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Gentle Healing Journal Day 17 9-28-18

Journal for Day 17
LESSON 17
I see no neutral things.

“It is always the thought that comes first, despite the temptation to believe that it is the other way around.”

Here is what I used to think. I would look at my computer and have thoughts like this.
I’m so happy to have this computer.
I like my MAC so much more than any PC I’ve ever owned.
I hope nothing ever happens to it.
I wonder if I should extend my warranty.

Clearly, I am not seeing a neutral computer. In the past, I believed that I saw the computer and then had thoughts about it. But that’s not the way it works. I have thoughts about the computer and then I see it and how I see it depends on my thoughts.

The first computer I ever had sat in a box for 6 months while I got over my uneasiness. I was afraid to take it out because I didn’t know anything about it or how to use it or even what it could do. Obviously, the computer was not frightening of itself. I gave it that meaning with my thoughts. It was just an inanimate neutral piece of plastic and metal and glass until I had thoughts about it.

My computer sits on a desk. The desk is just pieces of wood hammered together and stained a color. It has no meaning other than the meaning my thoughts give it. The reason it is not neutral to me is that my thoughts about it are not neutral. The desk did not have meaning and then I noticed the meaning.

My thoughts came first and I projected those thoughts onto the desk and gave it meaning and now it is not neutral. I tried to have neutral thoughts about the desk and couldn’t. I perceive the desk in a certain way, but the perception was not created by the desk, but by my thoughts about desks. Why is it important for me to understand this?

I have a person in my life who gets on my nerves. The thought in my mind was that she has an irritating personality. But that cannot be the reason because that would mean that perception had no cause and was itself the cause of reality. That cannot be right because some people like her very much. Sometimes, I like her, myself. Could reality be so variable?

It makes more sense to realize that what I see in this person comes from my thoughts, and clearly, my thoughts are not neutral when I think of her. If I want to perceive this person differently, I can do a root cause inquiry to discover what it is in me that is being triggered so that I can let that thought go. Without that thought, my perception of this person will change. What this lesson tells me is that the world is made from thought and thought is not neutral.

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Gentle Healing Journal Day 16 9-27-18

Journal for Day 16
LESSON 16
I have no neutral thoughts.

“Everything you see is the result of your thoughts. There is no exception to this fact.”

Could Jesus be any clearer than this? We have a thought (believed) and this thought along with others like it, manifest as the world we see. Another way to say this is that the thoughts are projected onto the screen we call the world. Our thoughts matter whether they are true or not. True thoughts create in their own likeness and false thoughts make theirs.

For the last 16 years, I have consistently watched my thoughts and asked for healing as I became aware of the dark ones. I accepted healing where and when I could. I learned to do this from practicing what I learned in Inner Healing by Dan Joseph. Why did I do this? Because there is only one way to peace and that is through changing our thoughts. Our thoughts got us here and our thoughts keep us here or release us.

“Besides your recognizing that thoughts are never idle, salvation requires that you also recognize that every thought you have brings either peace or war; either love or fear. A neutral result is impossible because a neutral thought is impossible.”

I remember what Regina said about the Creative Principle. *Do I want to feed Consciousness with true thoughts or with untrue thoughts? It is not a small thing to choose peace and love. No matter what thought comes from Consciousness, no matter how dark the thought, I have a choice about what I do with it. Will I empower it with my belief and send it back in to return to me another time and to affect others as well? Or will I rob it of power by refusing to invest it with my belief? I will do one or the other. It is up to me.

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Gentle Healing Journal Day 15. 9-25-18

Journal for Day 15
LESSON 15
My thoughts are images that I have made.

What an extraordinary lesson this is! First, it tells us that we don’t really think, we just think we think. Then it tells us that the reason we believe our thoughts is because we make images of them that convince us the thoughts are real and meaningful. What are those images? They are the world we see with our eyes.

We call it seeing, but really, the eyes are just image makers. We tell our eyes what it is we want to see and our eyes report that image back to us and we say to ourselves, “It must be true because I see it with my eyes.” Nifty trick, I guess. Lesson 325 is the sister lesson to this one and explains the mechanics of this process step by step.

There is real vision, a way that we can “see” without the eyes and that vision will show us what our holy mind wants to see. When this starts to occur we may have light episodes in which we see haloes of light around objects. I never have, myself, but I have spoken to people who have had that experience.

When I did this exercise, I realized that I could do it all day. I have no discomfort with recognizing that each thing I look on is an image I have made. I thoroughly believe this. On the other hand, when something seems to be affecting me, a sickness in my body or hearing that my child is hurt, that kind of thing, I slip back into the illusion and for a while, it may feel very real to me. This is the reason I practice this lesson so that when the world starts to feel real, I will remember the truth.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 14. 9-24-18

Journal for Day 14
LESSON 14
God did not create a meaningless world.

Two things stood out to me. My mind was conflicted as I did this lesson. I felt relief as I reminded myself that some of my favorite horrors do not exist because God did not create them and therefore, they are meaningless. The conflict is that while it is a relief to be reminded of the truth, I see that I don’t completely believe the truth. When I thought of certain things, I felt an emotional reaction that can occur only when we believe something. But of course, if I did not see any horrors in this world, I wouldn’t need this work anymore.
But then, I acknowledged an irritant I had glossed over in my initial reading of the lesson. There was this sentence: “The idea for today is another step in learning to let go the thoughts that you have written on the world, and see the Word of God in their place.” This is the whole point, of course. I want to let go of the thought of the world; I really do. This would truly be salvation.

But it is this phrase, “and see the Word of God in their place,” that bothers me. It annoys me. I want to say to Jesus, “Why not just come out and say what you mean?” What is the Word of God that will take their place? What does that even mean? Tell me something that will make sense to me, that will motivate me, that will give me something I can believe in to take the place of what I currently think.

Instead, we are being asked to step out of the boat and walk over water to where Jesus stands. And, if I am to be perfectly honest, that pisses me off. It feels like he could do better than that and is just choosing to be cryptic. And yes, I know that this is the ego mind wanting the answer to be something that fits into its own paradigm. (Sigh) So, I release my judgment to the Holy Spirit and ask for a different way to see this.

NTI
Romans 7
Chapter 7 is perfect for me to read right now. I met someone at the prison whose story evoked pity for him and for his mother who was visiting him. He was a young man who made a mistake. That mistake means he will spend his entire adult life in prison. He didn’t even do anything to deliberately hurt anyone. He was partying with a prostitute and gave her some drugs that she was probably happy to get. She overdosed on the drugs and so he was held responsible for her death. And now, prison for life. And his mother has to endure this with him. Because I am a mother who finds the idea of something like this happening to her and to her son unendurable, my heart breaks for them both and for me as well.

I am so happy to be reminded that the world is not real and these bodies and these stories are not real. I am happy to remember that we chose this experience and there was a deliberate reason for doing so. No one is a victim here. Everyone is having the experience that they want. When I get emotionally involved in a story the Holy Spirit helps me by sending me symbols of Light. Jesus is one of those symbols. This book is one, and A Course in Miracles is another. My fellow students and teachers are symbols that help my mind to return to truth. Even a visit to a prison is one when willingness lets me see through the visible manifestation to the gift within. I am so grateful.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 13. 9-22-18

Journal for Day 13
LESSON 13
A meaningless world engenders fear.

I must be more open and receptive to this lesson than I have been in the past. When I look around the room and admit that I am looking at a meaningless world, I feel the prickling of tears trying to form. I guess I have worked so very hard to give the world I see meaning that it is depressing to realize it was all for naught.

Or maybe it is the realization that I am going to have to face the fact that I have put myself in competition with God. That’s pretty depressing, too, and more than a little scary to the part of my mind that thinks it succeeded at this insane task. I amaze myself at how often I have learned the concepts put forward in the Course only to discover that I still rejected them and did so without acknowledging that rejection. Maybe now that I have allowed myself to see my avoidance of the truth, it means I am ready to accept the truth.

NTI
Romans 6

This is all about my relationship with Jesus, which is my relationship with the universe. Just as the universe is in our mind, so is Jesus.
“The universe is in your mind, so that all that has been accomplished has been accomplished by you. And within this universe, the model that rises to the top of your mind is the symbol of the man called Jesus. This is because Jesus represents your true desire. Jesus is the freedom you want to be. Everything else that floats within the universe of the mind is from a past desire and is not your current desire.”

All that Jesus did, I did, because we are one. He is in me and I am in him and there is no separation. He gives me strength and guidance and yet, he is in me. How can this be? It is not understandable within the construct of a world based on separation. But if we throw that construct out, and remember that there is only One and that there is only God, it is clear that we are That and in That, an extension of That, and It is in Us.

Of course, Jesus is in me. He is a symbol of my truest desire. Jesus/Holy Spirit can guide and help in the perfect way because they are part of me and therefore know what is needed to return me to the truth of my being. I used to be disturbed that Jesus could be thought of as a symbol, but I suppose that I, too, am a symbol. Certainly, this Myron character is not what I am, so it must be a symbol, perhaps a symbol of what I used to want before the symbol that is Jesus helped me to remember my true desire.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 12. 9-17-18

Journal for Day 12
LESSON 12
I am upset because I see a meaningless world.

As soon as I read that all of the things I have been thinking about the world are attributes I have given it, I knew that was right. So many times I have changed my mind about a meaning I gave the world and the world “seemed” to change to meet my expectations. The world, of course, didn’t change, my mind changed, my thoughts changed. It seemed to affect the world because the world is neutral and reflects only the meaning I give it.

The most important thing I am learning about this is that if I would stop writing my own script for the world, I could see the Word of God written there. Jesus says it would make me indescribably happy. Why is it that I insist on writing my own meaning instead even knowing that it is not making me happy? Sure, I have moments of happiness, but underlying the happiness is the expectation of sadness., so it is not true happiness.

Something I noticed when I first did these lessons is that the idea that the world is meaningless terrified me. The idea that my life has no meaning was even worse. I suppose that is the reason I continue to write script, but I am changing my mind. I am more aware of my thoughts than ever before and of their meaning in terms of script writing.

Yesterday, I talked about my upcoming visit to the prison to see my brother. I looked at all the thoughts I have about this trip. If I kept those thoughts and continued to strengthen them with my belief, I would make them true for me. Not only that, and worse yet, I would have been feeding them into the Consciousness and making fear stronger in our shared mind.

Writing them out and sharing them with others helped me to see what was happening. I consciously made a different decision. I allowed the thoughts and the emotions they evoked. I accepted them. I am responsible for the belief I was giving them and I accept that. Then I changed my mind. I decided that this is not what I want. I don’t want to increase the belief in ego and I don’t want to suffer.

My choice for different thoughts changed the world as I see it.

NTI
Romans 4 is a love letter from God. I love you, too, God.

Romans 5
My favorite sentence says: “As I have told you, the world was made by guilt, but guilt is not sin. Guilt is only the belief in sin.”

I review my life and it seems like I have been guilty so many times and by the time one reaches 69 years, the guilt just piles up until you can hardly breathe. How could that not be sin? But then I remember that there is only one problem and one solution so it cannot be that I have thousands of guilty moments to somehow atone for. And, sure enough, I get my affirmation and my answer in the next paragraph.

“One thought of guilt was born into your mind through one judgment of yourself for something you did not do. This then is imagined guilt, multiplied in the world through your belief in what you made. But that which is untrue is nothing, and nothing multiplied infinitely still remains nothing.”

God still loves me and I still love Him. I am dreaming of separation and this world and all that happens in it, is just a dream. Nothing is happening and that’s the only true thing we can say about the world. It appears as if there are many guilty people doing many guilty things, but there is only my belief in guilt playing out over and over again. And, nothing is happening outside the ego mind. There is no guilt because guilt is not real. There is no guilt because the guilt never occurred. What is there to atone for?

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Journal Day 11. 9-16-18

Journal for Day 11
LESSON 11
My meaningless thoughts are showing me a meaningless world.

It seems like I see something in the world and what I see is what there is to see. But actually, it is my thoughts that determine the world I see. And I have already determined that my thoughts don’t mean anything because they are not my real thoughts. This week, I have seen the ego in action, filling my mind with its interpretation of the world.

I have a brother who is doing time in Angola. I speak to him on the phone once a week and I email him, too. Sometimes I buy things for him and send money to make his time a little easier. What he really wants is for me to visit him and I did do that once when he was at a smaller facility. It was perfectly awful.

The only thing that kept my younger days from being any wilder was the fear of going to jail. I have a sickening dread of prisons. When I was working, I could have made a lot of money selling to the prison system. I made one visit to a prison to talk to the purchasing agent and when I heard that door clang shut behind me, I knew I would never be back. Maybe I was incarcerated in another life, but something, some long past memory is influencing me in this lifetime.

James really wants me to visit again. He made arrangements through another inmate’s family to pick me up and bring me to the prison when next they came to see their loved one. I agreed because I just couldn’t say no. Friday is the day. I have been watching the thoughts in my mind about this visit. Well, part of me is watching, the other part is involved with those thoughts. I have been using the lessons to help with my distress.

My thoughts go like this:
It is a three hour drive there and three hours back. That’s a lot even with someone else driving. I know I used to drive all the time, an average of 50,000 miles a year, actually. But it was beginning to take a toll on me before I retired and now it is a lot harder for me.

We are leaving at 4 AM. Seriously?

I don’t know these people at all and I am truly uncomfortable with small talk especially when we have nothing in common other than family in prison.

I am going to have to go into a major prison and one with a harsh reputation. This fear won’t make sense to anyone else, but it is real to me.

They plan to stay all day long. I love my brother but sometimes we run out of things to talk about in our 15 minute calls.

I know prison has changed him and I dread to see the outward signs.

After what could be a long day and an emotional strain, I am going to ride back for those 3 hours with people I still don’t know.

All of the above thoughts are meaningless and they are showing me a meaningless world. Other than I will be riding for three hours with people I don’t yet know to see my brother in prison, there is nothing that I have thought about the trip that is necessarily true. Every other thought is the result of using the ego-thinking mind to decide what this situation means.

These ego thoughts don’t mean anything because they are not my real thoughts. They will, however, determine my day if I don’t release them. I don’t want these thoughts to determine the world I see when Friday rolls around. I don’t know what anything means and I will not use what I have learned in the past to teach myself what it means now. My only real problem is my thoughts, and I don’t have to keep thoughts I don’t want.

At least I can decide I do not like what I feel now. And so I hope I have been wrong. I want another way to look at this. Perhaps there is another way to look at this. What can I lose by asking?

I am willing to see this differently. These ego thoughts are not making me happy and on that basis alone it is insane to keep them. I give them to the Holy Spirit and ask Him to correct my thinking and heal my mind. Show me another way to see this.

NTI Romans 3
How is it that we got so lost in our “what if it could be true” story? We used judgment. We judged that the story was real and that we were guilty.

“Every option and every judgment that came from this was an option or judgment based on fantasy, and so it resulted in additional layers of fantasy.”

I imagine how deep these layers might be and I realize why it is that we take some time to undo this illusion in our mind. And it is an illusion, pure fantasy. The judgment did not make the fantasy real; it just enlivened it. Every judgment we make adds more layers of fantasy and takes us deeper into the illusion and the resulting guilt.

Since none of this is true and since truth has not left our mind, we can extricate ourselves from this web of deceit. We do this by no longer practicing judgment and guilt. It is really so simple to do, and the only reason that it takes time is that we can hardly believe the whole world we see does not exist outside our mind, and we cannot believe that judgment is the problem, nor do we find it reasonable to believe that we are not guilty.

© 2018, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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