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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-17-12

In 2007 and then again in 2010, I journaled with the Holy Spirit as I did Lesson 136. I read it again this morning and realized how appropriate it is to what I am learning now in this study of the Manual for Teachers. I am also pleased to see that I understand it more deeply now than I did before. I am going to use it for my study for today.

Lesson 136
Sickness is a defense against the truth.

My Journaling
Sickness is a defense against the truth.

What does this lesson mean to me?
Everything is about purpose. I always ask, “What is it for?” The purpose of sickness is to hide reality through changing it from wholeness to separate parts. “The aim of all defenses is to keep the truth from being whole.” Sickness is to prove that I am a body and therefore an individual. It proves I cannot be the Son of God and therefore, God as All cannot exist. My existence proves He is not All there is, and so proves I destroyed Him.

“Defenses are not unintentional, nor are they made without awareness. They are secret, magic wands that you wave when truth appears to threaten what you would believe.” And clearly I want to believe that I am Myron, a separate individual body, a part that is a whole and this is a lie so absurd that it requires constant vigilance to continue to believe it.

Certainly, sickness is an excellent way for me to convince myself I am indeed a body. It is very hard to deny I am a body when I am in pain. Pain has a way of demanding my attention. The body is in pain and I feel pain therefore I must be a body, and voila, my tiny kingdom remains intact. As I follow this to its inevitable conclusion, I kill the body and so I have overcome life (God) to prove my decision is stronger than His.

What I want to remember is that sickness did not just happen to me. It is not caused by germs or accidents or anything outside my mind. If I am sick, I chose to be sick for the sole purpose of bringing my attention back to the ego. Through sickness I keep myself in deception which I think protects me from God; that is it protects me from the truth.

After I have waved my magic wand and created the defense of sickness I forget that I did it. Of course I do! How else would this work? By doing this lesson, and by reminding myself of the truth when it happens I am waking myself up. At first it is done without conviction because I don’t really see how I could have done this. I just don’t seem clever enough. But that is simply my resistance to the truth, and as I persist in my practice my desire for the truth overcomes the resistance.

I can choose to believe my crazy scheme to dethrone God and take His place has worked, but I cannot make it true. It is my illusion and I get to keep it as long as I can stand the pain, but nothing I believe can make it real. And God simply loves me and offers me happiness for that is His nature. In each moment I choose which I want; to be king of hell, or to be part of God. My choice does not change reality, but it does change my experience.

How can I apply this in my life right now?
I can remember the truth. This is what I am doing each time I question the insanity of the ego thought system. Each time I suffer in any way, I can look at this and remember that I chose to suffer and then set up the circumstances that allowed me to prove suffering is real. Today I choose to be mindful.

I notice that I do not choose to suffer as much as I used to. I also notice that when I have been very happy for an extended time, I become afraid and retreat into suffering, though I don’t do it as often and I am unable to remain unconscious to what I am doing, so it doesn’t last as long or hurt as much.

The way I use the ego to do this is that I will be perfectly happy and then I begin thinking about something sad or frightening. I bring into my life circumstances that cause pain, either physical or emotional.

…If you let your mind harbor attack thoughts, yield to judgment or make plans against uncertainties to come, you have again misplaced yourself, and made a bodily identity which will attack the body, for the mind is sick.

2007
Holy Spirit I feel confused about this. Could you to talk to me about it?

My message from Holy Spirit
Me: Holy Spirit, I have been suffering with a stomach problem for a long time now. I try to think what my thoughts are that need to be corrected. I think I am going about this the wrong way.

Holy Spirit: It is true that the body can only reflect right minded thoughts or wrong minded thoughts. When the body is sick it is reflecting the idea that you are your body and it is defending against the idea that you could be anything else. You are literally convincing yourself that you are weak and defenseless.

The answer does not lie in finding the specific thought that caused a specific illness and then changing that thought. Instead, notice what your body seems to be indicating about your thinking. Do you feel weak, tired, sick and suffering? Now that you have noticed this be willing to realize that you did this to yourself. You chose to feel these things so that you would believe your story of being a body and being an individual. Now realize that this is not making you happy and be willing to do something different. I will do the rest.

Me: Am I wrong to care about my body being in pain, and to try to heal my body? After all, if it is not real what difference does it make? And if I try to heal it, won’t that be a defense?

Holy Spirit: Do you think it is God’s will that you experience yourself in pain? Do you think it is helpful to suffer? It is a matter of purpose, Myron. When you notice the body is in pain, what purpose do you see in that awareness? Do you think your purpose is to heal the body? Or do you see your purpose is to heal the mind? If your purpose is to allow Me to correct your thinking then you will be truly healed.

As you allow Me to work with your mind, you will be become clear as to what would be most helpful to do in the dream. Sometimes you need do nothing, and you simply accept the truth that you are not a body and that it needs no defense. Sometimes you are not ready to accept this is the truth, and you choose to use magic to allow yourself to feel healed.

You are not wrong to take medicine or see a doctor. You are not wrong to want to be free of pain. Choosing to use magic is not a cause for guilt nor is it going to set you back as you fear it will. You and I are working at the level of mind. You know that your purpose is to heal the mind. Give Me your willingness to see differently and you will have served your purpose.

My message to Holy Spirit
I must be feeling a lot of resistance to this message because it did not flow easily. But really it seems pretty simple now that I read it. I just need to remember that healing my body is not my purpose. My purpose is to allow my thoughts to be corrected, and a sick body just lets me know that there are mistaken thoughts to be looked at. On the other hand, once I see that I am projecting guilt onto my body and so it is sick, there is no point in experiencing pain and sickness.

I may not be able to accept complete and total healing (mind-changing) and I do not need to feel guilty if I choose to use magic as well. The thing that matters is that I know that sickness is a choice and does not come from outside my mind. I can make a different choice by choosing a different teacher.

2010
What I noticed as I read this lesson is that it is perfectly clear and perfectly helpful. In the past it seemed anything but that. It felt strange and confusing to me. Of course the only reason it seemed that way was because in the past I didn’t want to believe it.

As I read my own words from that past journaling I see how confused I was. I was experiencing guilt for my actions (such as using medicine to relieve pain when I could not immediately heal my mind) and that is such nonsense that I laugh at myself now. Any thought that creates a sense of guilt in me obviously comes from ego. God never tells me I am guilty. The ego says I am guilty for being sick, then says I am guilty for trying to heal myself. The ego doesn’t care why I am guilty, only that I know I am guilty.

What is my job? What am I to do when I am sick? I notice that the body is sick and remember that sickness is a decision I made to prove I am separate from God. I notice my thoughts and become aware of those thoughts that attack, judge and plan. I ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking and heal my mind.  If I am in pain I take something for it if I need to or see a doctor if that is necessary. Those actions have nothing to do with healing; they neither heal nor prevent healing. It is only at the level of mind that true healing takes place. My job is to be willing to accept the truth.

 

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-16-12

Day 135
3 What does this mean for you? It means that in remembering Jesus you are remembering God. The whole relationship of the Son to the Father lies in him. His part in the Sonship is also yours, and his completed learning guarantees your own success. Is he still available for help? What did he say about this? Remember his promises, and ask yourself honestly whether it is likely that he will fail to keep them. Can God fail His Son? And can one who is one with God be unlike Him? Who transcends the body has transcended limitation. Would the greatest teacher be unavailable to those who follow him?

This paragraph is about trust. I am reassured that I can trust Jesus because he is now one with God and so is like Him. I can trust that Jesus has not abandoned us. He promised that he would be with us always and he will keep that promise. I am grateful. I trust myself to complete my part because Jesus completed his. His completion guarantees my completion.

Trust was slow coming to me. First I used the word reluctantly, and with some fear. But I began to apply willingness, the little I had, then more and more. Now I notice that I am very willing to trust and that trust is a happy word for me. I trust Jesus to be there for me. I trust that he knows what he’s talking about and so I trust the books that have come through people from him. I trust him to guide me to the right books and teachers and to help me integrate into my understanding what it is that he would have me know from these sources.

I trust the Holy Spirit within, and so even when I don’t understand his instructions I follow them anyway. I trust myself to hear as clearly as I need to, and not to worry if I get it wrong because I trust the Holy Spirit to get the message to me again if needed. I trust myself to eventually be in full acceptance of my Higher Self. I trust myself, with the help given me, to awaken to the truth of my being.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-15-12

Day 134
2 We have repeatedly said that one who has perfectly accepted the Atonement for himself can heal the world. Indeed, he has already done so. Temptation may recur to others, but never to this One. He has become the risen Son of God. He has overcome death because he has accepted life. He has recognized himself as God created him, and in so doing he has recognized all living things as part of him. There is now no limit on his power, because it is the Power of God. So has his name become the Name of God, for he no longer sees himself as separate from Him.

As I read this paragraph my love and appreciation for Jesus is greater than ever. He perfectly accepted the Atonement and healed the world. That he did this means that I cannot fail in my part because it is done. It seems that I need do nothing but accept my healing. All of the words and practices in the Course are not to change me in any way, but to help me awaken to the realization that there is nothing to change. This has been done. The world is healed.

In accepting the Atonement he has recognized himself as part of God and part of us all. In this recognition of his unity to All That Is, the power of God became available to him. When I choose to accept my part in the Atonement, this same power will be available to me, and until then I can call on his certainty. In calling on the name of Jesus Christ, I am calling on the name of God because there is no separation between them.

There is no separation between me and God either, but I do not accept that as true right now and so my denial of the power of God keeps me from fully accessing it. It’s kind of like having an endlessly replenished bank account that I refuse to believe could be mine. It doesn’t do me any good until I accept it and start writing checks on it.

I’m especially grateful to Jesus this morning because my brother, John, is going for his procedure. He has been in severe pain for about three weeks and has lost nearly 30 pounds. I hear the ego voice in my head saying that there are no simple and harmless outcomes to this test today, that his symptoms prove he is seriously sick and that I can only hope for a lesser of evils. I hear the ego, and acknowledge the temptation to believe it. I ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind and to use this situation to bring me closer to full acceptance of the Atonement.

Once I have asked for healing, I trust that it is done and so do not dwell on the ego thoughts. They are not true and so there is no reason to give them my attention. God is love, not pain and we are all in God so we cannot be in pain. There was a time when I would be afraid of my inability to hold only that thought in my mind, and would feel guilty that I could not. But not so much anymore.

I see those fearful thoughts, but I am not overwhelmed by them because I know that I have only one job; my job is to give my awareness to false beliefs that make themselves known through fearful thoughts, and to give my willingness to see them healed. I am doing this and so I am doing all I can do and all I need do.

I accept responsibility for not just my little corner of the illusion, but for everything. I am responsible for every illness, because every illness is the same illness. It is the effect of the belief in separation. This belief is the cause of all forms of pain and suffering. Owning responsibility is the first step in healing myself and healing the world. But there is a tremendous difference between responsibility and guilt. I held off on owning responsibility for so long because I did not at first understand this difference.

When I was still confused, every time I found a dark thought in my mind I felt guilty for having it and so I stopped looking. It felt like looking for the dark thoughts was the cause of my suffering. But I felt that Inner calling to heal, as have we all who are reading this, and so I kept returning to that which I was told would bring me this healing.

Eventually, I realized that looking with the Holy Spirit and accepting His healing was actually the way I experienced relief. I accepted that I was not guilty for my thoughts, and in fact, it was the belief I was guilty that caused the pain and suffering I felt. My most heart-felt and healing mantra has been that I am innocent. You are innocent. No matter what the appearance there is only innocence.

Recognizing that I could be responsible without being guilty was the understanding that I needed to redouble my efforts. I became fully willing to do the work I needed to do to bring me closer to realizing that I need do nothing. This undoing is still occurring for me, but it is a happier un-job than before.

Instead of feeling guilty and fearful when I see the wrong-minded thoughts, I feel grateful for the awareness because I have experienced the joy of letting them go. I don’t even feel discouraged that I sometimes find the same belief many times before I have fully allowed healing.

It seems there is nothing to judge and that I am always innocent even when it appears I am not. In fact, the Holy Spirit is helping me learn to disregard appearances because they are not truth. As I refuse to give false appearances my belief they are disappearing from my life. Truly, I am responsible for everything in my life, and innocent of all wrong, and my healing mind is giving me a glimpse of a healed world.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-14-12

Day 134
23. DOES JESUS HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN HEALING?

1 God’s gifts can rarely be received directly. Even the most advanced of God’s teachers will give way to temptation in this world. Would it be fair if their pupils were denied healing because of this? The Bible says, “Ask in the name of Jesus Christ.” Is this merely an appeal to magic? A name does not heal, nor does an invocation call forth any special power. What does it mean to call on Jesus Christ? What does calling on his name confer? Why is the appeal to him part of healing?

This is very reassuring on more than one level. I am in Houston right now taking my turn being Brinda’s caretaker. I am also helping my brother, John, Brinda’s husband, because he is having a mystery stomach ailment that is very painful. He has to go for a colonoscopy tomorrow and I prepared his treatment last night before bed so it would be ready for him today and I will be driving him for his procedure.

I also helped prepare and give Brinda her medicine this morning. It is a very complicated procedure that took over an hour to complete. There are many, many medicines that require great care in preparing. There are shots to give and lots of other nursing type things that must be done. No one has ever confused me with a nurse before and it was all strange and a little disconcerting for me.

I knew that I was going to be faced with a lot of apparent proof that people are sick, weak and vulnerable. I knew that I was going to have to deal with magical treatments. For this reason I talked to Holy Spirit even before I got here. I asked Him to help me remember the truth. I asked Him to help me as I watch my mind for mistaken beliefs. I also asked him to help me be, not just a caretaker for Brinda’s body, but a healer for her mind.

How lovely this morning to read that it’s understood that my faith is not complete and that it will waver, but that’s ok. My patient is not going to suffer because I temporarily falter. Thank You, God, for that. I am also given the extra help I need. I can call on my “big brother” for help. I can use the name of Jesus Christ when I ask for healing. He is my source of inspiration as he was a master healer, but more than that, he completed the Atonement and so is Healer for the world. He and I share the same mind and so I can call on him for strength and assistance.

Brinda and I began the day with a reading from the Course and praying together. We looked at Lesson 190 which reminds us that we are responsible for our pain and that it is in the remembrance of our true nature that we are able to change our mind and choose joy instead. She and I talked about the difference between responsibility and blame. We are responsible for everything in our life, but there is no blame, no guilt. Nothing we do is a sin, only a mistake, and mistakes are easily corrected with the Holy Spirit’s help.

Another thought that came to me is that I, too, take responsibility for Brinda’s illness. There is in my mind a belief in guilt and sickness that contributes to the hold of guilt on the mind that we all share. I am excited to spend the day in full willingness to heal that belief in our mind. Lesson 190 says that we have the power to dominate all things we see by merely recognizing what we are. I am willing to look past appearances and seek only the truth. I call on the Power of God, that is also my power, to do this. 

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-13-12

Day 133
7 Who can limit the power of God Himself? Who, then, can say which one can be healed of what, and what must remain beyond God’s power to forgive? This is insanity indeed. It is not up to God’s teachers to set limits upon Him, because it is not up to them to judge His Son. And to judge His Son is to limit his Father. Both are equally meaningless. Yet this will not be understood until God’s teacher recognizes that they are the same mistake. Herein does he receive Atonement, for he withdraws his judgment from the Son of God, accepting him as God created him. No longer does he stand apart from God, determining where healing should be given and where it should be withheld. Now can he say with God, “This is my beloved Son, created perfect and forever so.” 

How wonderful to be relieved of the burden of deciding who deserves healing and under what circumstances. How wonderful to know that there are no limits to God’s healing power and that never again do I have to suffer under the delusion that something cannot or should not be healed.

In fact, as my mind accepts that this true I realize that it could be no other way. There is only God and therefore there cannot be anything unlike God. If I think there is, then I must be looking at something that does not exist. I must be looking at illusion. As Lesson 190 says, “If God is real there is no pain. If pain is real, there is no God.”

I found this Lesson very helpful when I was suffering from a lot of pain last year. As I began to realize that this would have to be true (simply because if God is all there is then pain could exist only if God were pain) I learned to use those sentences as my mantra when I imagined I was in pain. I watched the pain I had suffered for years simply dissolve away.

Lesson 190 goes on to say:

It is your thoughts alone that cause you pain. Nothing external to your mind can hurt or injure you in any way. There is no cause beyond yourself that can reach down and bring oppression. No one but yourself affects you. There is nothing in the world that has the power to make you ill or sad, or weak or frail. But it is you who have the power to dominate all things you see by merely recognizing what you are. As you perceive the harmlessness in them, they will accept your holy will as theirs. And what was seen as fearful now becomes a source of innocence and holiness.

I have had to remind myself of this frequently, even though I experienced how true it is. It is still hard for me to hold onto the truth that I am God’s Son and that nothing has dominion over me. I have taught myself littleness for so long that this is my default position, and I still must remind myself that it is not true.

Since I am still in the practice stage of forgiving this form of the illusion, I can still be too easily distracted from the truth by appearances. I am going to Houston to take a turn at being Brinda’s caretaker today. I will be vigilant for thoughts that deny God’s power to forgive anything. I will be vigilant for thoughts that express judgment of any kind. I ask You, Holy Spirit, to help me in my vigilance and to heal all that I find there that denies God.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-12-12

Day 132
6 The offer of Atonement is universal. It is equally applicable to all individuals in all circumstances. And in it is the power to heal all individuals of all forms of sickness. Not to believe this is to be unfair to God, and thus unfaithful to Him. A sick person perceives himself as separate from God. Would you see him as separate from you? It is your task to heal the sense of separation that has made him sick. It is your function to recognize for him that what he believes about himself is not the truth. It is your forgiveness that must show him this. Healing is very simple. Atonement is received and offered. Having been received, it must be accepted. It is in the receiving, then, that healing lies. All else must follow from this single purpose.

This paragraph says that Atonement is universal. It applies in all circumstances and to everyone. It heals all forms of sickness. This is because all sickness is the result of believing in separation. If I did not believe I was separate from God I could not be sick, not sick of mind or body. My sister in law and my brother would be healed of the sickness in their bodies just as Jesus healed physical bodies. Those I have thought of as unenlightened or less enlightened would awaken with me, as I allowed my mind to be healed of the belief they or I could be separated from God. The healed mind does not see any differences between sickness, nor any hierarchy of illusions. Forgiveness applies equally to all of them and is unfailing in its healing power.

How do I offer Atonement (or healing) for someone else who thinks he is separate from God? I know the truth for him, that’s all. I just know that he is not separate from God. I know that absolute certainty. I am not distracted by actions that appear to prove otherwise. I don’t believe anything I see that does not point to the truth.

How is it that my belief in the truth about him could affect him? This seems odd only if I really do believe in separation. If I believe that I am separate from this person then I question how my belief could heal his mind. But if I am a true healer, if I am a teacher of God and my mind is healed, then I know that we are one, and what is true in my mind is true in his mind as well. There is no separation of our minds.

The body and its ailments, the world we see, the little ego mind with its crazy beliefs, are all effects of thoughts in our mind, and ideas leave not their source. As our mind heals, so do the effects of the mind. And since there is only one mind, as mine is healed so is everyone’s. Does it appear that the healing is not accepted? Do not be deceived by appearances.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-11-12

Day 131
5 When a teacher of God fails to heal, it is because he has forgotten Who he is. Another’s sickness thus becomes his own. In allowing this to happen, he has identified with another’s ego, and has thus confused him with a body. In so doing, he has refused to accept the Atonement for himself, and can hardly offer it to his brother in Christ’s Name. He will, in fact, be unable to recognize his brother at all, for his Father did not create bodies, and so he is seeing in his brother only the unreal. Mistakes do not correct mistakes, and distorted perception does not heal. Step back now, teacher of God. You have been wrong. Lead not the way, for you have lost it. Turn quickly to your Teacher, and let yourself be healed.

This paragraph is very clear. If I fail to heal then it is because I have forgotten who I am and so have forgotten who my brother is. I now believe he is this body with all its apparent problems. I have allowed my confusion to blind me to his brilliant perfection, thus I no longer even see him, but see only the reflection of my own mistaken beliefs. In this state I am no longer a healer, but one in need of healing and so must step back and allow the Holy Spirit to heal my mind.

This happened to me first thing this morning. Not that I am so healed that I usually see everyone as the Christ, but I saw my confusion very clearly when I thought of my brother (biological, not spiritual). John is Brinda’s husband. As I’ve mentioned before, Brinda is recovering from transplant surgery. John has been unable to help very much in her care because he became sick. Even though there have been tests run, he doesn’t know what is wrong, only that it has something to do with his stomach and is very painful.

I was thinking about how hard it is going to be to find enough caregivers over the long haul if John has something really bad, like cancer maybe. I thought how devastating it would be for Brinda and of course how hard it would be for John. Suddenly I realized that I was not seeing my brother, but seeing only my fears projected onto him. I was not a healer at all, but one who needed to be healed, and I asked Holy Spirit for help.

I don’t know if this is true for everyone, but I notice that when I am identified with ego the way I was this morning, even as I realize what has happened and decide differently, it takes a few minutes for me to back out of that thinking. I am for a moment or two confused. Confused is such a perfect word for what it feels like. I know I am thinking wrong, and yet, I cannot find the right thoughts. Then I ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking and bring me to truth and it is done. That period of confusion used to last a longer time, sometimes for days, but now it passes fairly quickly, but it is still disconcerting while it is happening.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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