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Study of Text, Chapter 12, VII. Looking Within, P 13. 4-11-16

VII. Looking Within, P 13
13 Remember, then, that whenever you look without and react unfavorably to what you see, you have judged yourself unworthy and have condemned yourself to death. The death penalty is the ego’s ultimate goal, for it fully believes that you are a criminal, as deserving of death as God knows you are deserving of life. The death penalty never leaves the ego’s mind, for that is what it always reserves for you in the end. Wanting to kill you as the final expression of its feeling for you, it lets you live but to await death. It will torment you while you live, but its hatred is not satisfied until you die. For your destruction is the one end toward which it works, and the only end with which it will be satisfied.

Journal
I always thought Jesus was exaggerating about the ego wanting to kill me. Or maybe that used to be true but isn’t anymore. At any rate, I resisted this idea and so simply ignored it. Lately, I have reconsidered. I see that it is true. Inevitably, we bring ourselves to death, and if we listen to the ego a lot, and believe what the ego says, the stress of doing this brings us to death sooner.

It becomes even clearer that the ego wants me dead as my mind continues to heal, and as I have started thinking that awakening is not only possible but inevitable. When even minor problems nag at me, I have noticed thoughts of death in my mind. It is the desperate attempt of the ego to kill me before I can awaken.

It might sound like this: “I will never get free of this problem. My only escape is death.” It is such a ridiculous and blatant attempt that even in my most confused I know what is happening, and I can only shake my head at the ego determination to claim me. The first time this happened, I finally understood what Jesus means when he says that the ego wants me dead, and I understand why. Awakening is the end of the ego’s ever weakening control. If it brings me to death before I can awaken, the dream continues and that is the ego’s purpose, and the ego is very single minded about its purpose.

I also understand more clearly that the ego mind does believe in my guilt, and does believe I deserve the death penalty for my sins. If I identify with ego, I believe this about myself. That is why I must continue my vigilance for mind watching. I notice thoughts that are not the thoughts I think with God and I know they are not true thoughts so I want them gone.

Once I have asked for healing I focus my mind on the true thoughts. I think about my reality as God’s Son. I think about my holiness and my oneness. I remind myself that the peace of God is my only goal. It is my one purpose. I allow the real thoughts about myself to rise up in my mind and fill me with truth until there is no room for ego ideas.

I go through this process as often as needed. I don’t need it as often as I used to and it is easier each time because I have learned to recognize the ego as the false idol it is, and I know I want to reject it. I am becoming as single minded as the ego. Remembering that I have one goal, one purpose is helping me to let go of the dream I am separated from my brother and from my Creator.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VII. Looking Within, P 12. 4-13-16

VII. Looking Within, P 12

12 When you look within and see me, it will be because you have decided to manifest truth. And as you manifest it you will see it both without and within. You will see it without because you saw it first within. Everything you behold without is a judgment of what you beheld within. If it is your judgment it will be wrong, for judgment is not your function. If it is the judgment of the Holy Spirit it will be right, for judgment is His function. You share His function only by judging as He does, reserving no judgment at all for yourself. You will judge against yourself, but He will judge for you.

Journal
It is hard to believe that I can look within and find such perfection and beauty that when I look out I will find it there as well. It is hard to believe that perfection is in me, and it is hard to believe I could find it in the world I see. I believe it is true, though, no matter how hard it is to imagine. The reason I believe it is true is that Jesus says it is.

I am encouraged in this belief by knowing people who have awakened to this truth. They seem to experience love and joy no matter what is going on in the world. This tells me that what I see in the world is not reality, but a judgment given form. This is why it is so important that we accept we cannot judge, and simply allow judgment to be accomplished for us.

When I look without and see something less than peace and joy and innocence, I know that this is what I have looked within and judged to be there. It becomes even more real to me when I look without and see it reflected there. But no matter how real it seems, it is still not true. It is just a judgment made by the ego mind which cannot judge because it is not its function to do so.

This is why I ask the Holy Spirit to correct my thinking, and heal my mind. It is why I ask for the Atonement for my thoughts. This is the same thing as setting aside my own judgment and asking for His. I want to undo these judgments and allow Him to replace them with true judgment. I always seem to judge against myself, and He always judges me innocent and as God created me.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VII. Looking Within, P 11. 4-12-16

VII. Looking Within, P 11

11 When you have accepted your mission to extend peace you will find peace, for by making it manifest you will see it. Its holy witnesses will surround you because you called upon them, and they will come to you. I have heard your call and I have answered it, but you will not look upon me nor hear the answer that you sought. That is because you do not yet want only that. Yet as I become more real to you, you will learn that you do want only that. And you will see me as you look within, and we will look upon the real world together. Through the eyes of Christ, only the real world exists and only the real world can be seen. As you decide so will you see. And all that you see but witnesses to your decision.

Journal
As I decide that the peace of God is all that I want, I am also accepting my mission to extend peace. Then as I extend peace more and more often, I also increase my peace. It increases because as I see it manifested, I believe in it and I want it. Why am I not doing this all the time?

Why is it that I don’t hear His answer when I am the one that sought it? It is because it is not yet all that I want. Sometimes I want to be right. Sometimes I become afraid of the dark thoughts in my mind and I want to project guilt. Sometimes I become defensive. I cannot have any of these things and have peace. Peace must be all that I want, to always have peace.

Here is something I had to sit with. “Yet as I become more real to you, you will learn that you do want only that. And you will see me as you look within, and we will look upon the real world together.” This is one of the passages that brings tears to my eyes even though I don’t completely understand it. I cannot truly understand it because I have not fully accepted it. I still sometimes pretend that what I see with the body’s eyes is reality and so I do not always see with Christ Vision.

I love Jesus so much that I long to see him within and I want to see him as with me and see us as part of the same Family of God. So I pay close attention to the world I see. If it is not a joyous and peaceful world, I know that it is not the real world. I know that I have lost sight of the truth and I make a new decision, and that decision for God becomes manifest in my life.

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Study of Text, Chapter 12, VII. Looking Within, P 10. 4-11-16

VII. Looking Within, P 10

10 You are afraid of me because you looked within and are afraid of what you saw. Yet you could not have seen reality, for the reality of your mind is the loveliest of God’s creations. Coming only from God, its power and grandeur could only bring you peace if you really looked upon it. If you are afraid, it is because you saw something that is not there. Yet in that same place you could have looked upon me and all your brothers, in the perfect safety of the Mind which created us. For we are there in the peace of the Father, Who wills to extend His peace through you.

Journal
I cried and cried when I read this. It is so beautiful. Could this be what we are? Oh, to look within and see only what is there! I am setting this as my intention today. Father, I am looking within today and I want to see what is really there. I want to place on the altar everything that is not me, and be left with only with what is real.

I want to be completely open to Spirit that I am an open and clear channel through which the peace of the Father flows through me to everyone I meet. I will do nothing but allow. I will not interfere. This morning I began as usual by surrendering my self to God. I then began my rules for happiness process.

I reminded myself that I would make no decisions on my own. This is my intention to get all my advice from Spirit rather than ego. I then decided what kind of day I will have.
  I will love everyone I see and they will love me.
  I will feel the joy of being.
  I will be serene and still and I will accept all things as they are.
  I will be the channel for peace without regard for circumstances.
  My flight home will be uneventful and everything will go smoothly.
  Time will be arranged for me.

This is the day I will have if I make no decisions on my own.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VII. Looking Within, P 9. 4-6-16

VII. Looking Within, P 9
9 The power of decision is your one remaining freedom as a prisoner of this world. You can decide to see it right. What you made of it is not its reality, for its reality is only what you give it. You cannot really give anything but love to anyone or anything, nor can you really receive anything but love from them. If you think you have received anything else, it is because you have looked within and thought you saw the power to give something else within yourself. It was only this decision that determined what you found, for it was the decision for what you sought.

Journal
Jesus is telling me that there is only love in me and so that is all I can give. Then why is it that sometimes what I give is not love? It can only be that I looked within and saw something else, and since nothing else is there, I made a decision, a deliberate decision to see what was not there. I decided I wanted to see something else and then looked within and found that.

When I was married, I used to often see my husband as guilty. I would say things to him or react to him as if he were guilty. If I am only love and have only love to give, where did the guilt come from? I chose guilt. I chose to feel guilty and I chose to find others guilty. The decision came first, then I looked within and found it.

How funny that I used to think that I found him guilty because of his actions, that is, because he really was guilty. I could list all my justifications for his guilt and would defend my belief he was guilty to anyone who would listen. How funny that I found guilt everywhere I looked and never considered that the guilt was coming from my own mind, and that it wasn’t even true there. It was being generated by a false idea that I chose to believe.

Here is what happens. I find myself in a situation and I ask for advice about how to see it. There are only two advisors in my mind, the Holy Spirit and ego. An example of this would be when I found my husband guilty. The ego told me that I am being attacked and must defend myself, and he is the one guilty of putting me in this position. The ego has now defined the problem and warned me that I need to take action in my own defense. With the situation thus defined, the ego’s solution seems sensible.

If I stop and choose the Holy Spirit as my advisor, He will show me the innocence in the situation. He will show me the one problem, which is that we think we are separated from Love. He will show me that this problem has already been solved. He will show me that as a creation of love, there is only love in me and only love in this man in spite of the apparent circumstances. There is nothing to give now except love.

When I was married to him I became so confused that I really believed in his guilt. It seemed perfectly natural, if really unpleasant, to live like that. I thought he was the problem and the solution was to get rid of him. All along, the problem, being in my own mind, followed me everywhere I went, so divorce solved nothing. I look back on that time and wonder how I could stand to live like that. I am not completely free of my confusion, but every day I let more of it go by deciding for God rather than ego as my advisor.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VII. Looking Within, P 8. 4-4-16

VII. Looking Within, P 8

8 When you want only love you will see nothing else. The contradictory nature of the witnesses you perceive is merely the reflection of your conflicting invitations. You have looked upon your mind and accepted opposition there, having sought it there. But do not then believe that the witnesses for opposition are true, for they attest only to your decision about reality, returning to you the messages you gave them. Love, too, is recognized by its messengers. If you make love manifest, its messengers will come to you because you invited them.

Journal
Jesus is always telling me that what I have is what I want. He says that I am always doing this to myself and that the world I see is the result of the choice to see it. So if I really want love then I will see love and nothing else. He doesn’t say that I have to wait for the world to change, or that I have to change it. He says that when I want only love I will see nothing else.

I accept that this is true. I don’t always understand how that can be, and I certainly don’t understand why I would issue an invitation for anything other than love. But I accept it as true anyway, and I work from there. I have had some days of floating blissfully above the battleground. No matter what has happened, I have been happy. I have felt joy welling up with me. I have felt that strong connection with Spirit.

It has not been uninterrupted joy. There were challenging moments, but I met them with the strength of God that is available to me and they passed easily. But this morning I woke up feeling heavy and earthbound. Nothing is really wrong, nothing bad is happening. I just feel like my feet are stuck in quicksand and I am being held down. No more blissful floating.

I asked Holy Spirit what was going on. It felt bad, and I had a moment of panic because I didn’t know what happened and couldn’t seem to do anything about it. I tried my surrender exercise. I tried to feel the connection. Where did all that joy go? Where did God go? I suspected He didn’t go anywhere, but evidently I did. So I asked. Where did the love go, God?

I was shown the thoughts I have had since yesterday. I am preparing for my trip and there are a few things that must be done and not all of them can be done immediately. I am worried something will be forgotten. My drier stopped working last night and today I have to get a new one on my lunch hour. Will this be complicated? How do I choose a new one? I read what people have reported on all the major brands and none of them seem a safe bet.

I am starting to see where this is going. I am looking to my ego mind to judge what is happening. I feel very defensive. I want to defend against forgetfulness, mistakes, buying the wrong drier, all sorts of things. So let me remember that it is in my defenselessness that my safety lies. Not in keeping good lists and checking everything off. Not in finding the perfect drier. Not in arranging everything just right. Not in staying within some kind of budget.

These are not the things that make me safe. These thoughts are the thoughts that bring fear into my mind. When I defend myself I teach myself that I need defense and have every right to be afraid. I can have fear or I can have love. The circumstances in my life do not determine my choice. What I want determines my choice.

I chose love. It wasn’t hard. I just chose it. The joy is back. The floaty feeling is back. I am above the battleground again. I see the ego down there trying to get my attention, waving lists at me, warning me something could go wrong. I wave back. Not interested, ego. (giggle) It is so funny how confused I sometimes become, how afraid of nothing. No matter what happens or doesn’t happen, love is a choice and it is always available to me. The only requirement is that I want nothing else.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Text, Chapter 12: VII. Looking Within, P 7. 4-1-16

VII. Looking Within, P 7
7 I said before that what you project or extend is up to you, but you must do one or the other, for that is a law of mind, and you must look in before you look out. As you look in, you choose the guide for seeing. And then you look out and behold his witnesses. This is why you find what you seek. What you want in yourself you will make manifest, and you will accept it from the world because you put it there by wanting it. When you think you are projecting what you do not want, it is still because you do want it. This leads directly to dissociation, for it represents the acceptance of two goals, each perceived in a different place; separated from each other because you made them different. The mind then sees a divided world outside itself, but not within. This gives it an illusion of integrity, and enables it to believe that it is pursuing one goal. Yet as long as you perceive the world as split, you are not healed. For to be healed is to pursue one goal, because you have accepted only one and want but one.

Journal
What I project or extend is up to me but I must do one or the other. That is a helpful sentence. I cannot sit on some kind of neutral ground and do nothing. I cannot look at the world and say someone else did it. What I see when I look outward comes from my mind, not from something outside me as there is nothing outside me. Let us say that I go to work today and I walk in on one of my co-workers stealing something.

I first go within to choose an interpreter. I don’t say to myself I am going to do this. It is not a conscious decision, but it is one that is made. If I choose the ego as my interpreter I will see a guilty person. There will probably be a lot of thoughts in my mind about this according to what I have learned about this kind of behavior. Choosing ego as interpreter is deciding on projection. I project onto the person doing the stealing judgments that come from my mind. I give their behavior all the meaning it has for me.

If I choose the Holy Spirit as my interpreter, I will have different thoughts about the person. When this kind of thing has happened to me in the past, I have seen a call for love. This person thinks they cannot be happy without having the thing being stolen. Perhaps they think they cannot be happy unless they have what they covet of another person, not so much the object, but just the idea of having what they think others have and they don’t.

There is no reason to judge. There is never a reason to judge. There is only the understanding that the person is confused about what happiness is and how to achieve it. There is no reason for pity. Confusion is not truth and so it is not real. They will overcome their confusion. That is what we do here. We look at our confusion and we choose against it. Eventually.

If the person’s behavior upsets me it is only because they trigger in me something that upsets me. It has nothing to do with them or their behavior or their confusion. It is about my confusion. I see in another only what is in my mind. All judgment of another is judgment of self as seen in another.

As I look at this person who is stealing, and I look with Holy Spirit, I see only a need for love and so I give love. I may not say a word, but in my heart I know the person for who they are, not what they fear. I know they are the Son of God and lack nothing. I am not fooled by their confusion. This is extension.

When I choose projection, I suffer because projection causes suffering. No one believes they want to suffer, but if we suffer it is because we have chosen suffering. There is nothing in our life we did not choose. We chose suffering through choosing the ego interpretation, which leads to projection and suffering. So we did it to ourselves.

Saying we don’t want to suffer when clearly, that was our choice, is having two goals. The mind is split. We have chosen to leave the Kingdom all over again. I suppose there is no other way we could see ourselves separate from God now unless we choose separation now. Having two goals is separation. So in every moment we are deciding to separate ourselves from God or deciding to know our Self as one with God. It is the original “sin” all over again, over and over.

In the moment I see with Christ’s Vision this person who is stealing, I have extended Love. I have returned to God. In the next moment when I am faced with the choice between extension and projection, I might find myself projecting and so I experience myself as outside the Kingdom. More and more often, the joy of extension motivates me to that choice and eventually, it will be the only choice I make. Then I will be awake in the world, seeing only what Love sees, being in joy all the time.

This is why I choose the peace of God as my only goal. When I forget and choose something else as my goal, then I change my mind and return to my goal. If I think that people should not steal, then I have a different goal. If I think that people should not be grandiose and arrogant, I have a different goal. The ego sees many goals in the world, but I don’t have to embrace those goals as mine. I am free to return as quickly as possible to my one goal as I remember that the peace of God is everything I want.

© 2016, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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