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Study of Manual for Teachers 1/22/12

Day 22

6 And finally, there is “a period of achievement.” It is here that learning is consolidated. Now what was seen as merely shadows before become solid gains, to be counted on in all “emergencies” as well as tranquil times. Indeed, the tranquility is their result; the outcome of honest learning, consistency of thought and full transfer. This is the stage of real peace, for here is Heaven’s state fully reflected. From here, the way to Heaven is open and easy. In fact, it is here. Who would “go” anywhere, if peace of mind is already complete? And who would seek to change tranquility for something more desirable? What could be more desirable than this?

I have periods of undisturbed peace and I have times when joy simply wells up in me, joy that is not attached to anything, that simply is. The peace and the joy don’t last for a long time. I will suddenly feel anxious or sad or guilty. There seemed always to be a reason for this, something that happened in my life that pulled me out of this happy state.

As I was reading this paragraph I remembered that this cannot be the case. I don’t actually react to what happens in my life. What happens in my life is a direct result of what happens in my mind. I then create the fiction that I don’t know why life picks on me, and I am just the innocent victim of circumstances. But I know better, even as I lie to myself there is a place in me that knows better. I alone am responsible for everything in my life, so it must be that I kicked myself out of paradise. Again.

I’ve been teaching from The Obstacles to Peace, specifically, The Fear of God, and this week we were on The Lifting of the Veil. We stand before the veil that seems to hide from us the face of Christ, and yet we do not move it aside. We stand trembling in terror at the fear of God. And yet, this is what we have come for, to move the veil aside and remember God.

What remains undone? How do we overcome the fear of God? This is what the Course tells us.

Before complete forgiveness you still stand unforgiving. You are afraid of God because you fear your brother. Those you do not forgive you fear. And no one reaches love with fear beside him.

And so I see that my learning is not complete, my beliefs are not consistent. I still look on my brother from time to time and see him as the enemy. I look at him with the body’s eyes and believe what they tell me, completely forgetting that they only report back to me what I want to see.

Holy Spirit, I want only to wake up from this crazy dream. I want to know my brother as he is, not as I have had him be. Please help me to see when I forget my purpose. Please help me to remember that I need forgiveness of my brother, for I will share in madness or in Heaven together. And I will raise my eyes in faith together, or not at all.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 1/21/12

Day 21

5 The next stage is indeed “a period of unsettling.” Now must the teacher of God understand that he did not really know what was valuable and what was valueless. All that he really learned so far was that he did not want the valueless, and that he did want the valuable. Yet his own sorting out was meaningless in teaching him the difference. The idea of sacrifice, so central to his own thought system, had made it impossible for him to judge. He thought he learned willingness, but now he sees that he does not know what the willingness is for. And now he must attain a state that may remain impossible to reach for a long, long time. He must learn to lay all judgment aside, and ask only what he really wants in every circumstance. Were not each step in this direction so heavily reinforced, it would be hard indeed!

I cannot imagine how hard this step would be without Heavenly help. It is hard enough as it is. Jesus says that sacrifice is central to our thought system and I have learned that this is true, and am learning that it does not have to remain true. I am being guided out of suffering as I do my practices.

I began by learning to be aware of my thoughts so that I could realize how egocentric they were and become willing to be healed. I seemed to be sorting them out, separating what was valuable from what was valueless, and to some degree I was. But as Jesus says, I was not a good judge because I still believed in sacrifice, and this prevented me from choosing correctly.

Another error I made at first was to misunderstand my role. I thought it was my job to think differently, that is, to control my thoughts. This is not possible and only caused suffering. My task was not to control thinking, but only to notice that my thoughts were not my true thoughts, and to relinquish these thoughts to the Holy Spirit for correction.

What I learned during this period of sorting out was that I was not good at it, and that I needed help. I began by telling Holy Spirit, “Here is a belief that I have judged as valueless. Please correct it.” Over time I began to withdraw all judgment and asked the Holy Spirit to judge for me.  I would say, “Here is a belief. Is it valuable?”

I have spent a long period of getting used to this way of practicing. The ego mind is very resistant to giving up what it considers is its domain. It wants to judge and will do so all the time without regard to the lack of helpfulness. I am learning to disregard its judgments.

At the beginning of this step my willingness was still pretty weak and I have spent this time strengthening that willingness through desire. Willingness is not a matter of effort or doing, and the ego finds this confusing. It wants to do something to make all this happen and so I remain vigilant noticing when the ego mind is taking over and letting that effort go.

In NTI, the Holy Spirit encourages us to become empty vessels through which He can communicate. I do this as I learn to disregard thoughts in the mind and experience more and more silence. As I have been able to give up ego thinking, my true thoughts, the thoughts I think with God, rise up in my mind without any effort on my part. I do not think them, really; I simply become aware of them.

I am a beginner, a toddler taking my first shaky steps. My mind is quieter and I am more peaceful, but I still have a ways to go before I am that empty vessel. I am learning not to struggle. I will achieve each step in its own time. I must remind myself frequently that there is nothing for me to do to make this happen faster except to desire it, to be willing for it, and to disregard the ego’s temper tantrums when I relinquish judgment and control.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 1-20-12

Day 20
4 Now comes “a period of settling down.” This is a quiet time, in which the teacher of God rests a while in reasonable peace. Now he consolidates his learning. Now he begins to see the transfer value of what he has learned. Its potential is literally staggering, and the teacher of God is now at the point in his progress at which he sees in it his whole way out. “Give up what you do not want, and keep what you do.” How simple is the obvious! And how easy to do! The teacher of God needs this period of respite. He has not yet come as far as he thinks. Yet when he is ready to go on, he goes with mighty companions beside him. Now he rests a while, and gathers them before going on. He will not go on from here alone.

I don’t know about anyone else’s path, but mine has meandered a bit. I am reminded of a comic that I used to follow in the paper called Family Circle. The mom would send the little boy to another part of the house to get something and you could follow his circular route as he became distracted with all sorts of interesting but unrelated things. I’m sure his mom wondered how it could take him so long to go such a short distance.

Well, this is me, too. I have been given this short and direct path to salvation. All I have to do is give up what I do not want, and keep what I do. But I see something up ahead that looks interesting and I follow it, forgetting to notice if it is going to bring me closer to my goal, or take me away from it. In this way I wander in and out of the first three steps, periodically stopping at step four to relax awhile and look back on what has happened.

It is at this step that I begin to see that not only did I suffer when I made certain choices, but that I suffered every time I made those choices. I begin to notice that the form didn’t matter, but was just an ego distraction that I used to keep me unaware that I was making the same error over and over. I was dressing the same error in various costumes and pretending they were, therefore, different and so needed to be investigated.

The first couple of times I got to this place of relative peace and contemplation, I thought I was through. Having come through so much confusion and fear, and having made so much progress, that suddenly feeling this peace and having these insights was heady stuff. I was not through. I was taking a coffee break. ~smile~

This step is important because it allows me to rest and to see that I am, indeed, making progress. I began to see that the promises in A Course in Miracles are real. And it is at this step I began to gather my mighty companions. Some are embodied and some unseen, these companions will be with me from now on, encouraging and supporting me, and helping me in ways I do not always discern, but only experience.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 1-19-12

Day 19

3 The third stage through which the teacher of God must go can be called “a period of relinquishment.” If this is interpreted as giving up the desirable, it will engender enormous conflict. Few teachers of God escape this distress entirely. There is, however, no point in sorting out the valuable from the valueless unless the next obvious step is taken. Therefore, the period of overlap is apt to be one in which the teacher of God feels called upon to sacrifice his own best interests on behalf of truth. He has not realized as yet how wholly impossible such a demand would be. He can learn this only as he actually does give up the valueless. Through this, he learns that where he anticipated grief, he finds a happy light-heartedness instead; where he thought something was asked of him, he finds a gift bestowed on him.

Studying A Course in Miracles I have come to appreciate how Peter felt when Jesus called him to get out of the boat and walk on the water toward him. And like Peter, I have often stepped out onto the water only to become overcome by fear and to sink back into the ego, doubt and uncertainty seeming to pull me under.

What have I relinquished that I thought would be a sacrifice? Of course there is the idea of projecting blame which I talked about yesterday. I really believed this would be painful, and yet it was freeing, and I never miss it now.

I valued making plans on my own, and I thought this would be easy to give up. I hopped out of the boat on that one and went skipping across the water to Jesus, but then I would begin planning how my day should go, what I should do about a problem, where I should live, so many things that need my attention. That’s ok, Jesus, I’ve got this one. I’ll let you know if I need your help. And there I am, sinking back into the ego.

It turns out this one was more subtle. Projecting blame was obvious because I felt the fear and reluctance to abandon it so very strongly. But there were so many “little” ways to make plans that it hardly seemed necessary to bring Jesus into this. What did he care what I had for supper or whether I went shopping? Obviously I need to help my daughter who is in financial trouble so I’ll just move in with her and we’ll fix up the little house on her property for me to stay in. No problem. I’ll let you know when I need your help, Jesus.

I’m learning that not asking what He would have me do and say, and where He would have me go is the way I keep the ego in place. It’s the way I feed the ego and help it grow stronger in my mind. It’s the way I slip more deeply into the dream.

I loved being with my daughter and her family, and will never regret that time, but it became obvious that I had not asked for guidance when I made those plans. Getting everything done was like trying to move upstream without a paddle. Everything that could go wrong did go wrong.

Of course if I make an unnecessary turn, the Holy Spirit goes with me and so I learned lessons, primarily that making plans on my own is not freedom. Instead it is a way to stay imprisoned within a closed system of separation, in which attack, defend, fear, and guilt are my constant companions. You could say that all of this was perfect since it was so rich in opportunities to sort out relinquish the valueless. I am quicker now to notice any tendency to make decisions on my own and no longer make that sorry choice very often.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 1-18-12

Day 18

2 Next, the teacher of God must go through “a period of sorting out.” This is always somewhat difficult because, having learned that the changes in his life are always helpful, he must now decide all things on the basis of whether they increase the helpfulness or hamper it. He will find that many, if not most of the things he valued before will merely hinder his ability to transfer what he has learned to new situations as they arise. Because he has valued what is really valueless, he will not generalize the lesson for fear of loss and sacrifice. It takes great learning to understand that all things, events, encounters and circumstances are helpful. It is only to the extent to which they are helpful that any degree of reality should be accorded them in this world of illusion. The word “value” can apply to nothing else.

For me the period of sorting out was mostly me arguing for what I wanted to keep. The hardest thing for me to relinquish was the desire to project blame. I really thought I needed this and that it was of great value to me. I didn’t put in those words of course, but would argue that circumstances proved that it was clearly someone else’s fault and so in this case I was the victim.

My ex-husband was a heavy drinker and would often go out with his buddies and not come back until the early hours. I would not know where he was or if he was ok. I would imagine him driving drunk and getting into a wreck, maybe leaving the road and hitting a tree, sitting injured in the car unable to help himself. Many a night I lay awake playing out this nightmare in my imagination.

I would go through all the scenarios in my head and also through all the emotions. I would be afraid for him, afraid for us if he was injured or died. I would feel resentful and angry, thinking how unfair this was, and how unloving that he would put me through this. I could not see how this could be anything but his fault. I wasn’t the one who was behaving so thoughtlessly and I wasn’t the one who was causing so much grief for his family.

What had to be done to get out of this nightmare of my own making was to look past the apparent circumstances to the truth. He is innocent. I am innocent. No matter what it might look like, and no matter how I might feel, this is the truth. While circumstances shift appearances, our innocence remains the only true and unchanging fact.

From that place of clarity I was able to see that my reluctance to withdraw my projections and accept responsibility for how I felt was the result of thinking that having him to project on was too valuable to give up. I really wanted my feelings to be caused by his behavior and the circumstances I found myself in. I was as afraid of giving up projecting blame as I would be if asked to step off that cliff I spoke of yesterday.

I had to go through many such scenarios before I was fully convinced that there is no value in projecting blame. Now the temptation arises from time to time, or the old habit reinstates itself, but I don’t remain stuck in it because I know it is not true. I place no value on that behavior, and in fact, see it as detrimental to my peace, so even if I fall for it briefly I quickly let it go.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 1/17/12

Day 17

A. Development of Trust
1 First, they must go through what might be called “a period of undoing.” This need not be painful, but it usually is so experienced. It seems as if things are being taken away, and it is rarely understood initially that their lack of value is merely being recognized. How can lack of value be perceived unless the perceiver is in a position where he must see things in a different light? He is not yet at a point at which he can make the shift entirely internally. And so the plan will sometimes call for changes in what seem to be external circumstances. These changes are always helpful. When the teacher of God has learned that much, he goes on to the second stage.

What I have noticed is that the stages as they appear in my life are not clearly defined, one from another. It seems that I slip from one stage to another and back again, but each time the return to a stage is different, the stay there not so intense or so long.

I am having the hardest time remembering what it was like to be afraid of letting go, a time when I did not believe that all of the changes were helpful. It is hard even to remember when the changes seemed to be outward, and I believed things were being taken from me.

Right now, I am letting go of the idea that I need my children to be something special to me. This seems to be a difficult transition to me because I still value the special relationships we have. Because I value the specialness in the relationships I feel reluctant to lose the outward signs that I am very special to my children. I don’t mean that I am being asked to give up our relationships, but only to give up the specialness.

So I am still having the experience of undoing, but now as it happens I am aware of the outward appearance but that is not where my focus is, as I know the change occurs within. I also know this change will be good. I trust that this is true because it has always been true as I have gone through these changes, but it seems I have to wait for the personality-self to catch up to this. The Myron-self feels fearful about it, and is afraid that it will be a loss though she can see, intellectually, that this would not be true.

When I first began the undoing process I did not have this certainty. I had to develop trust as I did the practice. When I was completely unsure that this was for my best good, undoing was indeed painful. It is surprisingly hard to put the difference into words.

Imagine that you had the ability to levitate, but you didn’t know about the ability, had no idea you could levitate. I come along and tell you to step off a cliff. I tell you that you cannot imagine the freedom you will feel when you realize you don’t have to worry about falling ever again. And to know this extraordinary freedom all you have to do is step out.

Even though you might trust me, or know you should trust me, you would be reluctant to give up the “safety” of the ground that seems to support you and keep you from certain death. You would value this sense of safety and be reluctant to let it go, and yet this trustworthy person is offering you the chance to be forever free of your fear of falling.

The true change being offered is that you would be giving up the sense of loss, vulnerability, and fear. But the outward appearance is that you would have to give up the safety of the ground under your feet. It would probably feel very frightening and very painful to contemplate and no matter how much you trusted me, extremely hard to take that first step into air.

Imagine now that you did finally step out and discovered that you really could levitate. The next time I told you that you could do something extraordinary you might experience fear, but you would have developed some trust and it would not be nearly so hard. You would have seen that I mean you only good. Suppose the next thing I tell you is that you can walk through fire and be unharmed. You will still be reluctant to let go of the safety of the place that has no fire, but you will consider my words with less trepidation than when you had the first experience of undoing a belief.

After many experiences of undoing, I know that they are all for my good, and I do trust the Holy Spirit. I have learned that I value all the wrong things, and though I feel some trepidation at giving up some beliefs, such as the one that says I need to be special to my children, I also know that I will. I have developed trust to that degree and so this process is not seen as being as painful as it used to be and it is not so protracted.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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Study of Manual for Teachers 1/16/12

Day 16
2 All differences among the Sons of God are temporary. Nevertheless, in time it can be said that the advanced teachers of God have the following characteristics:

I. Trust
1 This is the foundation on which their ability to fulfil their function rests. Perception is the result of learning. In fact, perception is learning, because cause and effect are never separated. The teachers of God have trust in the world, because they have learned it is not governed by the laws the world made up. It is governed by a power that is in them but not of them. It is this power that keeps all things safe. It is through this power that the teachers of God look on a forgiven world. 

2 When this power has once been experienced, it is impossible to trust one’s own petty strength again. Who would attempt to fly with the tiny wings of a sparrow when the mighty power of an eagle has been given him? And who would place his faith in the shabby offerings of the ego when the gifts of God are laid before him? What is it that induces them to make the shift?

I try to resist the urge to look at appearances and so judge where I am in the development of trust, but its hard not to do so. I seem not to have reached the final stage of achievement, and which step I am on varies with the moment. But I am absolutely not the frightened child with little trust that I once felt I was.

I have learned trust through persistent application of willingness. I have walked through the darkness more in hope of arriving on the other side than in trust that I would. Non-the-less, I did walk, and that required some degree of trust. I cannot say I have reached the point that I never place my faith in the shabby offerings of the ego, but I have reached the point that I always change my mind, and usually pretty quickly.

When I read this paragraph I couldn’t think what to say. I don’t feel like an eagle. I still feel often feel like the sparrow. But on second thought, I realize that I turn to that mighty power within over and over, perhaps not perfectly, and perhaps not first, but absolutely every time. I believe in that power.

What does it mean to trust the world? I have had deep distrust of the world, but that is because I always saw the world through the ego. As the ego is being undone in my mind, what is emerging is a vision very different than I had before. Instead of seeing a world out to get me, and me the helpless victim, I am beginning to see a world that only reflects my wishes. It shows me exactly what I want to see. In this, it is perfectly trustworthy.

I begin to understand that everything is perfect. Everything either reflects truth, or it reflects separation, and it is perfect. When it reflects separation I realize that this is what I have been asking for and now I can change my mind and make a different choice. Perfect. Having given my willingness to see differently I have learned to trust the power that is not of me but in me, and so when I recognize that my perception is off, I call on that power to heal my mind. To the degree I am willing to do this, I look on a forgiven world.

Holy Spirit, I am so happy to begin this study of the Development of trust. I want to be Your advanced teacher, and I understand that trust is the foundation that will allow me to become the teacher You have asked me to be. Please help me as I go through this section. I give You my thoughts and beliefs and ask that You purify them and return them to me so that my perception is as close to truth as it is possible to be. I trust You. Please teach me perfect trust.

© 2012, Pathways of Light. https://www.pathwaysoflight.org
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