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Gentle Healing Lesson 139, Manual for Teachers, Text.  5-8-19

LESSON 139
I will accept Atonement for myself.

“Uncertainty about what you must be is self-deception on a scale so vast, its magnitude can hardly be conceived. To be alive and not to know yourself is to believe that you are really dead. For what is life except to be yourself, and what but you can be alive instead? Who is the doubter? What is it he doubts? Whom does he question? Who can answer him?”

“Thus he becomes uncertain of his life, for what it is has been denied by him. It is for this denial that you need Atonement.”

“Nothing the world believes is true. It is a place whose purpose is to be a home where those who claim they do not know themselves can come to question what it is they are. And they will come again until the time Atonement is accepted, and they learn it is impossible to doubt yourself, and not to be aware of what you are.”

“We have a mission here. We did not come to reinforce the madness that we once believed in. Let us not forget the goal that we accepted. It is more than just our happiness alone we came to gain. What we accept as what we are proclaims what everyone must be, along with us. Fail not your brothers, or you fail yourself. Look lovingly on them, that they may know that they are part of you, and you of them.”

“I will accept Atonement for myself,
For I remain as God created me.”

This statement, this acceptance of the Atonement is the same thing I have been doing for the last couple of weeks. I begin my meditation with the simple statement that I want to know my Self. I have no doubt that I am Self and not self. I have no doubt that the memory of Self is in my mind and available to me. I am simply expressing my decision to know again what is actually true about me, and thus to live from that knowledge.

Jesus emphasizes again as he does throughout the Course that we know who we are by knowing that we are one with all that is. We cannot see our brothers as separate and somehow different than our Self and know our Self. I was listening to a meditation this morning that used the terms essence energy and said that this same energy is exactly the same in every one of us. Exactly the same.

That is how we are the same and one. Using the body as our identity keeps this knowledge from us because the body is not the same, the personality is not the same. But the body/personality is not us. What is the same and what is us is what animates the body/personality.

Regina’s Tips
If you look, you will notice the one thing you can never honestly deny is that you live. When you look even closer, you will notice the one fact that is obvious: You are life.

Have you ever experienced death as a direct experience? Sure, people and pets you loved died and you perceived that, but what was your direct experience as you perceived it? Wasn’t it life that perceived the concept/perception of death?

Do you have any proof of death as a direct experience?

Or is life the only thing that you can verify as a fact?

Look carefully. Forget ideas. What do you know from direct experience?

“Here is the end of choice. For here we come to a decision to accept ourselves as God created us. … For what is life except to be yourself, …?”

“Today accept Atonement, not to change reality, but merely to accept the truth about yourself, and go your way rejoicing in the endless Love of God.” Celebrate today that You Are Life!!

You are life! And you know it, because you live.

My Thoughts

It is interesting to realize that I have no direct experience of death. At first, I thought to dispute this. I haven’t died yet in this life, but I must have died before to be reborn here. And yet, is that true? If I am reborn, how could I have ever died? I am life, therefore, I cannot be death. I think this more than anything convinced me that I am life.

Manual for Teachers
All Pleasures of the World Are Nothing

An example of a “pleasure” that I have valued and allowed to define me is the special relationship. The only enduring special relationship I have ever had is with my children. Even though I had considered myself a failure in many ways as a mom, my children persist in loving me and thinking well of me; I think even liking me. And yet, I have never felt secure in these relationships and since I value them above all else, I have gone to great lengths to keep them in place.

As I look at these relationships with the Holy Spirit I see that I have used bribery, sacrifice, martyrdom, guilt, and fear to bind my children to me. I remember when my youngest child graduated from college and moved away, I felt bereft, adrift and anxious. When a very short time later he needed my financial assistance, I remember the flood of relief that came over me. That was my first clue that something was seriously sick in this relationship. But it would be a long time before I was able to look at my thoughts without judgment and allow the Holy Spirit to help me see what was going on.

Because I believed that I could not be happy without the special relationships in my life, I condemned myself to misery. Special relationships are inherently guilt driven and destined to fail. What will not fail is the certainty that if I continue to hold onto the specialness in a relationship, I will never experience real love, and if I don’t know Love, I will not know my Self. I fully understand the fear of letting go of special love because it seems to be all that I have ever known and yet, holding onto the specialness is what prevents me from knowing Love.

I have grasped these relationships so tightly and for so long that it has taken me a very long time to let them go. I am still letting go, but now it is easier because I see that the specialness I thought was precious was actually painful. It defined me in ways that diminished me, and in my desperation to hold onto it, I tried to teach those I loved that they were needy too. Specialness defines me as separate from others and holds that belief in place. I believed in this definition of myself until I began to accept the Word of God through His Voice. Through the healing of my mind, I am letting go of my definition of my self and accepting His definition instead.

Today I have a much healthier relationship with my children. I don’t know if they have even noticed a difference because the change had nothing to do with them, as it was all about me. I slowly, through vigilant mindfulness, watched my thoughts about these special relationships and accepted healing where I could. There is less pain now, less neediness, and more actual love. It is an ongoing project but I have no doubt as to the outcome because I am not alone. The Holy Spirit works with me and guarantees my success. It is not the Will of God that I suffer.

Text
“No one who has everything wants the ego.”

It is absolutely necessary that the ego deny your true self. If the ego accepts any part of you as love, it will be completely undone. If it accepts anyone else as pure love, it will be undone. So it keeps everyone as enemies and hides this way of thinking from us. It does this, as far as I can see, by increasing fear and guilt and making everything seem so complex that we give up trying to understand it or change it. This is why we need the Holy Spirit and why God created the Holy Spirit. It is not fooled by the ego and can help us disentangle from it when we are ready to do so.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Lesson 138, Manual for Teachers, Text.  5-7-19

LESSON 138
Heaven is the decision I must make.

“In this world Heaven is a choice, because here we believe there are alternatives to choose between.”

“Creation knows no opposite.”

“Yet what is true in God’s creation cannot enter here until it is reflected in some form the world can understand.”

Heaven is real, it is truth and there is no opposite to truth. It doesn’t seem so in this world which was made for the purpose of having an opposite to reality. So, what we must do is decide for truth, as if there could be something else beside truth. Our decisions have power and that power will show us that what we really want is ours and always has been.

‘You need to be reminded that you think a thousand choices are confronting you, when there is really only one to make. And even this but seems to be a choice.’

It seems I have to choose how I feel about what someone said to me and how much of my money I can afford to spend on entertainment and which toothpaste to buy. The range and number of decisions is overwhelming. And yet, I only need to decide on one thing. In every case, I decide for God or for ego. That is all that is happening. Deciding for ego is deciding for nothing, so there is really only once choice.

Here is an example of how this works. Someone I care about seemed to be rude and disrespectful the other day. I had a decision to make.

Would I take this personally, as if it meant something about me?

Would I in some way try to manipulate that person’s behavior to something more acceptable to me or demand an apology?

Would I feel bad about myself? Would I forgive? Would I hold a grudge? Or would I choose to be happy and to love the situation just as it was? In other words, would I choose ego or choose God. It was so much simpler when I chose God, and the outcome so much more peaceful.

“Decisions are the outcome of your learning, for they rest on what you have accepted as the truth of what you are, and what your needs must be.”

What I have learned is that love is all there is and peace is all I want. I have learned that no other outcome is of interest to me. I have learned that I can have this outcome simply by disregarding any thought or action that does not bring me closer to love and peace. It is really that simple. For now, I still make choices but that will end soon.

As Jesus says: “If you could decide the rest, this one remains unsolved. But when you solve this one, the others are resolved with it, for all decisions but conceal this one by taking different forms.” Why choose anything except Heaven? I notice the ego trying to interest me in more drama but I just keep saying no. It gets easier all the time.

“Heaven is the decision I must make. I make it now, and will not change my mind, because it is the only thing I want.”

Regina’s Tip
Today’s lesson says, “Heaven is chosen consciously. The choice cannot be made until alternatives are accurately seen and understood. All that is veiled in shadows must be raised to understanding, to be judged again, this time with Heaven’s help.”

That’s the purpose of inquiry, which we will go deeper into over the coming weeks. We question our thinking to see its worthlessness and untruth. As we see that clearly, we are willing to let go of our thinking and choose only truth. After all, “Who can decide between the clearly seen (aka, our thoughts and perceptions) and the unrecognized (truth)?

Yet who can fail to make a choice between alternatives when only one (truth) is seen as valuable; the other (thoughts and perceptions) as a wholly worthless thing.”

So, let’s let go of the idea that we have to be masters of learning. It’s okay if we don’t learn anything. It’s okay if we can’t remember yesterday’s workbook lesson today.

Focus on the practice. When we focus on the practice to the best of our ability in every moment, we are choosing Heaven.

My Thoughts
Regina brings up an important point. A Course in Miracles is about learning. We are learning that we want to awaken. Once we learn that one thing, we don’t need to learn anymore. We just make a decision for awakening. All the practice we do is in making that decision. That is the reason for looking at our thoughts, and for releasing them. It is the reason for the daily lessons.

We are practicing making a decision for Heaven. The meditations in which we choose to know our Self and to allow the mind to be healed, that is not about learning anything, it is about resting in God and accepting what is ours. It is practice, not learning. The point is that sometimes we get stuck in the learning phase and we listen to the ego tell us that it is dangerous to go any further and so we become perpetual students.

But that is not the point of A Course in Miracles. Jesus wants us to learn enough to decide for Heaven and then he tells us to leave everything behind including this book. He wants us to practice until we are fully accepting of our true Self. That doesn’t mean that we cannot ever use the book again. We can read it because it is beautiful and inspiring. We can use it as a teaching aid for those who want to learn what we learned. But it will not be helpful to let it become a block to our awakening by continuing to “learn” when we should be focused on acceptance.

So, every day I make a choice for Heaven and I go to sleep making that choice. I learn if there is something to learn, but I also make the choice. One day, I will simply wake up. There is no magic amount of learning that is necessary. As Regina says, I don’t have to know everything. I used to focus on how much I know and it was a lot more than I used to know, but never enough. When I read something that opposed what I thought knew, it scared me because I thought I had to “know” things and so what if I got it wrong. But I understand now that I don’t have to know anything about Heaven; I only need to choose Heaven.

Manual for Teachers
I have had times when I was worried because I didn’t have enough money, and I have had times when I had more money than I needed and I worried that some day that would not be true. Obviously, the money was not the issue. It was my belief in lack and loss that was making me suffer.

This feeling of never having enough slowly changed though practicing abundance as the Course helps us to see it. What turned out to be of value was the slow and methodical change of mind that I underwent as I studied and practiced the Course.

I learned that I was abundant regardless of the numbers in my bank account or what I owned. I learned that money wasn’t the issue but rather it was a belief in lack and loss that was tormenting me and robbing me of my peace of mind and my happiness.

Now that I actually am retired, I don’t have very much money at all, but I have peace of mind and I never lack for anything I need. I have something much more valuable than money. I have faith in my innate abundance.

I can do this with all the things the ego mind finds valuable in the world. None of them are of the least value. The only thing of value here is the opportunity to recognize the world has no value and thus to make a different choice about what I strive for. There is no sacrifice in letting go of any goal in the world. There is nothing of value to be gained here.

Text
“It is impossible, however, to see something in part of it that you will not attribute to all of it. That is why attack is never discrete, and why it must be relinquished entirely. If it is not relinquished entirely it is not relinquished at all.”

So if I see someone as a threat, I will see threats everywhere I look and I will attack. I remember something that happened years ago. I was very upset with my husband and could do nothing about it. When my daughter did something I didn’t like, I attacked her like she had done a terrible thing. I didn’t understand at the time why I did that, and I felt very guilty for it.

I did it because attack is not discreet. The rage at my husband boiled over onto my daughter. Then I attacked myself for my behavior. As I chose to make more of my decisions with God, this kind of thing happened less and less. It almost never happens now. It is my goal to give up attack for all time. Knowing that we are all one is what makes this possible. I notice that as I more often feel the oneness that we are, the desire to attack and defend has lessened.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Lesson 137, Manual for Teachers, Text.  5-6-19

LESSON 137
When I am healed I am not healed alone.

“Sickness is isolation. For it seems to keep one self apart from all the rest, to suffer what the others do not feel. It gives the body final power to make the separation real, and keep the mind in solitary prison, split apart and held in pieces by a solid wall of sickened flesh, which it can not surmount.”

“But healing is accomplished as he sees the body has no power to attack the universal Oneness of God’s Son.”

“Just as forgiveness overlooks all sins that never were accomplished, healing but removes illusions that have not occurred.”

“Yet think not healing is unworthy of your function here. For anti-Christ becomes more powerful than Christ to those who dream the world is real.”

“Healing is freedom.

Healing is shared

Healing is strength.”

“And legions upon legions will receive the gift that you receive when you are healed.”

“What is opposed to God does not exist, and who accepts it not within his mind becomes a haven where the weary can remain to rest.”

When I am healed I am not healed alone. And I would share my healing with the world, that sickness may be banished from the mind of God’s one Son, Who is my only Self.

This lesson is very clear to me. Sickness is not in God and therefore it does not exist. It is another illusion to be forgiven, another defense against the truth to be denied, another separation device to be released. An understanding of the purpose of sickness is helpful in deciding against it, but to forgive it, to have the belief in sickness removed from the mind, allowance, and acceptance seem to be the key.

I sit in quiet and the Holy Spirit heals my mind and this healing goes out to those who cross my mind and to legions upon legions that I am unaware of. Sometimes when I meditate like this, I feel something happening even if I cannot describe it in words, but this morning I didn’t feel anything, but I trust and am confident that healing occurred. I began by talking to the Holy Spirit about two areas of my life where I know my mind has been confused and then I simply opened to healing without regard to outcome.

Regina’s Tips
This is my humble advice regarding physical healing:

~ Remember that physical healing is not the goal. It may occur along the way if it is helpful to you, but the goal is spiritual awakening.

~ Watch the mind for ideas that may create sickness or block the opportunity for healing. There are many types of ideas that fall into that category including ‘miraculous healing isn’t possible,’ ‘I am not worthy of miraculous healing,’ and ‘I am guilty,’ especially if one sees a relationship between one’s guilt and the sickness. Also, most people get a subtle pleasure from sickness. It is a pleasure that is often fleeting and can easily be denied, especially as one tires of the suffering, but if one looks you can find it. You may like the break from work. You may like the special attention from others. Sickness can even make us feel special. Etc.

~ Notice that awareness is constant and unchanging. Awareness is the same in health and sickness. Pay close attention to notice that awareness is more intimately you than the body. Notice that the body has no affect on you whatsoever.

~ Let go of all ‘rules’ and ‘judgments’ about sickness and health. The path of awakening happens differently for different people. Some awaken through allowing sickness and noticing they aren’t the body. Some receive a boost in faith through miraculous healing. There is no rule about how this has to look.

~ Remember that what is most important is what is always most important: Inquire into false beliefs; let go of ego thinking; practice awareness-watching-awareness; be tuned in for your personal intuitive guidance and follow it.

The spiritual path requires more honesty than the mind is capable of. That means that in order to know what is best for you on this path, you have to let go of your individual thinking.

My Thoughts

I think that sickness is a choice and noticing that choice we can ask for healing of the beliefs that led to that choice.  Ultimately, it will always be a desire for separation, a desire to identify with the body, a desire to be unconscious of our true Self. It is not special, but is just another signpost leading us to what needs to be healed in the mind. Feeling guilty for sickness is no different than feeling guilty for anything else. It is just an ego response that can be disregarded. The entire lesson seems to be saying that sickness is a form of separation and that healing is a form of union and that our healing impacts the Sonship.

Manual for Teachers
12. HOW MANY TEACHERS OF GOD ARE NEEDED TO SAVE THE WORLD? P 6
6 Oneness and sickness cannot coexist. God’s teachers choose to look on dreams a while. It is a conscious choice. For they have learned that all choices are made consciously, with full awareness of their consequences. The dream says otherwise, but who would put his faith in dreams once they are recognized for what they are? Awareness of dreaming is the real function of God’s teachers. They watch the dream figures come and go, shift and change, suffer and die. Yet they are not deceived by what they see. They recognize that to behold a dream figure as sick and separate is no more real than to regard it as healthy and beautiful. Unity alone is not a thing of dreams. And it is this God’s teachers acknowledge as behind the dream, beyond all seeming and yet surely theirs.

Journal

I have often said that a thought or decision was not conscious. Jesus says that all our decisions are made consciously, that we know exactly what we are doing and aware of the consequences of that choice. I use the word unconscious to mean that my ego mind is in denial and so as I am using the ego mind to think, it feels like an unconscious decision.

The point Jesus is making here is important, though, and perhaps it would be of benefit to me to recognize my intention when I choose to dream. This would help me to become more aware of when I am indulging the dream and by so doing, giving myself another opportunity to further awaken from the dream.

Sometimes I do watch the dream figures come and go and I am not deceived. I know it is a dream. Other times, I am as lost in the dream as anyone, just another dream figure coming and going. When we are lost in the dream and believe we are the dream figures, our mind is sick and needs to be healed. Then Holy Spirit will do this for us if we ask with a true willingness to be healed.

Then Jesus says something else interesting. He says that to behold a dream figure as sick and separate is no more real than to regard it as healthy and beautiful. Our goal is to recognize the dream figure as unreal.  I had not thought of it like that, but I see that it is true. I do ask for healing so that I never become confused about what is real and what is not. As I give up the belief that bodies are real, the remembrance of oneness takes their place.

From reading something that Regina Dawn Akers wrote, I am reminded that our efforts are two-fold. We notice our thinking errors and let them be healed. Then we shift our focus to what is true. This is my process for releasing the untrue thoughts and embracing the truth of oneness, and it works well for me. If I notice that I feel disheartened, I look within for the thoughts I have chosen to believe that caused this feeling. Then I ask for correction, for another way to see. Once that is done, I choose different thoughts, thoughts that come to me as a result of that request for healing. I give them my attention and my belief.

Text

When I ask for anything that would support the ego thought system and thus maintain the dream state, I am asking for something that would hurt me and since I cannot be hurt I am asking for nothing. This would not be a true question, and it would not even be a question from me, but from the ego.

Here is an example of how I saw this in action one time a while back when I was still working. I had a very chaotic day at work. Nothing went right. I had to wait for customers at each stop and this put me behind on my schedule at a time when I could not afford to be behind. A lot of things went wrong, little mix-ups, miscommunications, and the lot. By the end of the day, I realized that my chaotic thinking had made a chaotic day and so I asked for clarity.

I used Lesson 325, the keynote, to salvation to help me see what happened. This lesson tells us how we make the day we experience. We have a desire and from that desire, we make an image of what the desire would look like. Then we project that desire and look on it as if it was real and we defend it. So I asked the Holy Spirit to show me the desire that sourced this chaotic day,

It all began because I was disgruntled with work, with the company I work for and with my boss. I felt underappreciated and unfairly treated. This feeling was my request. Holding this belief in my mind and believing it was true is what started the whole thing. My desire, based on this belief was to be unfairly treated, and to see myself in a job that made me miserable.

From this desire, I made an image of how this could be true. This image could have appeared in many ways but the image I made for that day was to have a chaotic day of late meetings and everything going wrong. I got a clue during the day when after one particularly difficult experience. I had the thought that this was just not fair. I have noticed since I started using Lesson 325 as a practice that I have a lot of experiences stemming from the request to be unfairly treated, and to be a victim. So I knew, in a general way what was going on, but it took me a while to let go of my victim stance and ask for clarity.

This desire to see what it feels like to be unfairly treated and to be a victim is not a real question because it hurts me. It is an effort to make the world real. The ego answers it readily because making the world appear real is its goal. That is why it took me a whole day to get clear on it. All the circumstances I had projected outward confused me temporarily and I believed in them and defended them.

I had thoughts like, “This is so unfair,” and “I wish I could retire and not have to do this job anymore.” Those thoughts were in defense of the idea that my experience is reality, I really am a victim, and the answer is to change the world. I had a desire, I made an image of that desire, I projected the image and then I believed in it and defended it.

But I also have true thoughts in my mind and even while all this was happening, I was aware of those thoughts as well. It felt frustrating because I was asking for conflicting solutions. I was asking the ego to fix this problem and I was asking the Holy Spirit to heal my mind. Conflict is suffering, and boy, was I suffering! It wasn’t until I was clear about what I really wanted that I got relief.

When I finally set aside the desire to be unfairly treated and made a different choice, that is, I wanted my mind to be healed, the Holy Spirit answered my request swiftly and completely. When I asked for my mind to be healed, I was asking a real question, one that leads me to an awareness of love’s presence. This is a question from my right mind and the answer is the Will of God so it cannot fail to be answered.

It became clear to me that my job is not my problem and retirement or another job is not the answer. There is only one problem and one solution and the circumstances in my life represent either the problem or the solution, depending on what I want. The problem did not begin in the world and the solution is not there. It began in my mind with a desire to be unlike God, and the solution is in my mind as well. It is the Holy Spirit, and the remembrance of what I am.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Gentle Healing Lesson 136, Manual for Teachers, Text.  5-3-19

LESSON 136
Sickness is a defense against the truth.

“Sickness is not an accident. Like all defenses, it is an insane device for self-deception.”

“The aim of all defenses is to keep the truth from being whole. The parts are seen as if each one were whole within itself.”

“Defenses are not unintentional, nor are they made without awareness. They are secret, magic wands you wave when truth appears to threaten what you would believe.”

Jesus tells us that we choose sickness and we do know what we are doing, and that the forgetting we chose it is also a deliberate decision. We want to keep our story going, keep the laws we made to maintain the illusion and so we have established defenses against the truth and sickness is one of them. It is important that we learn to recognize these defenses for what they are so that we can make a different choice.

I saw through my defense one morning and I have never since doubted that I choose sickness and I now understand why I choose it. I was doing the lesson that morning, and it was one of the lessons that says I am not a body. Suddenly, I had a revelatory moment in which I knew this was true. I absolutely knew it. I sat there stunned at this sudden knowing.

Almost immediately before I could even think about what had just happened, I got really sick. I started throwing up and was feverish. I was living with my daughter at the time and my little granddaughter had been sick. I had the thought that I caught it from her, but also I knew enough to question that belief.

Then it hit me. I was defending myself from the truth that I am not a body. What better way to do this than to be sick? It all came together in my mind and when it did, I started laughing. So, there I was, hugging the toilet, throwing up and laughing like a loon. Because I had made another choice, even though I was not aware of making it, I chucked the whole defense system. I could not use sickness to convince myself that I was, indeed, a body. Within minutes the entire episode was over and I was fine.

Now when I read this explanation for sickness in this lesson, I have no doubt that it is true.

“Sickness is a decision. It is not a thing that happens to you, quite unsought, which makes you weak and brings you suffering. It is a choice you make, a plan you lay, when for an instant truth arises in your own deluded mind, and all your world appears to totter and prepare to fall. Now are you sick, that truth may go away and threaten your establishments no more.”

That was exactly what happened that morning. That was in 2006 or 2007, I think, and it made such an impact on me that I remember it like it was yesterday. It changed everything about how I view sickness. You might think I would never be sick again, but that’s not how it works, evidently. It seems we have a strong desire to defend our little world.

I have to rediscover my defenses each time. Sometimes it is enough to know what is happening and sometimes not. But I have noticed that I seldom get sick anymore and when I do, I don’t stay sick long because I remind myself of why I chose sickness. So, it has made a difference.

Jesus says we suffer pain because the body does. I love this sentence because it reminds me that I am not the body, nor am I necessarily subject to the body. As I come to know my Self as who I am, less often do I feel what the body feels. I am not free of the body because I am not free of my identification with it, but I see a difference now.

I know it is possible to be free of it even while still appearing to be the body because David Hawkins did it. He had two surgeries without anesthetics because he didn’t believe in pain. If one person can do it then it is possible for all. My purpose is not to be free of pain, though that would be nice, but to be free of the belief that I am the body and that I want to be the body. When that happens I will no longer be interested in these insane defenses.

“God knows not of your plans to change His Will. The universe remains unheeding of the laws by which you thought to govern it.”

“You can but choose to think you die, or suffer sickness or distort the truth in any way. What is created is apart from all of this.”

Oh, my gosh. All this suffering and pain that we experience, and for what? We are having crazy thoughts, that’s all. Nothing is done to reality and so nothing is done to us as we are part of reality. There is no world, there are no bodies and sickness and death do not exist. We fool only ourselves with our defenses and they would be called silly if they were not so tragic. Why do we keep hurting ourselves like this? Why do we resist that inner desire for God and for our true Home.

“The Thoughts of God are quite apart from time. For time is but another meaningless defense you made against the truth.”

As Jesus as told us before, time is an illusion. This was really hard for me to accept. I mean, I accepted it as a concept but it had little meaning to me in my life. I am learning, though, that time is the way I keep the truth from being true now. I keep it in the future which doesn’t exist and so I am safe from an encounter with it.

See what a good defense against the truth time is? Aren’t we clever in our insanity? Thank God that truth has a power far beyond defense and we have the means to achieve it. All we need do is welcome it. Again today, I will quiet my mind and allow the Holy Spirit to further heal my sick thoughts so that I stop defending against the truth.

And how will we know that the body has been healed?

“And you will recognize you practiced well by this: The body should not feel at all. If you have been successful, there will be no sense of feeling ill or feeling well, of pain or pleasure. No response at all is in the mind to what the body does. Its usefulness remains and nothing more.”

And look at this incredible promise.

“Perhaps you do not realize that this removes the limits you had placed upon the body by the purposes you gave to it. As these are laid aside, the strength the body has will always be enough to serve all truly useful purposes. The body’s health is fully guaranteed, because it is not limited by time, by weather or fatigue, by food and drink, or any laws you made it serve before. You need do nothing now to make it well, for sickness has become impossible.”

And then he tells this.

“Yet this protection needs to be preserved by careful watching. If you let your mind harbor attack thoughts, yield to judgment or make plans against uncertainties to come, you have again misplaced yourself, and made a bodily identity which will attack the body, for the mind is sick.”

Ha! I knew there was a catch. ~smile~ And here is the solution to our forgetting.

“I have forgotten what I really am, for I mistook my body for myself. Sickness is a defense against the truth. But I am not a body. And my mind cannot attack. So I can not be sick.”

God, who am I? I want to know my Self.

Regina’s Tips

Let’s look at what this lesson has to say about the defenses we set up against truth:

~ “Defenses are not unintentional nor are they made without awareness.” — In other words, there is a conscious decision in favor of the defense. If my defense is sickness, there could be a tickle in the throat and then an immediate, even somewhat pleasurable, acceptance of, “I’m getting sick,” before I move into suffering. If my defense is busyness, there could be the joy of complaining about how busy I am to others. Or it might show up as using time on unimportant things first, until once again I create that sense of being too busy. Etc.

~ “They seem to be unconscious but because of the rapidity with which you choose. … It is this quick forgetting of the part you play in making your ‘reality’ that makes defenses seem to be beyond your own control.” — Whatever our defenses are, we create situations that keep us from seeking truth with our whole heart, whole mind and whole soul. Most people, wanting to believe their defenses are genuine, deny that they choose them. However, if we watch ourselves carefully, we will find ourselves making the choices that create defense situations. It can be seen, if we want to see it. (Remember not to judge yourself for what you find when you watch to discover your own defenses, but it is helpful to see how you block your own awakening so you can start to make different decisions when a similar choice-opportunity comes around again.)

~ “Yet who believes illusions but the one who made them up? Who else can see them and react to them as if they were the truth?” — And this is what we do. Whether our defense is sickness, family responsibility, busyness or something else, we decide to let it get in the way of seeking truth, and then we believe the situation is a genuine block that renders us helpless, because that is what we want to believe about it.

~ “[Truth] does not command obedience … Truth merely wants to give you happiness, for such its purpose is.” — We have the power to delay our own awakening for as long as we want. Truth will not force itself on us. We are the ones who need to ask ourselves, “What do I really want?” If we decide that we are interested in truth realization, then it is helpful to find how we defend against it.

Since memory can be faulty, I don’t recommend looking into the past to see if you set up this defense. If the defense is still an obstacle for you, it is because you continue to set it up as an obstacle now. Watch yourself going forward. Watch yourself for those quick decisions that you make that keep this defense in place so you can continue to avoid awakening.

Let’s bring awareness to the tricks that we play on ourselves. Let’s do this together, in love, as mighty companions joined in purpose.

My Thoughts

As usual, Regina adds some really good tips to help us use this lesson. I especially like that she points out other defenses. I also appreciate how she reminds us that we don’t have to look into the past to see how we set it up, if it is still happening, then look at how we are doing it now.

Manual for Teachers
There are so many ways I ask for what I don’t want. I ask for what the ego wants, but I am not the ego. The ego always thinks the solution is in the story, in the world of time and space. It prays for more money, a better relationship, a healthier body. If I think I am an ego, if I am highly identified with the ego mind, I believe these things will give me what I want.

As my mind has healed and I have begun to identify more closely with the self that God created, I realize that these are simply symbols of what it is I truly want. I want to be happy and peaceful. The ego mind thinks that having these things will give me peace and joy. But, while I may achieve a different relationship, a healthier body or more money, it is all temporary and the satisfaction is temporary. When I ask for what is not real, I ask it of the giver of the unreal. All the ego has to offer are shifting forms.

What I have learned is that I really want peace that never ends, and joy that is unaffected by anything. I want to remember what I am and I want to return to full and open communication with God. This is true prayer and it has been answered. I am accepting that answer as quickly and fully as I am able. Within that answer, all things needed are provided. If what I have asked for (and if it is in my life, I asked for it) does not bring me full joy, then it is not the will of God and so it is not my will. It is the ego separate will and I know that I can and want to choose again, this time asking from my true will.

Text
Proper Use of the Body

“Use it to bring the Word of God to those who have it not, and the body becomes holy. Because it is holy it cannot be sick, nor can it die. When its usefulness is done it is laid by, and that is all.” 
 
Jesus says something that is not universally accepted, I think. He says that if we give the body over to our function as decided by the Holy Spirit, and we don’t use it for the ego’s purposes, sickness will be impossible to us because the body will have become holy. I have not experienced that yet, but then, I have not been fully surrendered yet.

I very much want to release all of the ego beliefs in my mind and, equally, I want to be the channel for God’s Word and only that. My desire along with my unwavering commitment will help me to accomplish this. In the meantime, I do the best I can in every moment.

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Gentle Healing Lesson 135, Manual for Teachers, Text.  5-2-19

LESSON 135
If I defend myself I am attacked.

“And herein lies the folly of defense; it gives illusions full reality, and then attempts to handle them as real. It adds illusions to illusions, thus making correction doubly difficult. And it is this you do when you attempt to plan the future, activate the past, or organize the present as you wish.”

“A healed mind does not plan. It carries out the plans that it receives through listening to wisdom that is not its own.”

I have known for a while now that I am not to make plans on my own. I know that I can ask for guidance in all things and receive it. I mostly do this, but not perfectly. Sometimes I use the ego mind to make my decisions and when I do this it is always based on what I know from past experiences. I do it because I feel threatened and I want to defend myself.

Here is an example of this. One year I didn’t have as much money to spend on Christmas as I have had in the past. I made some elaborate plans to compensate. It started at the beginning of the year. I put aside money in different ways and in different places. I planned ways to earn more money. I looked for bargains.

I warned my family ahead of time so they wouldn’t be surprised by the few gifts under the tree. I bought some things during the year a gift at a time when I had extra money. I used my credit card. I hoped for some extra money coming at Christmas as it sometimes does. All these plans were based on what I have learned from and experienced in the past.

All these plans were to defend me from disappointment and from disappointing others. It was all done to organize my Christmas in a way that suited me. Even the need for Christmas to be this way is based on the past in which as a child my parents love for me was expressed most fully as a big Christmas. I see that I defend myself from lack of love by organizing the present through activating the past and planning for the future.

“For no one walks the world in armature but must have terror striking at his heart.”

“Defense is frightening. It stems from fear, increasing fear as each defense is made.“

Clearly, the belief that I need all these defenses to have love and to give love only reinforce the fear that I lack love. It reinforces the fear that love can be lost. And it tells me that love can be bought and must be bought. By judging the present on the basis of the past, I don’t leave an opening for new information.

Perhaps love is different than I think. Perhaps it does not need my defense, but how would I know if I only believe what I learned in the past. And this situation that Christmas is just one of the ways that I defend and, in my defense, close my mind to the truth that is God’s gift to me.

“The body is in need of no defense. This cannot be too often emphasized. It will be strong and healthy if the mind does not abuse it by assigning it to roles it cannot fill, to purposes beyond its scope, and to exalted aims which it cannot accomplish. Such attempts, ridiculous yet deeply cherished, are the sources for the many mad attacks you make upon it. For it seems to fail your hopes, your needs, your values and your dreams.”

What are those purposes and roles the body cannot fill? What purpose do we give it that it cannot accomplish? When I identify with the body and think of it as myself, I use it in that way. It is then used to show the world I am worthy of love and admiration. It is clothed to say “Look at me, how wealthy I am or how fit I am, how good looking I am.”  “Look at what this body does, how kind and generous it is, how smart it is, how powerful and in control it is.” We are saying, look at my body, look at me.

It is not the body that I am. It is not the body’s job to fill these perceived needs for me. This is all in my mind and it is the mind that says I need these things and the mind that believes the body is failing me. Giving the body these purposes, I must then defend it against anything that interferes with those purposes.

I give it vitamins and exercise. I read articles on how to keep the brain working well. I dress it up and spend time with my hair stylist. I feed it properly and only the right amount. Actually, I don’t do many of those things anymore, but that is only because I have, for the most part, come to understand that the body is a neutral vehicle for navigating the world and for communicating love. All else is done with the mind and if I don’t like what is done, it is not the body that needs attention, but my thoughts.

As Jesus tells us, The “self” that needs protection is not real. The body, valueless and hardly worth the least defense, need merely be perceived as quite apart from you, and it becomes a healthy, serviceable instrument through which the mind can operate until its usefulness is over. Who would want to keep it when its usefulness is done? Knowing this it makes the whole process we go through in defending the body ridiculous.

Now here is something I don’t always consider. Jesus says that if we defend the body we have attacked our mind. We won’t see the body and mind as separate and what we see as weakness in the body we will see as coming from a mind that is limited and fragile. We will believe that not only are bodies separate from each other and from Source but so is the mind. When we let these thoughts be healed, the body will respond with health. We allow our minds to be healed and we will no longer look outside the mind for protection and healing of the body.

“What could you not accept, if you but knew that everything that happens, all events, past, present and to come, are gently planned by One Whose only purpose is your good? Perhaps you have misunderstood His plan, for He would never offer pain to you. But your defenses did not let you see His loving blessing shine in every step you ever took. While you made plans for death, He led you gently to eternal life.”

This is one of my favorite passages in the Course. The more surrendered I become the gentler the lessons. I do see His guiding hand in every aspect of my life. I trust this Guidance explicitly. There are still times in which I go off on my own, but as soon as I notice I have done so, I return my mind to God and let Him decide for me. I look forward in happy anticipation to the day in which my surrender is complete and I know my Self without any beliefs of the ego obscuring my sight.

I choose to continue my inward looking, not at my thoughts, but at the presence within. Today, I will begin that practice with this thought which is a variation on the thought that I want to know myself.

“If I defend myself I am attacked. But in defenselessness I will be strong, and I will learn what my defenses hide.”

Regina’s Tips
Today’s lesson is about Self-inquiry, ‘Who am I?’ And then it is about taking Self-inquiry one-step further by living from the answer.

My Thoughts
This is why I have added to my schedule the daily meditation asking to know my Self. Whatever is given me in that time, I live. I may not hear anything specifically, but what I notice is that I do things differently, I am not as obsessed with certain ideas that used to plague me, I follow directions without question when my heart leads me in an unexpected way.

Regina
Today’s lesson tells us that we use many forms of defense to try to protect who we think we are, and in so doing we hide the truth about ourselves from ourselves. We try to protect the body, because we think we are the body. We try to protect the psyche, because we think we are the psyche. Yet we are neither.

My thoughts
This is the core of the lesson, I think. When we defend who we think we are, there is no way for us to discover who we really are. It might not seem such a big deal that we spend a lot of time on the body, but what that means, that is, our motivation for doing so might be moving us more deeply into the ego. As Regina points out this lesson is not about ignoring the needs of the body, but it is about obsessive thinking about the body and its needs. I will add it is also about using the body to get what we think we need from others, like attention, approval and love.

Another thing Regina talks about is the difference between reasonable planning and planning in an attempt to control future outcomes. I have a day planner that I must use. It helps me remember when I have a student calling so that I am here and prepared. That is normal and helpful planning. If, however, I have hidden motives in using this planner, such as do I think that if I lost my planner this would be devasting?

Do I think the planner represents my worth as a teacher and as a human being, the blank spaces meaning that I am not doing enough or doing it well enough? Do I try to get students so I can fill up all the spaces and so feel good about myself? Or do I simply accept that as Jesus tells us in the Manual for Teachers that our students are waiting for us and so there is nothing to plan, no effort to make in order to be a teacher of God? Do I know that who shows up for what is out of my hands an in more capable hands, and means nothing about a personal “me?”

Manual for Teachers
I do hear the Voice for God, though not perfectly. I do share what I hear, but again, not perfectly.  I have always appreciated my teachers. These are God’s messengers who hear more clearly and share more precisely than I do. I have always had a teacher, someone who was a few steps ahead of me, someone whose steps I could follow. Not someone who is way ahead of me because then I would not understand the words she gave me, but far enough that she could lead me to my next level of understanding.

If I had no teacher in form, I would still get there, but not as quickly. The support that a good teacher provides has also been important to me. My teachers have not only gently guided me back on track when I temporarily lost my way; they have also reassured me when I was uncertain. They have not told me what I needed to do or believe, but have reminded me of the truth that is always available to me. They put the truth before me to accept or reject. If fear was too strong in me at that time, they left it there for when I was ready.

I have met many teachers over the years and sometimes I met teachers I couldn’t work with. That does not mean there is anything wrong with them, but only that they were not for me. This is why there are many teachers. The ones that are for us will be brought into our sphere. Jesus tells us that as teachers our students are waiting for us. This applies both ways. As students, our teachers are available to us when we are ready for them. It is in this way, teacher to student and student to teacher that we find our way home together.

Text
“When I said that the Holy Spirit’s function is to sort out the true from the false in your mind, I meant that He has the power to look into what you have hidden and recognize the Will of God there. His recognition of this Will can make it real to you because He is in your mind, and therefore He is your reality. If, then, His perception of your mind brings its reality to you, He is helping you to remember what you are.” T-9.I.4

Oh my! Do you see what Jesus is saying here? In my mind is the truth, in my mind is my true will, the Will of God, and as I am willing to accept His help, the Holy Spirit looks with me and I see it, too. Because the Holy Spirit is in my mind, I become aware of my true will which is the Will of God. The only thing standing between my awareness of the truth and the separated will of ego is the fear that knowing my Self is a loss.

When I think of salvation in these terms, it all seems so simple and so accessible. I hear the Voice for God very clearly and I hear it every day so I am convinced that the Holy Spirit is in my mind. Now Jesus is telling me that all He has to do to bring me to full awareness is to look into what I have hidden and recognize the Will of God there. It feels so close and so possible when I think of this. I’ve cried three times just writing this.

So this is what has been happening in my practice! I look at the thoughts and feelings that seem to make up my life and I invite the Holy Spirit to look with me. To the degree I am willing to be known, the Holy Spirit finds God there and shows It to me. I feel like a blind woman whose sight is beginning to return. Or maybe like an insane person who is coming out of her psychosis.

I have been doing exactly what I need to be doing, and I never gave thought to the miracle that is occurring. It was just a practice, and yes, it was changing everything so it was the best practice in the world, but never did I realize the true significance of that practice. It just seemed too simple to be this important.

© 2019, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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