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Study of the Text 6-8-13

2 You can speak from the spirit or from the ego, as you choose. If you speak from spirit you have chosen to “Be still and know that I am God.” These words are inspired because they reflect knowledge. If you speak from the ego you are disclaiming knowledge instead of affirming it, and are thus dis-spiriting yourself. Do not embark on useless journeys, because they are indeed in vain. The ego may desire them, but spirit cannot embark on them because it is forever unwilling to depart from its Foundation.

Yesterday I joined with others as I committed to allowing the Holy Spirit to reveal my innocence to me. I woke up with that commitment on my mind. I renewed it as I will all during the day. I renew it because there is still the temptation within my mind to take useless journeys. I saw this right away as I was dressing. I packed in a hurry and didn’t pay close attention to what I chose. I looked at the outfit chosen for today and wondered if the shirt and pants really looked good together. As I did so, I noticed that I felt slightly anxious about this.

Maybe on another day I would not have noticed the anxiety. I would have just shrugged my shoulders at the problem, because after all, what could I do about it? But today is different. Today I want to remove all blocks to seeing my innocence. I opened my mind to Holy Spirit, and I saw that concern about my fashion choices is really guilt. I am guilty for making, or possibly making, a bad decision about this outfit. I am guilty of not living up to the expectations of myself and others. I have failed as a fashion maven. ~smile~

Wow! And my day has just started! There is a twinge of fear in my mind as the ego objects to the whole project. “This is too much trouble,” it says. “This doesn’t even matter. “What will happen when I look at the “big” stuff,” it asks. The ego warns that I will wear myself out doing this. It warns that I won’t feel innocent if I look at all this, and in fact, I will just feel guiltier than ever. My response is that I am happy to be graced with the clarity to see the blocks to my awareness of Love’s presence, and I am deeply grateful to know that the illusion of guilt is easily undone with the Holy Spirit’s help.

I see in my mind, two altars. One of the altars is a shabby affair that sits in the shadows. This is the ego’s altar. When I worship at this altar I come away with more doubt and uncertainty than I brought to it. If I bring my concerns about my clothing choices to this altar, I will receive its “gifts” of guilt, fear, unworthiness and anger. All day I will look through the filter of those beliefs and I will see attack everywhere I look. I will project my beliefs onto my innocent brothers and in my mind they will be transformed into enemies who are judging me. I could only look forward to an exhausting day of defense and attack.

I have another altar though. This altar sits in the light and radiates love. It is a soft and steady light that never wavers. The ego tries to dissuade me from that altar. It warns that I am unworthy of the light and my guilt will be exposed if I approach it. But when I turn from the dark altar and instead place my fears and guilt in that brilliant light they vanish. My burden is relieved and I am left feeling light and happy. This is a gift I carry with me throughout the day and that will be shared with my brothers.

There may be many opportunities this day to choose the path I want to journey, to choose the altar at which I will worship. I pray for grace to see clearly the choice being offered me. I pray for strength to not weaken in my commitment. I pray for help if I am uncertain and clarity if I am confused. I will do my part as I choose to take no more useless journeys, and I am willing to do it with ease and with joy. To that objective, Jesus reminds me that I am responsible for what I see, but never guilty for it.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 6-6-13

I am at a workshop with Nouk Sanchez. I don’t know if I will have time to write so don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from me. Today I just want to report on something I am doing with Holy Spirit.

I asked him to show me the blocks to my accepting a miracle of mind healing when it comes to body image and food. This is what he gave me.

Self will. I have a belief that I should control my eating and if I don’t, I should receive the consequences of my actions. The mind that wants to claim a disciplined mind and a strong will isn’t interested in surrender. It wants to win. It will accept loss if that is the only other option, but not surrender.

Self judgment= failure=shame

Fear of failure. I tell myself this is a little thing and if I can’t do this, then maybe I can’t do anything.

I keep making this issue different. All problems are the same problem, but in my mind I still have a hierarchy of illusions and I put this one in the slightly embarrassing and not really important pile. Why embarrassing, Holy Spirit? A couple of reasons: Its not very spiritual. Wouldn’t it be more spiritual to not care what my body looks like? I think this is similar to thinking its more spiritual to heal the mind of the belief in sickness but less spiritual to see that healing in the body. Maybe the same error as that.

Also, it is such a visible problem. I see it every time I look in the mirror and everyone else sees it too. I judge myself so I project that feeling of being judged and think everyone else is judging me too. If I say that I am too friggin spiritual to waste time worrying about my body I won’t have to be concerned about looking like a spiritual failure when I gain weight. Not to others and not to myself. Better to be afraid of failure than to admit failure.

Habit. the idea that food causes effects in the body is such and ingrained idea that it requires nearly constant vigilance to notice these thoughts and ask that they be healed. I’m used to vigilance, but I notice having to do this so often triggers my fear of failure. What if I can’t do this? What if I am wrong? What if the truth is not true?

The authority problem. The whole idea behind the separation idea was to make a self that is unique and different than what God made, to be my own creator or author. We can’t really create outside God, but we can make an image of ourselves that is different than what God created. Evidently part of that image of Myron is that she is one who gains weight easily, one who has to watch every calorie, one who can easily lose but will quickly regain, one who is victim to a screwy metabolism, etc.

The Holy Spirit gave me the blocks to be healed, and now I know that they are all defenses against God. I am willing to let them be healed and accept the Atonement in this situation. My mind and heart are open. Thank you, God. I love you, God.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 4-5-13

Chapter 4: THE ILLUSIONS OF THE EGO
________________________________________
Introduction
1 The Bible says that you should go with a brother twice as far as he asks. It certainly does not suggest that you set him back on his journey. Devotion to a brother cannot set you back either. It can lead only to mutual progress. The result of genuine devotion is inspiration, a word which properly understood is the opposite of fatigue. To be fatigued is to be dis-spirited, but to be inspired is to be in the spirit. To be egocentric is to be dis-spirited, but to be Self-centered in the right sense is to be inspired or in spirit. The truly inspired are enlightened and cannot abide in darkness.

I wrote an article for Miracle News on not setting my brother back on his journey. I could write one every day, because it is easy to do this if I am not vigilant for my thoughts and words. I am staying at a hotel in New Orleans and it is not in the best part of town. When I got here last night around 10:00, there were young men loitering around the front of the hotel.

When I walked in the lobby there was a young woman working the front desk. I had the urge to ask her if she was not worried about working in this area so late at night. By grace, I kept my thought to myself, and instead asked the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. I thanked Him for helping me to refrain from spreading the ego disease of fear.

When I thoughtlessly said something to my daughter that triggered feelings of shame in her, I apologized. I felt really bad and wanted to wipe those words away. I felt guilty for my careless words and this triggered a lot of other parental guilt. I wanted to do more, to say more, to somehow ease my guilt through gaining her absolution. Once again, through grace I held my tongue. I was acting from guilt and guilt is not something I want to teach. Teaching my daughter guilt would set her back on her journey.

I cannot set someone back on their journey unless they are uncertain in their own mind, but then, who among us is completely free of fear and guilt? Jesus refers to the ego mind as sick, and I refer to fear and guilt as the disease that causes this sickness. We are careful to cover our mouth when we sneeze so as not to spread germs. I am learning to close my mouth when I feel fear or guilt coming on so as not to spread that disease. And always, when I notice these beliefs in my mind, I ask for the Atonement and gratefully accept it.

When I forget and speak my fear or guilt, I am dis-spirited. Even if I don’t speak it aloud, a thought that has gone unhealed supports the ego thought system, and so it is spread throughout the Sonship. This, too, is dis-spiriting. On the other hand, if I am being vigilant and notice the thought, in asking for healing I am uplifted and inspired because my mind is Self-centered. I feel dispirited when I am egocentric in my thinking and uplifted when I am Self-centered because the former goes against my nature, and the latter is natural to me.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 6-4-13

6-4-13
6 The branch that bears no fruit will be cut off and will wither away. Be glad! The light will shine from the true Foundation of life, and your own thought system will stand corrected. It cannot stand otherwise. You who fear salvation are choosing death. Life and death, light and darkness, knowledge and perception, are irreconcilable. To believe that they can be reconciled is to believe that God and His Son can not. Only the oneness of knowledge is free of conflict. Your kingdom is not of this world because it was given you from beyond this world. Only in this world is the idea of an authority problem meaningful. The world is not left by death but by truth, and truth can be known by all those for whom the Kingdom was created, and for whom it waits.

I absolutely believe every word in the Course. Either it is all true or none of it is to be trusted. When I first read this, and other passages like it, I believed that the world is not real and that I will eventually forgive it and return to God. I believed it, but my understanding was uncertain. My mind made exceptions to what I understood, and simply would not understand all Jesus was telling me. And while I had no doubt that I would wake up, I could not envision that happening anytime soon. Of course, now I understand that all of this doubt was just a delaying tactic. It was my defense against God.

I am not feigning ignorance anymore. At least, I am not doing so as much as I used to. Now when it seems confusing to me, or when I can’t seem to let go, I am fully aware that it is by design, even if I don’t understand my own reluctance. I would swear to you that all I want is to wake up, and yet, here I am feeling frustrated that I am fighting for the right to be miserable, just so I can keep the story going a little longer. I don’t understand myself.

I am awake enough, though, to know that this is possible and is not that far away. I am awake enough that no matter what the circumstances show me, I know they are not true, but not awake enough to disregard them in every case. I still get afraid, feel guilty and get angry. The difference is that I watch myself do this and know its crazy. I know to ask for the Atonement and I accept it to the degree I am able. I never, ever believe my anger, fear and guilt are justified. No matter how upset I may be I never stop listening to the Holy Spirit.

I used to have doubts and uncertainties, but now it is more like confusion. I have been working on food and body issues, and it is really kicking my butt. It seems that I have some very fixed ideas about food and the body. I am having trouble letting those go. I don’t doubt I am wrong and I don’t doubt that I will succeed, but I get confused about how I am to see this, and I also notice that I am quick to feel guilty when I don’t succeed. Of course this means I am judging the situation and judging myself. So I know I still believe in guilt and I still cling to judgment.

Most of the time I am very happy to see what needs to be healed so that I can ask for the Atonement in that situation, but then at times, I make myself guilty instead. I catch it and forgive myself, but sometimes it takes awhile. I also know that the confusion is not really because this is so complicated, but because I don’t want to accept it and that is really frustrating. I feel like I am at war with myself.

Part of this correction the Holy Spirit is helping me with is realizing that the body is not “out there” but in my mind, and therefore anything that happens is only happening in my mind. The emphasis here is on “only.” In no case is my body affected by something I put into it or do for it. That is just the way that I project my beliefs onto the body, the story I use to make it feel real to me.

I have been applying this to pain, sickness, medicine, and most recently weight gain. One of the medicines I stopped taking was my Cenestin, which is used for hormone replacement, and at first everything was fine. Then I started having some symptoms such as trouble sleeping and weight gain. 

A couple of days ago, I got myself into a state over whether I should start taking it again or not. I could not decide and I noticed I felt guilty at the thought of taking it again, and I felt afraid that I would be going backward, that stopping the pill was forward motion and starting it again would keep me from waking up. It sounds silly as I put it into words but, really, in retrospect I see that is the meaning I was giving it.

When I saw the guilt and fear I knew I was doing something wrong. I was confused about the whole thing and so I sat with Jesus and asked him to help me. I surrendered. I stopped trying to figure it out myself and asked what I should do. This is the message I got.

Jesus: Myron, stop scaring yourself. It does not matter if you take the pill or not. It doesn’t matter if you go back to dieting. You are innocent regardless of any decision you make. Your immortal soul is not in danger. It does not matter what you eat or what magic you use. Just do this: When you diet, remind yourself that nothing that goes into the mouth of the body has any affect on it. It is only your mind that can affect the body.

Every time you take your pill, remind yourself that this pill only does what you want it to do. It has no power outside your mind. It does what you believe it will do, and nothing else. You could just as easily say what you want and have it occur without these “helpers.” Go on the diet and take the pill. Then ask for healing of the mind that believes it is guilty for believing it needs the diet and the pill. Forgive yourself for wanting to be thinner, and forgive yourself for caring how your body looks.

You have become confused because you started believing that you need to change your own mind. Instead, go back to noticing, without guilt, without concern of any kind, what the ego mind wants. Notice the guilt and the fear when it arises. When you notice these things, ask the Holy Spirit to heal your mind, and accept His healing.

That is all that is required of you. You have done this many times and you know that it is effective. You also know that it is the only thing you have ever done that has worked for you. There is no hierarchy of illusions and you are not guiltier for your imagined sin of dieting and taking medicine, no more than you are for anything you do.

As soon as I heard this message, my mind cleared and what Jesus said became obvious to me. I don’t know why I forgot that, and why I thought this one thing should be different from any of the other healings I have experienced. I went back to the process knowing that I did not have to stop myself from doing anything, and that as I allowed my mind to be healed, whatever needed to be done in the world, would be done. It would not be an effort or a struggle, because I would want it.

It is only when my mind is conflicted that fear and guilt arise and it is only when I am conflicted in what I want that I become confused. What happened after I stopped trying to heal myself, and listened to his words is that I became very calm and peaceful. That is the miracle. I did nothing to make myself peaceful except to ask for healing. The peace was just there.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 6-3-13

6-3-13
5 The mind can make the belief in separation very real and very fearful, and this belief is the “devil.” It is powerful, active, destructive and clearly in opposition to God, because it literally denies His Fatherhood. Look at your life and see what the devil has made. But realize that this making will surely dissolve in the light of truth, because its foundation is a lie. Your creation by God is the only Foundation that cannot be shaken, because the light is in it. Your starting point is truth, and you must return to your Beginning. Much has been seen since then, but nothing has really happened. Your Self is still in peace, even though your mind is in conflict. You have not yet gone back far enough, and that is why you become so fearful. As you approach the Beginning, you feel the fear of the destruction of your thought system upon you as if it were the fear of death. There is no death, but there is a belief in death.

What have I made through the ego thought system? Conflict. Conflict everywhere I look. Conflict within my own mind and extending to my immediate family as illness, addictions, and a brother in prison. Conflict extending to friends appearing as grief and many of the same forms as are in my family. Conflict extending over all the world, appearing as death and destruction from natural disasters and from war and strife, hunger and disease.

“Much has been seen since then, but nothing has really happened.” I could cry with relief. This horror show is an illusion. Nothing has happened. Every sad, every violent, every emotionally wrenching story is just a projection of the belief in separation, an experience that appears real because I believe in it. The stories will cease when I choose to return to the Beginning.

This is what I am doing right now. It is what all of us studying and practicing the Course are doing. We are backing out of our stories, backing out of our belief in separation. Every time one of us becomes aware that we are speaking angry words and we acknowledge those words are not the truth, we back out of the illusion a bit. Each time we realize we don’t want our righteous anger and that we would rather have healing, we back out a bit. Each time we accept the Atonement instead, we back us all out of the illusion a bit more.

I used to be fully convinced that I was a victim of the world. I tried to get smarter and wiser so that I could fight back. I tried to defend myself against the world by learning to manipulate the system. I thought I was clever as I learned how to make more money, how to get people to do things my way. I tried all sorts of things to feel safe and yet, nothing really worked. I was afraid of everything and I was drowning in guilt. Thinking back on my early life I don’t know how I stood it.

Through A Course in Miracles, I slowly learned to accept that I but do this to myself. I learned that I am not a victim of the world, but the maker of the world. I learned that wisdom is not learning how to defend myself, but rather it is learning that in my defenselessness my safety lies. I began to recognize that no matter how hard I try, there is no way I can make plans on my own and have any confidence the plans will bring the results I hoped for. So I learned to surrender my plan to One Who knows.

I used to be painfully lonely and now I see how impossible that is. I am one with All That Is. I have learned that alone is not the same thing as lonely. If I begin to feel lonely, I ask for comfort, I ask to feel the unity of One Self. Learning to let go of the burden of judgment has been such a relief. Now, instead of trying to judge for myself, I ask what a thing means.

I am learning to let go of the tight grip I have had on control, understanding that being in control was the greatest illusion of them all. I surrender control to Love and let it take care of me. Instead of fighting against life, I forgive. I forgive and forgive and forgive. At first I forgave grudgingly, suspicious of the process, expecting loss. Now I do it not in a sense of giving up, but forgiving for the joy of it.

I continue with these practices, and now I am becoming vigilant for the exceptions I make, the places in my life where I try to hold back something, believing that these places have some value and hold some meaning. Sometimes it feels like a big deal. Sometimes it feels small and inconsequential.

What I am learning is that they are all the same. Any time I want to decide for myself, make plans on my own, feel righteous in my judgment, fail to love, am blind to the Christ in my brother, or feel separate from others I am placing value where there is none, and I am defending against God. Each of these things, even though they feel different to me, is all the same. They are symbols of my opposition to God.

It is true that the closer I come to the Beginning, the harder the ego self fights for its life. It places obstacles to the truth in my path. It tries to distract and discourage. It uses fear and guilt to move me from my path. Sometimes it feels like a battle is raging in my mind, but it is only my self that I fight.

Yes, the ego fights against waking up, but I have so much help now. I am not alone in this. I sometimes feel like I don’t know how to find my way out of an ego storm, but now I never believe that I will fail. I call for support, for comfort, for clarity, and for help in whatever way would be most helpful, and I am answered.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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