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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-8-12

Day 128
2 The progress of the teacher of God may be slow or rapid, depending on whether he recognizes the Atonement’s inclusiveness, or for a time excludes some problem areas from it. In some cases, there is a sudden and complete awareness of the perfect applicability of the lesson of the Atonement to all situations, but this is comparatively rare. The teacher of God may have accepted the function God has given him long before he has learned all that his acceptance holds out to him. It is only the end that is certain. Anywhere along the way, the necessary realization of inclusiveness may reach him. If the way seems long, let him be content. He has decided on the direction he wants to take. What more was asked of him? And having done what was required, would God withhold the rest?

Well this is a relief. I have always been a little embarrassed at how long it has taken me to get where I am. I started studying the Course in 1981 and I used to feel guilty that I was not as diligent then as I am now. I would think about how different my life would have been if I had always lived the Course. I know. This is silly. My life was what got me here and that is its value to me, but it just seemed that I was somehow supposed to do a more consistent job and wind up here faster.

There are so many things wrong with that attitude that I don’t know where to begin. What makes me think I should have gone faster? I must be comparing myself to others who did go faster. What makes me think I could have done it differently? Obviously if I could have, I would have. 

From the perspective of now, I look back and see that my journey was perfect. If I dilly-dallied and took a lot of side trips, this long and strange trip afforded me many opportunities to make new choices. I have had time to play bit parts in the stories of many people, and sometimes my bit was essential to their story. And what is time anyway? Its nothing but another illusion.

The Holy Spirit has been sending me messages lately that encourage me to relax and enjoy, to set aside the belief that this journey is hard and requires my concentrated attention. He seems to want me to know that I can do my part in the awakening without gritting my teeth the whole time. God wants happy learners and happy teachers.

It seems my time schedule was self-imposed and no one is looking over my shoulder to see how I’m doing. No one is judging my progress by how quickly I move along. Being aware of my self-judgment, and becoming willing to stop, I am noticing how this sense of needing to hurry has permeated all that I do. I eat fast. I walk fast. I feel guilty if I do something “frivolous” when I could be studying, writing or teaching, and I have an overall attitude of hurry up and get through.

Jeepers, maybe I should relax around all this and allow it to unfold naturally. Maybe the reason the Holy Spirit keeps sending me books and quotes and teachers who say that all is perfect just as it is and you cannot fail in this, and stop being so hard on yourself, is because I am so loved and cherished that God only wants me to be happy. If God isn’t holding a stop watch why should I? If God trusts me to make it to the finish line in perfect time, maybe I should trust myself as well. Perhaps I should practice trust and faith by believing, first, in myself.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-7-12

Day 127
22. HOW ARE HEALING AND ATONEMENT RELATED?

1 Healing and Atonement are not related; they are identical. There is no order of difficulty in miracles because there are no degrees of Atonement. It is the one complete concept possible in this world, because it is the source of a wholly unified perception. Partial Atonement is a meaningless idea, just as special areas of hell in Heaven are inconceivable. Accept Atonement and you are healed. Atonement is the Word of God. Accept His Word and what remains to make sickness possible? Accept His Word and every miracle has been accomplished. To forgive is to heal. The teacher of God has taken accepting the Atonement for himself as his only function. What is there, then, he cannot heal? What miracle can be withheld from him?

I started the contemplation of this paragraph by reminding myself of the meaning of Atonement. Pathways of Light offered a very simple explanation. It said:

Miracles principal #26 tells us that, ” ‘Atoning’ means ‘undoing.’ ” So the Atonement is the undoing of the mistaken ideas in our mind.

So if healing and Atonement are identical, then healing our mind of the mistaken ideas will heal sickness. Jesus also emphasizes that Atonement is not partial. This means we cannot hold onto any part of the error and still accept our function, which is Atonement.

Jesus also tells us that to forgive is to heal. So forgiveness must also be the same as Atonement. I forgive by accepting that there is nothing to forgive. No one is guilty. Nothing has been done to hurt me. This is not a complicated or hard to understand idea, but it appears so to the ego mind.

Ego cannot accept this definition of forgiveness because it completely undoes the basic tenants that hold the ego idea in place. So the ego simply dismisses forgiveness and calls it unrealistic, undoable, nonsensical, and unfair. Instead it offers us forgiveness-to-destroy, which keeps someone guilty. It doesn’t really care whom. It can be the one you are angry with or it can be yourself, or it can even be the situation, as long as guilt is involved.

But Jesus says that forgiveness recognizes that nothing has been done to us. What is there to forgive? How do I use this form of forgiveness? I think that someone offended me and now I need to forgive him, right? No. I need to forgive the idea I am offended. I have perceived incorrectly. I have caused my own pain.

It is only a perception based on a false belief, so it can be easily dismissed as I accept a new perception based on the truth. I don’t have to discover this new perception (which I couldn’t do anyway) because when I ask for it the Holy Spirit gives me it. So really, forgiveness is the undoing of false ideas in the mind, just as is Atonement. Forgiveness and Atonement are the same thing.

As I accept my function, which is Atonement, I agree to the undoing of the ego in my mind. This facilitates complete forgiveness in which I recognize that nothing has been done to me. Now there is nothing I cannot heal.

I look at a sick body and instead of praying that the body be healed, I pray that my mind be healed. Then I look at that body and I see only the effects of a mistaken belief and I know that this is not truth. My mind is no longer clouded with guilty thoughts, or distracted by appearances.  I am not confused and so I know that what the body’s eyes show me cannot be real. My certainty heals.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-6-12

Day 126
5 A major hindrance in this aspect of his learning is the teacher of God’s fear about the validity of what he hears. And what he hears may indeed be quite startling. It may also seem to be quite irrelevant to the presented problem as he perceives it, and may, in fact, confront the teacher with a situation that appears to be very embarrassing to him. All these are judgments that have no value. They are his own, coming from a shabby self-perception which he would leave behind. Judge not the words that come to you, but offer them in confidence. They are far wiser than your own. God’s teachers have God’s Word behind their symbols. And He Himself gives to the words they use the power of His Spirit, raising them from meaningless symbols to the Call of Heaven itself. 

How very encouraging to know that the words given me have the power of Heaven behind them. How encouraging to know that I can trust these words from Spirit and speak them in absolute confidence. Now that I’ve had this experience I cannot imagine going back to teaching through the ego, that is, teaching according to what the mind understands. It feels heavy and discouraging just to think about it.

The ego only teaches from the past and even that is incomplete information. What it does know is filtered through a mind that is filled with fear and guilt, uncertainty and doubt, and so has as its primary goal the need to sustain its own sense of worth. The ego offers an unlimited number of options and then suggests the one that makes it look good.

Stepping back and allowing the words to flow from Spirit is so refreshing. Its answers are always simple, always consistent. When I speak only the words given me I don’t have to grope for the answer and I don’t worry about how it makes me look or if the answer will be accepted. It is not my business how or if it is accepted. I trust Spirit to know the bigger plan, and even if I never see the fruit of my work I don’t doubt its effect.

I have had the experience of not understanding why I was given certain words, and of wondering how on earth what I am saying makes any sense in the context of our discussion. At first when I was still learning to step back I stumbled a lot when this happened, because my mind was still involved, and while I trusted Holy Spirit to know what was needed, I didn’t trust myself to hear clearly. I was also very concerned about how I appeared to others and so this made me hesitant to say anything that would leave me looking foolish.

Just doing it anyway seemed to be the way to get through this awkward period, and my continuing desire to let go of ego helped me to move past the need to be accepted and admired. That was a big block and while it was in place it slowed the flow from Spirit. Now instead of being a boulder it’s more like little piles of stone that I notice and ask Holy Spirit to wash away.

When I teach now it is mostly a joy. I follow guidance and speak with confidence whatever I hear. The times when it doesn’t go like that it is because I have become attentive to the little self. I start teaching from the mind instead of simply accepting what is given. I start caring how I sound and how I am accepted by others. I notice that there are some times when this tends to happen more than other times.

I was with my kids last night and they don’t have any interest in anything Spiritual so I began to feel self-conscious and to speak from the little self. I noticed that I would think about how I would sound to them, and to judge what I said by those standards. Yuck. How uncomfortable that is!

Another kind of situation is one where I feel inadequate. I am presenting at the big conference next year and I have never done that before. I express myself better through writing or through one on one speaking. I think this is because I am not distracted and I am able to hear Holy Spirit more clearly. The idea of speaking in front of a large group scares me. I’m giving my willingness and trusting that by the time I have to do this, I will have grown into the occasion and will be able to set my self aside so that I can be a clear channel for Holy Spirit.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-5-12

Day 125
4 Is the teacher of God, then, to avoid the use of words in his teaching? No, indeed! There are many who must be reached through words, being as yet unable to hear in silence. The teacher of God must, however, learn to use words in a new way. Gradually, he learns how to let his words be chosen for him by ceasing to decide for himself what he will say. This process is merely a special case of the lesson in the workbook that says, “I will step back and let Him lead the way.” The teacher of God accepts the words which are offered him, and gives as he receives. He does not control the direction of his speaking. He listens and hears and speaks.

This paragraph is very clear. Yes, the Holy Spirit needs us to speak because not everyone is ready to learn without the use of words. I have found the words of other teachers to be, at first, essential. This is why I was given the Course, and then directed to teachers of the Course. Then later, I found words from teachers to be helpful in gaining more clarity, in being reminded of what I know but had forgotten.

And finally, now I notice that I read something, or am told something, and it seems to be as if a key has turned and the lock falls open. An example would be that I heard a teacher say that she had a specific experience, and quickly I begin to have the same experience. It is not a matter of following her directions, or trying to do what he did. It is not anything I do at all. I almost feel like hearing about the experience gave me permission to have the experience, or opened my mind to the possibility of having the experience. And so I do.

I have also experienced the contrast between teaching on my own as opposed to stepping back and allowing the words to be given to me. Being a clear and open channel through which the words that are needed can flow through me is vastly preferable. How do I know what anyone needs to hear? How could I possibly know what words will trigger their memory of truth?

I can always tell when I have stopped being a channel and taken over the conversation. I feel a sense of “wrongness” as I speak. I know that what I am saying is coming from me. I have had the experience of just stopping in the middle of a sentence and laughing as I say something like, “I notice that I am just telling you what I know and really, you don’t need to hear what I think I know. This is a good time to renew our prayer to ask Holy Spirit to be in charge of our time together.”

I have also had the experience of suddenly realizing that I am speaking from my self rather than Holy Spirit, and yet be so in love with my own words that I don’t stop. It doesn’t feel good, and I am always regretful. At that point I simply forgive myself and move on, this time with Holy Spirit.

It is really hard when I relate so closely to the student’s situation that I begin to believe in the problem. This interrupts the connection with Spirit. Depending on the level of confusion I am feeling I can usually work through this by offering my healing as well as the students healing to Holy Spirit and allowing the flow to continue. But sometimes I cannot.

I prefer to be very honest with my student about this. Maybe we can pray together. Maybe I can suggest someone else to work with if I am so guided. Perhaps I will be given the thought to use Accessing Inner Wisdom Counseling. This is a process of using a meditation process to help the student access their own Inner Wisdom for the answer they need. I simply act as a guide and scribe, holding a sacred place for them as they receive the guidance they need. The important thing is that if my true desire is to step back and allow my words to be chosen for me, then I will be given the means to do this.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-4-12

Day 124
3 The prayer for things of this world will bring experiences of this world. If the prayer of the heart asks for this, this will be given because this will be received. It is impossible that the prayer of the heart remain unanswered in the perception of the one who asks. If he asks for the impossible, if he wants what does not exist or seeks for illusions in his heart, all this becomes his own. The power of his decision offers it to him as he requests. Herein lie hell and Heaven. The sleeping Son of God has but this power left to him. It is enough. His words do not matter. Only the Word of God has any meaning, because it symbolizes that which has no human symbols at all. The Holy Spirit alone understands what this Word stands for. And this, too, is enough.

I can pray for things in the world and receive them, but what I pray for brings me heaven or hell. It is my decision. I am learning that I am not interested in reinforcing the illusion. More and more, I ask the Holy Spirit what it is that I want, rather than deciding myself and asking. Yesterday’s understanding of prayer has reinforced this desire in me. I now understand that my heart prays for an experience and it is the mind that translates this into a concrete desire. I am practicing asking the Holy Spirit to help me see this in my mind.

Yesterday I was working in the heat. It is the first day this year that I have worked outside when it was really hot and I haven’t acclimated to the change yet. My face was bright red, and I was sweating and feeling sluggish as the heat slowed me down. And it wasn’t near as hot as it soon will be. I wished with all my heart that I would not have to endure another summer working outside.

I realized that I was asking for something in the world. I noticed that I was asking out of fear. I also noticed that I felt like crying. I asked the Holy Spirit to show me what all this means. He showed me that I felt like crying because I didn’t believe I would receive the answer to this prayer. I didn’t feel worthy. I felt like God wanted me to suffer. That was a complete surprise, and in fact it frightened me when I had that thought. So I said it out loud to dispel the ego fear.

I knew this could not be true and yet I knew, in that moment, I truly believed it. I believed that God really was angry with his prodigal child. I asked the Holy Spirit to take that false belief from my mind and I sat there and felt it slowly dissolve. I waited and let myself feel for it but there was only a lightness where it used to be.

Then the Holy Spirit showed me that the prayer to not have to work outside this summer is the mind’s attempt to put expression to the experience the heart desires. The experience that is desired is to feel loved and cherished. Because I had believed that God wanted my sacrifice to atone for my betrayal of Him, I did not feel loved and cherished.

When I thought about it I realized that this was true. When I feel that I am suffering I often have a wish for someone to know what is happening and to care about my pain. I would think about calling people and telling them how miserable I am and they would feel bad for me and sympathize with my plight.

I have even acted on this desire, so deep was my need to feel loved. But the desire to find someone out here to care is just a reflection of my need to feel God’s forgiveness and to feel He still loves me. No one in the world can love me enough to overcome the loss I feel when I believe God does not love me, so it never really helps when I seek a stand-in for Him.

I thanked the Holy Spirit for this insight. I asked Him to heal my mind of the belief that I am judged by God and found wanting and healed of the belief that I am not loved and not loveable. I asked for the experience of my heart, and set aside the mind’s attempt to interpret that experience through its own understanding.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-3-12

Day 123
2 As symbols, words have quite specific references. Even when they seem most abstract, the picture that comes to mind is apt to be very concrete. Unless a specific referent does occur to the mind in conjunction with the word, the word has little or no practical meaning, and thus cannot help the healing process. The prayer of the heart does not really ask for concrete things. It always requests some kind of experience, the specific things asked for being the bringers of the desired experience in the opinion of the asker. The words, then, are symbols for the things asked for, but the things themselves but stand for the experiences that are hoped for.

I took a day off from work yesterday. I used that time to work on my website which I am re-doing, and it was a lot a fun. The morning weather was nice and so I enjoyed that. I enjoyed a leisurely walk around my yard admiring the roses and inhaling the heady scent of the jasmines now in bloom. I enjoyed a leisurely cup of coffee and I enjoyed journaling without a deadline since I didn’t have to finish quickly so I could get to work.

I have wanted to try my hand at making a short video and posting it on you tube and then putting it on my website. This is something that required me to stretch my computer skills and I needed time to work it all out. Yesterday, I did it! Wow! I’m a star! I even enjoyed breaking up my day of computer work with bits of housework. I enjoyed the sensation of having no pressure to finish one thing and begin another. Everything got done because my agenda was short and my time abundant, and I loved everything I was doing.

As the day came to an end I found myself longing for another day like this one. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have time to do all the things I have been putting off for so long because of work demands? Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have more time to write, more time for students, for weddings, for all the things I love to do? Every thought is a prayer so this was my prayer. It was my prayer as I understood it.

Jesus is explaining to us in this paragraph that there is a difference between the words and the intent of the prayer. My words were a concrete picture of an experience. I saw myself somehow having enough money to quit work and devote myself to my ministry and to enjoy my day without as much structure and with the leisure of few time constraints. That was from my head.

What was my heart asking for? I think it was asking for freedom. It was asking to be free from time constraints, from the pressure of a deadline. It was asking to hear His Voice and to write what I hear. It was asking to be of service, to teach, to minister. These things make my heart sing with joy. I am asking for joy. Simply put in the most abstract way I can relate, my heart was asking for freedom and joy. Everything else was my mind’s interpretation of what that meant, how it would have to look in the world to accomplish that.

It is important for me to realize the prayer of the heart, the experience I am longing to have, the true prayer. Otherwise, I will receive the answer to my prayer and fail to recognize I have received it. I will interpret the answer incorrectly and it will be as if there was not an answer.

For instance, freedom from time constraints is probably my most longed for desire. The Holy Spirit is telling me that I have overlooked many answers to this prayer. Because I was expecting a different package, I failed to open the one received. Because I have not fully accepted the gift given, I keep trying to manipulate time myself and so feel stressed even though I am blessed.

I begin my day with God and then I read and journal. Then I post. If I have time I answer emails. If I really have time, I read a few updates on face book, check out a few groups I belong to. Then I rush around getting dressed and planning who to see first and reminding myself of what needs to be done. I make a schedule and hope nothing throws it off. All the time I am doing these tasks I am stressed to get each one done in a timely manner so nothing gets left out.

The stress starts the night before as I lay in bed reviewing what didn’t get done that day and how I will get it back in my schedule. I worry that something will go undone. I plan everything about my evening around the idea of getting to bed earlier so I can get up earlier so I can get more done. I especially stress something will interfere with those early hours when I can listen to Holy Spirit and share what I hear.

The next morning I wake and immediately the mind begins to plan every move, and also immediately begins to worry that its plans are in vain. I love those moments in quiet peace when I hear His Voice, but I don’t fully enjoy it because I am also thinking, “Hurry. Hurry. Hurry.” Even though I don’t say those words, that is the experience I am having. And so it goes for the rest of the day. Making plans. Worrying they won’t work. No wonder I am too tired to do anything else by the end of the work day.

The Holy Spirit is reminding me that I have been given ample time to listen and write. He reminds me that time is not real and is easily manipulated by Him to the degree I will accept that manipulation. He reminds me I have been given many opportunities to serve, to teach, to join all during the day, and if I will let go of what I think that should look like, I will enjoy these opportunities.

He tells me that I love the beauty of my yard, and yet I overlook the beauty all around me, and laughs as He points out that this is beauty I don’t have to pay for or work at. No yard person required, no weeding or watering. Its just there for me to look at, and when I leave that spot, I am given a new one. It never gets boring because every moment it is different.

The Holy Spirit suggests I lay aside the expectations created by the thinking mind and receive my gifts. Enjoy the experience. He reminds me that the pressure I feel comes from making my own plans, making decisions on my own, closing my eyes to my gifts. He suggests that I relax into Him and allow myself the joy of being guided, lifted and carried through the world, throughout my day.

As I feel this is complete, I hear the word, trust. All else rests on that one word. Trust. Trust in His plans. Trust in His answers. Trust in His love. Trust in His desire for me to be happy and fulfilled. Trust in my Self to open my eyes to His answers.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 5-2-12

Day 122
21. WHAT IS THE ROLE OF WORDS IN HEALING?

1 Strictly speaking, words play no part at all in healing. The motivating factor is prayer, or asking. What you ask for you receive. But this refers to the prayer of the heart, not to the words you use in praying. Sometimes the words and the prayer are contradictory; sometimes they agree. It does not matter. God does not understand words, for they were made by separated minds to keep them in the illusion of separation. Words can be helpful, particularly for the beginner, in helping concentration and facilitating the exclusion, or at least the control, of extraneous thoughts. Let us not forget, however, that words are but symbols of symbols. They are thus twice removed from reality.

Many times I have heard people say that God always answers prayers, but   sometimes the answer is no. I understand why they say this. They pray certain words and they do not seem to be answered. This paragraph explains why that is so. God does not hear our words. He hears only what we are really asking for, and one way that this causes confusion is that we don’t always acknowledge, even to ourselves, what it is we really want. So we don’t recognize the answer when we get it.

I have seen that sometimes I really want the opposite of what I ask for. In Chapter 8 of the Text, it says:

Yet you are not asked to dispel your hallucinations alone. You are merely asked to evaluate them in terms of their results to you. If you do not want them on the basis of loss of peace, they will be removed from your mind for you.

And certainly this has been my practice for a long time now and so I know that it works. Yet sometimes what I say I want is incongruent with what I really want. I notice that I am not at peace. I fully realize that peace is not restored by a change in circumstances, but in a change of mind. I am not confused about this part. So I ask that the belief behind my lack of peace be healed. The incongruence occurs because while I do want to be peaceful, I don’t want to give up the belief that has created a loss of peace. When this is the case I am not really asking for healing even though my words say that I am.

An example of this is occurred with the story of “Johnny” that I talked about before. I was judging Johnny as evil, and because this is not the truth and not the Will of God, I was miserable. I cannot judge and be at peace and I really wanted my peace back. But at the same time, I could not, for a long time, bring myself to forgive him or the situation or even myself for my judgments.

I knew that I was supposed to see him as innocent, but I kept looking at his actions and believing them and so I saw only guilt. I would ask that my thinking be corrected, but in my heart I still wanted him to be guilty. God did not hear my words that said that I was ready to have my false belief removed. He heard only my heart that said I wanted to keep my judgment for now.

The very moment that I wanted to be at peace more than I wanted to find Johnny guilty, my heart prayer was answered. The anger I had felt just moments before was gone. The judgments I had made were no longer of interest to me. They were seen as the call for love that they are. Dear God, what on earth makes me ever cling to judgment when I can have this blessed peace anytime I choose? Well, each time this happens the contrast in what I think I want and what I really want motivates me to decide more quickly than before. 

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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