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Study of the Text 4-3-13

4-3-13
3 When you lack confidence in what someone will do, you are attesting to your belief that he is not in his right mind. This is hardly a miracle-based frame of reference. It also has the disastrous effect of denying the power of the miracle. The miracle perceives everything as it is. If nothing but the truth exists, right-minded seeing cannot see anything but perfection. I have said that only what God creates or what you create with the same Will has any real existence. This, then, is all the innocent can see. They do not suffer from distorted perception.

For the last two days I have had an experience of lacking confidence in what someone will do. A friend has been sick and I have experienced confusion about it. In my mind I have had thoughts about what she is doing wrong, about what she is thinking that is wrong. Then I would want to school her and get her back on the right track. I would want to use whatever means I could to bring her to good health. I was tempted to use guilt, to make her feel wrong so she would change her behavior.

Even as all of this was going through my mind, I knew it was not right-minded thinking and that it meant I was an unhealed healer. I had prayed for her, but I was now the one in need of healing. For a while I was in that uncomfortable place where I knew I needed a change of mind but was having trouble taking my eye off the thing that scared me. I was in conflict and conflict causes fear, and fear causes confusion.

So here is what I did. Since I was now the unhealed healer, I asked for help. I opened myself to the Atonement and asked that Love heal my mind. Then I asked that I be guided to right-minded words and actions. I was told to just focus on love and anything I needed to say or do would come through me. I felt immediate peace and it was such a relief. I’m not used to being in confusion anymore and have little tolerance for it.

The next thing that happened is that I began to feel the love I have for my friend. This was real love that believed in her and trusted her. It was love without fear and judgment. I felt a strong desire to tell my friend how much I love her, so I acted on that guidance and called her. I felt kind of silly just calling out of nowhere and telling her that I love her very much and just wanted her to know. But I knew I was supposed to.

I did feel awkward at first, but she responded positively and it was a short but loving conversation. In that moment she and I joined in perfect agreement on this one thing. It was a holy instant. Later her caretaker told me she was responding better today. I felt like it was our shared moment of allowing love that changed things.

Of course the ego mind thought it was responsible and started thinking of things it could do to keep the momentum going. I recognized this for what it was and brought the desire to “do” something to the Holy Spirit. I received another strong message. It said, “When you think about her clear your mind of everything except love.” Well, ok. The ego hates not having anything to decide and nothing to do, but it makes me feel very peaceful to follow this guidance.

So this morning as I read this paragraph I realize that I just went through a practice of regaining confidence in my friend through the healing of my own mind. It’s funny when I think of it, to realize that I thought she needed to see things differently and all along it was me that needed a change of mind.

How will it turn out for my friend? Will her body heal? I don’t know. I don’t know how her story will unfold or where her lessons will take her. I don’t feel upset about that, nor am I suffering from the misconception that I know how it needs to happen. I trust her and I trust the Guide that gently plans each step of our way home.

I trust that she is healed and that she will accept her healing when she is ready for it. Just because she has not accepted it today, or even in this lifetime, does not in any way alter the healing. It seems my only job is to love her and to trust in the miracle that has occurred through our love. If I allow lack of trust to obscure the miracle again, I will simply ask for healing of my mind.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 4-2-13

4-2-13
2 Innocence is not a partial attribute. It is not real until it is total. The partly innocent are apt to be quite foolish at times. It is not until their innocence becomes a viewpoint with universal application that it becomes wisdom. Innocent or true perception means that you never misperceive and always see truly. More simply, it means that you never see what does not exist, and always see what does.

When I read this paragraph I felt a longing for innocence to be total, to look at innocence no matter what seems to be happening. I felt a prayer rise up in me, but I also felt sadness, because I feel like I am so far from this goal. Nothing is beautiful when I project guilt on it and I do this so often. One of the things I have been doing lately to help me choose differently is to call it guilt when it is guilt.

Here is an example of what I mean. I hear myself say, “If only I could see innocence everywhere.” Then I say what I really mean. “I am guilty of seeing what does not exist.” Now that I see the error clearly, I can ask that Love heal me of the belief in guilt. Here is another one. “I wish my friend were not sick.” What I am really saying is that my friend is guilty of making me feel bad. Could that be true? I look at it without flinching and I see that it is.

I see that if I continue to believe in guilt, I will see guilt everywhere. It is like I wear “guilt glasses” so that it is not possible to see anything through them without also seeing guilt. Wearing guilt glasses every time I see someone with breathing problems I will wonder if they smoke, or to say this more honestly, I will wonder if that person is guilty of smoking and causing the problem.

Wearing these glasses, I read the paper and I think how awful, how sad, how ridiculous. I hear about a politician making choices I can’t understand and I wonder if he took a bribe, or if he is just self-serving. Every thought that expresses a wish that things were different than they are is an expression of guilt. It is a wish for someone or some thing to be guilty.

It starts to feel overwhelming. How do I stop thinking like this? How do I stop finding everyone and everything guilty? Recognizing that it is not this person or that thing that is the problem is the first step. For instance, my friend who is sick is not the problem. It is the belief in guilt that is the problem. While I believe in guilt, seeing her sick makes me fearful and so it seems to be her fault I feel so bad.

Without guilt my friend is sick. I give her my attention, my prayers, my love. I notice any thoughts that this is real and ask that my mind be healed so I can continue to be helpful to her. With guilt someone is to blame. Without guilt, the story continues to unfold and I use each moment as an opportunity to be the love that I am. Without guilt all moments are peaceful. With guilt, all moments are a battle. It is not the moment that is a problem. It is the guilt.

Here is what I am doing now. I notice that I am blaming myself or someone else or some situation. I know this must be a mistake because there is only innocence. There is only God and God is not guilty, so there cannot be anything but innocence. If I see something besides innocence there is a need for the Atonement. I open my mind and invite Love to enter. I ask that Love heal my mind of anything that is not like Itself.

The mind that believes in guilt and values guilt will not want to accept this. It will want to make exceptions so that it can hold onto guilt. It will want to say that my friend is not doing everything she can to help herself get well. It will say that the politician really is unscrupulous and that there is proof this is true. This ego mind that loves separation and specialness will cling to its judgments and find many uses for guilt.

I will disregard them all. No exceptions, no excuses; just innocence no matter what. How do I respond? With love, no matter what. What do I do when I notice the desire to judge and to find guilty? I forgive it. I forgive myself. I forgive my projections. I do this by accepting the Atonement, by accepting the healing power of Love. It is simple.

Every time I do this, I wipe another smudge of guilt off my glasses and I see things differently. I see more clearly. I see love instead of guilt because love was there all the time; it was simply obscured by the belief in guilt. As the belief in guilt is healed, the ego’s effort to convince me that guilt has a place and is justified becomes ridiculous.

I know this is true because right now I look through partially cleaned glasses, so I know what it looks like to see the world without guilt laid over it. But there is still enough guilt smears on my glasses that I have to squint to find that clear field of vision.  No problem. It just means there are plenty of opportunities to accept the Atonement and all that is needed is the willingness to do it. I am willing.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 4-1-13

4-1-13
II. Miracles as True Perception
1 I have stated that the basic concepts referred to in this course are not matters of degree. Certain fundamental concepts cannot be understood in terms of opposites. It is impossible to conceive of light and darkness or everything and nothing as joint possibilities. They are all true or all false. It is essential that you realize your thinking will be erratic until a firm commitment to one or the other is made. A firm commitment to darkness or nothingness, however, is impossible. No one has ever lived who has not experienced some light and some thing. No one, therefore, is able to deny truth totally, even if he thinks he can.

It was when I really understood that my commitment had to be total that the most recent shifts in my understanding occurred. Even though Jesus tells us this early in the Course, I just could not seem to grasp the idea for a long time. I am so used to the idea of “choices” that I could not understand a lack of degree, or the idea of no opposites.

Maybe the first time I began to accept that there could be no opposite or degree was when I read Lesson 152, The power of decision is my own. It says in part:

1 No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants. And no one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is.

2 You may believe that this position is extreme, and too inclusive to be true. Yet can truth have exceptions? If you have the gift of everything, can loss be real? Can pain be part of peace, or grief of joy? Can fear and sickness enter in a mind where love and perfect holiness abide? Truth must be all-inclusive, if it be the truth at all. Accept no opposites and no exceptions, for to do so is to contradict the truth entirely.

3 Salvation is the recognition that the truth is true, and nothing else is true.

I was a long way from fully accepting this as true when I read it, but something in me responded to this Lesson.  Some part of me recognized the truth of it and knew how important these words were. Of course, the ego responded by reminding me that if this is true, then I am one guilty woman. It completely ignored that it was saying that I can only be what God created and everything else must be false. All the ego mind heard was that I had made a mess of things and had no one but myself to blame. Even so, I recognized that this lesson was my way Home.

At first, I spent some time insisting there must be exceptions to it. After all, there were so many things that have been part of my life that have nothing to do with me and my actions, and so many things I could not possibly be responsible for. I did finally come around to understanding that this Lesson was absolutely true, but to do that, I had to first accept that it is true always and in every case no matter what it looks like. I had to learn to disregard appearances and know that Jesus would not say this unless it was true.

From this place of rock steady faith, I was led to understandings so that I was finally able to see how it can be that I am responsible for all things in my awareness, and how knowing this can help me let go of the things that are not true. I learned to accept no opposites and no exceptions. When I became confused and could not understand how it is I was responsible, I learned not to say this can’t be true, but instead I would say, “How could this be true?” This represents a simple change in attitude, but the change that made the difference.

I am now firmly committed to certain principles. This certainty makes it easier to allow my mind to be healed. Yes, sometimes my first thought is that someone is guilty, and preferably someone else, but I don’t believe it and that thought is quickly followed by the conviction that I have but done this to myself and that it is meaningless. I gladly accept the Atonement in this situation and open my heart to Love asking that all I have done be undone.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 3-29-13

3-29-13
8 The innocence of God is the true state of the mind of His Son. In this state your mind knows God, for God is not symbolic; He is Fact. Knowing His Son as he is, you realize that the Atonement, not sacrifice, is the only appropriate gift for God’s altar, where nothing except perfection belongs. The understanding of the innocent is truth. That is why their altars are truly radiant.

I am innocent because God is innocent. As I begin to believe in my innocence, I know God. Often I say that my true desire is to know God, so here is the way it happens. I know myself as innocent and then I know God. I am really drawn to the next part of the sentence. …God is not symbolic; He is Fact. I don’t have anything to say about that, I just feel good when I think about it.

The thing I am happy to know as I read this paragraph is that I am innocent, that God does not want my sacrifice and that what He does want instead, is that I accept the Atonement. This is so simple and so possible that I feel elated when I think about it. I am happy at the thought that all day today, I am going to watch for the opportunity to accept the Atonement in whatever situations arise.

I do realize that there is a part of my mind that simply does not believe in my innocence. This part of the mind (the ego) is convinced that I am very guilty and that my only chance of survival is to avoid God. When my focus is on this part of the mind, I believe in my guilt and it can be hard to let that belief go. In a weird circular way, it seems like my guilt is the only thing protecting me from an angry, vengeful God. If I don’t feel guilty, the ego says, I will foolishly turn to God and He will destroy me.

If the ego would only use these words, I would easily turn from the guilt because it makes no sense. But that’s not the way it happens. I feel a surge of anger when someone offends me in some way. I feel guilty for the anger and I feel guilty that I felt offense in the first place. The whole situation makes me feel guilty and so the ego confirms my guilt.

As I continue to take these thoughts and situations to the Holy Spirit and become willing to accept the Atonement, my mind clears. I realize that guilt is in my mind and is then projected outward as a story of Myron being offended and feeling righteous anger. I feel all of the anger and guilt melt away and I know that nothing really happened.

Guilt, which does not exist, was projected onto a world that does not exist. The person I accused is innocent. I am innocent. We are innocent because nothing happened. Nothing could happen because we are innocent. We are innocent because God is innocent and He created us like Himself. This is where the Atonement brings me every time.

I have been writing about how I am learning that pain is not real and neither are suffering and death. This is still an idea that I am working with. I accept the Atonement each time I feel pain or suffer or believe in death. I keep placing these beliefs on the altar. I keep asking for the Atonement and accepting it to the degree I am able to do so at this time. I am chipping away at the belief and I am watching it crumble.

A few days ago it occurred to me that I can apply this same process to another stubborn belief. I have spent most of my adult life trying to control my weight. Just reading that sentence tells me where the problem lies. I am trying to control the body as if I were it’s victim and as if the body had a mind of it’s own that was in opposition to mine. Well that’s pretty funny, but I still believe it. I know I believe it because I wrote that sentence.

I told the Holy Spirit that I was willing to accept the Atonement in this situation. I am willing to let go of the belief that I am a victim to this problem, and I am willing to let go of the idea there is a problem to begin with. I want to end this war with the body. I want to be healed. I approached this in the same way I do any false idea. I begin by accepting that I do not know what any of this means. I don’t know how it will unfold and what it should look like.

Then I pay close attention to my thoughts about it. I notice which thoughts are not true. (Most of them as it turns out) I ask for the Atonement. I ask that Love come into my mind and heal every error there. I give all the willingness I have to accept that healing. And so I chip away at a belief that has hardened in my mind over a life time. It is giving way.

The surprises: I have so much guilt around the idea of body weight and seem to be willing to believe this guilt is real. I believe that God will ask for a sacrifice for this healing, that he will ask me to give up my hope for a slim body. I bargain with him as I agree to a bigger but not biggest body. Jeez. I have to be honest. I am not only surprised, but somewhat discouraged to find these thoughts in my mind.

Another very stubborn false belief is that food, which doesn’t really exist, can affect the body, which doesn’t really exist, in ways that the mind does not want, and that the mind has little control over the choices being made. Really? The mind is victim to the body’s appetites? I cannot control the mind’s decisions about food choices? Who is this “I” and how could it be that “I” have no control over my choices? This is so crazy I can hardly believe that I believe these things, and yet as I watch my mind, I see that it is true.

The ego says that this is just too confusing and too hard. It counsels me to just let it all go and return to dieting. I have a really good handle on dieting after all these years and I should stick with what works. But I am not listening to the ego. This is not confusing and it is not hard. The only thing that is happening is that I am believing a bunch of untrue thoughts. The solution is the Atonement. I have accepted the Atonement before and I know how to do this and am convinced that it works. I feel so happy and so free when I accept the Atonement that I am highly motivated. In fact, I am excited for another opportunity to remember my innocence.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 3-28-13

3-28-13
7 The Atonement itself radiates nothing but truth. It therefore epitomizes harmlessness and sheds only blessing. It could not do this if it arose from anything but perfect innocence. Innocence is wisdom because it is unaware of evil, and evil does not exist. It is, however, perfectly aware of everything that is true. The resurrection demonstrated that nothing can destroy truth. Good can withstand any form of evil, as light abolishes forms of darkness. The Atonement is therefore the perfect lesson. It is the final demonstration that all the other lessons I taught are true. If you can accept this one generalization now, there will be no need to learn from many smaller lessons. You are released from all errors if you believe this.

Something is happening as I practice accepting the Atonement. It began with the day I truly surrendered to the Atonement. I stood with arms outstretched and welcomed Love into my heart and asked it to heal all it found there. Gently, but steadily, the feeling I experienced at that moment has deepened. Now when I invite that healing power I cry, sometimes uncontrollably. I don’t know what that means exactly, but I suppose it will be revealed in it perfect timing as always.

The Atonement is truth and innocence. It is the only thing here that is real, and it is unaffected by our illusions. It doesn’t acknowledge anything that is not real and so it is like a light being switched on in a dark room. All that is not light simply is not there anymore. And this is exactly what it feels like when I accept the Atonement in a particular situation. A light goes on and all my dark thoughts are gone.

For a couple of days now I have had judgmental thoughts about someone. I went through the usual nonsense of pushing the thoughts away, trying not to notice them. Then when this did not work, I asked for healing, but the problem didn’t seem that urgent as no one was being affected by my unexpressed thoughts. Well, no one but me, but I was pretending that wasn’t happening.

Finally, this morning when I sat down to do today’s study, I asked Jesus to be with me, to tell me what he wanted me to know from this paragraph. He pointed me toward that judgmental thought I had been trying to ignore. Once again I made a half-hearted attempt to let it go, that is I tried to let it go through my own efforts. I saw that this was not working. (Big surprise, there.) So I told Jesus that I could not do this myself and needed help.

I said, “Here I am God. I think this person is guilty. I open my heart to you. Please send Your Love into my heart and heal the guilt that is there.” I noticed that as I envisioned the person I was projecting guilt onto, I felt a heavy sadness to see what I was doing to this dear brother. Once again, I cried as the light shown away the dark thoughts of guilt. It was instant and complete.

When I notice a thought that is not true I try to trivialize it if possible, pretending that it is a small unimportant matter. Then I try to bat it away, to bury it more deeply in my mind where I won’t notice it, or to throw it out of my mind onto someone else so it will seem as if it is no longer mine. But there is no violence in the Atonement. It does not fight back evil. It simply radiates truth and innocence, and it is mine for the asking. Well, actually, it is mine for the acceptance.

First I notice the Atonement is needed. Then I ask for the Atonement. But then, I must accept it. Sometimes I take the first two steps, call it a day and walk away from it. Then I wonder why this problem keeps coming back. ~smile~ This practice of accepting the Atonement is leading me to total acceptance. Jesus says this:

If you can accept this one generalization now, there will be no need to learn from many smaller lessons.

So the daily practice is helping me to generalize the lesson. I am learning that the Atonement is the solution provided by Jesus so that we can all join him in awakening. Through using the Atonement every chance I get I am learning that it works and nothing else does. I am being awakened to the memory of peace and love and joy. At some point, the lesson will be generalized and when this happens, it is done. There will be no more small lessons because I will be released from all errors.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 3-27-13

3-27-13
6 Innocence is incapable of sacrificing anything, because the innocent mind has everything and strives only to protect its wholeness. It cannot project. It can only honor other minds, because honor is the natural greeting of the truly loved to others who are like them. The lamb “taketh away the sins of the world” in the sense that the state of innocence, or grace, is one in which the meaning of the Atonement is perfectly apparent. The Atonement is entirely unambiguous. It is perfectly clear because it exists in light. Only the attempts to shroud it in darkness have made it inaccessible to those who do not choose to see.

This morning as I began this meditative experience, Jesus showed me how pervasive guilt is in my mind. I felt really tired last night and I overslept this morning. When I woke up I was concerned about getting this meditation done and posting it, and still getting to work at a reasonable time. I remembered that time is no more real than anything else and that Jesus knows how to manipulate time, so I gave it to him.

I still felt kind of tired and so I was moving slowly, and I was easily distracted. I took time to read about the Supreme Court considerations of gay marriage and checked out Facebook. Suddenly I realized that it was really late and I had a moment of panic. I read the paragraph for today which talks about guilt.

I wanted to accept Jesus’ help with the time thing because I really was behind now, but I noticed that I hesitated. When I looked at the hesitation, I saw that I felt guilty for getting distracted and wasting time. My guilt said that I did not deserve help because I goofed off instead of getting right to work. And yet, I cannot be guilty, can I? So I asked for the Atonement and suddenly, my asking was very emotional.

I started crying as I asked that my heart be cleaned of the ugly stain of guilt. I know it is of my own making, that God has never called me guilty. It seems like such a little thing, but feeling guilty for spending too much time on Facebook is just a small expression of a huge fear. It is guilt itself leaving a little tiny footprint.

I am not actually asking that the footprint be wiped cleaned. I am asking for the Atonement for guilt itself. My willingness allowed me to see the footprints guilt left behind all day yesterday and I saw the many ways I projected that guilt and fear onto others. No wonder I was so exhausted when I went to bed, and no wonder I woke up tired. I had failed to acknowledge the guilt and fear, and so did not ask for healing.

When I accepted the Atonement this morning, the reason I cried was because I suddenly saw how I had darkened the beauty of my soul with guilt. I did it when I claimed guilt for myself and when I projected guilt onto others. It felt incredibly sad to me in that moment. It also feels like some of the tears are tears of relief because I am not without help.

I cried from gratitude as I realized that Jesus is with me, very literally, and answers me when I call. I can make myself feel guilty and look guilty, but I cannot change my reality. I am innocent. Through the Atonement, the Lamb took away my “sins” so that I could feel my innocence.

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of the Text 3-26-13

3-26-13

5 I have been correctly referred to as “the lamb of God who taketh away the sins of the world,” but those who represent the lamb as blood-stained do not understand the meaning of the symbol. Correctly understood, it is a very simple symbol that speaks of my innocence. The lion and the lamb lying down together symbolize that strength and innocence are not in conflict, but naturally live in peace. “Blessed are the pure in heart for they shall see God” is another way of saying the same thing. A pure mind knows the truth and this is its strength. It does not confuse destruction with innocence because it associates innocence with strength, not with weakness.

This idea that strength and innocence are not in conflict took me a long time to understand and accept. I used to keep a picture of the lion and lamb lying together because I wanted that to be true and I wanted to believe it. But my mind was steeped in fear and I could not let go of the idea that if the lamb was going to hang out with the lion he had better get some body armor and a good sharp sword.

I finally understand now that it is the belief that I am guilty and not innocent that makes me think I am weak and need protection. As I have been learning to allow the guilty beliefs to be healed, I have also let go of the need to defend myself. Here is an example of this. Sometimes when I am doing this writing, something comes through that is not at my level of understanding I feel afraid and defenseless.

In other words, Jesus tells me something I didn’t get from my current understanding of the Course and I am afraid to write it. I do write it down because I have come to trust the Voice within, but I feel a little thrill of fear each time. This is because I am afraid of getting it wrong. I am afraid of being called out on it. It is not a strong fear anymore, but just a shadow of an old fear that used to be strong. In fact it is just a whisper of a fear now, but I still hear the warning voice in my head.

When I used to be very afraid, I felt like I was the metaphoric lamb and the other students of the Course represented the lion. I felt like they would read what I wrote and would “eat me alive” as the lion would the lamb. Or more realistically, would think or say that I was wrong, arrogant, a failed Course student, all the things I sometimes thought about myself. (Projection, right?)

Because of my fear, I would sometimes spend a lot of time trying to find passages in the Course that supported what I said. I would worry over it and argue with myself about posting it. I would doubt myself and think I should just delete the part I didn’t get through my study, but was just given to me. All these things were the weapons of defense I thought I needed because I was guilty and would be found out and attacked for my guilt.

Now, I simply write what I get and enjoy the surprise. It might be that I don’t always get it exactly right, but that’s ok. I am not the sage with all the answers, but the student sharing with fellow students and learning right along with them. I might be criticized or doubted by some and that’s ok, too. It brings up all sorts of useful forgiveness lessons and this is something I welcome for all of us.

I can now lie with the lions and feel peaceful because I don’t feel guilty and don’t expect attack. If attack comes I know that it is a reflection of someone else’s fear and guilt and I know how that feels. If I do feel attacked and react to that attack, I am glad to know that there is something within my own mind that still needs healing. I cannot ask for healing if I don’t know the error is there. It’s all good.

 

© 2013, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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