I will be there overnight or for days.

Have to shower and dress. Is there gas in the car? Calls to make to see if I can get someone to drive me there because of the medicine I just took. I know I can’t stay awake for that drive and I wonder how I will stay awake for the whole night, something I can’t imagine doing even under the best of circimstances.

I get another call from Brinda. She is in the car and John is driving her to the hospital! Okay, this really is happening, and I have to complete the task at hand and get everything ready. It feels surreal as I try to operate out of the fog of medication and drowsiness and very confusing as I try to multi-task from this state. I notice I am feeling resentful and while I know that’s just an ego response to the anxiety, I now feel guilty.

What is my sister-in-law supposed to do, ask the hospital to call her back when they have another three organs that fit her small body, but when it happens at a more convenient time? Ok, no matter how pushed for time I feel, I need to stop and ask for guidance. I need to put the ego mind aside and give God my full attention.

The immediate thought that appears in my mind is that I am to have thoughts of joy and peace. It seems almost ludicrous in the face of all my ego thoughts of confusion and the ego is really pushing for making lists and moving fast. But I remember what we read just the other day, and that I’ve been practicing. Start the day with thoughts of God. I did that. End the day with thoughts of God and I know I will do that. In between, have thoughts of joy and peace. Now??!!

And then I felt the rightness of this guidance and knew it didn’t come from the ego. I opened my heart to it, and just like that, I felt peaceful. I asked what I should do next and I did that. I was absolutely amazed and gratified to see how effortless this is and how perfectly it worked. I had fun! I got everything done and arrangements made. My grandson helped me pack my stuff into the car and I picked up our friend, Mary Daw who would be doing the driving. Together we got my other sister-in-law, Jenny, and off we went.

I sat in the back with headphones on and ACIM playing on my I-Pod, and with off and on light naps, I let the medicine work its way through my system. The sounds of my companions in the front, seat laughing and talking, were the background for this ride, and we made it to Houston in good time. I felt peaceful and happy, and the feelings continued all through the night as Brinda was receiving her new organs. We all kept John company and chatted and took little cat naps as we could. 

I could only marvel as I watched the rules I have about careful planning, and the body laws I have about needing sleep, just fall away like the nonsense they are. My gratitude overflowed as I sat with my friends and my brother. I felt gratitude for the opportunity to trust the promises Jesus made in the Course. It was amazing to see these promises work in my life as I opened to them. I felt so much joy as I allowed myself to surrender my efforting and to just be carried.

Twelve hours later, at about 7:00am, the doctor called us back. Brinda was doing well, the organs were working and we got the chance to see her. Five hours later we got to talk to her and see that everything was going well. She couldn’t talk yet, but we could see that she knew we were there and loving her. This morning she is sitting in a chair by her bed!

There is no circumstance that stands outside God’s plan. This morning as I wrote this, I felt a thrill when I read, “All through his training, every day and every hour, and even every minute and second, must God’s teachers learn to recognize the forms of magic and perceive their meaninglessness.” And for sure my mind is untroubled as I allow the light of Heaven to shine on it.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-7-12

Day 98
10 There is no substitute for the Will of God. In simple statement, it is to this fact that the teacher of God devotes his day. Each substitute he may accept as real can but deceive him. But he is safe from all deception if he so decides. Perhaps he needs to remember, “God is with me. I cannot be deceived.” Perhaps he prefers other words, or only one, or none at all. Yet each temptation to accept magic as true must be abandoned through his recognition, not that it is fearful, not that it is sinful, not that it is dangerous, but merely that it is meaningless. Rooted in sacrifice and separation, two aspects of one error and no more, he merely chooses to give up all that he never had. And for this “sacrifice” is Heaven restored to his awareness.

What really stands out to me in this paragraph is the sentence that says: Yet each temptation to accept magic as true must be abandoned through his recognition, not that it is fearful, not that it is sinful, not that it is dangerous, but merely that it is meaningless.

When I look back on my life I see that I have always felt guilty for one thing or another, even beginning when I was a very young child. When I began to study the Course, I learned that guilt is never helpful and I started watching my mind for guilty thoughts and asking the Holy Spirit to help me see differently. But guilt has a deep root in my mind and I noticed that I felt guilty for having those thoughts, and guilty that the same thoughts would appear over and over again.

I seemed never to get to the end of it. It felt very circular as I tried to relinquish guilt and then felt guilty for my apparent failures. When I did the lessons with the Holy Spirit’s help, many of His messages to me were directed at this guilt. He helped me to relax into the study and the processes. He reminded me often that I was innocent.

I read a very helpful passage in The Holy Spirit’s Interpretation of the New Testament. It says: The choice you make will seem to be made many times in complete sincerity and truth of heart. And then you will seem to slip and forget the choice you have made. Do not let this distress you. Simply make the choice again. That really helped me to let go of the concerns I had about my seeming failures.

Jesus has been trying to tell me all along that my substitute for truth is without effects and that it is simply meaningless. The ego will insist I have reason to be afraid and that I have reason to be guilty but this is wrong. There is only one thing I need to do, and that is to accept that I have been mistaken and that my mistake has not changed anything.

I spent a long time learning to recognize my mistaken beliefs, and learning that they have no value so I can let them go. Now I am learning that their effects are not real effects. Jesus talks about possibly having a phrase to say when needed that will help anchor me to the truth. The one I often use is, “I will disregard these appearances.”

I will not be afraid of them, or feel guilty for them, or try to change them. They are not important enough to warrant that kind of attention. I will simply disregard them because they are meaningless. The only value they have for me is that they point to a belief that is not true and that I will release.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-6-12

Day 97
9 The avoidance of magic is the avoidance of temptation. For all temptation is nothing more than the attempt to substitute another will for God’s. These attempts may indeed seem frightening, but they are merely pathetic. They can have no effects; neither good nor bad, neither rewarding nor demanding sacrifice, healing nor destructive, quieting nor fearful. When all magic is recognized as merely nothing, the teacher of God has reached the most advanced state. All intermediate lessons will but lead to this, and bring this goal nearer to recognition. For magic of any kind, in all its forms, simply does nothing. Its powerlessness is the reason it can be so easily escaped. What has no effects can hardly terrify. 

I was reading about Voodoo recently. The book says that sometimes a Voodoo priest puts a curse on someone with the intention of causing the person to die. I thought how silly this was, but when I read further it became clear that when the intended victim believes in the magic that person will die. On further consideration I realize that this is not all that different than the magic thinking we all do when we try to substitute our will for God’s Will. Its just as foolish and ineffective, but because we believe in it, the effects are real to us, even unto death.

Magic thinking is anything that is a separate will from God. I do this when I try to fix what I perceive as wrong or out balance by changing the form of things. Wishing for a lottery win to fix dissatisfaction with life for example. Believing unhappiness is caused by loneliness and trying to fix it by finding a mate who will give me whatever it is I think is missing in my life. Oh here’s a good one. Making someone else seem to be responsible for my guilty feelings and believing that this makes me innocent.

Any thinking that promotes the belief that pain, suffering, and death are myr deserved fates and unavoidable. And equally, any belief that this can be changed through the use of medicine, counseling, begging and bargaining with God, living a “good” life in the hopes of deserving something better.

Making plans and making decisions on my own. Trying to get people to like me by pleasing them. Acting humble and playing small so as not to tempt the fates. Giving meaning to everything according to whatever I believe will protect me in the moment. Defending and attacking to keep myself safe.  All these things are magical thinking.

When I was reading about the people who were fearful of the voodoo priest and what she could do to them and how much they were controlled by these beliefs, I wanted to say, “Wake up! This is not real and if you would just stop believing in her power, she couldn’t have any affect on you.” Well, I can say the same thing about myself.

If I stop believing in the crazy rules that I made up to take the place of complete freedom, I would be unaffected by them. I would no longer imagine I am trapped in a body, suffering sickness and death over which I have no control. All it takes to escape from this sorry state of affairs is to accept that I did it to myself in an effort to substitute my will for God’s Will, and that nothing actually happened. It seems to have happened because I am determined to believe in it, but really nothing happened, and I am safe.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-5-12

Day 96
8 Yet there will be temptations along the way the teacher of God has yet to travel, and he has need of reminding himself throughout the day of his protection. How can he do this, particularly during the time when his mind is occupied with external things? He can but try, and his success depends on his conviction that he will succeed. He must be sure success is not of him, but will be given him at any time, in any place and circumstance he calls for it. There are times his certainty will waver, and the instant this occurs he will return to earlier attempts to place reliance on himself alone. Forget not this is magic, and magic is a sorry substitute for true assistance. It is not good enough for God’s teacher, because it is not enough for God’s Son.

Yesterday was another good day, another day of relying on my sure protection. When I was tempted to fall into ego doubts and fears I chose instead to remember the truth. I did this quickly before it became difficult. It is so easy that its hard to describe the process.

I was at a workshop getting continuing education hours for my certifications. I knew many of the other people there and in fact many of them were customers. There was a man who I had hoped to make a customer and I noticed that I felt some resentment that he was so resistant to my efforts. I also noticed that it was a fleeting thought with little emotion attached to it. It was almost like a memory of something I used to feel. But I called on my protection anyway.

This was not like a formal prayer, but if it were it would have been like this. God, remind me of who I am and who he is. Here are all the thoughts that block the love that would flow between us. I gladly release them.

There was a man who used to be my customer. In the past there have been lots of feelings that roiled around in me when I thought of him. This time I had a memory of some of that, but I didn’t stay with it. I immediately called on my protection. I am not at all confused about what matters. I will be glad to have his business back and I will be glad if I don’t get it back. What matters to me is that I don’t feel resentment toward anyone involved. I don’t wish for anything. I had a brief chat with him and there was no discomfort in it for me. I was at peace.

There were two people there who have not in the past been very friendly to me. I noticed a familiar defensiveness in me and called on my protection. I just let it flow over me and through me. There really is nothing to do except to desire peace and desire the extension of love. I experienced this flow of love returning to me all during the day. It really felt like I was being enfolded in kindness.

When I was tempted to revisit old resentments or anxieties, simply desiring to return to peace was all that was needed. I didn’t have to think of ways to repair relationships. I didn’t have to defend myself even in my own mind, to make excuses or make the other person wrong. I didn’t use those flimsy excuses for protection, and when tempted by them, made a different choice.

Holy Spirit, I want today to be another day of peace. I know that I have a lot more experience with projection, defensiveness, blame, fear and guilt than I do with choosing peace, so I will need help. When I am tempted to self-defense, please help me to remember where my protection lies.

It will be a quiet day with few distractions because I have the day off. This means I will be alone with my thoughts. Honestly, that’s a little scary. I am willing to be vigilant for all magical attempts to protect myself from my own thoughts. I want to remember what it is like to be the Son of God, to be perfectly protected and perfectly joyful. I feel You inviting me to practice silence and I am willing. I am pretty excited to think of the opportunities today. Thank you.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-4-12

Day 95
7 How simply and how easily does time slip by for the teacher of God who has accepted His protection! All that he did before in the name of safety no longer interests him. For he is safe, and knows it to be so. He has a Guide Who will not fail. He need make no distinctions among the problems he perceives, for He to Whom he turns with all of them recognizes no order of difficulty in resolving them. He is as safe in the present as he was before illusions were accepted into his mind, and as he will be when he has let them go. There is no difference in his state at different times and different places, because they are all one to God. This is his safety. And he has no need for more than this.

Jesus is not suggesting in this paragraph that nothing untoward will ever again happen in my life when I accept God’s protection, but he is telling me that all problems will be resolved. He is saying all problems are the same, there is no big problem and little problem, and it doesn’t matter where or when. My safety is guaranteed. My guide will not fail me.

The only thing that keeps this from being true for me right now is that sometimes I would rather guide myself and solve my own problems. And then I ask for help only when I’m knee deep in the consequences of insisting on deciding on my own. I am completely connected to the Mind of God and have all Answers at my fingertips. Instead, I’m here saying, “No, no! Don’t tell me. Let me guess.”

Yesterday was a lovely day. I began with that wonderfully loving message from Holy Spirit that encouraged me to spend my day in joy and peace. But as I was getting ready for work the migraine I had the day before started coming back, and I was disappointed because this was supposed to be a happy day. Then I heard my Voice ask why I could not be happy with a headache. Okay, why not. So that is just what I did.

When I have a migraine I can take medication to dull the pain, but the medicine does not prevent me from feeling victimized and vulnerable. It doesn’t prevent me from projecting blame and feeling sorry for myself. Pain is just pain, but all that other stuff is suffering. It is the ego’s answer to adversity. Believing these thoughts is the way I keep my identity firmly in the ego. Yesterday, because of a different decision, I was delighted to realize that there is no reason to feel bad that I have a headache. Peace and joy were still right there for me and were not dependent on my physical condition.

I also noticed an interesting thing. The ego was resentful that I was not interested in looking pitiful when I got to work. I was aware of a desire to be noticed, for my boss to say, “You look sick. Are you ok?” Jeez, I came to work with a migraine. Shouldn’t someone feel bad for me? Shouldn’t I at least get credit for it?

I bet my boss would be nicer to me if she knew I was sick. I bet she would think I was a dedicated worker and be glad I worked for her. Maybe she would tell the big boss. (Ha ha, I wonder what the payoff is for sickness.) These were just thoughts passing through, hoping I would sit up and take notice, that I would act on them. But I decided not. I decided to have thoughts of joy and peace instead.

Another kind of thought tried to take up residence in my mind. The medicine I was taking seemed to dull my thinking somewhat. I was slow remembering things, just not as sharp as usual. I thought about losing my peace over this… for about a nano- second. Then I decided that if I needed to remember something that thought would be given to me.

I do not need the ego thinking mind for anything but the most mundane tasks. Anything more than that and it just gets in the way, making decisions based on the past and so keeping me stuck in old cycles. Yesterday was a lovely day, a happy day, a peaceful day. I feel very grateful to realize that circumstances have so little to do with my decision to choose thoughts of joy and peace.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-3-12

Day 94
6 There is one thought in particular that should be remembered throughout the day. It is a thought of pure joy, a thought of peace, a thought of limitless release, limitless because all things are freed within it. You think you made a place of safety for yourself. You think you made a power that can save you from all the fearful things you see in dreams. It is not so. Your safety lies not there. What you give up is merely the illusion of protecting illusions. And it is this you fear, and only this. How foolish to be so afraid of nothing! Nothing at all! Your defenses will not work, but you are not in danger. You have no need of them. Recognize this, and they will disappear. And only then will you accept your real protection.

I am very comfortable with the idea of undoing the ego. I have spent the last 30 years learning what the ego is and practicing the processes to let it go.  I’ve learned to be vigilant for my thoughts. I’ve learned to move through fear more quickly, and learned that while fear is very uncomfortable while I’m there, it can’t really hurt me. I’ve learned that while I may still be resistant to releasing certain beliefs, there is no false belief worth keeping and none that I must keep. But when Jesus says to spend time during the day thinking of joy and peace and unlimited release, I am flummoxed.

Sometimes I am truly joyful. It bubbles up from some source I am not in touch with most of the time. It overflows and engulfs me in happiness and peace. There is no reason for it, no story that explains it. I don’t do anything to make it happen, there is no word or action on my part that allows this wonderful feeling. As it happens I am incredibly grateful, but I don’t know what Jesus means when he says that I should remember thoughts of pure joy.

Holy Spirit: Precious, precious, One. Holy child of God. There is nothing for you to do. Let the thought of joy be in your mind. That is all, just let it be there. If you are not actively engaged in thinking of sad, fearful, guilty thoughts, then the only thought that will be there is one of joy, peace and freedom.

If you will stop pushing against your life, you will notice what a happy life it is. You are living the life you want to live, and all the while pretending that you have somehow been forced into this place. As if the Son of God could be anyplace He has not chosen. This is the thought from which you must awaken.

Your life is exactly the experience you have chosen, and you are perfectly safe within it. You don’t need to wake up from this illusion, but from the belief that you are being held prisoner within this illusion and that you suffer this illusion. The question is not how to be joyful and how to be at peace, but rather how it is that you continually catapult yourself out of peace and joy.

Me: Holy Spirit, I feel the answer in my mind and know that it is guilt. I also feel the solution which is You. I am very happy to report that I am not nearly as afraid of letting go of the guilt as I used to be. I no longer believe that the guilt is caused by things I have done wrong. I know that the guilt comes from the mistaken idea that I have changed my nature and am now separate from God, not connected to Him, not in Him. This is something else I don’t completely believe anymore.

I open my mind to You and I ask You to please heal the belief that I could be less than what I am, and that God is something He is not. Thank you so much. I feel the joy rising in me again as I remember that I don’t need the world to be the place I hide from God. Please, today show me what you would have it be to me.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 4-2-12

Day 93
5 The same procedures should be followed at night. Perhaps your quiet time should be fairly early in the evening, if it is not feasible for you to take it just before going to sleep. It is not wise to lie down for it. It is better to sit up, in whatever position you prefer. Having gone through the workbook, you must have come to some conclusions in this respect. If possible, however, just before going to sleep is a desirable time to devote to God. It sets your mind into a pattern of rest, and orients you away from fear. If it is expedient to spend this time earlier, at least be sure that you do not forget a brief period,-not more than a moment will do,-in which you close your eyes and think of God.

I am not as consistent with my ritual at night as I am in the morning. I feel the burden of my errors at night. It is as if every error of the day is weighing me down and exhausting me. Some evenings I only feel like hiding. I want to distract myself by reading or listening to a story. There is, of course, nothing wrong with reading a novel but the reason I am reading is to get away from my guilty thoughts.

I think this is the reason Jesus tells me to perform this procedure at night. The ego is very attracted to guilt and resists the idea of changing its night ritual of either thinking about all my sins or pretending there is nothing to think about which leaves me in a mild state of anxiety. Since I am hiding the reason for the anxiety from myself there seems to be no help for it.

I used to think that sleep was my only salvation from this. But sleep often became the playground of the ego, the place where ego played out all the defensive thoughts I buried in my mind during the day. In my sleep I was able to give full sway to the ego desire to defend and attack, and I used to have some pretty awful nightmares at times.

This doesn’t happen as often now. I seldom have really bad dreams anymore. I think that’s because I have had a lot of healing in my mind. In fact I sometimes dream of being taught by someone. I sometimes dream that I am teaching someone. Those times I wake up very happy, but a little frustrated because I almost never remember what it was that was being said, only the feeling of joy.

Jesus is giving me a very simple way to turn my mind away from fear. It asks only a moment of my time as I remember God, remember love, remember innocence. I have often asked that Holy Spirit teach me in my sleep and sometimes this is part of my nightly ritual. And now, of course, as I play the Course in the background as I sleep, the words penetrate and my rest is deeper and more satisfying, my dreams influenced by its ideas.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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