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Study of Text, Chapter 11: V: The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 6. 10-9-15

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 6
6 Yours is the independence of creation, not of autonomy. Your whole creative function lies in your complete dependence on God, Whose function He shares with you. By His willingness to share it, He became as dependent on you as you are on Him. Do not ascribe the ego’s arrogance to Him Who wills not to be independent of you. He has included you in His Autonomy. Can you believe that autonomy is meaningful apart from Him? The belief in ego autonomy is costing you the knowledge of your dependence on God, in which your freedom lies. The ego sees all dependency as threatening, and has twisted even your longing for God into a means of establishing itself. But do not be deceived by its interpretation of your conflict.

Journal
I had an interesting reaction to this paragraph. I felt reluctance to the idea that I must give up my independence and be completely dependent on God. It was interesting to me because I didn’t think that I would have that reaction. Well, it is an ego reaction, but I identified with it so it affects me. All that I can do with that is to give it to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to heal my mind of the desire to be independent of God, so that is what I did.

My favorite sentence is this one.  “By His willingness to share it, He became as dependent on you as you are on Him.”  How incredible that God gave of Himself like this in my creation. How different is this snapshot of God than the picture of Him that I have held for so long. When I think I must cling to my independence of God, I am picturing a grasping, jealous, maybe even evil, God, who would take from me this prized possession. But if God created so generously, so fearlessly, then I am wrong about Him, and wrong to be afraid of Him. If God is dependent on me then surely I am mistaken to think I must be independent of Him.

There is truth in my mind just behind all the ego thoughts. I long for my memory to return, and with it my awareness of God and His all encompassing love. I long to be as fearless as God, as generous, as loving. I am willing to let go of the idea that I am the ego or even that the ego is part of me.  I am willing to see the ego as an idea in the mind and not one I am interested in. I am dedicated to this purpose.

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Study of Text, Chapter 11, V.The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 5. 10-8-15

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 5

5 Every idea has a purpose, and its purpose is always the natural outcome of what it is. Everything that stems from the ego is the natural outcome of its central belief, and the way to undo its results is merely to recognize that their source is not natural, being out of accord with your true nature. I said before that to will contrary to God is wishful thinking and not real willing. His Will is One because the extension of His Will cannot be unlike itself. The real conflict you experience, then, is between the ego’s idle wishes and the Will of God, which you share. Can this be a real conflict?

Journal
Nothing in this world can be real because it comes from the ego which is itself not real. Just as God creates through extension, the ego makes through projection. Both God’s creations are like Him and what the ego makes is like the ego. The part that is most important to me is that I am a creation of God so I am like Him. The ego did not make me so I am not like the ego. This is important to me because in my confusion, I sometimes assume that I am the ego thoughts in my mind.

I have those thoughts, but I am not those thoughts. I think that is why in an early lesson, Jesus refers to our thoughts this way: “The thoughts you think you think…” He describes it that way because those ego thoughts are not our real thoughts. Our real thoughts are the thoughts we think with God. All other thoughts are just wishes, and our wishes are not the same thing as our will. If we willed the ego stuff it would be real and we would really be in trouble.

We have a lot of strange wishes. Our ego thoughts are all about pain and suffering, even the ones that seem happy lead to pain and suffering. They must because they are out of accord with our true nature. I have a happy thought about my sweet children, and behind that thought is my fear for them. See how that works? Ego thoughts always by their nature lead to pain and suffering. And always, ultimately, they lead to death.

Because I am created in the image of God, as an extension of Himself, I have His Thoughts in my mind, and I have the ability to will as opposed to wish. My will is always going to be in alignment with God’s Will because I am created like Him. This is reason to rejoice. I can wish for fear and guilt, loss and lack, loneliness and sadness all day, and I can have an experience of anything I wish for. But I cannot will for them and so they are not real. I am safe.

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Study of Text, Chapter 11: V: The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 4. 10-7-15

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 4
4 When we look at the ego, then, we are not considering dynamics but delusions. You can surely regard a delusional system without fear, for it cannot have any effects if its source is not real. Fear becomes more obviously inappropriate if you recognize the ego’s goal, which is so clearly senseless that any effort on its behalf is necessarily expended on nothing. The ego’s goal is quite explicitly ego autonomy. From the beginning, then, its purpose is to be separate, sufficient unto itself and independent of any power except its own. This is why it is the symbol of separation.

Journal
The ego’s goal is ego autonomy, to be independent of any power except its own. This is why I am surrendered to the Higher Power. I am learning what it means to be fully surrendered as I do this practice. Coincidentally, I wrote about this in my Daily Lesson Journal this morning. I am learning to surrender my thoughts, my worries, my life.

I give this body to Jesus to use for the Atonement Plan. I go where I am directed to go, say what I am directed to say. I surrender this mind to the Holy Spirit to heal. I have stopped trying to control the monkey mind with all its nonsense chatter; I have simply surrendered it to the Holy Spirit Who knows what to do with it. When the idle chatter starts up with worries and defenses, I remember I am not interested in defending myself. I have surrendered myself and so this is no longer my business.

If the ego’s goal is to be autonomous, then the way out of separation is to surrender to the other Power. So that is what I am doing. I see that it must be full surrender, holding nothing back for my own use. It is those places in my life that I hesitate to surrender that I most need to surrender. They are the hooks that give the ego something to hold onto. Something that I notice is that the more completely I surrender, the more peaceful and happy I am.

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Study of Text, Chapter 11: V: The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 3. 10-6-15

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 3
3 Let us begin this lesson in “ego dynamics” by understanding that the term itself does not mean anything. It contains the very contradiction in terms that makes it meaningless. “Dynamics” implies the power to do something, and the whole separation fallacy lies in the belief that the ego has the power to do anything. The ego is fearful to you because you believe this. Yet the truth is very simple:
All power is of God.
What is not of Him has no power to do anything.

Journal
It is very easy to fall into old habits and project the cause of our behavior on the ego, and instead of believing the devil made us do it; we believe the ego makes us behave so badly. But as Jesus tells us, the ego has no power to make anything, to do anything, much less to control the Son of God. The ego is nothing to fear. It is a straw tiger, an image of power, but really nothing at all.

The belief that through the ego we have made something real and bad is the source of our guilt and fear, and the reason we hesitate to return Home. But if the ego is the source of the world we made, and the ego has no power and cannot do anything, then nothing has happened. We simply have thoughts that take form in our mind and play out an idea for us to consider. That we “feel” while we have this experience is pretty cool, but doesn’t make it real. The ego does not have the power to do anything so nothing has happened, and therefore, there is no cause for guilt and fear.

When the Course tells us that forgiveness is our function here, what it means is that we are to forgive the idea that anything has happened to forgive. All power is of God. The ego has no power to do anything. Nothing has happened in spite of all the dramas we have imagined. There is literally, nothing to forgive.

I forgive the world for what I thought I made of it. I forgive the characters in my dream for what I thought I directed them to do. I forgive the imagined attacks on myself and others. I forgive myself for believing in any of this. I forgive myself for imagining it. How could imagination be a sin? Imagination is not reality so nothing has been done to forgive.

In a way, forgiveness is a joke. We played a joke on ourselves in order to have an experience that we could not have. God provided us with a joke that would help us undo it. The joke is that there is a world and that we are separate bodies living in this world. It’s a joke because it is not real. God’s joke, designed to walk us out of the joke we made up, is that we forgive it. It’s a joke because there is nothing to forgive, being only an imagined experience anyway. When we get Home we will have a big laugh together with our Father.

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Study of Text, Chapter 11: V: The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 2. 10-6-15

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 2
2 What is healing but the removal of all that stands in the way of knowledge? And how else can one dispel illusions except by looking at them directly, without protecting them? Be not afraid, therefore, for what you will be looking at is the source of fear, and you are beginning to learn that fear is not real. You are also learning that its effects can be dispelled merely by denying their reality. The next step is obviously to recognize that what has no effects does not exist. Laws do not operate in a vacuum, and what leads to nothing has not happened. If reality is recognized by its extension, what leads to nothing could not be real. Do not be afraid, then, to look upon fear, for it cannot be seen. Clarity undoes confusion by definition, and to look upon darkness through light must dispel it.

Journal
Fear is still very real to me, and I know that undoing this belief is one of the things I came here to do, maybe the only thing since all others, like victimhood, are related to fear. We cannot undo what we know nothing about, and so I had to experience fear to do this work. My mom helped set this up for me. There was a strong belief in fear in my mom’s mind and so many of the images she made were fearful ones. As a result, I learned fear, and at the same time, I learned what the belief in fear does to us. My mom also led me to A Course in Miracles and studied along side of me. So, I have all I need to do this work and complete my purpose.

I understand what Jesus is telling me in this paragraph. The way the belief in fear is undone is to look directly at it, and to do so with the Holy Spirit, that is to see fear through His Light. Like my mom, I have the belief in fear in my mind and so I have fearful circumstances in my life. I used to hide from these, to run, to ignore, try to solve the problems that caused the fear in my mind to be triggered.

If I was low on money I would pray for more, or I would find a way to earn more. If a relationship went bad, I ran. There! No more relationship problem. If I were sick, I would pray for this body to be healed. I would learn all about the problem and the possible solutions and then I would go to work on it. I became a very good problem solver. But the problems just kept shifting form and continued to come, because the problems were sourced by the belief in fear and that belief was in my mind. There was no getting away from it.

One of the most helpful understandings I received from the Holy Spirit came from Lesson 325, which explains how we begin with a belief and wind up with an image (a circumstance) in our lives. Once I understood that, I was able to work it backwards, beginning with the story and discovering what it was that I had wanted to experience. Then I could ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of the belief that was imprisoning me.

I had started realizing that I am completely responsible for everything in my life, but at the same time, I was still resistant to knowing that. Lesson 325 made it impossible to believe that I was a victim of anything, and it also helped me to see that the effects that were scaring me, the stories in my life that were so upsetting, were only images I had made from the beliefs I was holding. This meant that they were not real and were only as true as the beliefs. I could then ask the Holy Spirit to heal my mind of the beliefs that were not true and then I would stop seeing these false effects.

Just that easy, my mind began to shift and I began to realize that fear is not real. If its effects are not real, then it is not real. I am still working with this. We do a really great job of making realistic effects and believing what I see is a hard habit to break. But it is happening. Now, no matter how afraid I am, in a part of my mind I know that the fear is not real, and I continue to ask Holy Spirit to help me see this differently. I am doing what I came here to do, or more clearly stated, I am undoing what I came here it undo.

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Study of Text, Chapter 11: V. The “Dynamics of the Ego, P 1. 10-1-15

V. The “Dynamics” of the Ego, P 1

1 No one can escape from illusions unless he looks at them, for not looking is the way they are protected. There is no need to shrink from illusions, for they cannot be dangerous. We are ready to look more closely at the ego’s thought system because together we have the lamp that will dispel it, and since you realize you do not want it, you must be ready. Let us be very calm in doing this, for we are merely looking honestly for truth. The “dynamics” of the ego will be our lesson for a while, for we must look first at this to see beyond it, since you have made it real. We will undo this error quietly together, and then look beyond it to truth.

Journal
I noticed that when I first started learning this path that I merely transferred many of my beliefs about the devil to the ego. Slowly that began to change but still, I thought of the ego as something separate from me. That is why I began to say, “the ego thought in my mind” and “the ego part of my mind.” I had to do something to help me realize that the ego is just a thought system we used to have this experience. From that realization came a more determined effort to look. Something that I and others say is, “I’m not guilty; I’m just looking.

That seems to be what makes all the difference for me. I have given up the idea that I am guilty for my thoughts. They are just thoughts and meaningless until I give them meaning. Just as we all share the same Self, as we all part of the same Christ Mind, we also all share the same ego. If a thought has landed in my mind, I can be sure it is not personal. It is just a thought in the ego mind and it is finding a landing spot in other minds as well.

If I am aware that this thought is an ego thought, then it must be my job to release it to the Holy Spirit and to accept Atonement for it. This is done, not for Myron, but for the entire Sonship since we all share the same mind. Why be guilty or concerned about the thought; it has just shown up so it can be healed. I’m happy when I can do this for us, and grateful to others who do this when I cannot. As we all do our part, the entire Sonship is healed.

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