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God Doesn’t Condemn Me. Why Should I?

I was looking at Lesson 228 this morning. It says that God has condemned me not. No more do I, or in normal language, God doesn’t condemn me, why should I? ~smile~ In a past journal I was wrestling with a fear thought and Holy Spirit had given me a very helpful message. I told Him how I felt and asked for help. Here is an abbreviation of what was said.

Me: How do I shake this off? If God does not condemn me, why should I? Holy Spirit, please help me to understand this differently. I get it on an intellectual level, but my intellect does not serve me here. It simply masks my doubt with all the right words. My heart still contracts at the thought of my “sin.” Holy Spirit, I know all the right words. I don’t want words and intellectual reasoning. I can’t think of anything more symbolic of the ego than just saying all the right words and trying to change my mind through reason. I want to slough off the ego thought of separation from You. I want to slough off the ego thought of unworthiness and condemnation.

Holy Spirit: My dear friend, Do you feel like someone in a fight with themselves, and if you are fighting your self who do you think will win? Surrender the fight. Surrender the struggle. You are sloughing off the ego identity every day. Every day you feel less like the ego and more like your true Self.

The thought in your mind that wants to be separate and autonomous is in resistance, but it is just a small thought in the vastness of your holy mind. It is nothing to fear, and nothing to fight. Surrender. Surrender to the truth. Remember that you are loved, you are loving, and you are Love. Let the struggle and the fight go out of you and allow the gentle arms of Love to wrap around your holy Self. Relax into the Truth. We surround you with love and support and wait patiently for you to accept all the help you are offered. Will you accept the Love of God now? Do you see how easy this is? Merely stop wrestling with yourself, surrender to Love, and allow us to support you.

Well this is funny, because again this morning I find myself looking at a persistent fear thought. For a couple of days it felt heavy and burdensome, but today I understand that this thought is coming up in different ways so that I can see it and let the light of truth shine it away. At first I completely bought into the ego belief that even having the thought in my mind was a sin, and that it meant I was not saved and evidently never would be. This thought, believed, led to fear which made the lie feel more real and more serious.

I knew that this was not right even though I was feeling it. I stayed with the Holy Spirit on it and kept asking for healing and another way to see it.  I began to let it go but it was not immediate. It felt stubborn and as hard to remove as ink on white linen. I kept returning to the thought and felt like I was indeed wrestling with myself. I felt like I had finally won the fight but this morning I noticed that another similar thought on the same subject arose in my mind but this time I remembered that the thought does not define me. It is just a thought. I looked at it and saw that it was not a true thought. End of story.

I could have done that from the first moment I noticed that thought, but I became entangled in the ego belief that having the thought in my mind somehow made me guilty. Now it was not just a thought to examine, but it was a confusion of self-condemnation and guilt added to a wrong minded thought. This is what made it feel like a big deal and difficult to let go. To extract my mind from this I had to relax around the belief and see it as an opportunity to forgive what is in the mind rather than a condemnation of what is in the mind.

This morning there was total clarity. I could not be guilty. The other person could not be guilty. Guilt is just something made up, part of the ego illusion of separation. In the real world there is no guilt at all; it is inconceivable. There is no one to forgive because there is nothing to forgive; not ever. The ego mind keeps throwing out different circumstances to entice me back into the story, but the truth is not to be found in the story.

The story was designed to draw me away from truth. Each time the story returned to mind I looked away from it and back to truth. What shall I believe, the ego or truth?  Looking to the story to tell me what I am is the same as asking the ego what I am. The ego story says everyone is guilty of something. The Holy Spirit doesn’t show me how each person can be seen as innocent, He shows me that guilt does not exist so everyone is innocent.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 8-15-12

8-15-12
5 Let us go out and meet the newborn world, knowing that Christ has been reborn in it, and that the holiness of this rebirth will last forever. We had lost our way but He has found it for us. Let us go and bid Him welcome Who returns to us to celebrate salvation and the end of all we thought we made. The morning star of this new day looks on a different world where God is welcomed and His Son with Him. We who complete Him offer thanks to Him, as He gives thanks to us. The Son is still, and in the quiet God has given him enters his home and is at peace at last.
I don’t think I have to wait for this. I think the delay is only in my mind and that salvation waits complete, for me to notice it is here. Could it possibly be so easy after eons of telling myself that it is too hard, too much work, too scary? Could I simply accept that it is done, that I have been saved from my illusion, my dream of being separate from God? Could it be that it has already been accomplished and I sit here in my messy story pretending that there is more to do?

I have considered this possibility and I have taken a step out of the story. It is glorious! So much has fallen away and I feel so free. I watch the story unfold and find it more interesting than upsetting. I wonder how it is that I could have been so blind before, how I could have ever taken this seriously. Didn’t Jesus tell me that nothing can be real if God did not create it? Did I think he was just saying those words to hear himself talk? Of course he meant it. It is so obvious now. Why can’t everyone see this? I feel like shaking everyone and saying, “Wake up! Wake up!”

Then a couple of days ago I have an insane moment when I imagine that I am separate from someone else and catapult myself right back into the world, and suddenly it all seems so real and so serious. It seems that this person should stop being himself and be someone I like better. It seems like I am suffering because of his words and his attitude. It even seems like he got me kicked out of paradise with his meanness.

All the while there is this voice of sanity that I’ve pushed to the back of my mind saying, “Really? Really, Myron? This is where you want to go with your thinking?” I know I’m crazy to listen to the mind tell me that I am a victim and can’t do anything about it. I know I’m crazy to listen to the mind say that it’s too late, I’m lost again and will never find that eye of the needle, that hidden way out of the world, that I will never luck into that again. The mind says that paradise is lost again, I lost it and I don’t deserve to find it again if I would throw it away over such a little thing.

Isn’t that just like the ego mind? It seems like a tyrant that batters me with mean and disheartening thoughts, but really it is just a belief that generates thoughts in support of that belief. The ego mind is the belief in separation and so all the thoughts it has to offer me are thoughts that come from that belief, thoughts that encourage fear, guilt, anger, shame, frailty, suffering and death. Why would I expect anything else from the ego? Would I expect apples from an orange tree?

Sitting around blaming the ego for doing its job and feeling assaulted by the ego is ridiculous. It’s like sitting under that orange tree and saying “Ouch” every time an orange fell on my head. I can wish the oranges would stop falling and berate the tree for throwing oranges on me, or I can get up and go someplace else.

I asked myself, does it make me happy to think my brother’s words are disrespectful and unkind? Does it make me happy to think I am a victim to my feelings? Is there another way to see this? I seemed to remember that just the other day there was another way to see. So I got up and went someplace else. I am sitting under a flowering tree now. When something falls on me it is soft and fragrant and doesn’t cause me pain. ~smile~

It is as simple as choosing to recognize the source of the thoughts in my mind and deciding to listen to the thoughts that come from a different Source. The Voice for God is just as available to me as is the ego voice, and this Voice is not a liar, so why would I not listen to it. Why on earth did I listen to the ego to begin with? Is it so seductive? Does it offer me something sweeter than unending peace and joy? Or is it just familiar, an old habit?

I embraced fear and guilt for a very long time and I see that those ideas still live in the mind, still tempting. But I know something else now. I know that no matter how real it appears, separation and all its effects are an illusion. That fact is undeniable. It seems that once I know something, it is not possible to un-know it. I might get temporarily distracted from the truth, but I cannot lose it. I might slip into confusion, but I cannot stay there. The truth is in my mind and it is not going anywhere.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 8-14-12

8-14-12
4 Let us wait here in silence, and kneel down an instant in our gratitude to Him Who called to us and helped us hear His Call. And then let us arise and go in faith along the way to Him. Now we are sure we do not walk alone. For God is here, and with Him all our brothers. Now we know that we will never lose the way again. The song begins again which had been stopped only an instant, though it seems to be unsung forever. What is here begun will grow in life and strength and hope, until the world is still an instant and forgets all that the dream of sin had made of it. 

There are many places in the Course that encourage gratitude, including some Workbook Lessons such as, Love is the way I walk in gratitude.  Here again, gratitude is encouraged. We are told to wait here in silence, and kneel down an instant in our gratitude. I am not sure why gratitude is so important, but I don’t have any trouble feeling gratitude.

I am very grateful to Jesus for remembering the truth and then being in charge of the Atonement. I can’t imagine how he did that. It has taken me 30 years to get where I am in it and I have all this help. I am also extremely grateful for A Course in Miracles and other books that have been helpful. I am so grateful for the Holy Spirit, for His unfailing presence in my mind, His guidance, His gentle persuasion and endless patience.

In gratitude I follow that guidance, and I am very grateful indeed, that I travel this road with His help and with my mighty companions. Jesus tells us that now we will never lose our way again. I wander off the path from time to time, but he is right; I never lose my way anymore. Even when I forget myself and look to the ego for guidance I see what is happening, and I choose again.

Yesterday was such a day. I reacted to something said to me and it is like I opened the door to every unhealed thought in the mind. I suppose that is good thing because it gave me that opportunity to forgive. However, it felt dark in that place for awhile as I experienced the effects of giving the ego mind my attention. And yet, even while I was in the middle of that experience, I knew it was just an experience and that it would pass.

I asked for help and of course I received it, but I had to wait until I really wanted the help. I laugh now as I think about it because I thought I was asking for healing, but really I was asking for relief. I hated the feeling of being angry and frustrated, but I also hated the idea of being wrong so I held onto it far too long, which simply means I suffered longer.

Right before I went to sleep I asked for healing and I guess I meant it. The thought I was given was to listen to the first chapters of ACIM as I slept. I did this and all night I dreamed wonderful stories of being taught about the Holy Spirit, and stories of people being led by the wise counsel of the Holy Spirit.

Jesus says that what is begun here will grow.  I feel a thrill of gratitude thinking about that, knowing that while it feels like Myron is waking up, really the whole Sonship is waking up through the story of Myron and all our stories. It grows exponentially as each of us who walk this path will be sent students, people who are ready to walk a path also, and each of them will touch many others.

We will probably have students we don’t even recognize as such, those who just need to be in the presence of a teacher of God to get the encouragement they need to take the next step. Much teaching is done without words or our conscious awareness, which is probably good, as the ego likes to play teacher, too. I am still learning to step back and let Him lead the way. 

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 8-13-12

8-12-12
3 Be not afraid. We only start again an ancient journey long ago begun that but seems new. We have begun again upon a road we travelled on before and lost our way a little while. And now we try again. Our new beginning has the certainty the journey lacked till now. Look up and see His Word among the stars, where He has set your Name along with His. Look up and find your certain destiny the world would hide but God would have you see. 

This makes me wonder exactly what is meant. We start a journey… does this mean Holy Spirit and I? Jesus and I?  My brothers and sisters and I? Have I imagined the life of Myron over and over or have I imagined many, many different lives? Perhaps I focus my attention on a story as often as I need to until I have learned the lesson within the story, then I move to another story for awhile. It feels as though it must be many stories but I don’t really know. I don’t even understand the concept of “I”.

I know that I am not Myron. I presume I have taken on the persona of other characters, but whether I have or not, I have left Myron behind in the ritual of death and awoken to my self, but it is still a separated self. Without the story of a body and the feeling of being that body, it must feel a bit more real, and not as confusing, I would think. Without the complete amnesia we experience when we “enter” the world (maybe immerse ourselves in that experience would describe it better) it must feel so much freer.

But if there is not a complete and permanent awakening, a total enlightenment such as occurred for Jesus, then the journey is not over and presumably rebirth is chosen so we can try again. This cannot be the “I” that I truly am, the real Self, because it is still not One. It must still be part of the dream. Letting go of the idea of animating a body for a while in the dream story does not end the dream.

And yet, I exist. I exist exactly as God created me. I exist in God, as part of God, and I exist as creator. I, at this moment exist. I continue to create as God created. I have creations that know me and love me. Creation does not cease to exist simply because I am dreaming.  Some part of mind has wondered off on an adventure and is being called back home. My focus seems to be on the part that is dreaming of this strange world of separation with its impossible possibilities.

Jesus tells us that the world is old and tired. We are beginning to realize that it is time to let go of the adventure, to return to our Self and that is what is happening. That is the reason this time the journey is going to have a different ending. This time we began the journey with a new certainty. We have seen past the world to the truth that has been kept perfectly safe for us.

It seems that we need to waken gently, allowing the memory to surface in its own way and in its own time. The death of the body does not awaken us; it does nothing but end a certain story, an experience of a certain body. But we will awaken, because we already have. We are one with Jesus and he has awakened, therefore so have we. Now we are only using time to accept what has happened. We are forgiving the dream and allowing it to end.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 8-12-12

8-12-12
2 You are a stranger here. But you belong to Him Who loves you as He loves Himself. Ask but my help to roll the stone away, and it is done according to His Will. We have begun the journey. Long ago the end was written in the stars and set into the Heavens with a shining Ray that held it safe within eternity and through all time as well. And holds it still; unchanged, unchanging and unchangeable.

Boy, have I ever felt like a stranger here! A stranger in a strange land, as Robert Heinlein phrased it. Most Course students I have met have expressed the same sentiments. In fact, if you have not yet noticed that the world is strangely off kilter, not right somehow, then you likely don’t have any interest in finding your way out and A Course in Miracles will not interest you.

Knowing that this is a very strange world, indeed, and knowing that I did not fit in, ever, was a first step to awakening. Knowing this first thing without knowing there was a solution was disconcerting and sometimes deeply upsetting. I expect a lot of the insane things I did when I was young was directly related to knowing something was wrong but not knowing what it was or what to do about it, and afraid that the wrong thing was me.

When I first discovered A Course in Miracles I was on top of the world one moment, and confused and afraid in the next. I wanted it to be true, but almost no one else even knew about it.  When my ex husband found out I was studying it he made an effort to save me. He had heard that it was some kind of cult. I was very touched that he would be so generous as I knew that he was uncomfortable in that role. Somehow in spite of how different it was from anything I had ever read, I was compelled to keep reading and just “knew” this was right.

I was on my own studying for a long time and anytime I met someone else who studied it I was just astounded, and not a little relieved. It was good to know that if I was crazy to be doing this strange course at least I was not the only one. Now of course, I have lots of company and I have started thinking of us as the only sane ones in the world.

It is no kind of stretch for me now to realize that I do have a place; it is just not in this world. I belong to God. So does everyone else, but I know I belong to God. I am as God created me, and where He created me. Oh yes, there is no “where.” We made that up. Oh well. However it works, I am in God and of God and nothing can change that.

When I have those periodic amnesiac moments and forget my Self, I begin to think I am someplace else and something else, but that doesn’t make it true. My truth was written in the stars and set into the Heavens with a shining Ray that held it safe within eternity and through all time as well. I don’t have to worry about losing myself anymore.

When I become temporarily confused again, I just rest in God and wait for sanity to return. It might look like I am upset, but that is just an appearance. Under that appearance is certainty that is borne of experience and something greater than experience, something more certain. I don’t have a clear understanding of it but I realize now that doesn’t matter. I am just grateful for it.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 8-11-12

8-11-12
EPILOGUE
1 Forget not once this journey is begun the end is certain. Doubt along the way will come and go and go to come again. Yet is the ending sure. No one can fail to do what God appointed him to do. When you forget, remember that you walk with Him and with His Word upon your heart. Who could despair when hope like this is his? Illusions of despair may seem to come, but learn how not to be deceived by them. Behind each one there is reality and there is God. Why would you wait for this and trade it for illusions, when His Love is but an instant farther on the road where all illusions end? The end is sure and guaranteed by God. Who stands before a lifeless image when a step away the Holy of the Holies opens up an ancient door that leads beyond the world?

This is the perfect paragraph for me to study today. I had one of those moments of doubt. It came last night and was still here this morning. I sat in front of the computer to do my study and realized that the doubt was clouding my mind. I talked to the Holy Spirit about it. I knew as soon as the doubt showed up that it was false, and so the feelings it brought with it were false as well.

It is still strange to me how this can happen. I can feel anger or fear or sadness and at the same time know that this is not real. The lovely thing is, because I don’t believe in them, I cannot feel these things as strongly as I used to and not for as long. So I sat with Holy Spirit and felt His comforting presence and waited for His answer.

The first sane thought was to say the prayer I learned from Barbara. Holy Spirit, please come into my mind and undo what I have done. Then I remembered not to resist. I let the feelings come. I let the thoughts come. I cried a little because the tears seem to be part of the allowing. As I watched all of this happening, and paid attention to the thoughts without judging them, I realized that all I was looking at was guilt.

That was good news because guilt is not real. I made guilt up. God did not create guilt so it must be part of the illusion. If it is not real, I don’t have to listen to it. I don’t have to believe it. I don’t have to do anything about it. I had asked the Holy Spirit to undo what I have done and so the mistake has been corrected. I felt a sense of relief wash over me, followed by peace.

Shortly after, I had the opportunity to share about this and that reinforces the healing.  I also asked the Holy Spirit to let me know if there is anything for me to “do” about the circumstances around this situation and the perfect opportunity occurred. The perfect words came to me without any thought on my part.

As I do this work I am learning trust. I am learning to trust myself. I am learning to trust what Jesus is teaching me through A Course in Miracles. I am learning to trust that which lives me. I am learning to trust the Holy Spirit in my mind. I am learning to trust God. Even the moments of doubt are tempered by trust. I am so grateful.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 8-10-12

8-10-12
5 You are His manifestation in this world. Your brother calls to you to be His Voice along with him. Alone he cannot be the Helper of God’s Son for he alone is functionless. But joined with you he is the shining Savior of the world, Whose part in its redemption you have made complete. He offers thanks to you as well as him for you arose with him when he began to save the world. And you will be with him when time is over and no trace remains of dreams of spite in which you dance to death’s thin melody. For in its place the hymn to God is heard a little while. And then the Voice is gone, no longer to take form but to return to the eternal formlessness of God. 

Just as Jesus is the manifestation of the Holy Spirit in the world, so are we when we choose to be God’s teachers. Jesus calls us to teach with him, to be a Helper of God’s Son. We answer this call when we allow our mind to be healed. My nearly constant prayer for the last few days is one my friend, Barbara, shared with me. Holy Spirit, come into my mind and undo what I have done.

I use this prayer to undo the false thoughts in my mind. I use it when I read the paper or hear the news. Did someone kill his or her brother? That someone is me. We are one, which means that everyone is a manifestation of my one Self. The one that murdered is my belief that I must eliminate the effects of my thoughts in order to be happy. He is the belief that violence will somehow solve my problems. These are false thoughts and since they are in my awareness I can offer them for healing.

How odd that I used to think I could heal someone else. There is no one else. We join as one (recognize our Oneness) to heal the One.  Jesus accepted as his function the completion of the Atonement, but he needs our help. Alone he has no function. He needs us to join with him to save the world. It is the remembrance of our Oneness that we seek, and it is through joining with Jesus in this holy purpose that we achieve our purpose. 

There are many ways that we can do our part. This simple prayer I am using is one way. I used to read the paper in morbid fascination at the many ways we hurt each other. I used to scare myself with stories of mayhem and cruelty. As I began to learn that this story of life I took so seriously was not real, I would read the paper and try to remember the truth. I failed in this because I was trying to find the truth using the ego thinking mind. It doesn’t know the truth.

I tried to avoid the bad news, sticking my head in the sand and telling myself that this is how I am to remember that the world is not real. I will just deny it by closing my eyes to it. This didn’t work either. The mayhem and cruelty were in my mind so there was no way to escape from it. Pretending I don’t see the effects of the belief in separation is not the way to heal the separation idea.

Accepting that what Jesus tells us through A Course in Miracles is the truth is the way to salvation. I accept that I am not this story or this body and neither are any of us. I accept that no one is guilty because nothing has happened. No one is guilty because guilt is a concept as illusional as the body. I accept that there is only one of us. We are joined as one in Mind, perfect and wholly innocent.

All that I see and experience is the effect of believing a false idea, the idea that separation could exist and that I want to feel its effects. I did this and I can undo it by simply desiring that it be undone. Reading the paper is no longer frightening or upsetting. It is now a happy occasion to join with Jesus as Savior of the world. I read the story of separation in whatever form it seems to take this morning knowing that this is my chance to ask that what I have done be undone. What a wonderful way to start the day!

As each of us take up our part in joining with Jesus to heal the mind, the world is saved. For a while we will enjoy our experiment with the impossible and see the world as it is without the stain of guilt. Then all will cease to exist as a separate thing and we will return to the formlessness of God. I have nothing to say about that because I cannot imagine what it must feel like to be free of form and to know my Self as part of God. For now, I will just stick to the task in front of me, joining with Jesus as the manifestation of the Holy Spirit in the world, by healing the mind every chance I get.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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