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Gentle Healing Lesson 155, Manual for Teachers, Text.  7-26-19

Lesson 155
I will step back and let Him lead the way.

“The world is an illusion. Those who choose to come to it are seeking for a place where they can be illusions, and avoid their own reality. Yet when they find their own reality is even here, then they step back and let it lead the way. What other choice is really theirs to make? To let illusions walk ahead of truth is madness. But to let illusion sink behind the truth and let the truth stand forth as what it is, is merely sanity.”

I am determined to know my Self and to let that Self lead the way. But I am not waiting for that total remembrance. I ask for guidance every day. When I notice that I am not at peace, I go back over my thoughts. I know that I must have been listening to the ego voice instead and so I choose again.

“Many have chosen to renounce the world while still believing its reality. And they have suffered from a sense of loss, and have not been released accordingly. Others have chosen nothing but the world, and they have suffered from a sense of loss still deeper, which they did not understand.”

There is another path and this is the one I walk. I know the world is not real and so I don’t renounce anything of value, nor do I feel attached to it, because why cling to an illusion. It is sometimes difficult to live in the world but not be of it, but that difficulty is lessening all the time. It requires practice and commitment. And most helpful is turning away from it for a little while every day. At least these are the steps that are helping me to remember reality even while I am experiencing the illusion.

“Walk safely now, yet carefully, because this path is new to you. And you may find that you are tempted still to walk ahead of truth, and let illusions be your guide. Your holy brothers have been given you, to follow in your footsteps as you walk with certainty of purpose to the truth. It goes before you now, that they may see something with which they can identify; something they understand to lead the way.”

I do walk carefully because I am aware that I can still slip into ego thinking. I remain vigilant for this but in a more relaxed way than before. I understand now that vigilance does not mean I watch every thought or that I work hard at this. Vigilance to me now is the practice of being receptive to guidance. Suddenly, I notice a judgmental thought. It is probably not the first ego thought that has crossed my mind, but it is the one that I noticed. This is my Inner Guide pointing it out to me because this is the one I am to release now.

My motivation for this work is peace of mind in every moment and awakening to my true Self. But I am also motivated to help my brothers awaken to Love’s presence because what good does it do me if they are not awakened as well. This desire to let my life be a guiding light for my holy brothers is as strong a motivation as my own awakening.

“Step back in faith and let truth lead the way. You know not where you go. But One Who knows goes with you. Let Him lead you with the rest.”

I know I must be closer to awakening than I was before because I am perfectly happy to admit that I don’t know where I am going. I am sure that knowledge is in me as my Self, but it is not available to me at this time. Why would I try to lead myself if I am lost? That makes no sense. I do have a guide and that guide gladly leads away from illusions and to the truth. I would but follow. This is our final journey and each of us does it for us all. “We must not lose our way. For as truth goes before us, so it goes before our brothers who will follow us.”

“We walk to God. Pause and reflect on this. Could any way be holier, or more deserving of your effort, of your love and of your full intent?”

Jesus wants us to be aware of the importance and the sacredness of this journey we make. He wants us to become fully committed to this effort. I’m with you, Brother.

“Your feet are safely set upon the road that leads the world to God. Look not to ways that seem to lead you elsewhere.”

I agree that I am on the right path and am devoted to that path. I do sometimes get distracted by the mundane and take a side trip. I do this when I worry about one of my kids, or when I get obsessed with body things, and occasionally when I start trying to provide for myself. But I notice this happening and I pretty quickly let it go and remember my purpose which is never about the body or making plans and decisions with the ego. It is never about fixing others or being afraid for them. As soon as I become willing to step back and ask my holy Self what to do next, or for a different way to see this, I am back on my path.

And now He asks but that you think of Him a while each day, that He may speak to you and tell you of His Love, reminding you how great His Trust; how limitless His Love. In your Name and His Own, which are the same, we practice gladly with this thought today:

I will step back and let Him lead the way,
For I would walk along the road to Him.

Regina’s Tips
“Let today be a day of contemplating our willingness to demote self-will in favor of truth. Amen.”

My Thoughts
Self-will is the same thing as ego-will. Truth is the same as willing with God. I am certain that I want to do this. I will bring my attention back to this decision frequently. But I will also walk carefully, not because this path is new to me because it is not, but because I still sometimes get tempted to walk ahead of truth. I will watch my mind for signs that I have slipped into ego so that I can correct my course quickly.

Manual for Teachers
M-15.2:9-13 9 What is your judgment of the world, teacher of God? 10 Have you yet learned to stand aside and hear the Voice of Judgment in yourself? 11 Or do you still attempt to take His role from Him? 12 Learn to be quiet, for His Voice is heard in stillness. 13 And His Judgment comes to all who stand aside in quiet listening, and wait for Him.

The reason there is no order of difficulty in receiving miracles is that the miracle only corrects the illusion and one illusion is not bigger or worse than another. It’s like zero minus zero is still zero. I bring my challenges to the HS and ask Him how to see the problem. He reminds me that there is no problem, only an illusion of a problem. This is His judgment.

There may be something for me to do in the world, and if there is, I will be told. But acting on an illusion does not make it less of an illusion. He will also help me to use the problem as a way to undo more false thoughts, because false or not, they must be undone in my mind. As long as I believe in them they will appear true to me and affect me as if they were true. I gladly stand aside in quiet listening and wait for Him.

Text
T-28.II.8:4 And as he hated his Creator, so the figures in the dream have hated him.
We write in the script that the figures in the dream hate us. We conveniently ‘forget’ that we have done this and this then becomes the ‘proof’ that we are not responsible for making up our own dream. We reverse cause and effect and dream the world is creating us rather than acknowledging that we are the cause of the dream. We are making it up in our minds. 907: The Power of Decision - Cause and Effect

After reading The Reverse of Effect and Cause, I understand more than every why I decided not to use the ego to make my decisions. I want the Holy Spirit to decide for me in everything. I used to be so confused about cause and effect that it was impossible for me to make good decisions, decisions that lead to happiness. I am not so confused anymore, but I do understand that if I listen to ego, I will fall back into confusion. I try always to use only my holy mind, that is, to turn to the Holy Spirit in my mind when making decisions.

I have dreamed of a world that is the opposite of reality, and then deliberately forgot that I am the dreamer. This made it seem that the world made me instead of the other way around. I had turned my back on God and so imagine that the same was happening to me by what I made. Turn about is fair play, I guess. From this point of view, I was certainly going to make more bad choices and feel guiltier and punish myself more severely until I finally died from my choices.

But as I let HS show me that I am the dreamer of the dream, I became open to dreaming something different, something kinder. As I ask the HS to decide for me, He decides on a happier dream and this became the proof I needed to finally accept that I have actually done nothing except dream. Nothing I dream is real and so none of the effects are real. I am innocent and without the belief in guilt, I wake up.

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Gentle Healing Lesson 154, Manual for Teachers, Text.  7-18-19

LESSON 154
I am among the ministers of God.

“It is not our part to judge our worth, nor can we know what role is best for us; what we can do within a larger plan we cannot see in its entirety.”

“And what we think is weakness can be strength; what we believe to be our strength is often arrogance.”

“Whatever your appointed role may be, it was selected by the Voice for God, Whose function is to speak for you as well.”

“He does not work without your own consent. But He is not deceived in what you are, and listens only to His Voice in you.”

I am among the ministers of God, not because of anything that I made of myself, but because of what I am in truth. I doubt myself when I pay attention to the ego thoughts in my mind. I seem to fail in so many things and to be only partially successful in others. But evidently that doesn’t matter.

There is more to me than what I see in this world. If I judge on what I understand, I will judge in error. Fortunately, the Holy Spirit knows who I am and He knows how I can best be utilized in this lifetime for my benefit and for the benefit of the world. He has the whole picture and that helps. He is not confused by my ego imaginings and that helps. Most importantly, He listens only to His Voice in me.

“It is through His ability to hear one Voice which is His Own that you become aware at last there is one Voice in you.”

My confusion about who I am and what I can do and should do stems from the belief that I have two voices and they are both true. Since they are opposite in every way, that I can listen to both and make sense of the world is clearly inaccurate. I know that I have a specific part to fill. I hear that from the Holy Spirit. I think I can fail at that task and that would be really bad because that is what I hear the ego say. Thus, my confusion.

Becoming convinced that there is only one true Voice is what untangles my mind and it is what makes my task simple and certain. Here is what Jesus says about this. “And that one Voice appoints your function, and relays it to you, giving you the strength to understand it, do what it entails, and to succeed in everything you do that is related to it.”

This is the Voice I can trust, and learning to hear (listen to and believe) only this Voice leads me to knowing my Self again. Jesus says this: “Now this mind becomes aware again of Who created it, and of His lasting union with itself. So is its Self the one reality in which its will and that of God are joined.” I haven’t reached that stage yet, where I hear only His Voice, but I have learned to recognize which voice I am listening to and to know that I can change my mind pretty quickly when I believe the ego voice.

“A messenger is not the one who writes the message he delivers. Nor does he question the right of him who does, nor ask why he has chosen those who will receive the message that he brings. It is enough that he accept it, give it to the ones for whom it is intended, and fulfil his role in its delivery. If he determines what the messages should be, or what their purpose is, or where they should be carried, he is failing to perform his proper part as bringer of the Word.”

I used to make the error of thinking I knew what the message should be and who was supposed to get it. This is not an error I make very often anymore. Because I sincerely want to be a messenger of God, I am open and receptive to the message and if I get off track, I feel it and generally stop it before it goes any further.

“The messages that they deliver are intended first for them. And it is only as they can accept them for themselves that they become able to bring them further, and to give them everywhere that they were meant to be.”

Being a teacher of God is not like being an English teacher. I could teach English without even accepting that what I teach is important. I could teach math without believing in it. And, I can teach the words and concepts of the Course without accepting them for myself. But to be the teacher of God that is needed, I must believe in what I teach and fully accept it.

There have been times when someone asked me a question about some concept in the Course and as I struggled to answer it, I discovered that I didn’t really know the answer. If I stop a moment and ask for the answer, I experience an “ah ha” moment and then the words just flow.

This is because in asking for the answer rather than trying to figure it out with my ego mind, I was accepting the answer. I’ve also learned to say that I don’t know when I don’t know. Sometimes in that moment, I am given the answer and then I do know because I have accepted it.

Another way I have seen this work is that on occasion I have been asked to help someone see a situation differently, and I have had to suggest a different person they could talk to. This is because the situation they are in is something that has not been resolved in my own mind. I cannot share what is not mine. My confusion would not be helpful to their understanding.

For a while, I was not able to see past the president’s personality to the truth of his being.

When someone would ask how to see him, I had nothing for them. When finally, I realized how destructive to my own peace of mind this attitude was, I asked for healing. Now, I am able to be helpful in this situation. I have become the first receiver and so I am able to give as I am led to do so. I still pause to ask for guidance, but now I am also able to receive that guidance.

Now here is a really important point. Jesus says: “You are appointed now. And yet you wait to give the messages you have received. And so you do not know that they are yours, and do not recognize them. No one can receive and understand he has received until he gives. For in the giving is his own acceptance of what he received.”

If we are reading this, we have already been appointed as a messenger of God. Those who are to receive from us have already been chosen. We have the message. If we are not aware of that message, we have not yet stepped up and accepted our role. Give the message to know the message. Give the message to know your role as messenger.

When I first accepted my role, I was not confident in my ability to properly share the message, but I was willing and so I pushed through my doubt and my considerable fear, and I delivered the message. It was in doing so that I truly received. Even though I was not the writer of the message, I was willing to accept that while I might be unsure of myself, I was certain of the Source and so I gave the message. This is what made it mine. Giving it was the final step in the process.

“We practice giving Him what He would have, that we may recognize His gifts to us. He needs our voice that He may speak through us. He needs our hands to hold His messages, and carry them to those whom He appoints. He needs our feet to bring us where He wills, that those who wait in misery may be at last delivered. And He needs our will united with His Own, that we may be the true receivers of the gifts He gives.”

Regina’s Tips
Everything that Regina said helped to clarify and emphasize this lesson. This is her complete writing about this lesson and all I have to say about it, is that I agree with what she said and I live it to the best of my ability. If there is any part that is still a challenge for me, it is that I sometimes listen to the ego’s judgments of myself as a minister of God.

Today’s workbook lesson is a calling. All are called. The question is, who will answer?

In order to answer the call, there are certain requirements.

We must let go of judging of ourselves. This includes letting go of judging if we are ready for service, if we are worthy of service, and what our role of service should be. This means that an emptying out needs to occur. We need to let go of who we think we are, what we think we want, and what we think our strengths and weaknesses are. We need to be open and willing, and nothing more. Anything that we add to that, like ideas about what our service should be, will likely come from ego.

I am reminded of Eckhart Tolle’s story. He experienced an awakening, and then he spent the better part of the next two years sitting on a park bench in London in a state of bliss. And then guidance began to come. He was guided to move to the west coast of the USA, although he did not know why. So he went. Later it unfolded that he wrote a book, The Power of Now, and his role as a teacher began.

If you look at Eckhart’s story, you can see that he did not pick his role. He also was not searching for his role. He was happy just to be. When the first step in his function came, which was to move, he moved. At that point there was no more to it. The feeling came to move, and so he moved.

Are we willing to have no ideas of our own? Are we willing to simply be here now, following whatever prompts there are in the moment, without planning what our part will be?

We must be willing to say ‘yes,’ even though we have no idea how we will succeed. Today’s Course lesson says, “And that one Voice appoints your function, and relays it to you, giving you the strength to understand it, do what it entails, and to succeed in everything you do that is related to it.”When you receive your guidance, it is likely you won’t know how you will accomplish it. You may not have the knowledge, skill, resources or money needed. That’s not your concern. A part of how you will learn that there is something bigger than your little self is to say ‘yes’, and then watch how everything is provided. It’s such a marvelous experience! But it is an experience that can only be had if you say ‘yes.’

You must realize that your service is for you. It doesn’t matter if you are made a teacher, a writer, a musician, a bookkeeper, a housekeeper, an event organizer, etc. You may be able to see how your function serves others, but what is most important is that you notice how your function serves to awaken you. Where are the opportunities to let go of your way of thinking? Where are the opportunities to increase trust? Where are the opportunities to let go of self-will and increase surrender? Whatever form of service you are given, your awakening is its first purpose. Always remember its first purpose, and let your function do its job on you.

You must also realize that your service is not just for you. Its first purpose is receiving for your own awakening, but its second purpose is giving. All energy is a flow, and in order for a flow to be effective, it must continue to flow. So you will receive from your service, and then you will give. And you will continue to receive, and you will continue to give. This is the flow.It is important to realize that you do not decide how you will give. A trick of the ego can come at this stage. Even if you were careful enough to let go of judging yourself (#1 above), to say ‘yes’ (#2) and to see your function as for you (#3), the ego may try to trick you at this point by convincing you that you are now mature enough to know what is best; now you can decide what to give and how to give it. This is a very common ego trick and one that is to be watched for. It is the ego trying to reestablish itself in your mind. Keep in mind that the way to successfully give is to continually repeat steps 1-3 above.

Today I ask that you contemplate what I have shared above. Everyone has a function to be fulfilled. As today’s lesson says, “He needs our voice that He may speak through us. He needs our hands to hold His messages, and carry them to those whom He appoints. He needs our feet to bring us where He wills, that those who wait in misery may be at last delivered. And He needs our will united with His Own, that we may be the true receivers of the gifts He gives.”

You may already know your function, and you have delayed saying ‘yes.’ You may not yet know your function, but it may come to you soon. Or it may not be time for you to know your function yet. Regardless of your specific situation, a deep contemplation of today’s workbook lesson will prepare you to fulfill your role, whatever it may be.

Manual for Teachers
M-9.1:8-9 Relationships in particular must be properly perceived, and all dark cornerstones of unforgiveness removed. 9 Otherwise the old thought system still has a basis for return.

There has been so much healing in my relationships. I was talking to my brother yesterday and the topic of our children came up. What came out of my mouth is that my children’s lives are none of my business. I was surprised at that and happy to realize that it is true. The ego has found this part of my life to be such a handy hook for getting me back into the old thought system that it has not give it up. I notice thoughts about my kids, things I could be worried about, things I used to check on or offer advice about and I see that I no longer do that. I feel a little tug to call one of them and ask how things are going, and the desire fades. I am here for them as I am for anyone who wants to talk, and if they need my help with something, I am thrilled to provide it. But I don’t feel any need to fix them or guide them. I have forgiven that thought, that ego need to do something. Is it possible something will change and I will jump into the old way of seeing things? I guess it is but I am OK with that. I know what to do now with those beliefs.

Text
III. The Holy Encounter, P4
4 When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself. As you think of him you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. Whenever two Sons of God meet, they are given another chance at salvation. Do not leave anyone without giving salvation to him and receiving it yourself. For I am always there with you, in remembrance of you.

This is one of my favorite paragraphs in the Course. When I read it, I feel like crying, it makes me so happy to know that salvation is only as far away as the next encounter with a brother. It makes me so grateful for my brothers and so happy to remember that we are not these separate individuals with each our own different goals, our own private thoughts and our own needs that are in opposition to each other. We are part of each other, and part of our Creator.

We each have a part in this play of life and so it seems that we are sometimes stranger and sometimes enemy, but in Real Life, we must laugh at such a ridiculous idea. Today, even from within the story, I will laugh at such folly. I ask the Holy Spirit to show me the Son of God in each encounter with a brother. I am willing to set aside what my character thinks of as her personal needs and personal goals and personal will, and see my brother for Who He is.

Maybe Spirit will use this opportunity to bring into my sphere of influence some brother who is ready to be reminded of his true self, and our meeting, brief as it may be, will awaken an ancient memory of Unity. And maybe that memory will be with us from now on, to never be completely lost again. Every encounter with a brother is a holy one, but today, Jesus, I will remember this, and I am appreciative that you are there with me, helping me.

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Gentle Healing Lesson 153 Part 2, Manual for Teachers, Text.  7-8-19

Gentle Healing Lesson 153 Part 2
“We look past dreams today, and recognize that we need no defense because we are created unassailable, without all thought or wish or dream in which attack has any meaning.”

Be still a moment, and in silence think how holy is your purpose, how secure you rest, untouchable within its light. … And who could be more mightily protected?

In my everyday life, I see that this holds true for me. When I am afraid and defending myself, I feel attacked even when there is no attack. I feel vulnerable to attack not yet seen. For instance, when I think about my mom and her sister dying from Alzheimer’s if I follow that thought, I begin to worry about myself.

I am attracted to articles claiming the latest research and maybe adding another supplement to my daily regime because the claim is that it might help prevent that disease. This kind of defense seems natural and necessary to the ego mind, but all that it is doing is destroying my peace of mind and leading me away from Heaven.

On the other hand, when I remember that it is in my defenselessness that my safety lies, I hand the future over to the Holy Spirit. I surrender my mind to His use and I don’t have to think about it anymore or worry about it. It is no longer in my hands, as if it ever were, really. I am at peace, and happy and closer to knowing my Self and living from that Self. Ultimately, living from my true Self all the time, I can be completely defenseless at all times and at all times I will be in peace.

“Now we cannot fear, for we have left all fearful thoughts behind.”
Jesus leaves us this major clue in case we are unsure how to ensure defenselessness. Can I stop thinking fearful thoughts? I have not achieved that state as of yet, but when I think back to what my life used to be, I see such a difference that I know it is possible. I used to be afraid of everything. I tried to defend myself from every possible bad outcome, being careful, always on the alert for disaster, buying more insurance. None of these defenses did anything for me other than to make me more nervous.

Now I have learned that I have choices about my thoughts. I notice a fear thought and I decide if I am going to follow that thought or let it go. As I do this more and more often, I see that it has made a difference in my peace of mind and that the fear thoughts have slowed down. I suppose that is because I am not so interested. The only way to stop them completely is to remember my Self. My Self knows Who it is and knows no fear. My Self knows my choices here will not hurt who I am.

“It is the function of God’s ministers to help their brothers choose as they have done. …For you will not see the light, until you offer it to all your brothers. As they take it from your hands, so will you recognize it as your own.”

Over and over throughout the Course, Jesus tells us that to have Heaven, I must help my brothers achieve Heaven. How do I help my brothers? The most helpful thing I can do is to remember my Self or as Jesus says, my only function is to accept the Atonement for myself. I know that when I interact with those who have done is, I feel stronger and more certain myself.

When I have a challenge and need help with it, I turn to those who no longer believe in problems.

But even now, though I have not awakened fully, I have the opportunity to be helpful. When someone shares their problem with me, I don’t commiserate. I don’t help them look in the world a solution. Instead, I offer what works for me. I help them find the root cause. I offer forgiveness solutions. I help them see another way to approach the issue, a way that does not foster more fear. As I do this, my faith grows stronger and it is easier for me to see the truth the next time I am challenged.

“Salvation can be thought of as a game that happy children play.”

The world is not real, it is an illusion, a virtual playground that we enter through our thoughts. With thoughts that are in alignment with the thoughts of God, we can enter through the fun house and play games of salvation. Or with thoughts of the ego, thoughts of guilt and fear, we can enter through the dark gate and into the creep show.

We buy the ticket we want with our thoughts. So, I watch my thoughts and I watch my words. They will tell me what it is I believe and what I believe is what I want. I have learned which thoughts to encourage and which thoughts to release. It doesn’t have to feel like a deathly serious game. We are perfectly safe no matter which choice we make. Death is not real.

But, if we want a more pleasant experience, we can play the game consistently choosing those thoughts which keep us going in the direction that brings us more happiness, and closer to the gate that takes us out of the game. I used to watch my thoughts and forgive the ones that were not true, but I did it with a vengeance as if my every poor choice was the sin that would condemn me to hell forever. I would make a choice for ego thinking and I would double-down on the error by feeling guilty for it.

Now, I spin the wheel and whatever comes up is good. Either I will choose the thought that will bring me closer to happiness, or I will choose the one that will bring me something I don’t want. Either way, I win because I learn through contrast. I choose God and I receive joy and peace. I choose ego and what I get causes me to suffer and I learn what it is I don’t want the next time. It’s a win-win. I don’t have a choice about playing the game, but I can choose to play it consistency with curiosity and with a light heart knowing that in the end, I cannot lose.

“Today our theme is our defenselessness. We clothe ourselves in it, as we prepare to meet the day. We rise up strong in Christ, and let our weakness disappear, as we remember that His strength abides in us. We will remind ourselves that He remains beside us through the day, and never leaves our weakness unsupported by His strength. We call upon His strength each time we feel the threat of our defenses undermine our certainty of purpose. We will pause a moment, as He tells us, “I am here.”

Manual for Teachers
I don’t understand the world. I don’t understand anything about it because I have been trying to understand with the ego thinking mind. The ego can’t help me see what is really here because the ego doesn’t know what is really here. It only knows what it wants to see here and so that is all it can show me. The ego is interested in only separation and separation breeds anger, fear, guilt, pain, suffering of every kind, and death. It offers small doses of fleeting pleasure, and just enough satisfaction to keep us from seeking elsewhere.

When I try to imagine what the world is like without the ego, I imagine all living things existing in harmony in the Garden of Eden, paradise. This is the real world, the world of peace, and it exists this very moment right behind the world of the ego. We can’t see paradise because we are focused outward at the illusion, and paradise is within. However, my experience has been that I can live a much happier, more peaceful dream as I learn to disregard the ego and focus on what the HS shows me instead. I heard Kevin Rice say it this way: Don’t follow that thought!!! It is thought believed that causes suffering, so don’t believe the ego thoughts and don’t give them your attention. If the ego is showing us hell and we want paradise, then we have to stop following the ego into hell.

Text
Be humble before Him, and yet great in Him.

What I think this means to me is that it is God in me that is great and that works through me. It is not the ego in me that is holy, but rather it is in undoing the ego that I am released from littleness and can take my place beside Jesus in saving the world. Yes, the power of God is in me and it is through this power that we perform miracles as is His Will and our will, too. But I cannot use that power if I am trying to manipulate the world using the ego mind.

That is the difference between God’s plan for salvation and my ego plan. In my ego plan, I look at the effects of ego thinking and try to save these effects using more ego thoughts. Today, in doing Lesson 347, I was reminded of how we misunderstand salvation. Here is what I wrote.

Something that helped me to see what I have been doing is a message from the Holy Spirit shared by Regina Dawn Akers, in which He was helping her see that she uses her body as a depository for her sense of unworthiness. The way she explained it is that she looks at her body and feels unworthy and thinks it is the body that makes her feel this way. The Holy Spirit helped her to see that it works the other way around. She feels unworthy, projects it onto the body and then she can hope to improve the body and thereby become worthy. It is her plan for salvation. When I read this it was like a bright light came on in a darkened room.

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Gentle Healing Lesson 153, Manual for Teachers, Text.  7-1-19

Gentle Healing Lesson 153
In my defenselessness my safety lies.

“You who feel threatened by this changing world, its twists of fortune and its bitter jests, its brief relationships and all the “gifts” it merely lends to take away again; attend this lesson well. The world provides no safety. It is rooted in attack, and all its “gifts” of seeming safety are illusory deceptions. It attacks, and then attacks again. No peace of mind is possible where danger threatens thus.”

Anyone who has had a sudden inexplicable disease or accident knows that the world provides no safety against this. It is the same with finances. You can have the best plan in the world and save and invest wisely, and still, have it all come tumbling down even though there was no flaw in your strategy. Relationships crumble, people you love die. The world provides no safety and that is just a fact.

“The world gives rise but to defensiveness. For threat brings anger, anger makes attack seem reasonable, honestly provoked, and righteous in the name of self-defense. Yet is defensiveness a double threat. For it attests to weakness, and sets up a system of defense that cannot work. Now are the weak still further undermined, for there is treachery without and still a greater treachery within. The mind is now confused, and knows not where to turn to find escape from its imaginings.”

When things seem to go wrong with our plans, we can become angry or depressed, which is two sides of the same coin. In anger, we project our guilt outward in an attempt to defend ourselves. In depression, we project the guilt on ourselves which is a different kind of defense, one in which we punish ourselves in hopes of preventing further punishment from without (from God).

When we think we are victimized and unfairly treated we feel justified in defending ourselves. We think this is going to get us something we want, but the only thing it gets us is more unhappiness and more fear because the need for defense seems to prove we need defense. Not only do we feel attacked from without, but now we feel attacked from within because nothing we do helps and we are left confused.

“It is as if a circle held it fast, wherein another circle bound it and another one in that, until escape no longer can be hoped for nor obtained. Attack, defense; defense, attack, become the circles of the hours and the days that bind the mind in heavy bands of steel with iron overlaid, returning but to start again. There seems to be no break nor ending in the ever-tightening grip of the imprisonment upon the mind.”

How have we endured this for so long? How could we have been so blind to what was actually happening for so long? In my past marriage, it seemed to me like my husband was the cause of all the misery I felt and I was constantly defending against his attacks on my peace. Even as a Course student, I failed to see the obvious, that whatever he did it was my mind that was making me miserable. It was my defenses that were binding me to the misery I suffered. It was my own thoughts and my continual defenses causing the confusion that was keeping me from seeing my part and thus releasing myself.

“You do not realize what you have done to sabotage the holy peace of God by your defensiveness. For you behold the Son of God as but a victim to attack by fantasies, by dreams, and by illusions he has made; yet helpless in their presence, needful only of defense by still more fantasies, and dreams by which illusions of his safety comfort him.”

This was me in my marriage. I felt attacked and attacked in return as if my defenses could somehow save me from my own thoughts. This world is my illusion, the image of beliefs in my mind projected outward, seen as real and defended as true. Then I pretend that I don’t know where it all came from as if it has nothing to do with me.

Instead, I pretend that I am being acted upon by someone else and so it must be their fault. This is what I was doing to my husband. I was using him as the scapegoat for my own choices, and at the same time, I was teaching us both that we are helpless against the dreams of our desires. This is what I do every time I defend myself. I scare myself and I lose myself and I feel helpless against a hopeless situation.

“Defenselessness is strength. It testifies to recognition of the Christ in you. Perhaps you will recall the text maintains that choice is always made between Christ’s strength and your own weakness, seen apart from Him. Defenselessness can never be attacked, because it recognizes strength so great attack is folly, or a silly game a tired child might play, when he becomes too sleepy to remember what he wants.”

This was the answer to the self-made prison in which I found myself in my marriage. I was not able to come to this realization while I was in the marriage, but once out of it, I did the work necessary to heal the relationship. I remembered that defenselessness is strength. I remembered that I had been choosing my own weakness but that I could choose Christ’s strength because it is mine to choose.

Once I realized this and made up my mind that the peace of God was far more important to me than being right, it was just a matter of letting the grievances come up and meeting them armored in love instead of blame. Through the strength of God in me, I was able to release my defenses and see all of the acts that I had once decided were unforgivable as simply unimportant.

“For our true purpose is to save the world, and we would not exchange for foolishness the endless joy our function offers us. We would not let our happiness slip by because a fragment of a senseless dream happened to cross our minds, and we mistook the figures in it for the Son of God; its tiny instant for eternity.”

When my husband and I were married there was absolutely no way either one of us could have acted differently, working from the beliefs we both held at that time. More importantly, none of it was Reality. It was all a dream, an ancient memory we had put before our eyes so we could perhaps see it differently this time. And even the first time around it was just thoughts of something impossible, thoughts of something different from Reality.

There are moments within the day in which I play those childish games of defense, but I am very aware of them now and so change my mind as quickly as possible. For instance, I have times, though rarely, when I start to worry about money and my defense is to plan ways to earn more or spend less or something else within the world. I can even become angry with (defend against) someone who owes me money and has not paid me or may not pay me. But when this happens, I recognize it for what it is. I am not letting my happiness slip by because a fragment of a senseless dream happened to cross my mind.

Manual for Teachers
Because I desire healing and to heal and because I am willing to do my part to achieve this, I am vigilant for judgments in my mind and as quickly as I can I let them go. The peace I experience and the peace that those around me tend to experience is witness to my role as healer.

Here is something that has been important to me in this process. If I find myself judging a person or a situation the temptation is to remove myself from what I am judging to relieve myself of that discomfort. But I don’t do that. The person or situation is my savior and I will lose my opportunity to be saved if I distance myself.

Text
I am as God created me, and I am this eternally without exception. I am like God because God created me like Him. Nothing that is unlike God exists. “Nothing beyond Him can happen, because nothing except Him is real.” So all the things I see and do and believe cannot be real if they are unlike God. I must be dreaming, living an illusion.

Because of what I am as God’s Son, I can choose to experience even that which is not real. If I am experiencing something, it is because I chose to do so.  My holy mind establishes everything that happens to me. My responses to what happens to me are determined by my perceptions and my perceptions are determined by my mind. I am completely responsible in every way for all that I see and how I see it.

Perhaps at one time this would have felt oppressive. I do remember feeling overwhelmed at times and asking Holy Spirit to help me. Two things happened that helped me to see it all differently, and to accept the responsibility that is clearly mine. The first was that I realized I am responsible for the world I see, but I am not guilty for it.

The only reason I was running from the responsibility, trying to project it onto others is because I thought I was guilty. It was the guilt that was oppressing me, not the responsibility. Once I realized that I could not be guilty, and could accept at least to some degree that I am the completely free Son of God and can have any experience I want, I felt the burden of guilt lift and I could breathe again.

Once I was not afraid of my responsibility I could see that this knowledge was my salvation. If I am responsible for everything that means I can change my mind and undo what has been done. If my holy mind established everything I presently see, it can establish that which I now prefer to see. I do this through the Holy Spirit in my mind.

And that brings me to the second really important understanding. I do not heal my mind; the Holy Spirit does that on my behalf. I have an essential role to play, and that is to understand I need healing and then to desire and accept that healing. The rest is accomplished without my help. I think of this as setting aside all thinking, all active participation. I sit quietly in God and invite healing to take place. I open to healing and I allow it to happen.

It sounds so easy, and it is easy. Yet, I still some resistance, but not much. I see the ego mind trying to take a bigger part, but I don’t fall for that anymore. I used to fear that nothing this easy could be valuable but I have through practice come to realize the value of doing my simple part. I used to see myself choosing to stay in the story, trying to find a solution there, being the one who succeeds. But now more often than not, I see myself returning, over and over, to that quiet place in my mind, inviting the truth to join me there.

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