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Study of Manual for Teachers 6-9-12

6-9-12
4 The curious belief that there is part of dying things that may go on apart from what will die, does not proclaim a loving God nor re-establish any grounds for trust. If death is real for anything, there is no life. Death denies life. But if there is reality in life, death is denied. No compromise in this is possible. There is either a god of fear or One of Love. The world attempts a thousand compromises, and will attempt a thousand more. Not one can be acceptable to God’s teachers, because not one could be acceptable to God. He did not make death because He did not make fear. Both are equally meaningless to Him. 

Ways we compromise in coming to terms with our belief that God is Love and yet God is a taker of life: Good things have already come from his dying. He has gone to a better place. At least she is with her beloved aunt now. You have your memories of him. God needed him. Only his body is dead, his soul is with God.

Oh my, Jesus, are you saying that even that last one is just another attempt to compromise on the truth?  That was my hold out, the way I held onto the belief in death without giving up the hope that God is good.

I have talked about pain before. For some reason, a readiness on my part, I suppose, when I read Lesson 190 this time I really understood it. In this lesson, Jesus tells us that pain is but witness to the Son’s mistakes in what he thinks he is. It is a dream of fierce retaliation for a crime that could not be committed. He explains that pain is not real, and that it is something we made up to keep the truth at bay. Ever since I read that I have been denying the reality of pain. Each time I feel physical or emotional pain, I remind myself that, If God is real, there is no pain. If pain is real, there is no God.

I use every pain as a reminder of the truth, and a remarkable thing has happened. I had been suffering really bad pain and now I am not. No doctors, medicines or treatments were used. All I did was deny the reality of pain. I realized that pain is not real, that what I think of as pain with a cause outside my mind, is after all, just a thought in that mind.

The other day I was given another thought. I was noticing that so much pain had simply vanished, and yet, I still have pain. The ego was calling me an ingrate, but I persisted along the lines of the thought I had been given. Why do I have any pain? If pain is not real then a little pain is still not real.

Lesson 190 says that my thoughts alone can cause me pain, so I am deliberately holding onto some pain, not enough to warrant attention, just enough to defend against a total capitulation to God. It is a compromise I make with myself. I will do this Course stuff since I can’t seem to stop, but I will hold onto my self in this little way. Yeah, I too, noticed this was crazy.

I think that death is the same as pain. I think that death is just another thing I made up to prove God is the evil one and I am His innocent victim. And if I know what’s good for me I better stay where I am in this illusory world where God has no reality except as I allow. I think that death is no more real than pain. I think that I could read lesson 190 and insert the word death where it says pain and it would be equally true.

The body doesn’t die because the body doesn’t exist. I don’t die because I am not a body. A part of me does not go on living because I have no parts. I am only spirit, mind, light, whatever I want to call it, but that is all I am. I am going to call it Awareness. I don’t die, I simply become aware of something other than this “Life of Myron” program I have been watching. There is nothing of me that can die, could ever die, because there is no such thing as death.

Thank you for that, Holy Spirit. I am going to sit with it awhile.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 6-8-12

6-8-12
3 Death is the symbol of the fear of God. His Love is blotted out in the idea, which holds it from awareness like a shield held up to obscure the sun. The grimness of the symbol is enough to show it cannot coexist with God. It holds an image of the Son of God in which he is “laid to rest” in devastation’s arms, where worms wait to greet him and to last a little while by his destruction. Yet the worms as well are doomed to be destroyed as certainly. And so do all things live because of death. Devouring is nature’s “law of life.” God is insane, and fear alone is real.

If I believe in death I am never going to be free of fear. Even if I were afraid of nothing else, if I had no fear of financial ruin or loss of relationships, if I no longer had a fear of heights, or sickness, or failure of any kind, if I still fear death, then fear will still be in my mind. If fear is in my mind I don’t know who I am. I don’t know God. I have only an awful distorted idea of a cruel and merciless Creator to call Father.

If fear is still in my mind I am separated from all things in the world, and all things are my enemy because they bring with them the threat of death. That person might kill me, on purpose or by accident. She might give me a sickness that lays me low. He might run me over with his car or careen into mine and kill me. That tree might fall on me in a storm, that lightning might strike me.

The spider might bite me or the mosquito might give me West Nile disease. The doctor might misdiagnose me or make a wrong cut in surgery. The world teems with unseen dangers, bacteria and viruses that threaten me everyday and how do I defend against all of them when I cannot even see them? If nothing else kills me, my body will, in the end betray me, and will die anyway.

All of life (as we experience life) is about death. For me to live I must eat and so something must die. No matter how lightly I walk on the planet, my very existence damages or destroys something. Death makes all things an enemy, and me enemy to all things. It fills all circumstances with an underlying sense of dread. Death mocks the love I have for my Father for where there is fear there cannot be love. And who could truly love a God Who wants your life in payment for His love.

As I study this section I am beginning to understand something. It is not fear of death that I must lay aside, it is the belief in death that must be undone if I am to know God.

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Study of Manual for Teachers 6-7-12

6-7-12

2 In this perception of the universe as God created it, it would be impossible to think of Him as loving. For who has decreed that all things pass away, ending in dust and disappointment and despair, can but be feared. He holds your little life in his hand but by a thread, ready to break it off without regret or care, perhaps today. Or if he waits, yet is the ending certain. Who loves such a god knows not of love, because he has denied that life is real. Death has become life’s symbol. His world is now a battleground, where contradiction reigns and opposites make endless war. Where there is death is peace impossible.

‘The Holy Spirit has had me looking at anger the last few days. This is different. I don’t usually get angry… I thought. Maybe I got angry and then set it aside really quickly. Maybe I got angry and called it something else. At any rate, I have seen the anger and while I have been surprised by it, am grateful to have this opportunity to heal. You can’t even ask for healing of something you have not acknowledged.

Maybe all that anger is just symbolic of the anger we have about death. For many years I held a secret grudge against God because I knew He could take my children any time He wanted to. It was a secret because if I acknowledged it maybe that would make God angry enough to do it. Then I began to learn that God doesn’t do that, but I noticed that He doesn’t prevent it either, and so He was still guilty in my eyes. I never told Him how I felt, of course. I never even told myself.

Many, many people hold this belief. At the funeral of a child someone said to the parents, “You must have done something really awful for God to punish you this way.” Where does a belief like this come from? It comes from that seemingly bottomless well of fear and guilt that keeps all the prodigal children from running back into their Father’s loving embrace.

This woman seemed cruel in her harsh words, but was really just afraid of God Whom she saw as terrifyingly omnipotent. This kind of thinking is simple projection, placing the fear of death onto someone else by making them guilty and therefore deserving of punishment. It gives a way out of heartbreak, for as long as the frightened person can be good enough, God will not visit them with tragedy. In her confused mind she dared not feel compassion for the grieving person or she would be opening up her life to the same pain.

The problem with giving God the credit for all the things in life we like and all the things that go right, is that we also must place blame for all the things we don’t like and that don’t go our way. A Course in Miracles helps us to unravel this confused thinking as we learn that life as we know it does not exist and is simply an illusion, a belief in the mind, a thought picture which we experience as being outside ourselves.

We are only experiencing the answer to an ancient question. We don’t die because there is nothing to do die from, there is nowhere to go. The idea of death is just another effect of the idea of separation, and separation is not reality, so death could not be reality. Separation is not real because it is not of God and so death is not of God. God is not cruel.

Now that I understand and accept the idea of death so differently, this morning I looked at those old thoughts of “what if death were imminent” to see what was in my mind. I didn’t find any fear about my own death. I don’t think of it as dying anymore. I think of it as waking up somewhere else. Maybe I would die to the illusion altogether and never again believe in it.

So I thought about one of my kids with a terminal illness or lying in the hospital on life support. How would I react? What would be my prayer at that time? Would I still pray for them to be saved? Would I still beg for mercy from a capricious God, bargain with promises of a life better lived, offer myself in my child’s place? I can’t imagine believing in that God again. I think I would pray for the strength to see through the appearances to the truth of that child’s being.

What I would dread would be the grief of separation, too many days stretching before me without that wonderful person in my life. I think that communication is meant to cross all barriers within the illusion. I don’t think it is necessary that we lose contact with any part of the Sonship just because that one is no longer appearing as a body, but evidently I have not reached that place where belief becomes certainty so I cannot see past the grief of loss at this time. As always, I open my mind and heart to you, Holy Spirit. Please heal my uncertainty. 

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Study of Manual for Teachers 6-6-12

6-6-12
27. WHAT IS DEATH?

1 Death is the central dream from which all illusions stem. Is it not madness to think of life as being born, aging, losing vitality, and dying in the end? We have asked this question before, but now we need to consider it more carefully. It is the one fixed, unchangeable belief of the world that all things in it are born only to die. This is regarded as “the way of nature,” not to be raised to question, but to be accepted as the “natural” law of life. The cyclical, the changing and unsure; the undependable and the unsteady, waxing and waning in a certain way upon a certain path,-all this is taken as the Will of God. And no one asks if a benign Creator could will this.

Lies about death: The only thing certain in life is death and taxes. Life sucks and then you die.

A Course in Miracles make a dramatic departure from the most accepted concept of them all; that what we experience here is life and the inevitable result is death. Everyone pretty much believes this, even many of us who are coming to doubt it hold onto the concept in one way or another.

My mother died a year ago. I know mom didn’t really go anywhere. She wasn’t here to begin with because there is no here. All of this that we think of as life is just a story in our mind. It has no existence outside of mind.

The way I think of it (and this is not real either, just a way to envision it) is that the story of mom was the focus of attention for awhile and now the attention is elsewhere. There was never a person in a body living a life, and there was never a death. And certainly, God had nothing to do with either of those things.

On the other hand, In the story of Myron her mom died and Myron misses her mom very much. I am very involved in the story of Myron, and I experience these things as if they are real. I seem to be able to know it isn’t real and yet to live it as if it is real, and so far there is not a total unwavering decision about this. Its like I’m sitting on a fence, leaning first one way then the other.

What I don’t waver on, what I am certain of, is that God is not involved in this. I look to the Holy Spirit in my mind to give me clarity about it, to comfort me, to direct me, but not to influence the outcome. To ask Him to influence the outcome would be to accept that God is the cause of death and so a very cruel God. Instead I ask that my mistaken thoughts about the nature of life and the existence of death be corrected.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 6-5-12

6-5-12
4 Do not despair, then, because of limitations. It is your function to escape from them, but not to be without them. If you would be heard by those who suffer, you must speak their language. If you would be a savior, you must understand what needs to be escaped. Salvation is not theoretical. Behold the problem, ask for the answer, and then accept it when it comes. Nor will its coming be long delayed. All the help you can accept will be provided, and not one need you have will not be met. Let us not, then, be too concerned with goals for which you are not ready. God takes you where you are and welcomes you. What more could you desire, when this is all you need?

This paragraph is very encouraging. Letting go of guilt is the job I have to do here, and even though the entire Course teaches me I have nothing to be guilty for, I have always felt guilty when I found the dark places in my mind, and felt guiltier still when I seemed unwilling to immediately let them go. I didn’t see as clearly as I do now, but I felt guilty for my existence here. But I kept doing the work and I now I have let go of so much guilt, and it feels wonderful.

The way I did it is exactly as he states here. I behold the problem, ask for the answer and then accept it when it comes. It really is that simple. I always receive as much answer as I am ready for and that readiness is not determined by me, but by the Holy Spirit within me, for that is part of His function. His function is to determine the specifics of my path Home and to guide me there, and to comfort me along the way. He never fails in his job.

For so long I was discontented no matter how well I was doing because it never felt like enough. I always wanted to be in the next place. Now I feel so much happier as I simply enjoy where I am and realize that I am not in charge of this journey. When there is something for me to do I will be told.

Yesterday something happened and I became angry about it. I haven’t been angry in a really long time and it is a miserable condition to find myself in. I observed the anger and asked that it be transformed. Then I picked it back up. I did this several times. I noticed that the ego wanted to make stories and to solve the problem. I mean it really, really wanted to do this. But I know the folly of going there, so I continued turning it over.

I felt panic when it didn’t seem to be working but then I remembered Regina’s very good advice to just rest in God and let the storm pass, because that’s what storms do. I did that and I felt calm and certain. The ego tried to engage me again but I had lost interest. Then I heard the Holy Spirit tell me that the person I was angry with was innocent. Of course she is, and thinking she was guilty was the reason I felt so uncomfortable. When I thought she was guilty, I automatically felt guilty, because I will always receive what I give.

It all melted away like butter on the stove. “Thank you, Holy Spirit! Thank you for helping me see the cause of my pain and thank you for healing my mind.” Later the ego made a last run at me. I saw the thoughts and was delighted to realize they held no appeal and quickly went away.

Looking back on that situation and others lately, I feel like I am cleaning up all that is left of a wild and crazy party. A few empty bottles under a chair, a party hat behind the couch, some confetti I missed on the first run-through. I’m happy to do this and happy that I feel no concern that there is still this bit of work to do.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 6-4-12

6-4-12
3 Sometimes a teacher of God may have a brief experience of direct union with God. In this world, it is almost impossible that this endure. It can, perhaps, be won after much devotion and dedication, and then be maintained for much of the time on earth. But this is so rare that it cannot be considered a realistic goal. If it happens, so be it. If it does not happen, so be it as well. All worldly states must be illusory. If God were reached directly in sustained awareness, the body would not be long maintained. Those who have laid the body down merely to extend their helpfulness to those remaining behind are few indeed. And they need helpers who are still in bondage and still asleep, so that by their awakening can God’s Voice be heard.

I cannot speak about a direct union with God. I don’t know what that is. I have had a few mystical experiences. I have had a peak behind the veil, only to have it fall back in place quickly. I have had one experience of Love, which was so incredible I hate to even write about it because words just diminish the experience. The memory of the experience is fading, but not my longing for its return. But a direct union with God? I cannot even imagine.

Jesus says it can happen but its very rare and cannot be maintained. Evidently, when this happens one may simply lay the body down and continue to be helpful from that state. Well, ok, I’m open to the possibility, but since I still struggle with the everyday challenges of living as a body and the temporary plunges into forgetfulness and confusion, I don’t see this happening any time soon.

What I can imagine is that I could live in an awakened state. By that I mean I could live as Myron knowing I am not that. I could reach a place in which I never become confused about what I am. This is not the ultimate goal, but I can see it as attainable. I think this is important because not very long ago I did not imagine that I could do this, at least not in this lifetime. It wasn’t that long ago that I would have been happy to just live with less guilt and less fear.  Now I know that I can live without fear and guilt. I have not achieved that state, but I know I can and will.

I love how Jesus ends this paragraph. He says that those who have gone ahead of us,  and have fully awakened are helping us to wake up, and they need our help. It is our own awakening that is teaching others. We are helping each other awaken from this crazy dream. I feel so much gratitude for all of us who are doing our best.

I have a few friends who have moved into a more enlightened state and I follow in their footsteps. I am so grateful for their light. In moments when my thoughts are dark, their light guides me back to truth. I have friends who struggle with the very beliefs that I only recently let go. I am so grateful for their willingness. I go no place without them.

I have friends who turn to me to help them. I am so grateful, as I receive only as I give. I have people in my life that I still experience as challenges to my peace and I am grateful to them for the opportunity to remember I am not a victim. These brothers have a gift for me if I care to accept it.

We are like one great flower longing for the warmth of the sun, each leaf turning toward the light. It is a fully collaborative effort and what does it matter which leaves turns first, because in the end all leaves must turn for they are a single flower.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 6-3-12

6-3-12
2 There are those who have reached God directly, retaining no trace of worldly limits and remembering their own Identity perfectly. These might be called the Teachers of teachers because, although they are no longer visible, their image can yet be called upon. And they will appear when and where it is helpful for them to do so. To those to whom such appearances would be frightening, they give their ideas. No one can call on them in vain. Nor is there anyone of whom they are unaware. All needs are known to them, and all mistakes are recognized and overlooked by them. The time will come when this is understood. And meanwhile, they give all their gifts to the teachers of God who look to them for help, asking all things in their name and in no other.

As I read this paragraph I thought of Regina. She has received help through the teachings that came through her as scribing. She did not just receive the words and record them; she studied them as she received them. They were lessons for her. She called on these master teachers to help her, and they answered. When receiving The Holy Spirit’s Interpretation of the New Testament she noticed the difference in the various voices that came through. The Teachings of Inner Ramana came from Ramana Maharshi.

Jesus is letting us know that any of us can call for help and be heard. We can call on the Teachers of teachers to help us and we will be answered. How that answer is given may not be in the same way it was received by Regina, but it will be given. It may simply come as ideas, but however it comes it will be the way that is most helpful to us.

I would not ask to be a scribe or to receive help in any specific way because I understand that I don’t know what is most helpful to me. I do trust that the Teacher I call upon knows and so I call for help with complete confidence that I will be answered and the answer is one I will understand and find useful. I feel the strongest attraction to Jesus to whom I am eternally grateful. But I also make him special in my mind and so feel reluctant to call his name. I give this error to the Holy Spirit and ask that it be corrected.

I know that he doesn’t need or want me to worship him, or make him special in any way. I also know he doesn’t judge me for doing so. He sees my error, understands it and completely overlooks it. This is why I feel safe with him, and utterly trust him. This is the help I ask for, that I might be become a Teacher of teachers, to be able to see the error and to completely overlook it. Jesus, I call on your name and ask that you help me with this.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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