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Manual for Teachers: 10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED? P1. 4-18-18

10. HOW IS JUDGMENT RELINQUISHED?
1 Judgment, like other devices by which the world of illusions is maintained, is totally misunderstood by the world. It is actually confused with wisdom, and substitutes for truth. As the world uses the term, an individual is capable of “good” and “bad” judgment, and his education aims at strengthening the former and minimizing the latter. There is, however, considerable confusion about what these categories mean. What is “good” judgment to one is “bad” judgment to another. Further, even the same person classifies the same action as showing “good” judgment at one time and “bad” judgment at another time. Nor can any consistent criteria for determining what these categories are be really taught. At any time the student may disagree with what his would-be teacher says about them, and the teacher himself may well be inconsistent in what he believes. “Good” judgment, in these terms, does not mean anything. No more does “bad.”

Journal
This is very clear. We think we have to judge and we think we must use good judgment. At the same time, we are very confused about how to do this, or even what the categories good and bad mean. I fully accept this because I have seen how undependable my judgments are. I might make a judgment about someone one day and then feel entirely different about him tomorrow.

How does this happen? Maybe I discovered something different about him, or more likely, he said or did something that I accept or agree with. How can I use criteria so unstable as my opinion to judge someone else? My opinions change all the time, and they, too, are the result of judgments made in the past and who says those judgments are dependable.

No one really teaches us how to judge, and who could do that anyway, since they came by their judgments the same way we do? I tried to teach my children to make good judgments and I doubt I did a very good job and I see in retrospect that sometimes I did a very poor job. This is because I didn’t know how to make good judgments. I was just fumbling around like everyone else.

And yet, we keep trying to judge everything. Right now, I have been thinking about putting some of my writing into book form. There are different ways I could do this. There are things to take into consideration. I have to decide if it would be worth the effort and if I want to use my time like that. There are so many aspects to look at, and even when I do look at them, how do I know I perceive the answers in the best way? That requires a judgment, too.

There are many reasons to question our judgment and few reasons to keep being the judge of all we say and think and do and even more reason to not judge what others think and say and do. This would seem to put us in an impossible situation, but it actually gives us the only solution that works. To the best of my ability, I stop trying to judge and I ask the Holy Spirit to judge for me.

I have no way of knowing what I need to know in order to judge anything at all, but He does. I am a fool not to use His judgment. This is what I decided to do about the book thing. I’m letting go of both, “I want to” and “I don’t want to.” I’m just resting in the idea and asking the Holy Spirit what this idea of a book is for. If it’s to go forward, the idea will begin to grow in me. If not, it will die. Whew! That feels much better.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 10. 4-17-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 10
10 Whenever you are angry, you can be sure that you have formed a special relationship which the ego has “blessed,” for anger is its blessing. Anger takes many forms, but it cannot long deceive those who will learn that love brings no guilt at all, and what brings guilt cannot be love and must be anger. All anger is nothing more than an attempt to make someone feel guilty, and this attempt is the only basis the ego accepts for special relationships. Guilt is the only need the ego has, and as long as you identify with it, guilt will remain attractive to you. Yet remember this; to be with a body is not communication. And if you think it is, you will feel guilty about communication and will be afraid to hear the Holy Spirit, recognizing in His Voice your own need to communicate.

Journal
There are some important ideas in this paragraph. First, he tells us that anger is a sign we have formed a special relationship. It’s good to get these clues, especially the ones that help me in the moment. If I am with someone and I feel anger toward him or her, I know that specialness is involved and immediately, I can ask the Holy Spirit to transform this relationship. I like that immediacy. No wasted time letting the relationship get further out of hand, letting the specialness gain momentum and getting more entrenched in my mind.

Another thing he does is point out the relationship between anger and guilt. If there is anger, there will be guilt and I suppose it is also true that where there is guilt, there will be anger. Once again, as Jesus will do frequently in the Course, he lets us know that we must let go of the sick attraction to guilt. As he says, guilt is the only need the ego has and if we are attracted to guilt it means that we are still identified with the ego.

“All anger is nothing more than an attempt to make someone feel guilty…” is a phrase that was meaningful to me the first time I read it. I did not immediately stop using anger to control through guilt, but I caught it when I did and eventually, through consistent decision, I stopped doing that. It simply lost its attraction. Knowing what I was doing made it impossible for me to keep doing it.

The last thing he tells us may be the most important. Being with a body is not communication. This is so opposite what we believe that I had to re-read it to be sure I got it right. How do we communicate if not with the body? I went back to something he has told us before. Communication is love.

Do I need a body with me to love the one who is represented by that body? Clearly not. The most loving thing I have ever done for others is to know the truth about them even when they didn’t, and I did that without being with them. In fact, I did it more completely without the distraction of the body.

Jesus goes on to tell us that if we think communication is being with a body, we will feel guilty about communication. This kind of guilt is unconscious. It comes from a deep knowing that what we are doing is inherently wrong even if we don’t consciously know why. This guilt will bring fear of communication and it will transfer to fear of communication with the Holy Spirit.

I am afraid of His Voice because I hear in it my need to communicate but I have made myself afraid of communication. This is why I think this part of the paragraph is so important. This is why I am paying close attention to this and asking the Holy Spirit to help me undo this fear.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 9. 4-12-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 9
9 Suffering and sacrifice are the gifts with which the ego would “bless” all unions. And those who are united at its altar accept suffering and sacrifice as the price of union. In their angry alliances, born of the fear of loneliness and yet dedicated to the continuance of loneliness, each seeks relief from guilt by increasing it in the other. For each believes that this decreases guilt in him. The other seems always to be attacking and wounding him, perhaps in little ways, perhaps “unconsciously,” yet never without demand of sacrifice. The fury of those joined at the ego’s altar far exceeds your awareness of it. For what the ego really wants you do not realize.

Journal
What a stark picture Jesus paints of our special relationships. As I read these words, I could see how they are true as I remembered my previous marriage. At the time, it seemed that we had a mixed bag of good and bad with the bad slowly becoming the norm. But there was also love and kindness in the relationship and many good things.

Still, I can see now that it was never a purely loving relationship. It was built on the fear of loneliness and yet we did things to each other that kept us from truly joining and thus relieving the loneliness.

We were not deliberately unkind or cruel to each other; it was more that we wounded each other out of thoughtlessness and defensiveness. We threw guilt at each other without even realizing it and later in the marriage we more deliberately sought to make the other guilty. And, oh, how we demanded sacrifice of each other.

What I did not understand about the dynamic is that it was driven by the need to off-load all that unconscious guilt in my mind. I was making him guilty so as to decrease the guilt in my own mind. I didn’t see that at all, but understanding it now, it makes perfect sense. It is simply what the ego mind does, and particularly at the end of the marriage, I was operating from my ego mind more than from my holy mind.

My entire life has been one of entering into special relationships for the purpose of using others to relieve my loneliness and my guilt, generally at their expense. But since I began to study A Course in Miracles, it has also been one in which I have allowed those relationships to be transformed by the Holy Spirit.

It has been a slow, sometimes painful process, but I feel like I have accomplished much. Now I that I am aware of the ego use of relationships, I catch these beliefs so much faster and I know what to do with them. I give them to the Holy Spirit to be undone. My relationships are becoming truly loving.  They are not without the ego’s influence, but they are closer to being the holy relationships we are meant to have.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 8. 4-10-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 8
8 Yet they only seem to be together. For relationships, to the ego, mean only that bodies are together. It is always this that the ego demands, and it does not object where the mind goes or what it thinks, for this seems unimportant. As long as the body is there to receive its sacrifice, it is content. To the ego the mind is private, and only the body can be shared. Ideas are basically of no concern, except as they bring the body of another closer or farther. And it is in these terms that it evaluates ideas as good or bad. What makes another guilty and holds him through guilt is “good.” What releases him from guilt is “bad,” because he would no longer believe that bodies communicate, and so he would be “gone.”

Journal
I remember believing that only bodies communicate. Even after studying the Course for a long time, I believed that, though, I didn’t realize it at the time. When one of my sons came home for a visit I would be happy because his body was here and when he left I would be sad. Same thing happened with my daughters, but the feeling wasn’t as intense because their bodies lived nearer my body and I could see them anytime I wanted to.

It’s different now. I know that they live in my mind and so I never lose them when their bodies are not here. I do miss them if it has been a long time since I have seen them, or sometimes for no apparent reason at all. I long to look at their sweet faces and to hug them close, but it isn’t that sickening sense of loss I used to feel and the feeling passes quickly. I can envision the day when this belief is completely healed.

I can also remember a time when I still tried to hold a person through guilt. I felt the loss of the body of a loved one so acutely that I was willing to use guilt or fear or anything else to keep him tied to me. Those were dark days and I am so grateful for what I have learned through the practice of the Course. It seems those days are behind me.

Still, I put my belief that only minds truly communicate to the test. I think what it would be like for me if I knew for a fact that my children loved me deeply, but never again saw me or spoke to me. Would the communication afforded by that love be enough, or would I feel bereft, and I know I would so there is still more healing to be done.

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Manual for Teachers: 9. ARE CHANGES REQUIRED IN THE LIFE SITUATION OF GOD’S TEACHERS? P 1. 4-9-18

9. ARE CHANGES REQUIRED IN THE LIFE SITUATION OF GOD’S TEACHERS? P 1
1 Changes are required in the minds of God’s teachers. This may or may not involve changes in the external situation. Remember that no one is where he is by accident, and chance plays no part in God’s plan. It is most unlikely that changes in attitudes would not be the first step in the newly made teacher of God’s training. There is, however, no set pattern, since training is always highly individualized. There are those who are called upon to change their life situation almost immediately, but these are generally special cases. By far the majority are given a slowly evolving training program, in which as many previous mistakes as possible are corrected. Relationships in particular must be properly perceived, and all dark cornerstones of unforgiveness removed. Otherwise the old thought system still has a basis for return.

Journal

I remember when I first started getting serious about the Course and fully committed to it. One thought that caused me distress was the idea that God would take me away from my family. I worried about that until I finally came to peace about it, having given the issue to the Holy Spirit and having decided that I step out on faith and with trust and would go where I was called to go. As it turned out, I was not one of the few who was called to change their outer life drastically. But I am glad that I dealt with that fear and watched it disappear as I let go of the outcome.

I still would not like to leave my family, but I am still committed to being fully available to the Holy Spirit, but not to any person. If a teacher said I needed to upend my life and follow him or her, I would ask Holy Spirit what He would have me do, and follow my heart, which always follows Spirit.  There is no need to travel anywhere to find God because He is already in me and I am in Him.

What has been necessary is that I follow the training program given me for the purpose of healing my mind. I am completely dedicated to that. I want to correct as many mistakes as I can. I welcome the situations that trigger my thinking errors because it is now that I undo what was done in the past. These situations arise in my mind for that purpose alone.

There is no room in my mind for grievances or attack thoughts or judgments. When I see evidence of defensiveness on my part, I immediately sit with the Holy Spirit until I feel that I have left it with Him. I do my best to heal all relationships and it is a joy to do this. Sometimes I think it would take a miracle to heal a relationship and that is very exciting because, through the Love that is God within me, I have access to just such a miracle.

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Study of Text, C 15: VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 7. 4-6-18

VII. The Needless Sacrifice, P 7
7 In such insane relationships, the attraction of what you do not want seems to be much stronger than the attraction of what you do want. For each one thinks that he has sacrificed something to the other, and hates him for it. Yet this is what he thinks he wants. He is not in love with the other at all. He merely believes he is in love with sacrifice. And for this sacrifice, which he demands of himself, he demands that the other accept the guilt and sacrifice himself as well. Forgiveness becomes impossible, for the ego believes that to forgive another is to lose him. It is only by attack without forgiveness that the ego can ensure the guilt that holds all its relationships together.

Journal

This is an interesting paragraph. I was talking to someone this morning about forgiveness in relationships. I used my own past relationship with my ex-husband as an example. I had grievances against him for several behaviors and even though I knew I needed to forgive him, I resisted for a long time.

In examining my resistance it seemed to me that it was fear driven. I thought that if I forgave his behavior, I would be defenseless against future behavior of the same sort. It would be like saying to him that his behavior was acceptable and I was all right with it. Then I would only be hurt again. Of course, my decision he was guilty and my defenses against him never changed anything so they were ineffective, but for a long time, I clung to them as if they were my salvation.

That explanation does make sense on the level of the world. But Jesus is telling us that there is a hidden agenda. He is saying that the entire relationship was founded on sacrifice, which leads to hate. The whole thing is glued together with guilt. And this is what we call love in this world.

My story was that I found him attractive in various ways and fell in love with him. Then I discovered all these unattractive traits in him and felt betrayed by him as if he had lied to me about who he was, and so the relationship ended. He probably had a similar story. What actually happened is that I saw in him something I wanted and so I took that. He saw something he wanted in me and he took that. Each of us felt like we had sacrificed ourselves to the other and what we called love was revealed as hatred.

I was trying to understand this through my past relationship. When I met this man, I wanted a number of things from him. I wanted to be taken care of, I wanted loyalty, I wanted to be his one and only, I wanted to be special to him. He liked being with people and having a good time, and since I was not very social, this was intriguing to me. So I also wanted him to take me into his circle of friends so that I could have that experience, too. My hidden agenda was to have someone to blame and project onto, and someone to receive my sacrifice.

I don’t know what he thought he wanted from me, but he had his own list in addition to the hidden list. Everything was fine as long as we were satisfying each other’sso needs, but as often happens, the special love eventually revealed itself for the sacrifice and hatred that it really always is. He got tired of me being his everything and tired of proving to me how special I was. The social affairs and the parties began to feel less intriguing and more of a bore to me.

We were not holding up our end of the bargain and so the bargain began to fall apart. Instead of the sacrifices we made for each other feeling like love, they began to feel like a burden and the resentment soon turned to hatred. He would behave badly and I would try to manipulate him with guilt and shame. It all seemed so reasonable and even necessary when I was lost in my fear, but looking back on it, I see only the inevitable fate of a special relationship that has not been surrendered to the Holy Spirit for healing.

Not all special relationships end up in divorce and some end fairly amicably and others are far worse than mine, and some continue. But the elements are all there if we care to look; there are sacrifice and hatred, fear and guilt. Even in my closest relationships, I have seen this. My relationships with my children are very special and while there is real love there, there is also sacrifice, hatred, and guilt.

For instance, I have thought that my child should sacrifice his time to me, call me visit me, and I have hated him or her when they didn’t. Hate seems like such an ugly word, but resent is just another more acceptable way to say hate.

In lesson 21, Jesus says, “You will become increasingly aware that a slight twinge of annoyance is nothing but a veil drawn over intense fury.” The same idea applies here. Resentment is nothing but a veil drawn over intense hatred. And I have even tried to control and manipulate through guilt in order to keep the sacrifices coming.

The special relationship is an ugly thing when we really look at it and that is probably why we don’t like to look. But, I did look and I keep looking and when I find the elements of fear, guilt, rage, hatred, and sacrifice in my relationships, I forgive it. I give the relationship to the Holy Spirit and allow Him to purify it so that only the love is left.

Now, that relationship with my ex-husband is healed and I feel nothing but love for him. My relationships with my children are mostly healed and I stay vigilant for any indication that there is something to forgive in the relationship. I still find myself slipping back into sacrifice and guilt, but practice accepting the Atonement for that has made the job easier and the exchange of specialness for holiness so much more desirable.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Manual for Teachers: 8. HOW CAN PERCEPTION OF ORDER OF DIFFICULTIES BE AVOIDED? P 6. 4-4-18

8. HOW CAN PERCEPTION OF ORDER OF DIFFICULTIES BE AVOIDED? P 6
6 The body’s eyes will continue to see differences. But the mind that has let itself be healed will no longer acknowledge them. There will be those who seem to be “sicker” than others, and the body’s eyes will report their changed appearances as before. But the healed mind will put them all in one category; they are unreal. This is the gift of its Teacher; the understanding that only two categories are meaningful in sorting out the messages the mind receives from what appears to be the outside world. And of these two, but one is real. Just as reality is wholly real, apart from size and shape and time and place-for differences cannot exist within it-so too are illusions without distinctions. The one answer to sickness of any kind is healing. The one answer to all illusions is truth.

Journal
I love how simple Jesus makes this. In sorting what we see there are only two categories, real and unreal. When my eyes show me a sick body, the ego mind makes a series of decisions to determine that it knows something about that person. What is the sickness, how sick are they, is it contagious, who is guilty, and other things. It uses these categories to decide if the person can be or even should be healed.

When my mind is healed my eyes still show me a sick body but the mind ignores that. It doesn’t acknowledge any distinctions in form or severity. The healed mind decides it is not true and therefore sees only God’s unchanging creation. The healed mind sees only the Will of God. As I am able to do that, I consider it a prayer. If I am completely unaffected by the ego image of a sick body, then the light in my mind can ignite the light in the other person’s mind and a miracle is given.

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